Chapter 15
Fifteen
ZAKAI
“Do they know of your interests?” Simon asked after Uttin had returned with our food and left again, saying he needed to speak with the clan leader.
Since he was still close by and therefore around if I wanted to leave, I let him go.
I didn’t want him to overhear the conversation with Simon anyway.
While he didn't know much of my tongue, he’d picked it up faster than I did his. I didn’t want him to know.
“No,” I grumbled, tearing into the piece of bread in my bowl. “I only ever indulge in sex when not in the capital, and my guard is very discreet. They’d lose their lives if they shared that secret. My father would never trust someone to be near me if they couldn’t be trusted to keep my secrets.”
Simon tipped his head, his eyes narrowed. “He sounds like a good father. Are you certain he would be upset?”
I shrugged. I’d never asked. It wasn’t like same sex couples were uncommon in Al Nuzem. They just never occurred in the royal family. Or at least, not as far as I knew, anyway.
“Well, I’ll trust your judgment. I never met my father, and my mother sold me to the brothel when I was Sten’s age.
” He jutted his chin toward the little boy who’d told him the curse word earlier.
“The nicest thing she ever did for me was teach me how to use knives to protect myself and sell me to a brothel that wouldn’t use me until I was a little older. ”
My stomach dropped at the thought. My parents weren’t that bad. They doted on their children, and our safety was their top priority. When I thought about them thinking I was dead, it honestly hurt.
“Is there any way for me to get a letter to them? To at least let them know I’m alive?”
“I’ll ask Uttin. He’ll be the one who’d know.” He eyed the duo in the corner, talking with serious expressions, then made a face. “In a few minutes. I avoid Orthorr if I can. I have issues with authority.”
The comment made me snort. “I would have never guessed.”
Simon snickered, giving me his middle finger. I grinned at him.
“Can I say I enjoy that you don’t treat me like a prince without you being a total brat about it?”
“No,” Simon answered honestly, then grinned at me. “But I happen to know you’re just as much of a brat as I am. That’s why we get along so well.” He waggled his eyebrows, making me laugh. “How’s it going with Uttin, by the way? Did he pull the stick out and finally give in?”
At my startled look, Simon shrugged, unrepentant. “What? I figured out why you were so grumpy last time without you telling me. I told him to stop being an asshole. You’re welcome.”
A burst of laughter escaped me, and we both ended up in a fit of snickers, leaning on each other to remain upright. He was such a brat, but I couldn’t be mad about it. If not for him, I wouldn’t have gotten to spend the last few days in bed with Uttin.
Speaking in the barbarian language as much as I was able, I said, “Thank you. It is well.”
“Good,” he corrected. “But hey, that’s a good start. So the lessons are working?” He grinned wickedly. “I want details. How much do you have to do to get what?”
I’d never been shy with my sex life, so I felt no need to lie. “Words get me touches and kisses, and if I speak to him without prompting and try my best, his tongue gets involved.”
Simon cackled, rubbing his hands together gleefully. “That’s amazing. I wonder how far you’ll have to go to get him to fuck you. Will you need to have a full conversation? Or maybe if you only use their language for a whole day. Experiment and let me know.”
I hesitated long enough for Simon to cock his head. “What?”
“I don’t… Fucking won’t happen.”
His head jerked back, surprised. “Wait, what? Why not? Is he being all chivalrous again? Because I’ll call him out. You aren’t a delicate flower, and if you say you want something, then he should listen. Why would—”
I put my hand up to stop him, feeling the flush in my cheeks again as I explained, “He has not said no because I haven’t asked. I do not wish to fuck him. It feels wrong. And…”
“And?” Simon prompted when I didn’t continue.
Grimacing, I admitted, “I’ve never done it the other way around before. It is bad enough that I fuck men. There has never been a royal member in a same sex relationship. If my parents found out I was not only with a man, but the receiver, they would disown me for certain.”
I had no direct proof of this, but I was always too afraid to ask. My parents only ever introduced me and my brothers to women when speaking of marriage. Their preferences were clear. And I didn't want them to think of me as weak.
“That’s bullshit!” Simon barked loud enough for the entire tent to hear him.
They didn’t understand him, as we were speaking in my tongue, but they looked curious.
Simon wrinkled his nose at them, lowering his voice to speak closer to a whisper.
“This is that crap about how the man getting fucked is weaker, isn’t it?
That’s stupid. I only ever let Feigrind fuck me because I prefer it that way.
The orgasms when he’s in my ass are mind melting.
That doesn’t make him stronger than me.”
“No, what makes him stronger than you is several inches and more muscle than a god might have,” I pointed out, attempting to lighten the mood a little.
Simon scoffed, pulling out a dagger from a sheath on his thigh and spinning it in his hand.
“Not even that. With my knives, no one in the clan can beat me. And I’m learning hand-to-hand with my bondmate.
He’s taught me a few moves I can use on an opponent much larger than me.
Size doesn’t matter. I’m not weak because I like to get fucked. ”
My face flushed even hotter, and I felt the urge to fan my face.
Simon didn’t seem to notice, thank the goddess, still ranting about how sex had nothing to do with strength.
I wanted to believe him, but I found it hard enough to accept facing my parents’ wrath if they ever caught me with a man.
I had always been curious, and in my room alone, I’d touched myself with my fingers a bit, but never with another person.
“Doesn’t it hurt?” I hadn’t meant to ask that out loud, but for some reason, I felt comfortable speaking with Simon about this. He, more than anyone, had the expertise I could trust to give me the right information.
He cut off his tirade, answering with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“Not if he does it right, no. There’s a little burn when stretching, but no outright pain.
If there’s true pain, he’s doing it wrong.
” He narrowed his eyes on me. “Are you interested in anal sex? Because this conversation is moot if you aren’t.
There are plenty of ways to get off together without penetration if that’s not your preference. ”
“I…” I’d never been one to be shy about my exploits or my interests, but it felt awkward to admit out loud. It was the one thing I never admitted to wanting. It was too dangerous. “I’ve thought about it. Just never attempted it. I didn’t think it was safe to do so.”
Crossing his arms, Simon scowled. “Well, you’re safe here.
Your family is more than a week’s ride out.
They aren’t showing up any time soon, and if you don’t tell them, they’ll never find out.
If you’re curious, then I say try it. And if Uttin does it wrong, tell me.
I’ll give him pointers.” He smirked, buffing his fingers on his tunic and blowing on them. “I am an expert, after all.”
His snark broke the tension, and I threw my head back and laughed.
Whether or not I gave in to my curiosity and tried it, I was glad I’d spoken with Simon.
It felt good to know there were others out there who didn’t relate sex to strength.
I’d always thought it was connected, but it was possible I was wrong.
Something I’d never admit to out loud.
UTTIN
I glanced over my shoulder to check on Zakai.
He was deep in conversation with Simon, his eyes alight with exuberance for whatever they were talking about.
Knowing those two, it wasn’t anything good.
I’d need to keep an eye on Zakai tonight to make sure Simon hadn’t told him to do something he shouldn’t.
That little brat was known to throw handfuls of clay at me when he was displeased.
I didn’t want him teaching Zakai the same thing.
“How is he?” Orthorr asked, following my gaze to the duo by the fire.
Humming, I gave my attention back to Orthorr. “Cold. He complains if I bring him out of my tent. But he is doing his best to learn our tongue to pass the time, and he’s making headway in that endeavour.”
Orthorr nodded in acceptance. “Good. Keep him happy. We don’t want him exacting revenge on us.”
It wasn’t for my clan that I kept Zakai happy, but I didn’t say that to Orthorr. I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea. I knew I couldn’t keep the little prince. What we were doing together was just for fun until the storm passed.
A small part of me felt sad about that. After the last few days, I was starting to feel regret that he wasn’t a tribute.
I enjoyed his sass and his pout. I enjoyed finding new ways to make him agree to practice with me until he was too busy moaning to say another word.
I enjoyed the mischievous grin on his face when he stole my clothes each morning in an attempt to keep me with him.
He was everything I never knew I wanted. And I hated that I couldn’t keep him.
Drawing in a breath, I let it out slowly, pushing the thought away. It would do me no good. Zakai would return to his home as soon as the snow melted enough for us to travel safely, and I would stay here and care for my people.
“You will begin training today,” Orthorr reminded me. “The worst of the storm has passed, and you need to prepare.”
A muscle ticked in my jaw. I knew a great many of my brothers wouldn’t challenge me if I sought the position of clan leader.
I’d been the clan second for years now. But instead of a vote or something of that nature, I was expected to fight any who opposed me.
It wasn’t a practice I agreed with. Fighting skill was only one aspect of strength. A true leader needed to have more.
“I have requested Einar train with you. Go now and meet with him. The young prince can stay here. There are many guards to watch over him. No more avoiding this, Uttin. You need to be prepared. I will not remain clan leader forever, and you are the best person for the job.”
He said that, but I still didn’t agree. But I knew what he would say if I argued with him.
It was better to just accept his words and move on.
And hope that Einar the Feral didn’t gut me while sparring.
He didn’t like me much after I’d attempted to come between him and his tribute before they were bonded.
I hadn’t wanted Matthew to make his choice out of fear. Einar had never forgiven me for that.
My mind wandered to Zakai and what we would hopefully get up to once I returned. If I survived my training with Einar, that is.