Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
ABIGAIL
A fter volleyball, I was sweaty and out of breath, but Simon was looking relaxed again and the heaviness of grief had disappeared from his eyes. I looked over at him as I put my shoes back on, wondering how he managed to keep moving under the weight of that loss on a daily basis.
When we’d run into him at the Games and even after, I wouldn’t have said that he’d endured something like that. For the most part, he seemed just fine. I never would have guessed that he’d lost his twin at seventeen or that there had been moments back then when it’d been like he’d forgotten how to breathe.
If I was being honest, I doubted I would still be sane and standing if I’d lost one of my sisters, and from the very beginning, I’d admired him for his strength to keep going. It had never been easy and he hadn’t pretended that it was, but he’d put one foot in front of the other, getting out of bed every morning even when he didn’t want to, and even graduating on time.
From that perspective, it was no wonder he’d agreed to go to Harvard in the end, even if it had meant leaving me behind. Simon had felt the weight of responsibility bearing down on him almost as soon as Brooks had died, often telling me that it was only him now. That it was all up to him.
He’d known immediately that he would have to keep Astor and Co going by himself one day and that his father would expect him to do the work of two sons even if there was only one left. I let out a deep breath and put a smile on my face as I stood up and headed back over to him. In the end, no matter how much empathy or admiration I had for him, he’d still cut me to the quick and I couldn’t just go back to being his emotional support beam.
“I should probably grab my stuff and get going,” I said quietly. “I was serious earlier about needing my beauty sleep and it’s getting late.”
Simon had put his own shoes back on too and his gaze hooked on mine as we started toward the door. “You’re plenty beautiful as it is, Abi. I won’t keep you from getting your rest, though. We’re going to have a long day tomorrow.”
Heat blossomed on my cheeks. He hadn’t made much of a secret about it that he still found me attractive, but I chose not to acknowledge it. I’d had fun with him tonight—again.
But I was glad he’d kept the compliments and the comments about me or us to a minimum. We both needed to figure out how we were going to go forward together for these next few months, and all I knew was that I couldn’t do it while constantly wondering if he wanted to get back together or if he was just toying with me.
After we got back to his penthouse, I quickly grabbed my laptop and purse. Then Simon walked me to the door. Leaning against the frame after he’d opened it, he sent me a sweet, sexy smile. “Hey, I won. What about my prize?”
“I’m not a sore loser and it’s just a kiss.” I walked right up to him, catching his face in my hands. “Also, we need to talk about all these kisses at some point.”
But not tonight.
For tonight, I leaned forward and pressed up on my toes, sealing my mouth over his and trying not to moan when his arms closed around my hips. He pulled me to him, his lips firm and insistent and his tongue hungry as it delved into my mouth.
He tasted faintly of mint, his body hard and hot against my own. When I’d arrived, I’d told him I’d only been looking him over for patches of sweat to try and determine how much cleaning he’d done before I’d gotten here, but that had been a lie and I was pretty sure he’d known it.
The truth was that my mouth had dried up when I’d seen him in his sweats and a fitted, plain white tee. Between that, his slightly damp black hair, and those gorgeous greens, I’d nearly jumped him as soon as he’d opened the door.
Now that I was finally getting to kiss him again after all the lingering glances and flirty exchanges, I quickly felt my resolve to keep him at bay melting. The guy was ridiculously attractive, we had palpable chemistry, and I could still be completely myself with him.
While I’d been planning on giving him only a quick kiss and then leaving, we ended up making out in his doorway. My purse and laptop bag slid to the floor before I looped my arms around his neck. Simon groaned into my mouth as he pulled me closer, letting me feel the bulge forming under those soft sweats and sending a shiver of pleasure through me.
As he ran his big hands along my sides, I pressed myself tighter against him, needing to get as close to him as I could. I finally let out a moan I couldn’t hold in anymore and Simon tensed, his grip on me becoming more and more urgent and possessive with every passing second.
“You could always stay,” he suggested between kisses, his voice harsh and breathy.
I almost took him up on the offer, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and pulled away from him. My entire body protested the movement, but it had to be done. “If we win the Florida trip, I won’t have a choice. We’ll be stuck in a different state together, but that’s not going to happen if we stay up all night.”
He smiled, those eyes blazing into mine even as I took a big step back. “ When we win, you mean.”
“Get some sleep,” I murmured, trying not to be drawn back in while he was looking at me like he was contemplating taking me right here and with his lips slightly swollen after our kisses. “We won’t win if we’re too tired to perform tomorrow.”
“I’m never too tired to perform.” He pushed away from the door but didn’t reach for me again.
Giving him a wave before he could try to make a move, I picked up my things and strode down the corridor to the elevator, thinking about him all the way home. As I drove and my mind cleared of the fog of lust and Simon, I considered the way I tended to toss caution to the wind whenever I was close to him.
When I was with him, I felt so many things so deeply that I could never make sense of it all in the moment. Even now, as I walked into my house and ate a grilled cheese sandwich before I crawled into bed, I couldn’t quite get a grip on my emotions.
All I knew for an absolute fact was that I still hated him for the past, but I had also loved him more than anything once. Is that what I’m feeling? A mix of both? Can they even coexist so peacefully yet so intensely in one person’s heart?
I supposed time would tell, but as I drifted off to sleep a couple hours later, he was still at the forefront of my mind. Early the next morning, I had a meeting to run through the pitch I had to present to Fit Gal at the end of the week, and I still hadn’t stopped thinking about him.
My dad, London, Liam, Austin, and a group of interns were already waiting for me in the conference room though, and I finally pushed Simon to the back of my mind. Soon enough, I would be seeing him to shoot our commercial, but for now, I had to focus on the Walker Marketing pitch instead of on him or our team effort.
I set it all aside and smiled at the team gathered around the table. Then I jumped right in, not even needing any visual cues to get the pitch that I believed in with everything I had. Paying special attention to the interns, I tried to make sure they’d walk away from here today having learned something.
Austin grinned at me after the presentation, offering me his fist to bump as the others went to make some coffee. “Way to show the interns how it’s done. You’re going to rock this thing.”
“Uh-huh.” I sounded less than enthusiastic, even to my own ears. The pitch had gone really well, but now that it was over, Simon’s greens appeared behind my lids every time I blinked again. “Sure. Thanks, Aus. You’re coming to the shoot with us, right?”
“Of course.” He slung his arm around my shoulders for a sideways hug. “I think I know what you’re going to say, but you’re okay, right?”
“I’m fine.” I gave him a quick squeeze and then sighed as I glanced up into his familiar sea-green eyes and realized he wasn’t buying what I’d so halfheartedly been trying to sell. “Just a bit confused, but I’ll work it out. Nothing to worry about.”
“You know where to find me if you need me.” He held my gaze for another beat. “All you need to do is say the word and I’ll help London make that shiv, okay?”
I chuckled as I released him. “Thanks, but that won’t be necessary. Simon has been perfectly friendly, and honest, and self-aware. He’s not denying responsibility or pretending like nothing happened. This is a me issue, not a him issue.”
“Well, you happen to be one of my favorite people, so I’m happy to help with your me issue, if I can. In the meantime, we should get going if we don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah, let’s do it.” I cleared my throat and followed him to the break room, where London had already made me a coffee in a takeout cup.
Liam had one ready for Austin too, and we headed to the commercial shoot together. Simon was already at the location when we arrived, with Benny, Josh, and David in tow. He smiled when he saw me, giving everyone else a friendly greeting but making a beeline straight for me.
“Good morning.” Those green eyes latched on mine, but thankfully, he didn’t try to give me a hug. I wasn’t sure how I would have felt about such an overt, friendly, casual display of affection. “Are you ready for this?”
I really wanted a hug from him though, but I shook off the desire and opted for flashing him a professional, cool smile. “Of course, I’m ready. It’s going to be awesome.”
The camera crew Josh had lined up for us had been briefed this morning and they were ready to get started. We were shooting in a park adjacent to a mall, which also had a fitness center, a nail salon, and a games arcade inside it. As we moved through all our ideas for the commercial, we filmed in all those different places, with Olivia doing her bit online while everyone else had chosen the space where they’d most enjoy a Fit Gal.
“Oh, my gosh. I love how this is turning out,” I raved to Simon as London flawlessly delivered our final shot.
He grinned at me. “We’ve got this in the bag. I’m pretty sure we can start packing for Florida now.”
I laughed. “You’re so right. There’s no way Jeffrey and Karen did better than this.”
“Can I buy you guys an early dinner to celebrate?” He took a meaningful look around at all our friends and my sister. “Provided she doesn’t want to stab me anymore.”
“I can’t make any promises, but I’m in for dinner. I’ll find out from the rest.” I strode forward and waved over Austin, who had been talking to one of the camera guys.
In the end, London and Austin were more reluctant, but even they agreed. Eden and Hazel chatted up a storm to Simon’s friends when we sat down in a Japanese restaurant near the mall and London finally turned to Simon himself.
“You’re an asshole.” She pointed at his chest, spitting fireballs from her eyes as she stared at him. “Abi says you’ve apologized, and if she’s willing to be civil with you, then I’ll give it a go, but I need you to know that I’ll be watching you.”
“You wouldn’t be you if you if you weren’t.” He held her gaze without wavering. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry. I know it doesn’t help now, but I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
London scoffed, but when she glanced at me and I gave my head a quick shake, she didn’t push him for an explanation. She brought her gaze back to his and let out a long, drawn out sigh. “Just watch yourself, okay?”
“You got it.”
“Good.” She took a sip of her cocktail when it came, then arched a manicured eyebrow at him. “So, where’d you go?”
“Harvard.”
“Ooo, fancy.” A hint of a smile ghosted across her lips. “Was it worth it?”
“Nope, but I made the best of the situation and at least I left there with a degree.” Simon picked up his beer. “How about you, London? What have you been up to?”
Even after all these years, the two of them fell into an easy rhythm of conversation and my friends and his still seemed to get along well. It only took about one drink before we were all talking and laughing just like we used to.
Hazel and Eden made an effort to catch up with Simon themselves after he and London were done talking. Contrary to what I might’ve believed, considering the way they’d ushered me away from him before, they all still meshed well with him. It had always felt like he belonged in our circle, and my eyes misted over when I realized he still did.
The only holdout to the general merriment was Austin. He sat back in his chair and observed the conversations around him, only responding to Liam every so often when he was asked direct questions.
When Austin glanced at me again, he must’ve seen the moisture glimmering in my eyes because the corners of his own tightened. The next thing I knew, he was going out of his way to ruffle some of Simon’s feathers, just poking fun and seeing if he could get a rise out of the guy.
“Personally, I’m glad you went off to Harvard,” he said to Simon as the others started telling funny stories from college. “If you hadn’t, I might never have become friends with Abi, let alone the kind of friend who sleeps in her bed.”
I laughed, but Austin’s tactic had worked. Simon got defensive immediately. If I was being honest, I liked seeing it. He narrowed his eyes at my friend and sniffed. “Dude, if I’d still been around, you never even would’ve known her name.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. Every person in our program knew her name. Abi was a bit of a legend in our class.”
“I don’t doubt it, but you wouldn’t have heard it from her own lips because I never would’ve let you close enough to speak to her.”
“Well, like I said, I’m glad you went to Harvard instead.” Austin sipped his beer and sent me a smile that was way sweeter than any he’d ever given me before. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ve got your back, but just so you know, I always would’ve found a way to talk to you.”
Simon’s jaw clenched hard and I figured it was time for me to step in. Simon had been important to me once upon a time, and maybe he still was, but so was Austin. If I had any hope of them ever getting along, I couldn’t let this go any further.
“Alright, gentlemen,” I said, smiling at each of them in turn. “Let’s not play the what-if game, okay? We’re all here now and that’s what matters. The past is in the past. What do you say we leave it there?”