Chapter 16
The Lamb and Flag was heaving as it always was on quiz night. Fifty quid for the winning team had a way of drawing people in. Plus, Barney the quizmaster took his job very seriously. The way he handled hecklers and dealt with put-downs with aplomb told me he was also a frustrated comedian.
The first round had been about sport, and he’d kicked out a punter who’d booed when there was a question about women’s football.
“Right then.” Barney’s enthusiasm was infectious. “Round two is all about New York City.”
Amina let out a little squeal and punched my arm. “We’re going to ace this, you were there a few weeks ago.”
I rubbed my arm and frowned. “So long as the questions are about queer bars and lethal shots, we’re golden.”
Barney pushed his round wire glasses up his face. “Question one: What’s the most visited tourist attraction in New York City?”
“Times Square,” I whispered.
“You sure?”
“Either that or the Empire State or Statue of Liberty, but say Times Square. It’s more accessible. No boats or lifts required.”
Amina scribbled down the answer. “Did you go there?”
“Are you mad? Too many tourists.”
“Question two: The High Line in Manhattan was originally what type of infrastructure?”
I leaned into Amina and whispered: “Railway.” I could feel the ghost of that day’s hangover, along with the memory of standing on that very walkway with Eliza, both of us tiptoeing around what happened the night before.
“I like this Poppy who memorised the guidebook.”
I shrugged like it was nothing. “We went to the Highline. It was…” I was stumped for words. “Memorable.”
Amina frowned. “You have a weird look on your face right now. Like there’s something you’re not telling me. The same look you had when you pretended you definitely hadn’t eaten my leftover Thai food last month.”
“I always tell you everything.”
“A blatant lie,” she replied.
“Question three: Which borough of New York is home to the neighbourhood of Bushwick?”
“Brooklyn,” I told her, the question immediately transporting me back to the queer bar and that kiss.
“Poppy Voss.” Amina pointed her pen at me like a weapon. “You can shake your head all you want, but there is something, and I will get it out of you.”
I stared at my bottle of Heineken, then gave her a smile that made her roll her eyes. Of the next seven questions, we knew five and guessed the other two. When Barney called a break in proceedings, Amina drained her beer and went to the bar.
I got my phone out and stared at the string of messages Eliza had sent me over the past few days.
The first lot were work-related: questions about the Roka campaign timeline, feedback on the latest agencies we were dealing with, updates on the influencers we’d approached and their fees (in my next life, I was coming back as an influencer).
But the last few were a masterclass in plausible deniability.
They included a photo of her flat stomach glistening by the pool, our latest watch glinting on her wrist. The message read:
Testing how it looks in natural light. Very important for the optics, and for Roka when she gets her special edition.
Another of her legs stretched out on a lounge chair, a pina colada balanced on her thigh.
Making sure it photographs well from every angle. Plus, the cocktails here are a notch up on Bushwick. The company’s not, though. ;0)
Another of her in a white bikini, her mouth turned up in a smile I knew well, with the watch beside it.
Goes well with my smile. If Roka falls through, I’ll be the new model for half the cost.
Each message was technically about the watch and work-related. Technically keeping within the boundaries we’d agreed on after that kiss that definitely couldn’t happen again.
But I’d already spent enough time wondering what her stomach might look like. Now I knew, and it was better than I’d imagined. The fact she was sending these while supposedly having quality family time made it even worse.
Or better.
I couldn’t decide.
Amina put a fresh bottle of beer in front of me, then sat opposite me with renewed purpose.
I quickly clicked off my phone lest she see the photos, and turned my attention back to her.
“Don’t get your phone out, they’ll think you’re cheating!” Amina tested a new pen she’d picked up at the bar because “that last one was getting on my nerves”, nodded, then put the lid back on it.
“Right. You’re telling me everything, and I mean everything. What happened in New York that is making you give this face?” She waved her fingers around my jaw.
If I voiced it, I knew it became more real. I’d vowed to bury it. However, I wanted to talk about it. To try to make sense of it. And Amina was my best friend…
“If I tell you, you have to swear on your mother’s grave you won’t tell anyone.”
“My mother’s not dead.”
“Details. Fine, swear on her life, then.”
“That seems worse somehow. Like I’m wishing her dead. You wouldn’t like her to be dead. You love her samosas, remember?” She rolled her eyes. “Okay, I swear on my mother’s continued existence that I won’t tell anyone your New York secrets.”
I took a large gulp of beer for courage. It was icy cold. “I kissed Eliza.”
Amina blinked at me. “You did what now?”
“I kissed Eliza. Or she kissed me. There was definitely mutual kissing happening.”
“Hang on, back the fuck up.” Amina held up her right hand like she was trying to stop traffic. “Eliza as in ‘nothing’s going to happen, we work together, it’s strictly business’ Eliza?”
“That’s the one.”
“I knew you were hiding something! I stalked her a little on Instagram when you were away, and she is easy on the eye. She doesn’t give much of herself away online though, which is admirable or suspicious.
I had to see what she looked like as I was picturing someone vaguely businessy with sensible shoes. ”
“She doesn’t wear sensible shoes.”
“Clearly not if she’s kissing you in bars. Right, I need details. Start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.” She checked her Voss watch. The one Mum had been so excited about before her death, and never got to see its success. I’d gifted one to Amina for Christmas.
A chill ran through me, and I instinctively looked around.
Was Mum here now? I thought about her every day since her death, but since meeting Sage, now I wondered if she was here and reading my thoughts.
I really hoped not, for her sake. There are some things that should be sacred between a mother and daughter.
“You’ve got five minutes until the quiz restarts.”
So I told her. About Central Park and getting soaked and meeting Roka, about the queer bar in Bushwick and the free shots, about Michelle appearing like some sort of perfectly dressed harbinger of doom.
“And then what happened?” Amina leaned forward.
“We needed a plan to make Michelle leave, and I told Eliza we should pretend to be together to ward her off. That we should kiss. She looked weirded out at first, but then she kissed me.”
Amina’s eyes widened. “Just like that? No persuasion or preamble?”
I shook my head. “It was spontaneous.”
“What kind of kiss are we talking about here? Peck on the lips? Friendly smooch? Or full-on tonsil hockey?”
Blood rushed to my cheeks. “It was... comprehensive.”
“Comprehensive?”
“There was tongue involved.”
“Poppy!”
I knew I was blushing. “And her hands might have been in my hair, and I may have made some sort of noise that was definitely audible over the music.”
Amina’s grin was wide. “Well, well. Isn’t this quite the story.”
“It’s a disaster because the kiss was good. More than good. But Eliza was my enemy but now is my sort-of friend. Plus, I have to work with her, so this can’t go anywhere. The business depends on us being able to function together professionally.”
Amina gave me a look that told me she understood that, but also knew it wasn’t what I was feeling.
“But you like her.”
It wasn’t a question. I dropped her gaze and stared at the floor.
Did I like Eliza?
Of course I bloody did.
“Yes, I like her. I really like her. But that’s exactly the problem.”
Amina put her chin in the palm of her hand, and leaned her elbow on the table. “How good was the kiss, on a scale of one to ten?”
I closed my eyes and was transported back. Suddenly, I could smell Eliza’s perfume, feel the weight of her pressing into me.
I could already feel myself getting wet.
“Twenty-two,” I replied.
She let out a low whistle. “Oh my. That is a very big number. Did you fuck?”
I shook my head. “We just kissed.”
“But you wanted to fuck her?”
Amina had always been blunt. I shook my head, but then changed it to a nod, then back to a shake.
Amina grinned a little wider. “How is liking someone you kissed a problem?”
“Because…” I struggled to put into words the complicated mess of feelings that had been churning around in my head since we got back from New York.
“Because kissing often leads to more, which leads to feelings, which leads to everything going wrong, and ultimately, them leaving and me never seeing them again.”
I was on a roll now. “Plus, what if we try something and it spirals and then we can’t even be in the same room together? I have to focus right now, you know that.”
Amina was quiet for a moment. “I know you’ve had a rough few years, but not everything ends in people leaving, for whatever reason. I know your mum and dad both did, but it’s not the default.”
I sighed. “I know that. I’ve spent enough money on therapy.”
“Money well spent, by the way,” Amina replied. “My question is: you know it, but do you believe it? Because until you do, nothing is going to stick. You have to be open to things changing, otherwise they won’t.”
“Opening up right now is not an option. I have work to do. Besides, Eliza has kept it very professional since New York, because we both agreed that’s how it should be.”
Apart from those photos.
“I haven’t seen her much, she’s been away. I’ve tried to work it out of my system.”
“I can see that’s going really well.” Amina raised a single eyebrow. “She hasn’t been in touch at all?”
Blood rushed to my cheeks as I recalled her cocktail and poolside messages. I shook my head. Amina didn’t need to know everything.
“Just work stuff.”
She seemed to buy it. Or else, she knew time was running out because we needed to swap quiz sheets with the next table to mark them.
“When are you seeing her next?”
“Next weekend, start of June. We’re going to a festival in Suffolk. Roka’s playing and she’s given us VIP passes and we’re glamping for a night on the Saturday.”
Amina’s eyes went wide. “A weekend away? Just the two of you? When the last time you were away together, you ended up sucking face?”
I bristled. “Not a weekend away. It’s one night. And it’s work.”
“Dress it up however you want. This is a romantic weekend in the countryside with someone you’ve just discovered you have serious chemistry with, and you really think nothing’s going to happen?”
I stared at her. I’d convinced myself that by the time we got to the festival, the kiss would be very much in the rear-view mirror. But now I knew Amina was right. The last couple of weeks, Eliza hadn’t been far from my mind. Absence had definitely made my heart grow fonder.
Lust and panic fizzed through me like an Alka Seltzer. “What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to go to Suffolk and see what happens. And if something does happen, you’re going to call me immediately with all the details.”
“That’s your advice? See what happens?” I’d expected more. Amina had been in a relationship with her girlfriend, Noelle, for over five years. She was my romance role model.
“Poppy, you’ve been single forever. You either shag women or work constantly, and the last time you tried to date, it went very wrong.
” Amina reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
“For once in your life, if it feels right, just go with the flow. The worst that can happen is it’s awkward for a bit, and then you both move on. ”
“The worst that can happen is we can’t work together, and then Margot sells the company.”
“Or,” Amina said with a grin, “the best that can happen is you have great sex and you figure shit out as you go along. Not everything has to be extremes. You’re both grown adults. Sex doesn’t have to be complicated.”
But even I knew that it normally was.