Chapter 33
But beneath the hurt, something else was building. Anger. White-hot, clarifying anger. I wanted to scream, or hit something. I glanced up, then walked to the nearest tree, drew back my foot, and kicked it.
Wrong move.
I staggered backwards, pain shooting through my foot. Was this why people hit things in times of stress, to take their minds off things? It’d certainly achieved that.
I hobbled back to my bench.
I wasn’t going to let this destroy me.
I pulled out my phone and called Sage, my hands still trembling.
“Hi Poppy, how are you?” Her voice was soothing as always.
“I need to see you. It’s a bit of an emergency. Can we meet somewhere?"
“I’m at your sister’s place right now. Do you want to come over?”
Katy was back from holiday? That was the best result possible. Relief swept through me. “I’m coming now.”
I jumped on the overground to get to Katy’s, the email folded in my jacket pocket, the physical proof of Eliza’s betrayal burning against my ribs.
My sister opened the door almost as soon as I knocked, her familiar face creased with worry. “What’s wrong?” She pulled me into an immediate embrace, and I sagged into it. I needed her arms around me more than she knew.
Sage appeared behind her, dressed in a hot-pink trouser suit, not at all her usual style. Her concerned face told me everything I needed to know about how I looked.
I stumbled into the living room, feeling like I might collapse. Everything felt surreal, like I was moving through water.
“Mum,” I said, my voice cracking.
Katy’s eyebrows shot up.
“Is Mum here?” I asked Sage. “I need to talk to her.”
Sage and Katy exchanged a look, the kind that said they were worried about my mental state.
“You know it doesn’t work like that.” Sage guided me to the sofa and sat beside me.
“I’ll get you tea. Tea always makes things better.” Katy reappeared a few minutes later with a mug of hot tea. “I added emergency sugar, because it looks like you need it.” She paused, sat on the armchair to my left, and reached over to take my hand. “What’s going on?”
I pulled out the email with shaking hands. “She was right. Mum warned me about betrayal when I saw you last time, and she was right. It’s happened, and everything’s fucked, and I don’t know what to do.”
I handed Katy the email, and her sharp intake of breath echoed my own devastation from earlier.
“Oh, Pops. Oh, honey.”
Pops. I’d let Eliza call me that.
I’d opened up, let her back in. I thought she was going to leave, which would have been a kinder cut. The deception was extraordinary.
“I thought she cared about me. I thought Switzerland meant something.” The words poured out in a rush. “But it was all just manipulation. She was playing me the whole time, getting me to trust her so she could convince me to sell. It was all to further her career.”
My voice was getting higher, my throat constricted. I could hear it happening but couldn’t stop it. I was determined not to cry.
“And the worst part? I was falling for her. Really falling. Like, thinking that she could be the one who I’d been waiting for. The game-changer. I thought she understood me, but at the end of the day, she’s just like Mum, putting business over personal. She used me. Now she’s ghosting me.”
“Have you spoken to Eliza about this?” Katy put the email on the coffee table. “I know the email is pretty damning, but Eliza doesn’t strike me as that person.”
“Maybe that’s why she’s so good at what she does. You don’t see it coming.” I turned to Sage. “I know you’re not an answering service, but I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. I need to know what my mum thinks. What I should do.”
Yes, I was hysterical. But if I couldn’t be hysterical in these circumstances, when could I be?
Sage sighed, her expression conflicted. “I’ve told you before—”
“Please.” I was begging now, and I didn’t care. “Just try. Please.”
Katy squeezed my shoulder. “Maybe just this once?”
Sage closed her eyes, her breathing deepening. The room fell silent except for the distant hum of traffic outside. I held my breath, desperate for some sign, some guidance from beyond.
Then, the candle flames flickered, and I caught it: that familiar scent of jasmine and vanilla, the perfume Mum always wore.
Sage went very still, her eyes snapping open but looking unfocused, distant.
“She’s here,” she whispered. “She clearly heard you.”
My heart leapt. “You can see her properly this time? What does she say? What should I do?”
Sage shook her head and put her finger to her lips.
I glanced at Katy, who was sat bolt upright, a terrified look on her face. She’d told me she was drawn to these sessions, but she found them mildly disturbing, just thinking that Mum and Gran were in the same room.
Sage held up a finger. “She says that you have to look after yourself first.”
“I get that,” I replied. “But things have happened now. What do I do about them?”
There was a long pause. Sage’s eyes seemed to be tracking something I couldn’t see, and the jasmine scent grew stronger.
“She says go with your gut. Trust your instincts, they won’t lead you astray. And...” Sage paused, tilting her head as if listening. “She says you can never disappoint her, whatever you choose to do.”
Before I knew it was happening, tears streamed down my face, but they felt different from the devastated sobs I’d been fighting all afternoon. These felt cleaner, somehow, like they were washing away the confusion and self-doubt. Deep down, I did know what to do. I’d just been afraid to do it.
“Is she still here?”
Sage nodded slowly. “She’s with your Gran. She’s hugging her.”
When I looked up, Katy was crying, too.
“Can you tell them both I love them and I miss them?” I told Sage.
The candles stopped flickering. The jasmine scent began to fade. Sage blinked several times, coming back to herself.
“You don’t have to tell them that. They know it already.” She paused. “Wow, that was a strong signal. They wanted to come through. They did, loud and clear. Did it help?”
I wiped my eyes, feeling steadier than I had since finding that email. “It really did. If nothing else, there’s not much that’ll take your mind off your problems than a visit from the afterlife.”
Katy shoved me and Sage to our right, then slipped in beside me on the sofa and hugged me tight. “I’m scared shitless but also a blubbering mess. I always thought ghosts were out to get you until they turn out to be your family.”
“Most spirits aren’t out to harm you. They just want to exist peacefully, and help their loved ones,” Sage told her.
I thought about Eliza’s face when she told me she was falling for me. About the way she’d pulled away of late. About her saying she wanted to run away from it all.
Even though she’d betrayed me, pieces of the puzzle still lay scattered, refusing to fit together. Because beneath all the evidence, beneath the cold reality of what she’d done, something in me rebelled against the simple narrative.
I knew what I’d felt when we were in bed together: the way her breathing changed when I touched her, the way she’d cried out my name. You couldn’t fake that kind of vulnerability, could you?
“I think,” I said slowly, “I need to confront Eliza before I decide what to do next.”
Katy jumped up and came back with her car keys. “Take my car. I can collect it from you tomorrow when the girls are at nursery. Or do you want me to drive?”
I shook my head, but took her keys. “Thank you, but no. This is something I have to do myself.”
Because whatever game she’d been playing, whatever instructions she’d been following, the woman I’d been with in Switzerland had been real. I was sure of it. And if there was even a chance that her feelings had been genuine, that maybe she’d been caught between her job and her heart?
I owed it to both of us to find out the truth.