Chapter 29
“You…I…but…”Words fail me as I take in everything Gavin just unveiled. “I thought you hated me.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“You were just always so professional. We never talked about anything but work. You weren’t like that with anyone else in the office.”
He drags a hand through his hair and rolls on to his back. “Yeah, I was worried about making you uncomfortable. It was your first real job.” He pauses, sighs. “And then once you started dating Ian…I’m sorry. I know I was a dick sometimes. I?—”
“Can we go back to the part where you love me?”
Gavin reaches a hand around my middle and tugs me until I’m on top of him.
“Are you really gonna make me say it again?” he teases.
“I like when you say it,” I murmur, settling between his legs.
“Yeah? Why’s that?”
Why? Because his feelings mirror my own. Because Gavin Scott knows me, the real me. Because there’s no part of myself I’ve hidden from him, nothing I’ve downplayed or exaggerated, nothing that isn’t honest and bare. What could ever be better than someone loving you through all the layers, never wanting to change a single one?
“Because I can tell you mean it.” I lay my hand on his chest, dragging my nails across his skin. He hums his approval, but then he starts laughing. “What?”
“It’s just kind of surreal.”
“What is?”
“For so long I just watched you,” he says.
“Watched me? Should I be concerned?”
“Not like that, smartass,” he continues. “I mean I’ve sat across from you for two years. I see you.” He drops his voice and wraps my hand in his. “I notice you. When you tap your nails or nibble your cheek. When your lips move in silence, and I try with bated effort to puzzle out what you’re saying. It still doesn’t feel real that I get to be a part of it now. That your nails are tapping on me. It’s like I finally get to be on the other side of the window.”
His words sit heavy in my chest, but the rest of my body melts.
“You should have thrown a rock or something. I would’ve let you in.”
He reaches over and kisses my nose, and so quietly I almost miss it says, “I love you, Sparkles.”
I whisper back, “I love you too, Scottie.”
I don’t go homein the morning.
We spend Sunday in bed, only leaving for meals. What I worried might be a fluke was not, and Gabby, still giddy over our fake-turned-real relationship, lets me borrow clothes so I never have to leave.
A real relationship. That’s what Gavin told me he wanted last night, or maybe it was this morning. He really shouldn’t keep having important conversations with his hand between my legs.
“This is real now, Sparkles. There better not be any doubt when you say you have a boyfriend.”
I wasn’t sure if it was his words or his touch that made me breathless, unable to respond. But I’m positive he knows I’m in agreement.
We walk into work on Monday hand in hand. And even though it’s not the first time, everything feels different. Even the air around us is shimmering with possibility.
SLACK DIRECT MESSAGE
Gavin Scott:
Miss you
Olivia Diamond:
I’m sitting across from you
Gavin Scott:
Miss you naked in my bed
Olivia Diamond:
NSFW!
I click out of my Slack window knowing this conversation isn’t going anywhere productive and open my email. This might be the first time since starting at Sizzl that I didn’t catch up on email over the weekend. I didn’t open a laptop once.
It’s a weird feeling. Part of me is happy for enjoying my weekend, spending quality time with Gavin, his sister, my family. And another part of me feels guilty for not being my usual workaholic-self, especially when I see what’s waiting for me in my inbox.
From: Tristan Cross [email protected] >
To: Olivia Diamond [email protected] >
Subject: Re: Exclusive Invitation to the Sizzl Spring Showcase
Olivia,
I appreciate the invitation, but I’ll have to decline. Unless of course you’ll be attending? You know how to reach me.
-Tristan
I keep my face neutral while I silently roar. I was positive Tristan would come to this. It’s an exclusive event and offers a sneak peek into our roadmap for the next year. And I thought I did a good job of wording my invitation with vague enough language that he might think I would be there. He must have read through the event’s landing page. Executives only.
Mitch made it perfectly clear last week that Tristan’s presence was expected, that if he didn’t come it was basically him saying the deal is dead.
It might be time for a hail mary.
Me:
Sure I can’t convince you to come to the event? You’ll get to see a lot of interesting tech that hasn’t been released yet
I get a response almost immediately.
Tristan Cross:
The only thing I want to see is what’s under your dress.
Fuck.
“What’s wrong?” Gavin asks across our desks.
Shit. “Did I say that aloud?”
“No, but you mouthed it.” He mimics me, mouthing an overly exaggerated fuck.
Guilt pours over me. Gavin is my boyfriend. Nothing fake about it. It suddenly feels dirty to keep these messages a secret from him. I need to come clean, but I have no idea how he’ll react.
“I’m okay. But I have something I need to talk to you about. Maybe tonight? We could get dinner?”
“Can’t, Sparkles. I have a thing with Daanesh.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He looks toward Mitch’s office but it’s still empty. None of us know if he’s still in Portland or planning to come in late. He’s been managing the whole team by email for the last three weeks.
“Let’s go get a coffee. I can’t go all day wondering why you’re upset.”
“Okay, just give me fifteen minutes.”
I fire off another email to Darnell. I shared a pricing proposal after our last meeting, and he told me the next step would just be landing on the right start date and getting approval from leadership. Leadership equals Tristan.
This time I copy Tristan back into the thread to ask for an update and any outstanding questions or concerns. I also throw in a few of my favorite value points—never stop selling!
My stomach is full of butterflies, the evil kind, as I think about what I’ll say to Gavin. Everything about this situation has turned to shit. I have no idea if the deal will close, if my promotion or even my job is still in danger. Gavin is my only bright light these days. What if he’s pissed I’ve been hiding this from him?
My phone buzzes, interrupting my internal pity-party.
Mitch Stevenson:
Did Tristan RSVP yet?
What’s the latest update?
I motion to Gavin that I need another minute and take my phone into the closest conference room to call Mitch. I know this is going to suck, but I’d honestly just rather get it over with.
“Hey Livy,” he answers. It sounds like he’s in an arcade or something, lots of ringing bells and buzzers in the background.
“Hey. So I just heard back from Tristan and he can’t make it. But I think?—”
“I’m gonna email Gavin to take over on this, Livy. I can’t let you fuck around anymore.”
“Excuse me? I’m?—”
“You gave it a shot, now?—”
“No. I didn’t give it a shot. I am actively shooting and about to score. Just give me the chance to get open. I will close this deal, Mitch.”
“Appreciate the sports knowledge Livy, but—what?”
I hear a squeaky voice come through Mitch’s end of the line. “I can use the company card again, right baby?”
It sounds like something is rubbing against his phone, like maybe he’s trying to cover it. “Get anything you want. Just give me a minute,” he says, voice slightly muffled.
“Hello?” I ask, wondering if we’re still in the middle of this conversation.
“Sorry. Tif—Ellen’s on my case again.”
“Okay.” I draw out the word, confused as hell, because that didn’t sound like a couple who argues as much as Mitch does with his ex.
“Why isn’t Tristan coming to the showcase?” Mitch continues.
“He’s going to be out of town,” I lie. “But I know how to get him to the next meeting,” I lie again. It’s getting easy with how fired up I am.
For some unknown reason, Mitch starts to laugh. “You’re going to go out with him, aren’t you?”
“What? Of course not! Do you honestly think that’s the only thing I’m good for?”
“I think it’s your best shot to get Tristan to sign a contract.”
I can’t believe this is still what he thinks of me. “That’s not fair, Mitch. You wouldn’t do this with the rest of the team. You would never ask Gavin or Eduardo to?—”
“I wouldn’t have to. If a prospect started hitting on Eddie he’d close the deal in record speed.”
“How can you say that? He’s married.”
“Oh, don’t be so fucking na?ve. Look, I gotta go. I’ll give you two more weeks. If I don’t see something tangible happening, Gavin’s taking over, end of story.”
He hangs up.
Ugh. I walk back to my desk and see Eduardo smiling down at his phone. I really hope Mitch is wrong about him.
Two weeks. Is there any way I can pull this off? If not, I might as well start looking for a new job. I don’t think Mitch would actually fire me. I’m still our best sales development rep. But if the promotion’s off the table, what would I even be doing here? Some days, I wonder if sales is actually what I want, or if I just refuse to quit something that I’ve been working so hard for.
Sometimes it feels like I have so much to prove that I don’t even know what I want anymore.
I make a mental note to reschedule my therapy session I had to cancel last week. My progress with Dr. Plath has been good, great even. She’s the reason I haven’t let my breakup with Ian turn my life sour. She’s probably the reason I let myself fall for Gavin. She’s definitely the reason I’ve been so open with him, even if there’s still something I’ve been hiding.
“You ready to go?” Gavin asks. Ready? Only if you’re planning to forgive me, I want to say.
Might as well rip off another Band-Aid. I already feel numb.