Chapter 18
Jordan scrubbed the bathroom walls, grateful for the chance to do something physical as he attempted to push aside the meltdown he’d had at EJ’s picnic.
How could he have lost control like that?
Yet how could he not? She wasn’t the same person he’d always known.
And the way she’d acted made him think she still didn’t get it.
Which made him long to return to that moment, when he’d thrust his gift at her, then instantly wished he could take it back.
EJ certainly hadn’t missed the fireworks at the farm, seeing he’d managed to bring them himself. He was such an idiot.
His fingers clenched around the green-and-yellow scouring pad. Had he supported her in her delusional building of self-entitlement? He hated to admit it, but probably yes.
The fumes from the cleaning product made him gag and long for fresh air.
Ben had been grateful when he’d come home earlier than expected from EJ’s birthday lunch, or whatever it was.
It sure hadn’t felt like a celebration, more like a wake, where he’d stood there remembering the girl he’d known and wondering about this imitation woman.
But at least such a fail of a day meant he had more time to do this. He and Ben should have cleaned up earlier, especially as James and Rachael were due back tomorrow, but he’d figured it was probably best to save this room for last so it smelled fresh. Well, fresher, anyway.
He staggered upright, went to the back door, and dragged in fresh air. All this cleaning and its associated fumes was making him feel lightheaded.
“Mate, you okay?” Ben called from where he was wiping down the kitchen.
“Yep.”
Ben sighed. “Can’t believe we’re finally gonna say goodbye to the old place.”
“Three years has been a long time.”
“It’s been longer for you. What, six years living with James now?”
“I think so.” Jordan had first started sharing a house with James when he’d just finished uni. Their first place was near Newtown, and now this one in Glebe. “It’s not the same as back then.”
“Life has a way of changing things.”
“That’s for sure.”
Changing housing situations. Changing jobs. Changing people.
His mind instantly flicked back to EJ and the look of shock on her face when he’d accused her of that. People rarely saw how they’d changed, having a blind spot regarding that.
But he couldn’t help but think that maybe he’d gone in too heavy, that he’d swung the equivalent of a verbal cricket bat when he should have practiced what got preached and what he’d prayed and gone in with soft words that turned away wrath. He could be such a wally sometimes.
“Jordan?”
He shook his head and stalked back to the bathroom, hands on hips, eyeing what still remained.
“Dude.” Ben followed him in. “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. You and Aidan have already done a lot of cleaning in the other rooms.”
“It’s fine.” No way was he going to admit he needed to clean to distract himself from before. Now to distract Ben so he didn’t ask more questions. “So, what did you think of the latest Swans game?”
They small-talked opinions about Australian Rules Football and the Sydney Swans’ season.
And they managed to finish the bathroom and toilet area, all the while wishing that they’d employed a professional cleaner to do this part of the house at least. Nobody should deal with the bathroom belonging to a share house of men. Gross.
“You sure you’re okay?” Ben asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet ever since you got back from EJ’s birthday bash.”
That was about the correct term for it. He’d verbally bashed her, after all. Even if he claimed it as being honest. He had a funny feeling that he’d never forget that distress in her eyes when he called her a fake.
“It didn’t exactly go as I expected.” Or rather, it kinda had.
In that he’d expected it to be difficult.
And it was. He’d expected Eric and Gwen to act like EJ was their possession now.
And they had. He’d expected that EJ wouldn’t like to hear what he’d spent hours trying to figure out how to say.
She hadn’t. He’d even expected that he’d fumble to say things correctly and feel like she had heard. That had proved true too.
He managed to explain some of this to Ben, which scored him a whistle and a shaken head. “Dude, nobody likes to feel like they’re in the wrong. And from all I know of EJ and what I’ve seen over the years, she sure doesn’t appreciate being told she’s wrong. You went in too hard.”
“I know.”
“You’re gonna have to pray that she doesn’t just get upset and blame you and dig her heels in.”
“True.”
“You’re gonna have to pray that this doesn’t close her eyes to what’s really going on.”
“I am.”
Ben rapped the wooden door with his knuckles. “It’s a good thing that God is still in control, huh?”
“Absolutely.” He glanced up. “Anything else, Captain Obvious?”
Ben grinned. “Oh, and there it is. Hello, Mr. Snark. It’s been a while but nice to see you again.”
Jordan chucked his cleaning sponge at him, and it bounced off Ben’s chest.
“Hey!”
Jordan chuckled, but it felt forced. Humour felt a million miles away. His grin quickly faded.
“Dude.”
The sympathy in Ben’s voice crowded Jordan’s throat. Man. Any second now and he might bust out crying, and that was no good. He coughed instead, waving a hand. “I’m not coping with these fumes.”
“You’re not coping with something, that’s for sure.”
“You’re a real pillar of support, aren’t you?”
Ben shrugged. “I try.”
Jordan angled away so Ben couldn’t see him. “So, how about you? Any lady friends on the horizon?”
Ben sighed. “I know you’re trying to change the subject, and it’s not gonna work.”
“That’s a shame.”
Ben chuckled. “Look, you and EJ are friends. And there are good times and not so good times in all friendships. So just because now is a down doesn’t mean it will always stay that way.”
“We’ve just never been at this place before.”
“Where she’s being romanced by a different man and you’re jealous?”
“Whoa! I’m not jealous. I’m concerned.”
“Sure you are.”
“I am! I don’t trust this Eric dude. I think there’s something really dodgy about him.” Like the fact he and Gwen seemed too close, exchanging looks and whispers when EJ wasn’t looking.
“Like the fact he’s really rich?” Ben goaded.
“Nobody gets to be that rich without cutting some corners along the way.”
“Come on. You don’t care about how rich he is or how he got there. You just care about the fact that you’re finally waking up to how you feel about EJ.”
“And what if I have?” he nearly snarled.
Maybe he did actually snarl, because Ben backed away, hands up. “Dude, I’m on your side here.”
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I just don’t know what to do.” He shrugged. “I don’t feel like she’s going to want to hear anything else I have to say. I really feel like I burned all my bridges today. I think she might hate me.”
Ben nodded. “Maybe.”
“Fat lot of support you are,” he muttered.
“You prefer the truth or a lie?”
There had been way too many lies floating around recently. “The truth.”
“Then maybe it’d be wise if you put some space between you. You need to give this situation to God. You don’t need to be the Holy Spirit’s little helper, trying to help EJ see the error of her ways.”
“Ouch.” Is that what he had done? He hoped not. But maybe he had. Sorry, God.
“And sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can finally realise that’s not where they want to be.” Ben ghosted a smile. “Ask me how I know.”
Ben’s dad was a recovering alcoholic, so Jordan understood what he meant.
“And maybe you need to think about whether you’re really trusting God or depending more on your own efforts. You can’t say you trust in God if you’re constantly interfering.”
“I’m not interfering.”
Ben raised an eyebrow.
Okay, maybe he had interfered a little bit. He sighed. “I’m not doing too good, am I?”
“From what I’ve heard today? No.”
Great.
“Look, are you going home tonight? If so, take this time to switch off your phone and have a solid prayer about it all. And talk with her family. From all you’ve told me, it’s not just you who’s been affected, but they’ve been concerned too.
They have a right to know if she’s getting into trouble.
And maybe some of them will step up. But remember, others can try and help as much as they like, but until someone recognises for themselves what’s really going on, it doesn’t matter what gets said to them until they’re personally willing to change. ”
Jordan heaved out a breath that felt like it had been stored in his toes. “I’ll do that.”
“You’ll talk with them or have a solid pray?”
“Both.”
Because clearly what he tried to do hadn’t worked. It was time to really trust God and ask Him to have His way. And leave the outcome in God’s hands.
“EJ, did you want me to come inside?” Eric studied her, one hand on the leather steering wheel.
“Thanks, but I’m okay.” And after the hurly-burly emotions from today, all she wanted to do was to hop into her pj’s and go to sleep. Alone.
“Are you sure?” Eric leaned closer, slid a chunk of hair behind her ear. “I’d be really happy to make sure you’re okay.”
She forced a smile. “I’m fine. But thank you. And thank you for today. I felt very spoilt.”
“You deserve spoiling.” He leaned closer, his breath fanning her face. Good thing the police hadn’t breathalysed him, as he might not have passed, judging from the wine she could smell.
He leaned closer still; then before she knew what was happening, his mouth was grazing her skin, his lips were on hers—he was kissing her! She closed her eyes and tried to follow his cues, but it felt so abrupt, so unexpected, and she didn’t really like it, especially as his hand was inching up—
“Oh!” She pulled away, pushed his hand away. How dare he? “Um, I need to go. I’m sorry. It’s been a big day, and I’ve got a headache, and—”
“Kissing was just a bit much?”