Chapter 66 Deal
Deal
I stretch my arm over to Nickoi wondering how his hand isn’t inside my breast and his breath isn’t hitting my neck. Where is he? His side of the bed is completely smooth causing me to open my eyes.
And he’s not in bed?
Without a second thought, I send him a message and hear his phone on the bed behind me.
He’s here.
I raise off the bed, sliding my hand through my robe, tying it as I slowly make my way over to the balcony. I slide the gliding door and look out. He’s not there. Outside cold as hell though.
I walk out of the room, check his office and look down as I pass the bannister to see if he’s in the foyer. The living room. He isn’t, so I head over to his office door and gently push it. There he is. Something is weird about him though.
His back is turn to me in his recliner as he stares at the wall.
I stop walking.
My heart is pounding against my chest. The room is dark and he seems dark too. “Zara,” he firmly says in a cold tone without looking, making me jump.
“I-you okay?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer.
He’s not giving my husband… he’s giving something else. I start making small steps over to him, the ones you see in a thriller movie when a person is about to die.
Mi fraid, Zara tun back, my subconscious cries.
Shut up, he is not gonna hurt me.
As I slowly approach him I notice that his legs are rocking slowly. There’s a picture in his hand that he’s burning with a lighter. I’m unable to see who it is since it’s already damaged. Who hurt him weh close to him?
There’s a bottle of Hennessy next to him and a tray filled with ash. He’s high, I’m not sure if he’s drunk. He has a blank expression as he stares at it. I mean, as he glares at it.
“You did alright before you leave enuh, wah happen babe?”I ask him. I’m tangling my index through my robe knot because of my anxiety.
“Zara gwaan a yuh bed,” he answers.
Murda, my subconscious laughs while rolling.
That’s what I get for trying.
That’s how an angry person acts anyway. I want to know what’s wrong with him so that I can help him or get help for him him. I won’t allow him to push me away. I won’t.So wife think yes, my subconscious winks.
He’s stressed. He is tired. He looks pale. He isn’t my Nickoi right now and I want my Nickoi back. I touch his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly as I look at his face.
“Whatever happen to you, I want to know,” I say softly. I fork my hand through his hair, gently pulling as his plaits. He finally looks up and our eyes meet. Why him so serious?
Gosh..
“Just leave,” he says harshly. I won’t lie I’m ashamed because I’m not used to him talking to me this way. Maybe it’s better if I leave him alone.
But you cyaa seh yaw wife and you nuh wah handle him attitude. By the way miss, you need fi be there fi yuh man, my subconscious says.
It seems like he realizes that he’s too harsh with me and he adds. “Please.”
I blink my tears away and bite my lip. I’m not crying right now, I’m not crying. Instead, my temper flares.
“Mi a yuh wife and mi deserve fi know. And usually me would a cry and walk out but mi nahhh move until me know wah do yuh!”
He gets up and I step back.
His jaw is clenched, his eyes dark as he gives me an angry stare.
“Nickoi mi nah leave,” I say in deadpan.
Girl you have guts.
Nuh you boost mi?
He’s staring down at me. I stare back up at him. We’re both challenging each other. Probably it’s a game, who’s gonna break the stare first?
Mi know a serious time now but unuh cute essi, the stupid girl in my head says.
We glare at each other for another minute then he breathes.
“Mi go leave then,” he says pushing past me.
He seems so broken. I don’t get it.
What is he going through? I sigh to myself. Damn me, I wish I could comfort him in times like these. I would do anything to ease his pain, but him more fi run from me.
“Nickoi,” I call.
I follow him out of the office. “Nickoi!” I call again.
He’s going down the stairs and I follow him down. “Nickoi!”
Run Zara run, him a walk fast!
“Nickoi just stop nuh,” I’m out of breath when I reach the last step. He’s about to pull the door and I yank his arm, pulling him back. I curse at him.
“Weh yaw go after one?” My voice raised.
“Zara let go,” he says and I move my hand.
“I already feel affected by whatever it is that is bothering you. I want to hurt with you too and help you get through this,” I stare up at him.
“Mi cya explain nothing to yuh Zara… just leave me alone,” he says in a tone like he’s begging me. He really wants me to leave him alone. Am I doing something wrong trying to help him? Should I leave him alone?
No.
“You want us to go to your favorite place?” I ask him.
Mount a shame you a get.
He turns his head, he’s frustrated then he looks at me again and I flinch.
“Zara mi just wah be alone,” he says leaving me speechless at the door. Then he walks away. He blends in the dark since he’s wearing a black shirt. Half of me wants to run behind him and half of me just wants to fall back.
I’ll fight the urge to run behind him.
I’ll stay back.
Maybe space is what he needs.
I guess I tried.
That’s it.
NICKOI
I didn’t go far, instead I stay on the lounge chair, smoking and drinking occasionally while staring at the pool. But none of this shit is working. I’m feeling everything. I need something strong. Maybe I need Vodka.
I walk over to my Benz, take out more weed. I took some earlier and built a spliff when I asked Zara for some alone time. There’s another bottle of Hennessy in the car and I already drank one. What I need though is inside.
I get inside, taking out the Vodka and spot Zara on the sofa, watching Riverdale. Maybe that’s what you need.
I stare at her. She looks sad as she stares at the screen. I doubt if she’s watching it. I look away, pouring the Vodka in my cup then feel her hand on mine. She’s standing behind me with her face resting on my back.
“Don’t drink no more babe,” the way her voice sounds. I’ve never had anyone care this much about me.
I ignore her and pour out a little more in my cup. Surprisingly, she takes up the cup and drain it in the sink. I watch her, amused but I mask it.
“I love you and I’m not gonna let you hurt yourself so anything you wah do to me, you do it.”
She think I’m gonna hurt her for throwing away liquor? When I want her more than that Vodka? She’s glaring at me and I lick my lips.
I move closer to her and she sighs before she tip toes and peck my lips. She pulls away, looking at me with a concern expression. I stare at her and start feeling a little calm. She smiles and I smile too.
This is what I’ve been trying to feel all night.
Tranquil.
I’ve been tormented the whole time ever since I spoke with mommy. Everything I tried was a failure. I smoked, went to my favorite place, took countless shots of Hennessy and it didn’t do shit for me. Imagine, that’s how bad it was.
All I wanted and needed was Zara. She wouldn’t mind but she wouldn’t understand that I’m not turned on, I’m just angry so I’d probably hurt her.
I painted too. That didn’t work.
Everything was useless actually. I felt calm when Zara came in the office and I was sure she was the perfect distraction for me but she was there to talk and that’s not what I wanted. This is the shit that happens to me when I’m sober.
Eh ruff, no wonder yuh affi stay high daily.
Now I am feeling a little better, maybe because I’m high and I’ve had too much to drink. I’m not drunk though, I’m a little tipsy and she kissed me. “You ready to talk?” I grab her throat and bite my lip, admiring her short figure.
“Mi say talk Nickoi,” she’s blushing.
I bury my head in her neck. “Doh waah talk.”
She tilts her head and I sniff her skin, her floral redolence inviting. I grip her hips and suck on the skin below her ears.
“Mmm,” she moans and I kiss on her lips. She stifles a moan.
Jah Jah.
I lean her down on the island, deepening the kiss then her hand finds my shoulder and she pushes me gently as she says, “Nickoi stop.”
I know I’m high when I continue to kiss her. She pushes me again and I pull away. “You’re drunk or something and I don’t think you really want this, you want a distraction from what’s happening to you… so I think we should just talk,” she says making me upset.
“Mi nuh drunk, mi just high but Zara you nah go understand,” I tell her. She probably does, mi just nuh know how fi explain it to her.
“Mi nah go understand or you nuh feel comfortable telling me?” She points out and I walk into the living room and slump down.
She’s right in front of me.
I’m silent while she’s there waiting. When she realizes that I’m struggling to tell her, she kneels on the sofa and start unbuckling my shorts. “We a go do something fun since cat caught your tongue.”
I finally chuckle.
I feel like my brain is about to explode, because this is what I wanted. Now I am finally getting it.
“I’m going to give you what you want and you’re going to talk to me… deal?” She grazes her soft lips against mine and I sigh in her mout.
“During?” It comes out thick and she nods slowly biting her lip.
Shit.
“Yes, yaw go deh pan the moon, so nuh matter how hard the situation is, you will talk.” She lets her robe slip from her shoulders, pooling at her feet.
I groan, shifting my hips impatiently, aching to feel her mouth on me. The moment she leans in, I bite my lip, eyes fixed on her, mouth open, lost in anticipation.
“Deal,” I manage to gasp, barely holding back.