Chapter Eleven Loretta #3
I stand proudly at the top of the stairs, one hand out in the universal “ta-da!” gesture. The other hand secures Ari on my hip. She’s in a green plaid onesie, and I’m in my red velour warm-up suit. The house has been “Christmasified” indeed.
“You got the tree up.”
“And the fire going.” Do I sound smug? Why, yes, yes, I do. I am a damn good domestic engineer when I get sleep and support.
“And something smells wonderful.”
“Beef stew and garlic mashed potatoes. We talked about it the other day, and I got hungry.”
“Where did you even find all these decorations? I always put the tree up, but...”
“There are three more boxes behind the tree that I still need to tackle. I did a lot, but I want to do more. Little touches everywhere. I noticed you have a ton of wolf-themed ornaments.”
“Dad was a big fan.”
“Of full moons and wolves. Hmmm, I think that we’re leaning more towards Halloween with that one.”
“You’re right. Let’s go full-blown Christmas,” Jasper agrees.
“I’m thinking of pine and holly as an overall theme, and it goes with a lot of what you have. Even the wolves will work,” I mention, pointing to the various ornaments that show wolves in the snow, silver silhouettes of howling wolves, nuzzling wolves, and pawprints.
“Red and green. Perfection. And it matches my girls’ outfits. Looking sharp.” Jasper meets us at the stairs as we come down. “You sure you don’t mind eating this early?”
“Nope! And Ari’s been awake since around ten, no afternoon nap, but she’s been a squeaky, pleasant little bundle,” I kiss her cheeks and pass her to Jasper, who immediately cuddles her tight.
“Dadada! Da!” Ari shrieks and grabs his nose, ears, and collar, in that order.
“Oooh, I love this little menace. She wants to be a wrestler! Why were you so up today, baby girl?” Jasper demands in a silly voice. “No sleepies? Why? What’s that about?”
“I think she wanted to see all the shiny things. Um. Did you hear that? That’s her first word. Dada.”
Jasper looks at me from under Arianna’s middle, his mouth in the process of blowing raspberries that make her giggle. “I thought those were baby babble. But she is getting teeth. Talking comes around then, right?”
“Not usually for a couple more months, so it could be just baby babble. Still... She only says it when you’re here. I didn’t coach her or anything.”
“I know! I never thought that. Although that would be the best Christmas gift. Okay, kiddo? I’ll get you a pony, you give me a new nickname,” Jasper says seriously, staring into Arianna’s eyes.
She kicks her feet, lets out a loud toot, and gums her fist.
Jasper nods gravely. “She’s a tough negotiator. She says the pony better have some unicorn pals who can come over on the weekends.”
I laugh. He’s so silly, yet he has these whole conversations with Arianna, like she—well, I don’t want to use the expression “like she’s a real person,” because she is, but I guess Matt never really did that. And he wasn’t a bad father.
Sarah’s words keep crawling back into my mind. About how I had to run from him. How his violence, verbal, mental, and physical, broke up our home. How he was scaring Ari.
What makes a good dad?
Not a perfect dad. There are no perfect people.
“I’m gonna change this little lady while you dish up the food, how about that?
” Jasper asks as Ari toots again. “Because it is time. It’s time, Ari!
” His voice gets louder and more excited, this big, handsome hunk of man, holding my little girl, both of them looking at each other with huge grins.
“Thaaaat’s right! The poopy, soupy spider went in to take a bath!
She was a gross and messy spider who made Miss Ari laugh! ”
I laugh, too, hearing this ridiculous song.
“Are you going to be okay tonight on your own? I’m sorry I’m not much company,” Jasper calls from the living room, where I have a makeshift changing station made up on the couch.
“That’s okay! Rhea is going to come over. I called today, and we got to talking, and she offered to come over and keep me company. She’s bringing a pie, and she wants to cuddle the baby.”
“Well, who doesn’t?” Jasper asks when he’s done with the diaper. He puts the baby in her seat and then scrubs his hands. “I need to be down there around five, no later.”
“Got it. Hey, tomorrow, can we get this plastic enclosure I saw on television? You can put it around the tree, and then Ari can go back to scooting on her tummy down here. She’ll be crawling soon. She’s trying to get onto all fours.”
“Sure, anything you need. So, this is her first Christmas? We need to get her a stocking! All those ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ ornaments!”
I nod, but my lips lose their smile. “We had those things for her. I knew I was pregnant last Christmas. She’ll be seven months old on the 19th.
Knew she was a girl, too. My sister sent all these fancy ornaments from Germany.
My brother and sister-in-law in California sent her a dress to wear for her first Christmas.
Matt bought her a ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’ stocking.
” I huff out a breath, as if it’ll cut off the sobs building in my chest.
Again.
“I’m so tired of crying. I know they’re just things.
I just hate... I hate that I couldn’t take them with me.
I hate that I now realize he’ll be too petty to give them back.
I never knew he was like this, I swear,” I mutter, mostly to myself.
“It makes me think that every person I know must be hiding the worst parts of themselves. I don’t even know what part I’m hiding.
That I’m too dumb? Too naive?” I shake my head.
Jasper joins me to carry food to the table. “The reflection of that is too trusting. Maybe too idealistic. I’d rather meet someone too hopeful instead of too cynical. Here.” He raises his glass. “To finding out all the good things about each other.”
He always puts the smile back on my face. I raise my water glass and clink it to his. “I’ll drink to that.”