Chapter 20
Wyatt
In the soft, warm glow of the firelight, Taylor and I lay entwined beneath a cozy cocoon of blankets.
My limbs were languid, heart still racing from the sweet intimacy we’d just shared.
Feathery touches and gentle kisses helped to bring us back down to earth as we indulged in the bliss of our afterglow.
I lay there, quiet, feeling every emotion all at once. Taylor kissed the top of my head, her finger touching my chin so I’d look at her. When our eyes met it was impossible to hide what I was feeling, and Taylor’s own gaze filled with warmth.
“Are you okay?” Her voice was soft, a fluttery kiss away from my lips. She pressed them to mine, the ghost of her smile lingering.
“Better than okay.” I sighed. “But that’s the problem.”
Taylor’s smile faltered, a slight crease forming on her brow. “How can feeling good be a problem?”
I had to look away. I couldn’t bear having her stare into my soul like this. Besides, it was easier to delve into my carefully guarded parts when I wasn’t looking at her.
“It means there’s a lot to lose,” I murmured. “I just don’t want to mess things up, you know?”
“You run zero risk of that.” Taylor chuckled softly, stroking my hair as she spoke. “Trust me, Wyatt, you’re doing just fine.”
Her words wrapped around my heart like a warm, comforting hug, dispelling some of the heaviness that had settled over me. Still, I couldn’t shake the remnants of my past, the walls that I’d built to protect me. The same ones that had hardened over time.
Taylor shifted, propping herself onto her elbow so she could look at me. She gazed down at me where I lay on my back, pressed up close to her.
“Did I say something wrong?” she asked.
I shook my head, a soft sigh floating out of me. “No, it’s not you, Taylor. It’s just… This has all been so wonderful, but bubbles don’t last. They always pop, whether you want them to or not.”
With a soft smile, Taylor leaned down to kiss my forehead. “You’re assuming this is a bubble we’re dealing with. I’d beg to differ.”
And the way she said it, with such quiet confidence, made me think that maybe she was right. Maybe, just maybe, I could finally begin to dismantle the walls that had kept me out of the game for so long.
“Would you like some hot chocolate?” I started untangling myself from our nest of blankets. “I need something sweet.”
Without waiting for Taylor to respond, I wrapped myself in a stray shawl and padded through to the kitchen.
I wasn’t running, but needed some space to grab hold of my thoughts.
There was no question about it: I was falling for her, and fast. This would’ve been the best news if it didn’t also present a world of complications.
The gas stove ignited with a small pop, the orange-blue flame flickering in the dimness.
I placed the kettle on it to warm up the milk and then moved to get two mugs of chocolate ready.
The cabin was quiet aside from the whispering swoosh of my blanket shawl, and the random crackle of the fire in the living room.
I was staring down at the mugs when I felt Taylor come up behind me, her arms wrapping around my waist. She kissed my shoulder, and when I turned to face her, she wore an expression of warmth and comfort.
She wasn’t wrapped up like me, but had taken my t-shirt from over the back of the couch.
The sight of her in my clothes always stirred something deep within me, but this time, the effect was even more impactful.
Now, I had intimate knowledge of the soft skin beneath that fabric.
Heat bloomed in my belly, and I fought back the urge to lean in and kiss her.
“Wyatt, I don’t want you to think this means nothing, that you’re just a onetime thing,” Taylor said, a soft smile curling the corner of her mouth. “I don’t want that. I don’t believe that’s what we’re dealing with here.”
“I don’t want that either,” I whispered. “But you have to understand there are practical reasons why this can’t be more. I mean…”
I motioned to the cabin at large, then dropped my hands listlessly, shoulders drooped in defeat.
Her mood switched up, and urgency took over her tone. “Finish that up and let’s talk about this.”
I finished our hot chocolates and followed Taylor to go and sit at the kitchen table.
She moved her chair so she could sit beside me, instead of at the opposite end of the table.
Michael Keaton came over, tail wagging, and rested his head in Taylor’s lap.
My heart ached, watching the bond that had formed between them.
He’d really taken to her, and I knew he’d be heartbroken when she left. Just like me.
Taylor’s eyes met mine, filled with determination, as if she believed she could change my mind through sheer force of will.
“We’ve only just started,” she began, her voice low. “I don’t want us to get caught up with projecting into the future and overlook what’s happening right here, right now.”
I dropped my eyes to my steaming hot chocolate and nodded. “Sorry, I don’t mean to do that. It’s just that… I know this is new, but I’d like it to be more. Only more for the two of us immediately brings on a logistical nightmare that I can’t begin to figure out.”
It was a sickening game of longing and despair, and I was out of moves. Destined to stay caught in this limbo, it seemed. I knew what I felt for Taylor, but I also knew that it wasn’t enough. I was officially torn between what I wanted and the inevitable reality that would keep me from getting it.
The cabin seemed to swaddle us in a world of its own. Flickering flames of the fire cast shadows on the warm wooden walls, while the soft scent of burning logs mixed sweetly with the hot chocolate.
Taylor’s blue eyes were like beacons in the low light, locked onto mine. “I really believe we can make this work if we want to.”
The assurance with which she spoke was surprising, as if she was privy to some hidden detail that rendered a totally different future to the one I was envisioning. Like all it was, was a promise we could both keep. All we had to do was want it.
But that felt like something out of fairytales to me.
The hesitation I had carried for so long began to wane. I knew it was time to let her in, to reveal the shadows that had cast their long reach over my heart. I took a steady breath and started talking.
“I’m the reason things didn’t work out with my ex,” I said, my voice quivering slightly.
Taylor leaned in, her eyes never leaving mine. She emanated a sense of care and understanding that eased the weight I’d carried for years.
“See, I’ve struggled with anxiety and… and PTSD for a long time.
” I paused, waiting for her to dissolve in a heap of disappointment.
To rebuke me, grab her things, and march out into the snow.
But she didn’t. Taylor waited, listening patiently with no judgment evident in her expression.
So I continued, “I have these… episodes, and after a while it became too much for her. It pushed her away. Broke my heart, but I couldn’t blame her.
I wouldn’t want to be with me, either. So…
I know from experience that it’s not enough to want something. Love isn’t enough to make it work.”
Taylor’s eyebrows shot up, a cheeky smile forming. “Love?”
We both laughed softly, and I shook my head. “You know what I mean…”
But the brief moment of levity helped to shift things at the kitchen table. I already felt a little lighter.
“I’m sorry for what you’re going through.” Taylor covered my hand with hers. “And I’m selfishly happy that your ex left, because we wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. Wyatt, I’m really happy that we’re here.”
“You are?” I couldn’t help the childlike way I asked it. She’d caught me off guard.
Taylor nodded, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I am. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You fascinate me. Among other things.”
She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and it brought on another soft chuckle. My cheeks warmed under her close attention, and I found myself considering her perspective.
“I’m happy too,” I confessed, meeting her gaze with a smile. “But it’s one thing to dream of everything working out, and another to live through the realities of it.”
She lifted my hand, pressing her lips tenderly to my palm. Her proximity offered comfort. Her touch sparked a special kind of hope in the darkest corners of my heart.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” she said. Her sincerity was like a soothing balm on wounds that had long been neglected. “And just so you know, I don’t scare off that easily. Especially when it’s concerning a beautiful, intriguing woman.”
I dipped my head shyly, my heart skipping a beat. “Stop…”
“No thank you.” She chuckled lightly. “I mean it, Wyatt. I’ve felt something special happening between us from the very beginning. It’s like we were pushed together through forces much bigger than us. Serendipity.”
The word hung in the air, wrapping around us like a promise. As I looked into Taylor’s eyes, it felt as though I was stepping into a new chapter, one where my past didn’t define me or my future. Where love was a real possibility.
“Okay,” I said then, hope blooming in my heart. “Let’s give it a chance.”
A huge grin broke onto Taylor’s face and she pulled me in, pressing her lips to mine in a passionate kiss.