3. Donavan #2
The crowd went crazy. They did one more song after this with no encores. That was reserved for the headliner. But the way the crowd screamed for them when they left, handing off guitars, they’d be topping the bill before long.
Kay came off the stage, grabbed water, and beelined for the dressing room. I barely kept up, and then I ran into Harrison. He put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Where you going, bro? Hunt is about to take the stage.”
“I know, but Kay—”
“Kay isn’t your client. He’s your friend, but you need to check out the performance.”
“I’ll be back, Harri. But you’re right, Kay is my friend, and I think he needs help.”
“Help?” He looked perplexed. “They kicked ass tonight. What’s wrong?”
I exhaled loudly. I didn’t want to get into this with Harrison when I hadn’t had time to work it out with Kay yet. “I don’t know for sure. But, I really need to go.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “Fine…” He wasn’t a total asshole, simply more in tune with his goals than anyone else’s.
I jogged down the hall, but when I got to the dressing room, he wasn’t there. “Where’s Kay?”
“Alden took him back to the hotel room,” Dave answered, looking concerned. “You should get over there. He seemed like, off. Or something.” Alden was one of the two guards assigned to Bramble Punk.
“Off?”
Dave shrugged. “I mean, he usually needs quiet time after a performance, but this seemed worse.”
I tore out of there; even more thankful we were staying at the venue.
I could go check on him in the room we were sharing and get back before Hunt’s performance ended.
Unlike the guys in the band, I didn’t need a security guard, which was good, because the other guard, Brax, needed to stay with the other guys.
Using my keycard, I opened the door without knocking. “Kay!”
At first, there was no answer, and I didn’t see Alden. Panic crept up my throat, then Alden walked out of the bedroom, thumbing over his shoulder. “In there.”
“Is he okay?”
“Seems very tired. Like that performance sucked the life out of him.”
“Oh.” I had feared that and brushed past Alden on my way in. “Thanks.”
Kay sat on the edge of the bed, head hanging.
“Kay? Talk to me. What’s going on?”
He shook his head.
“I’ve seen this before, but not this bad. What’s going on with performing that you’re not loving?” I waited a beat but wasn’t surprised that he didn’t answer. “Is it more than that?”
“Maybe…” I barely heard him.
I walked around and knelt on the floor in front of him, putting my hands on his knees.
We’d made out and gotten off a few times since that first frotting session.
We touched and kissed a lot and exchanged blow jobs.
The chemistry was there. But my secret was looming between us, and I wondered if he knew.
I wondered if sharing it would help him.
“Kay, we need to talk, and this might not be the right time, but…”
He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. “There’s…there’s something. Between us. I’m afraid that we need to break up before I—before we get hurt by this. I’m already too attached.”
“Break up?” What the fuck was he talking about? “I don’t think that’s the answer. Let’s talk about it.” When he didn’t answer, I had to confess. “I have a secret, Kay.”
“Me too.”
“I think I know what it is.”
“I’m not loving being the frontman on the stage. I think that’s becoming more and more obvious, Don. But this isn’t about that. It’s about us. About me.” He touched his chest.
“Are you afraid I’ll think less of you? Haven’t you seen some of the same things in me?”
He scowled, obviously trying to recall our interactions. “What do you mean?”
“I guess I'd better just say it.” This was it. The moment that would either blow up in my face or…maybe make things easier on both of us. But we had to discuss this if we were going to get serious. “Do you understand what a little is?”
“S-Sort of…” He looked perplexed.
“It’s when a person likes to pretend they’re a kid again.
Some like to do babies or toddlers, some like middles, meaning older kids.
” I looked up to see how he was taking this.
He didn’t look as confused as he’d been; instead, he looked scared.
I had to go for it. “I fall somewhere in between toddler and middle. Depending on what’s going on and how far I get into that headspace. ” There. I said it. I bit my lip.
“You?” He ran a hand through my hair. “You’re a little?”
“And, uh, I suspect you are too. At least, you have that potential.”
He nodded. Not denying it was a huge first step. “I guess. I mean, I thought when you found out, you wouldn’t like me anymore.” His voice dipped into regression.
“I’m the same, Kay. Why did you think I wouldn’t like you?
I like you so much more. I also think that embracing it might help with being on stage.
It stresses you out when you should be enjoying it.
If you play more, let yourself be little more, then it might help manage that stress and get you back to what you loved in the first place. ”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that. But…yes. Fuck! I’m so busy trying to hide who I am, when I get onstage, it’s another level of being someone I’m not.”
“I want to help you with this. I’d love to play with you. But there is one more thing to talk about. I, uh, I want a daddy. And if that happens…”
“That’s what I was talking about before. I love you, Don. And it’ll break my heart if we break up.”
“Don’t you think I feel the same? But we’ll always be friends no matter what. And we can play together. Benefits or no benefits.”
“So. Friends with benefits until we find our daddies?” Because, of course, Kay wanted one too, and honestly, he needed one. I wished I could be that for him, but I was better at sitting beside him than driving.
“Yes, Kay. And then we stay friends, because I love you too.”