Chapter 8
CHAPTER 8
ABIGAIL
H appy to be back in New York, back in my own house, and back into my own routine with August, I tried to forget all about Simon and LA. I knew I would be seeing him again soon, but right then, I just needed to breathe. In order to do that, I needed to not think about him.
Putting the encounter with him behind me was easier said than done, though. After nearly a decade, I was still ridiculously drawn to the man and he still made me feel things I’d never felt with anyone else.
My black-haired, green-eyed ex-boyfriend had turned into a man who was even more self-assured and confident than he had been as a boy. Still a total charmer, Simon somehow seemed to have avoided becoming a walking cliché in favor of turning into someone who was downright dangerous to me.
Because I still felt that insane, inexplicable, unavoidable connection to him. When he looked into my eyes, it was like he could see all the way to my heart. I was a smart girl and I’d become incredibly independent after the way he’d wrecked me, but jeez.
It defied all sense of logic and reason, but the man he had become spoke to parts of me I hadn’t even known I had. Being with him again had been like finally coming home. Too bad it hadn’t been a soft landing.
It had been more like coming home after years of not being there, to find everything covered in thick layer of dust and old grime, but there was still something so familiar and comforting about it that you didn’t mind putting in the elbow grease to clean it all up. Gosh, that makes no sense at all, so why does it make so much sense to me?
There was no cleaning up the mess he’d made when he’d left me the way he had. Ghosting me after so many years of being together? That was unforgivable.
Even if seeing him naked in the moonlight hadn’t been a bad view. Not a bad view at all, actually.
God, I’d thought he’d been ripped back in high school, but his body had changed a lot since then. Not only had he shed whatever tiny bit of softness there had been on his muscular frame, but he’d etched every inch of himself with purpose and definition.
There was a smattering of dark hair on his chest now too that hadn’t been there before and that happy trail underneath his belly button? Crap, kill me now.
I groaned out loud, burying my face in one hand while stroking the other through August’s golden curls. My faithful Doodle looked up at me, her big brown eyes on mine as if she was questioning whether I was okay.
I shook my head in response and managed a small smile. “No, I’m not really, but I will be. Eventually. Maybe.”
Frankly, I had no choice. I had one week to prepare for the big board meeting where I’d have to not only introduce myself as I became part of the Fit Gal team for ninety days, but I also had to do a mock pitch for a campaign for the company.
The kicker? I had to do the pitch in front of the representatives of the three other companies who were vying for Fit Gal as a client.
It was a big ask, but I was up for the challenge. I just had to focus on the fact that I would also potentially be beating Simon in the process.
I was so down for winning this contract out from underneath him. I simply couldn’t allow his presence to intimidate me or to throw me off my game.
Today was Sunday and I planned on taking it to reset for the week ahead. After unpacking my bags and putting everything away in its rightful place, I threw my hair up into a ponytail and started cleaning my house.
Olivia and I were very much alike in this sense; a clean house meant a clean mind, and neither of us could focus if our homes were in disarray. I was mopping my floors when my phone rang, and I smiled when I lifted it up to see my sister London’s name on my screen.
“Hey, gold medal winner,” I said after hitting the speaker button so I could keep mopping while I spoke to her. “How is it to be home?”
“So good,” she replied on a soft groan. “Man, I can’t tell you how much I miss this place. Houston is great and that’s becoming home too, but there’s still something comforting about being here.”
I chuckled. “Glad to hear it. I was worried I was going to lose you to Texas just like Liv.”
“Liv isn’t lost. She’s just in love.” London sighed. “It’s disgusting to see her and Charlie together. I love it. It’s so cute, but that set aside, how would you feel about going over to the dog park with me this afternoon? We can let August run around and have some sister time.”
“I can’t today,” I said apologetically. “I feel like I just kind of need to be alone and process everything before I start working on my Fit Gal pitch tomorrow.”
“Yep, nice try but I’m not letting you be alone,” she said. “You always do this when you’re hurting. You’re like a dog going into the woods to lick its wounds. We’re not going back to the days where I leave you to it.”
I paused for a minute. “Are you trying to take me for a walk at the dog park?”
She laughed. “Not specifically, but if you come out, I’ll get you a treat.”
“I’ll meet you there in twenty.”
“Good girl.” I heard the smile in her voice and I laughed, my head shaking as I hung up the phone.
When I got to the dog park, I was glad I’d changed my mind. It was a gorgeous spring afternoon and the sun was warm but not hot. A few clouds drifted in the gray-blue sky and there was barely a breath of wind.
August was delighted when she saw where we were, yapping and wagging her tail so fast as she jumped about that I was scared she might hurt herself. I chuckled and unclipped her leash, watching as she took off with such carefree abandon that, for a moment, I was jealous of her.
It really is a dog’s life, huh?
She raced around the park, nipping at the air with that tail still wagging as she stretched her legs. After that, she made a beeline for a friend and immediately started sniffing his butt. Now that part, I’m not jealous of.
London’s arms wrapped around me from behind, but I’d seen her coming from the corner of my eyes. I turned into her big hug, burying my head in her loose blonde hair and breathing in the faintly strawberry scent of the shampoo she’d favored since we were kids.
It was one of her silly little quirks, using that shampoo even if all of her other products were salon bought, miracles of chemical engineering that were frightfully expensive. I loved her for it, though, this tiny yet constant reminder that she did exactly what she liked.
“Thanks for convincing me to come out,” I murmured into the hug before I let her go, but even as I did, I felt the tears starting to prick the backs of my eyes. “God, I hate him. Why the hell did he have to show up again?”
London gently took my hand and led me over to a bench situated in the shade of a grand old tree. Then she pulled me back into her arms. “It’s okay, Abi. You can feel it now. Let it all out. I’m right here.”
As soon as she said it, everything that had happened since I’d turned around and saw him behind me at the race barreled into me all at once. After more than nine years of wondering where he’d gone—and frankly if he was even still alive—he’d shown up at the Fit Gal Olympics, tried to apologize, and made me come.
What on earth was I thinking on that beach? God .
I started crying in all earnest as I let those events tumble down on me, finally allowing myself to fully feel the shock, pain, confusion, and even the desire for him. My sister held me close and stroked my back, whispering reassuringly into my hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You survived him once. You’ll get through this.”
Images of him from back in the day flew through my mind, a jumble of memories I’d been trying to suppress for so long because it’d hurt so much to remember them. But I couldn’t hold them back anymore.
Simon at twelve, sticking his tongue out at me in the library when we were supposed to be studying. So playful and yet already, such a pillar of strength for me.
Simon at thirteen, lying next to me in my bed after sneaking out of his house. How we just lay there talking until the sun started coming up outside.
Simon at seventeen, his eyes red-rimmed and tired. Haunted and hollow after the loss of his brother, but giving me a tender kiss on my forehead before he fell asleep for the first time in days while I held him.
Those memories and so many more flickered through my head like old-timey images on a projector screen, ending at the last memory I had of him. The one of his face half shrouded in shadow, his chest rising and falling fast as he watched me leave that night after the graduation party.
“I really didn’t think I’d ever see him again,” I finally murmured as I let go of London and inhaled a deep, stuttered breath. I wiped my face and shook my head, even my cheeks feeling sore as all that remembered pain spilled through me. “I’ve wanted to, though. I hate that for all these years, I’ve longed to see him again.”
“That’s one hundred percent valid, though,” London said, ducking her head to look into my eyes. “Of course, you’ve wanted to see him again. Shit, Abi. He literally disappeared overnight. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see someone again who was such a big part of your life for so long and then didn’t even say goodbye.”
“Yeah, well, Astor and Co are another one of the four ad agencies going for the Fit Gal contract,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to shield myself against that particular reality. “For the next ninety days, I’m going to be seeing him at least twice a week. I don’t want that either. I wanted to see him again, but that?”
My sister paused for a beat before she smiled. “Well, maybe that’s a good thing. Show him what he’s missing. Make him so jealous and so sorry for what he did that he’s the one pining for the next ten years.”
“No, I can’t do that.” I felt my features drop at the next thing I had to admit. Part of me didn’t want to say it out loud at all, but I knew I had to tell someone and my sister was my person. She always had been. “I still feel that pull to him, London. I could never hurt him. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I still feel connected to him.”
“Just set some boundaries for yourself before you go into this Fit Gal thing and don’t break them,” she said wisely. “It’s going to be just fine, Abi. You’re not the same girl you used to be.”
I sighed. “I haven’t been the same girl since I read that note, but that doesn’t mean that girl doesn’t still live inside me. The ghost of her, anyway.”
My sister’s blue eyes darted up to the canopy of the tree we were sitting under, mottled sunlight on her face as she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. “She’s a ghost because Simon Astor killed her. Show him that you came back stronger.”
She looked at me again. “You are a kick-ass, bad bitch running the New York branch of a world class marketing firm. You are not that sweet, vulnerable little seventeen-year-old he shattered anymore. You’re Abigail Walker and you’ve proven that you’re a force to be reckoned with. You’ve got this, and if all else fails, I’ve still got a toothbrush we can turn into a shiv.”