Chapter 54
CHAPTER 54
ABIGAIL
F eeling like I was walking on sunshine, I packed up my things at Fit Gal after the meeting. Jeffrey and I had won, Karen was gone, and Fit Guy was officially on the books.
That made this client an even bigger get for whoever ended up winning the account, the rumors now finally confirmed. Representing Fit Gal through the launch of Fit Guy presented a huge opportunity, and as the only person who had now won every team challenge they’d been a part of, I had finally stopped suffering from imposter syndrome.
All along, I’d wanted this client and I’d known I was the right fit, but I’d doubted my ability to actually show that to the client in any meaningful way. I’d felt a bit like a toddler splashing around in the baby pool and I’d even wondered how I’d been selected to be part of this competition.
Our win today had validated me and my place here, and it felt darn good to know that Blake and Ashley recognized not only that I knew what I was doing, but potentially, how good a fit I was for their brand.
The only downside to it all was this ongoing, awkward situation with Simon, and as much as I wished it would just end, I was relieved he hadn’t left the competition today. First off, I still saw him as my primary competition for this account. If I was going to win, I wanted to do it against the best—and that was Astor and Co, when it came to this client.
Jeffrey was amazing and I loved the dude, but having worked with him, I’d learned that he was extremely technical and analytical. He was brilliant, but I wasn’t convinced he was a complete fit for what the client was looking for in a firm to represent them and I didn’t think he felt like he was either.
Simon, however, was the whole package. Winning simply wouldn’t be as satisfying if it wasn’t him I was beating, but it wasn’t only that. I also just didn’t really want him gone. I didn’t want him here either, which made things slightly more complicated.
“Abi, can we please talk?” he asked when I straightened up once I was ready to leave. I turned slowly in our little space to face him, wondering not for the first time how his presence even fit into our tiny office.
Simon’s broad shoulders and tall stature took up a lot of space as it was, but his presence? That was larger than life. I didn’t need to look to know that he was there. My awareness always prickled when he was near, but it was his presence that had always calmed me. Made me feel more in touch with my own self rather than the needs of my family and friends.
As his eyes burned into mine now, I felt like it was impossible to deny him and yet I couldn’t do this any other way. “I’m not ready to talk, Simon. I don’t know how long it’s going to take before I am or, frankly, if I ever will be ready, but until I am, this is the extent of the talking I’m willing to do.”
“What, hellos and goodbyes?” He swiped a palm across the facial hair on his jaw. “I can’t do that, Abi. I don’t know how and that bracelet wasn’t even for Ashley. It was for you .”
“I’m sure it was.” I moved past him in the cramped room, only looking back once I’d reached the hallway. “Bye. I’ll see you on Thursday.”
A very large part of me wanted to march back into our office and demand to know what on earth he was talking about instead of walking away, but I kept moving until I was in my car. This was where I always got tripped up with Simon. I’d think I knew what was going on, and then he’d say something that confused me—like he just had—and I’d demand an explanation. What he said always made sense to me and I inevitably ended up forgiving him.
That was the exact cycle I was desperately trying to break and I knew that I couldn’t give in when he’d only said a few words. Yet, they had been words that had made sense to me regardless of how little he’d actually said.
Why would a woman like Ashley want a gift shop bracelet? She wouldn’t. If he had bought it there for me, with whom he had shared the experience and that moment at the tank filled with the seahorses, everything made so much more logical sense.
On the other hand, I’d seen her happily holding the bracelet. I’d seen the surprised smile on her lips and way she’d been looking at him. If the bracelet had been for me, why had he given it to her?
Plus, he’d been so clear about having to get the client that I couldn’t put it past him that he’d use jewelry to charm her into choosing him. Even if it was cheapish, gift shop jewelry that she certainly wouldn’t attach much value to.
She would, however, very likely find it charming that he’d thought of her in that gift shop and God only knew what he’d told her about why he’d bought it for her. Ultimately, even if it did make sense that the bracelet had been meant for me, she had it and I didn’t.
That said enough. It said everything.
Crap. I really can’t think about this anymore. It’s freaking exhausting and it’s becoming pathetic .
Deciding that I would put Simon behind me until I had to face him again on Thursday, I headed home to spend some time just being by myself and sorting through my feelings. It’d been a rough couple of months emotionally and I wasn’t one of those people who could just roll with the punches on this kind of thing.
When I loved someone, trusted them, or cared about them, I did it wholeheartedly and without reservation. I went all in and with my eyes wide open. In other words, I put myself on the line and I needed to figure out either how not to do that with Simon—or how to let him go.
Back at my house, I took a long bath and then started cleaning up. Eden, Hazel, and I had been talking about starting a book club for years and tonight was finally our first meeting. Excitement flared through me at the thought of coming together with the girls once a month, discussing the book we’d just read, choosing another, and undertaking so many literary journeys together.
I might even learn a thing or two from one of the heroines about how to be a badass when it comes to love.
As I tidied up, I was also excited about the fact that London would be joining us this evening. She was back in town, and despite loving Houston, I was starting to wonder if she was ever going to be able to put down roots there given the amount of traveling she’d been doing.
Making a mental note to check in with her and find out if we should see about assigning someone else to the projects that were taking her away from home so often, I wondered how she felt about Liam traveling with her. He hadn’t come to New York with her the last couple times, but I knew he was by her side for most other trips.
Speaking of which, I should talk to him about Fit Guy, too.
Austin would be working on it with me, but I was definitely interested in getting Liam’s take as well. After Simon had told me that Fit Guy was likely to be launched within a year, my team and I had loosely started thinking of ideas for a campaign, but now that we knew for sure and that we would be presenting a complete pitch, we needed to kick things into high gear.
Once I’d tidied my living and dining room for book club, I headed to the kitchen and pulled out everything I needed for the charcuterie boards I planned on putting together for tonight. I’d already had all my groceries delivered over the weekend and I’d been looking forward to this all day.
First order of business: music .
I connected my phone to the Bluetooth speaker in my kitchen, then scrolled to my favorite playlist and put it on. The opening bars of a country song I’d heard while visiting Liv in Texas flowed through the room. I smiled and got started with our snacks.
I loved the creative aspect of laying out platters like this and I allowed myself to get lost in it, decompressing after what had been a long, albeit victorious day. A little while later, the buzzer at my front door sounded and I rushed over to let in the girls.
Eden grinned when she saw me, pulling me in for a quick hug. “I can’t believe we’re finally doing this. How long have we been talking about it?”
“Forever,” Hazel said from behind her, giving me a hug of her own after Eden had released me and walked inside. “What’s our first book? Does anyone know yet?”
“Nope.” I took them through to the kitchen and poured them each a drink. “I downloaded an app that will make that decision for us. Jeffrey recommended it. I put all the suggestions into it, and once everyone’s here, we’ll open it up and see what it spits out.”
“Do we really need to let an app decide for us?” Eden mused, looking genuinely perplexed about it. “I feel like this is something we can do without technology.”
“Seriosuly,” London declared as she swept into the kitchen, brushing a kiss to my cheek before giving me a pointed look. “First, you need to lock your front door, and second, there’s no way an app is making this decision for us. We agreed to start with the classics, so there’s an obvious answer for what our first book has to be.”
“There is?” I grabbed another glass out of the cabinet and filled it with wine before pushing it across the island to her. “What’s that?”
“Pride and Prejudice, babes. Pride and mother-freaking Prejudice .” My sister’s bright red lips curved into a smirk. “Nothing says book club like one of the most romantic stories ever written. Plus, I like Elizabeth Bennet. She wasn’t a sheep.”
“Any objections to Pride and Prejudice?” I glanced at Eden and Hazel. “We’ll have to run it by the others when they get here, but I’m always happy with Mr. Darcy.”
“Same.” Eden fanned her face with her hand before she winked at me. “Although, now that I have Josh in my life, maybe I don’t need to fangirl quite so hard.”
“If Josh can’t take a little competition from a slightly arrogant, slightly misunderstood yet undeniably sexy literary hero, then he’s not worth your time.” London said it as a sweeping declaration, swiping her wine glass up into her hand and bringing it smoothly to her mouth. “You can quote me on that.”
I laughed and it felt so damn good after the last couple days that I kept doing it. The girls helped me carry the snacks into the dining room. We spread out on my couches and got caught up until some more of our old friends arrived.
Once they were all there, we called our first meeting of the club to order and officially voted on Pride and Prejudice as our first book to read together. It wasn’t easy putting all the Simon stuff behind me, especially because he shared quite a few traits with our beloved Mr. Darcy, but I had a great time with the girls and I remembered what it felt like to just be me.
Somewhere along the line, I had lost track of myself, and as I leaned back against my cushion, legs tucked underneath me and my fingers wrapped around an icy glass of crisp white wine, I knew I had to make more of an effort to stay in touch. I’d lost my sense of self because of Simon Astor once. I could not allow it to ever happen again.