Chapter 18 #2
“Oh—I’m sorry. You didn’t tell me you wanted the night off to fuck that guy.
” I snarl, pausing when she gives me an incredulous look.
When it finally sinks in that I’ve given away my entire hand.
“Do you have any idea how your little movie night with that cop is making me look right now? Me? I’ve killed people for a lot less, Natalia. ”
“Oh, okay. I’m sure that’s the problem.” She answers acidly. “Your jealousy isn’t the problem at all!”
“I don’t give a fuck about that.” I lie. “But this life is about appearances. You have to cut him loose.”
She scoffs. “No, I don’t. Just tell your men to keep their mouths shut, and we won’t have a problem.”
No. No, no—that won’t work. “You can’t see him anymore. At all. You have to pick a life, Natalia. You can’t ride with the cops, and then turn around and do this shit with me, too.”
“I just asked you if this was going to be a problem, Matias! You said it was fine!”
“Well—things change.” What would you know. It only took me one week to turn into an overbearing, jealous asshole. “You asked for this job—and now the terms are changing. I can do that, you know. You think I just handed over fifty thousand for you to look pretty on my arm?”
Natalia arches her brows.
But before it occurs to me that I’ve gone too far, she starts laughing.
Laughing.
The Natalia I knew four years ago would have wilted under the argument, but not the grown-up version of her. No, she laughs with an unraveling edge, climbing to her feet and disappearing down the hall off the kitchen.
And when she comes back, she’s clutching a pile of money.
All of the money I paid her.
“You think you’re gonna hand me some fucking dirty drug money, and tell me how to live my life?
!” She drops the money at my feet, eyes shining.
“I have a job! I don’t need you—you need me!
I grew up with millions at my disposal, and I’ll be damned if you hold fifty fucking thousand dollars over my head.
I turned on Papa—I gave up millions—so that no one would tell me what the fuck to do with my life.
” She spits out, standing over me with clenched fists. “So you can take your money and leave.”
Oh, shit.
I should do just that—take my money and go. Find someone who can really get me results. This game we’re playing—it’s going to go up in flames. We’re going to burn together. But, goddamn, she looks like a goddess, furiously standing above me.
Clenched fists, fire in her eyes, staring me down with a lifted chin.
My addiction to this job comes not from the vices, but from the thrills. Something that becomes painfully evident when I climb to my feet and stand toe to toe with her. When she blinks at my height the moment I tower over her, her jaunty little bob swaying as she stares up at me.
“You don’t need the money? Why are you helping me, then?”
She pauses.
“Why have you been so hell bent on ‘helping’ me?” I ask, making air quotes with my fingers. “Why do you come every time I call?”
Natalia can’t answer. Because answering means talking about this thing between us. And she may be too embarrassed to do so—but I don’t suffer from that emotion.
“I’ll tell you. Because this is who we are, Florecita.
You really think we can stay away from each other?
” And I don’t care if it makes me sound like the most maniacal villain in the world.
“That little cop will never be more than temporary fill. A band-aid. For this.” I say, wagging a finger between us.
She shakes her head. “He is just a friend.”
“I think you’re lying.” I blurt, thinking of the way she stuck her tongue down his throat outside of the precinct. “You want to move on so bad, but you can’t let us go.”
Natalia presses her lips together, her chest pitching up and down. And I know I have her, right where I want her.
“You’re going to keep looking for me everywhere you go, you know why? Cause I’ll be there.” I say, with the certainty of whatever thing exists between us. “Cause no one makes you feel the way I do.” I reach up, tucking a strand of pin-straight hair away from her face so she’s looking up at me.
“No one makes you come the way I can. Has he made you cry the way I used to? When you weren’t sure if you were begging me to stop or asking for more? Has he made you forget your name?”
Natalia stills, her throat working. Her eyes fall to my mouth, a glazed look taking over her gaze as the memories that consume me day and night surface in the back of her head.
“Does he talk to you the way I do? When I used to fuck you and you came so hard you forgot to breathe. Do you remember how I used to hold you and kiss and whisper in your ear what a good girl you were? How we had to work so hard to keep your moans quiet so no one would hear us in your bedroom? Remember?” I step closer to her, smiling when I realize she’s holding her breath right now. My girl hasn’t changed that much.
“He can love you, but he’ll never fuck you the way I do. And if you think he can, then by all means…I’ll leave right now. Say the word, Florecita. And I’m gone.”
Silence. The clock ticks between us, as we stare each other down, waiting for the other to move. Natalia shudders into action, swallowing one big breath, and then another. She jerks away from me, making a path for me to move past her.
Hm. Guess I’m wrong, I tell myself, swallowing the wave of disappointment, ignoring the hungry ache in the base of my spine.
I move past her and shoulder my way to the door, not ready for the moment she digs her nails into my bicep and launches herself into my arms.