Chapter 33
thirty-three
Natalia
I should have told him. I should have said something when I had the chance.
Now that we’re lying here, spent, a sweaty mess in his sheets with Matias sleeping beside me, I realize jumping into his arms probably wasn’t the best choice. As good as the ache in my muscles feels, maybe I should’ve just bitten the bullet on the spot.
But the look in his eyes…it wasn’t just tense or angry.
He looked as desperate as I felt. How could I have told him that I was working against him just a few weeks ago when he needed me the most?
Matias’ arm is heavy, dead weight, slung around my waist as he sleeps deeply.
I turn in the circle of his arms, watching him as he sleeps.
Without the heaviness of his gaze, Matias almost looks boyish in his sleep. His full mouth is fixed on something that looks like a pout, his long lashes brushing against high cheekbones. How can I bring myself to tell him the truth, when he lets his guard down with me like this?
Guilt curdles in my stomach, and no matter how hard I close my eyes and listen to Matias’ soft snores, I can’t bring myself to fall back asleep.
The black sheet slung at the edge of the bed trails off the ground, sliding silently when I pull it off and wrap it around my body.
I pad quietly across the dim, sparsely decorated bedroom, lowering myself into a plush sitting chair by the floor-to-ceiling windows facing the valley.
Matias’ bedroom probably cost more to furnish than my entire apartment, and yet, something is missing here.
There’s fancy auto-dimming light fixtures and automatic window treatments, and a piece of nondescript art that probably costs as much as a house.
But there are no photos. No colorful pillows or throws, or any other item of comfort.
His clothes are almost all black. His sheets are slate grey.
And everything else is a bland shade of cream that feels soft, but isn’t. It’s all just cold and cavernous.
The city twinkles in the distance, passing cars flitting across the horizon, a hub of life and movement that feels like a million miles away. Matias is like a prince in an empty castle high up on the mountain. Powerful and commanding, to be certain. But frighteningly vulnerable, as well.
I bring a knee up to my chest and sigh.
And then nearly jump three feet in the air when a hand closes around my shoulder.
My heart relaxes marginally when I look up and spot Matias’ face staring down at me, an amused grin tugging at his mouth.
“What are you doing up? Come to bed.” His voice is rough with sleep, a quiet rumble that tingles down to my toes.
“I can’t sleep.” I admit, watching the city skyline. I’m half expecting him to pat me on the head and go back to sleep, but no. He plops down on the chair next to mine, looking out in the distance before watching me, and saying:
“What are you thinking about?”
I say the first thing on my mind. “I don’t think we have any pictures together.” Nothing to frame and put on his dresser, no picture to save as the Lock Screen on my phone. The only evidence that exists of us together are in some confidential government dossier about him, and I hate it.
He sighs. “Should we take some?”
I perk up at the thought. “Now?”
Matias climbs to his feet, plucking his phone from the charger on the bedside table and ambling back towards me. He fiddles with the screen, lowering himself into the seat, and then gives me an expectant look.
“Are you going to get on my lap or are we just going to take a selfie looking like we’re on a talk show?” I bite back a smile and lower myself into his lap, carefully holding on to the sheet draped around my body.
“Just let it go.” Matias coaxes, tugging at the scrap of cotton.
“I’m not wearing anything underneath.” I tell him, messing with my hair as he holds the camera in front of us.
“Yeah, I know.”
I turn back to look at him and giggle. “We’re not taking those types of pictures. This is not the beginning of a sex tape.”
He perks up as soon as the words ‘sex tape’ leave my mouth, and I can’t help the full belly laugh that rolls out of me at his expression.
I glance back at the phone, belatedly realizing he’s been sneaking pictures this whole time.
I lean into his shoulder, glancing at the camera shyly, smiling as moonlight washes over us.
Matias snaps another picture and then kisses the top of my head.
We make a silly pose, and my heart warms as I watch our reflection on the screen.
When we’re done, Matias hands me his phone. I flip through the pictures, sending every single one of them to my phone, slowing as I notice that in almost all of them, Matias doesn’t even bother looking at the camera.
He’s watching me. Mouth pulling into a sweet, indulgent grin as he watches me pose for the camera. Eyes full of what I can only describe as…unadulterated love.
For me.
I gulp down the wave of emotions forcing their way up my throat, settling for wrapping my arms around his neck, and whispering the words that have been fighting their way out for weeks.
“I love you.” Matias tenses beneath me, hands curving around my waist. Eyes heavy, hard to read, full of something I can’t put a name to.
“I love you too.” His voice is raw. “Even if I don’t deserve you. I’m going to be keeping you, Florecita.” He presses a kiss against my forehead. “All of this is going to be over soon. And then it’ll just be me and you. Por vida.”
And when he tugs me back to bed a little while later, wrapping his entire body around me, sleep comes easily.
So does the courage to tell him the truth.
Because I have a feeling that no matter how great the fallout, Matias will stand beside me. We’ll find our way through. Together.
I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, determined to tell him everything first thing in the morning.
But when the sun shines in my eyes the next day and I turn over, Matias is already gone.