Chapter 37
After another five minutes of pretending to study, I had to admit defeat. My brain had officially left the building.
I shoved the weird book back onto the shelf and decided to just wander around.
The Tower was massive. Even though I'd been here for days, I kept finding random hallways I'd never seen before.
I walked with zero purpose, occasionally peeking into open doors and immediately backing away if anything inside looked educational.
Then, I heard laughing.
I slowed down. That was weird. The Tower was usually as quiet as a tomb, and besides, I recognized that laugh.
Unfortunately, curiosity won. I followed the sound straight to an open balcony that looked out over the gardens.
And there they were. Of course.
Rhaevan and Lysenne.
Princess Lysenne was sitting on the stone railing, smiling like a pageant queen, while Rhaevan stood next to her looking... completely different. Relaxed. Easy. He was actually smiling back.
I scowled. Doesn't Lysenne have an entire kingdom to run? She sure spent a lot of time hanging around here. Then again, maybe her kingdom ran better without her. Lucky kingdom. I should try getting a kingdom.
I leaned against the doorframe, watching them. They looked comfortable together. The kind of comfortable that comes from years of inside jokes and old memories.
A weird, heavy lump dropped into my stomach. My scowl deepened. Well, that was a new feeling.
Lysenne laughed again and playfully swatted his arm. He actually looked amused. Wow. So he was capable of having fun. Who knew?
I should have walked away. Instead, I stood there like a stalker. Why? No clue.
Another laugh drifted over, and that lump in my stomach tightened.
I snapped out of it and straightened up.
This was ridiculous. I didn't care. I definitely didn't care.
If Rhaevan wanted to blow off our lesson to flirt with a princess, that was his business.
A terrible use of his time, but whatever.
So why was I still standing here? Good question. No answer.
I turned on my heel and marched back down the hallway, crossing my arms.
This was stupid. There was absolutely no reason for me to feel gross inside.
Whatever those two had going on was none of my business.
Besides, I'd spent the last few weeks telling myself I hated him.
I had zero right to be annoyed by his social calendar.
But wait-he was supposed to be teaching me, right? Theo gave him a job. He was clearly slacking off and wasting my valuable time.
Yes. That was it. That was a perfectly logical reason to be mad. I nodded to myself, totally satisfied with my excuse. Too bad it did absolutely nothing to get rid of the stupid feeling in my chest.
By the time I got back to the training grounds, my mood was a rotten carcass. I sat on a stone bench and glared at the grass, trying not to think about the balcony. I failed completely.
A few minutes later, I heard footsteps. I didn't look up.
"Sorry I'm late," Rhaevan said. "I had to handle some urgent business."
Right. Smiling and laughing with damsels in distress is a national emergency. Got it. I kept my eyes glued to the dirt.
"Hmm."
A long, awkward silence.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Hmm."
I could feel him shifting on his feet, but he kept trying. "How was your morning?"
"Fine."
"What did you do?"
"Things."
He waited, clearly hoping for more than one-word answers. I refused to give him an inch.
"Was it interesting?"
I finally looked up and snapped. "Aren't you here to teach me? I'd really like to get started. Let's just do the lesson."
Rhaevan looked a little taken aback, but he masked it quickly. "You're being very quiet."
"I'm allowed to be quiet."
"Is something wrong? You don't seem like yourself."
I rolled my eyes. "Theo told you to teach me, not judge me. Are we doing this, or should I leave? I have better places to be."
A flash of genuine hurt crossed his face. "Right," he said softly. "My apologies. Let's begin."
Good. Now I felt like a jerk.
"Today we're working on defense," he said, stepping forward. "We're going to learn how to make a barrier. It's different from your usual magic. You aren't throwing energy outward; you're shaping it. Watch."
He raised his hand. A soft light gathered around his fingers, expanding into a glowing shield around him before popping into tiny sparks.
"A barrier needs you to be calm," Rhaevan explained. "Don't force it. Just let the magic settle. Now you try."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Stay calm, Cassiane. Stop thinking.
I focused on the sound of the wind. The warmth under my skin. For a second, it actually worked. I felt the familiar hum of my magic, and my fingers started to glow.
"Good," Rhaevan murmured. "Keep it steady."
I tried. I really tried. Think of happy things. Birds. Food. Calm thoughts. Laughter. The balcony. Lysenne smiling. Rhaevan smiling back. The execution platform. The crowd. The giant blade coming down on my neck-
No. Bad thought. Terribly bad thought.
"Uh... Cassiane?"
Before I could stop it, a blinding, blistering wave of heat exploded from my hands.
There was a deafening BOOM.
Suddenly, the air was full of thick, choking smoke. I coughed, realizing I had fallen backward onto something solid. There was a strong arm wrapped tight around my waist, holding me against a firm chest.
I blinked through the smoke and looked up. I was lying completely on top of Rhaevan. His other hand was thrown out, holding up a massive, shimmering shield over both of us.
I looked around. The stone bench I'd been sitting on was literally gone. It had shattered into a million pieces. Chunks of rock were scattered everywhere.
I looked back down at him. My brain short-circuited. Then, I scrambled off him like he was made of fire.
He sat up slowly, dropping the shield. I stared at his face. A thin line of bright red blood was trickling down his forehead.
I froze. "You're bleeding."
He touched his forehead, looked at his bloody fingers, and sighed. "It's nothing."
Nothing? There was blood on his face.
I looked at my hands. Then at the broken rocks. Then back at him. My breathing went fast and shallow. I did this. I actually did this.
"Are... are you hurt?" my voice sounded weirdly far away.
"Just a scratch. I'm fine, Cassiane."
He said he was fine, but the blood didn't lie. I had hurt him. I had totally lost control.
I took a sharp step back. This was my biggest fear. This was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid since day one. This is how it started in the original book. The villain didn't start out evil. She started by losing control. By hurting people. By letting her fear take over.
And I had just blasted the strongest mage in the Tower.
"Did I do that?" I whispered.
Rhaevan's face softened, and he reached out. "Cassiane-"
"Did I hurt you?"
"It was just an accident."
I shook my head, my chest tightening so hard I couldn't breathe. No. Accidents still count. Accidents still bleed.
"I..." My voice cracked. "I'm sorry."
I scrambled to my feet. The whole world suddenly felt way too small, way too loud, and terrifyingly dangerous.
"Cassiane, wait!"
I didn't wait. I turned around and sprinted out of the courtyard. I didn't stop, I didn't look back, and I absolutely did not answer when I heard him calling my name.