Chapter Twenty Six
B ea nudged the sleeping form next to her. Alli’s legs were wrapped around hers and an arm was slung over her waist and an alarm clock was vibrating wildly under the pillow. “Wake up,” she hissed.
Alli groaned and pulled Bea closer to her.
“No, you have to wake up,” Bea said.
“Don’t make me get angry,” muttered Alli.
“Not even funny. Come on. It’s five already. You need to go back to your own bed.”
With a long sigh, Alli stumbled out of bed and pulled on her robe. Then she bent over Bea, kissing her, pressing her to her body. “Tonight,” she whispered in a voice that made Bea shiver all over.
When she was gone, Bea lay down again, trying to get another hour of sleep. She was tired, she needed the sleep, but it was like this every morning after Alli left. It was hard to sleep without her here. More than a week of cuddling and sharing a bed had made the suddenly empty-seeming mattress less comfortable.
Bea sighed. More than a week. It sounded like no time at all and like so much time. What it did mean was that the program was almost over, that in just a couple of days Alli and Izzy and the others would be going and then …
And then what?
It was all very well thinking that they had time to experiment, time to figure things out, that the time they were here was time outside of reality. But at some point, reality was going to rear its ugly head again, and that point was getting nearer and nearer.
Two nights from now, she’d be back in her little bed in her own guest room, trying not to hear Robbie and Marilyn closed up in her room, thinking of all the things she could be doing with Alli.
It wasn’t a pleasant thought.
It was particularly unpleasant because Bea was actually pretty certain about what she wanted. Alli. That was what she wanted. Alright, they were just at the beginning of things, just getting to know each other, but there was something there and she knew that given a chance they could make something.
Given her dreams, Bea would just move straight into her new apartment in the building opposite Liz’s, bringing Alli with her so that they could sleep in each other’s arms every night.
Whether or not Alli would be amenable to this situation was another question. Mostly because Bea had lacked the courage to bring it up in any way. She was afraid. Afraid that Alli would say that this was all there was.
Which was stupid, she knew that. She sighed and sat up. She might as well get up and do some exercise. She wasn’t going to sleep again. And, she promised herself, she was going to talk to Alli. Time was running out and there was a conversation that they needed to have. A big one.
THERE WAS JUST time after breakfast and before her first yoga class to grab coffee in the staffroom. The place seemed empty now that it was mostly just her and Josh. Lex popped her head around the door every now and again, but she was so busy that she barely had time to eat.
“Morning,” Josh said blearily. He rarely made it to breakfast.
“Morning. Coffee? ”
“Please.” He yawned and stretched. “So, big day, eh?”
Bea filled up her cup and another. “Big day?”
“It’s contract renewal day,” said Josh, accepting a cup. “Today’s the day that Luke goes around and asks everyone if they’re coming back or not. Are you joining for the next program if he’ll have you?”
Bea blew out a breath. She’d been so preoccupied with Alli she honestly hadn’t thought about it. A week ago this was all she’d wanted, a steadier job, the possibility to make some money. Alright, the money wasn’t a lot, but it did mean that she didn’t have to live with Robbie and Marilyn.
Plus, there were going to be moving costs too. She could probably use the cash.
“Do you think he’ll ask me back?” she asked.
“Probably,” said Josh, waking up more with his coffee. “If you’re willing to work for what he’s willing to pay, he’d be an idiot to turn you down, wouldn’t he?”
“I suppose.” She took a drink of her own coffee. It tasted burnt. “When does the next one start?”
“A week break, then back to it,” Josh said. “But he’s thinking of making the programs after that back-to-back, one straight after the other.”
“Enough people want to do this to make it profitable?”
“I suppose so,” Josh said. “But there’s heaps of government funding. Anger management is considered part of some paroles, and can be a punishment in its own right. So there’s money to be made there even if we’re not massaging wealthy clients.”
“Which is what Luke wants to do.”
“Probably the end point,” agreed Josh. “But he’ll need to clean this place up a whole lot before we get to luxury retreat status.”
Bea checked her watch. “Got to run,” she said.
“Alright, have a good one,” said Josh.
It wasn’t until she left that she realized she hadn’t answered Josh’s question. Would she be coming back ?
ALL DAY SHE’D been steeling herself to talk to Alli. So when she saw her walking alone toward the dining room at dinner time, she hurried her step to catch her up. Until Luke popped out of his office.
“Ah, Bea, a quick word.”
In despair, she stared after Alli. “Right, sure.”
Luke pulled her into the office. “Just making plans for next session,” he said. “You’ll be returning, I suppose?”
It wasn’t exactly a graceful job offer. But now that she’d had time to think, it seemed sensible to take it. Liz wouldn’t be well enough to teach still, and she could use the money for her new place. “I’d love to,” she said with far more enthusiasm than she felt. She really, really wanted to talk to Alli.
“Perfect, of course there’ll be a small reduction in salary,” Luke said. “And I’ll email with further details. That’s all.” He nodded at her.
“Um, excuse me, a reduction in salary?”
“Just a small one,” he agreed. “Cost of living and all that. Food bills are going up. It’s unavoidable, I’m afraid.”
Bea bit her lip and closed her eyes for a second. Then she sighed, opened her eyes, and smiled. “Of course. Thanks.” And she left.
Because a job was better than no job, right?
IT WAS EVENING before she finally caught up with Alli alone. Alli came rushing into her room, crushing her in her arms, kissing her face, and bending to whisper in her ear. “Almost got caught by Josh out there.”
Bea let herself be held for just a second, just one warm second, and then she pushed Alli away. “We need to talk.” This was by far the worst and scariest thing she thought she’d ever done.
“Uh-oh,” Alli said, perching on the side of the small bed.
Bea sighed. “Al, you know what I’m going to say. Two days from now, you’re going to be leaving.”
Alli frowned. “Right, and?”
“And? I mean…” Bea exhaled. “I mean, this, us, um, what…” This conversation was going fantastically, wasn’t it?
Alli’s face went pale. “Oh, right. Okay, I see. Um, wow. I can’t say that I was expecting this, but I respect your right to say no and if that’s what you want...” She stood up again.
Bea suddenly realized what was happening. “No, wait. Shit.”
Alli stopped. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before.”
“Only because I’m ballsing this up so badly.” Bea took a deep breath. “Sit down?”
It took a second, but eventually Alli sat.
“Okay, what I meant to say was, well, you’re going to be leaving the program and that changes the circumstances between us. But actually, I’d, um…” Deep breath. “I'd really like to continue seeing you if that’s something you'd be interested in.”
For a few seconds, Alli just sat. “You mean… have someone?” she said finally. “Someone who complains that I work all the time and wants me to come home and who’s in my space all the time?”
Bea wasn’t too sure what to make of that. “Well, um, I’d be away teaching at least every other week, so I won’t be too much in your space. And I have my own flat. But, um, in terms of having someone, well, yes, sort of. If you want.”
But Alli was already smiling. “I think I might like that,” she said. “In fact, I’ve got a flat too. I mean, if you didn’t want to move more than once, my place is pretty big and…”
“Maybe we take things a little bit slower?” Bea suggested. Her heart was hammering in her chest, adrenaline was pumping through her.
“Yes, yeah, of course. Just, the offer’s there if you want it. And…” Alli looked up again, bright green eyes. “And did you really think I’d say no?”
“Did you really think I was about to dump you?” Bea asked in return.
“I don’t know. All of this has been so sudden, so unexpected. But… But it feels good,” Alli admitted.
“I think this program’s been helpful to you,” Bea said, sitting next to her. “You’re calmer. Nicer.”
“I think you make me that way.”
Bea shook her head. “I’m not sure I do.”
“I am,” Alli said. “But I’ll admit that this all turned out a lot better than I ever hoped.”
Bea cleared her throat. “About all that. Um, this is a process and, well, I’m not sure that a simple two-week program is really all a person needs—”
“No,” Alli said immediately. “No more anger management. I get what you’re saying, Bea. But I’ve done this even though I didn’t think I needed it. And honestly, I do feel more in control now. I’ve got you to help me if things get dicey. But the truth remains that I really shouldn’t have been here in the first place. I make my voice heard. That’s not the same as having an anger problem.”
Alli’s fingers were wrapped in hers and her voice was hypnotic and her body was so close. So Bea nodded. “Alright,” she said. “Alright. I get it.”
“So… this is being in a relationship, huh?” Alli looked around the little room. “I’d have imagined it slightly more spacious, but I’ve got to say, having someone is nicer than I’d have thought.”
Bea laughed. “It is quite nice, isn’t it?”
Alli’s arms snuck around her and Bea leaned into it and smelled guava and Alli. And thought that finally, she was getting her happy ending.