Not The Villain

Chapter 46

I took a deep, agonizing breath.

Then another.

Since I had apparently committed myself to this whole "living as Cassiane" process, I decided to attempt what I believed was a highly structured, very mature, and therapist-approved grounding exercise.

"Five things I can see," I muttered to myself, pacing around my room like an escapee from a high-security asylum. "The window. The curtains. My bed. That massive, dusty book. And-"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"...His smile."

I froze, horrified.

"No," I said out loud, aggressively shaking my head as if I could physically rattle the thought out of my skull. "Absolutely not. That does not count. It is not a physical object, and it is certainly not helpful for my mental health."

I dragged both hands down my face, letting out a pathetic groan. "What is actually wrong with me?" I whispered to the empty room.

Because this was not normal behavior. This was highly unacceptable, and it was definitely not part of any survival strategy I had ever devised in my two lifetimes.

"No," I said again, this time turning and pointing a finger at the empty air like a prosecutor presenting definitive evidence in court.

"We had a massive fight. He just said something mildly decent to me afterward. I am simply overanalyzing a basic social interaction. This is pure emotional confusion brought on by stress, lack of sleep, and a casual series of highly overwhelming, near-death experiences."

There. That sounded completely reasonable. Clinical, even. Very professional.

I peeked over at Cookie, who was currently watching me with wide eyes, looking deeply concerned that his new owner had finally lost her remaining screws.

"Severe overwhelm can easily lead to temporary cognitive distortions," I continued, nodding savagely at the puppy to convince myself. "Unexpected situations trigger emotional misinterpretations. I am fine. I will be fine."

I collapsed onto the couch and rested my chin heavily on my hand.

"...Eventually."

I spent the next few hours desperately trying to regain some shred of emotional stability before my morning training session.

I tried several different mindfulness methods that sounded amazing in theory but turned out to be deeply questionable in practice.

They included meditation, controlled breathing, and what I thought was yoga.

At one point, however, I became fairly certain that I had accidentally invented an entirely new stretching position that the human spine was never meant to achieve.

None of it worked.

I was still a jittery, overthinking mess. And, unfortunately, my brain was still fully capable of remembering exactly how his dimples looked.

I tried meditating one more time. I took a deep breath, attempted a particularly complex twist, completely lost my balance, and toppled unceremoniously off the couch, faceplanting onto the floor.

I turned and lay there flat on my back for a long, silent moment, just staring blankly at the ceiling.

Then I let out a massive sigh.

"Well," I told the dust motes floating above me, "I think we can officially declare this entire experiment a total failure."

Giving up entirely, I dragged myself up to get dressed. At breakfast, I ate at a deliberately, agonizingly slow pace. Not because I was savoring the food, but because I was actively trying to postpone my inevitable interaction with the High Archanist.

Unfortunately, time continued to move forward without consulting my schedule.

So, armed with what I believed was a reasonable amount of composure-or at least a very convincing imitation of a normal person-I marched myself down to the training grounds.

He was already there, of course.

He was standing near the edge of the creek with his back to me, looking annoyingly, effortlessly composed.

The morning breeze was stirring his dark hair just a little bit, and his hands were rested behind his back with the sort of casual confidence that belonged exclusively to a male lead of a romantic drama.

I ground to a halt, my eyes narrowing. ...Oh, come on.

This again? Why was I constantly observing these stupid details? Why was I observing his posture? Since when had the broadness of a man's shoulders become relevant to my survival?

"Emotional turbulence," I reminded myself firmly under my breath. "Temporary side effect. Entirely temporary." I paused, my inner monologue biting back. "...Possibly a delayed trauma response from the monster attack."

Yeah. That sounded highly believable. I decided to stick with that excuse.

I smoothed down my skirt and walked forward. "Good morning," I called out.

"Morning, Cassiane," he replied, turning around smoothly. "Did you sleep well?"

It was a perfectly harmless, completely innocent question. A normal person would have just said yes and moved on.

"Yes," I said immediately, the words tumbling out of my mouth like a runaway train.

"Very well. Exceptionally well, actually. I slept so deeply that I didn't even want to wake up, which is a definitive sign of quality rest. I was absolutely not awake at unreasonable hours of the night thinking about completely irrelevant things."

I stopped.

Shut up, Cassiane. Why are you presenting a detailed defense speech about your sleep cycle?

Rhaevan let out a low chuckle, which instantly made my face feel ten degrees hotter. "Good," he said. "Then you're ready for today."

"I am always ready," I lied, puffing my chest out with a level of confidence that had zero factual backing.

"Come here," he said, gesturing to the grassy spot right beside him. I walked over and stood there, trying my absolute best to look perfectly normal and ninety-nine percent not crazy.

"Innate magic," he began, his tone shifting into that focused, authoritative mentor voice, "is closely connected to nature, especially in how it flows and responds. If you want your magic to move according to your will, you need to learn to remain calm, even when everything around you is not."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

Remain calm? Really? My entire life since waking up in this body has been a never-ending cyclone of chaos.

"It's difficult," he conceded, clearly sensing my internal eye-roll. "But not impossible. One way to help steady yourself is to focus on something that makes you feel at ease. A happy memory. A comforting thought. Something that grounds you."

I snorted internally. Pfft. What a joke. Happy thoughts? In this plotline?

"Let me show you," he said.

He stepped slightly ahead of me, facing the water, and closed his eyes. Then, he lifted a single hand.

For a heartbeat, nothing happened. Then, the water in the creek suddenly stirred.

It rose slowly into the air, responding to his gesture as though it had just been waiting for his permission. The stream curved gracefully above the bank, forming a perfect, shimmering arc that caught the morning sunlight. Tiny, glittering droplets drifted around it like scattered crystals.

Everything about it looked completely effortless. Controlled. Elegant.

Rhaevan stood perfectly still, his expression calm and focused, his sharp features softened by the pale sunlight and the gentle, magical glow of the levitating water. The creek seemed to trust him completely, following his hand willingly.

It was... ridiculously, irritatingly pretty.

And instead of looking at the magic, I found myself staring directly at him.

Wait a minute, my brain drifted. Why does he suddenly look so... delicious?

I blinked, violently snapping out of it. Delicious?! Since when did you start looking at moody magicians like a starving woman staring at a buffet feast, Cassiane?!

Right at that exact second, Rhaevan opened his eyes. And found me staring dead at his face with a wild, slightly feral expression.

I instantly whipped my eyes toward the creek, with a look of scholarly interest on my face as if I were deeply studying the molecular structure of the water. He very graciously, and miraculously, chose to ignore my absolute freak-out.

"Now you try," he said, stepping back.

Right. Not now, hormones. Back in the vault.

I straightened my back, closed my eyes tight, and lifted my hand toward the creek.

"Happy thoughts," I muttered under my breath. "Think of happy things."

Biscuits. Freshly baked bread. Chocolate chip cookies. Potato chips. Ice cream. Cake.

Nothing happened.

I opened one eye. The creek remained completely flat and intact.

"Why is this so incredibly difficult?" I grumbled, dropping my hand.

"You're too tense," Rhaevan said softly.

Before I could even reply, he stepped up directly behind me. Then he stepped even closer. Close enough that his shadow completely covered mine, and I became painfully, electrically aware of his exact proximity.

"Relax," he murmured near my ear. "Lift your hand just a little higher."

Then, his hand reached forward, his fingers lightly brushing against mine to adjust the angle of my wrist.

That turned out to be a fatal tactical error.

The second his skin touched mine, I felt a violent, sudden jolt of electricity stir beneath my skin. The water in the creek finally exploded upward. It rose in an uneven, wobbling stream, but hey, it was actually staying in the air.

I blinked in shock. "...Well. I suppose that's actually good."

But then, the levitating water began to furiously bubble. I frowned. The bubbles started expanding, growing larger and slowly taking a very specific, distinct shape.

I stared at them, a feeling of pure dread sinking into my gut. Not good. Not good at all.

A small, perfectly shaped liquid heart floated right out of the stream and drifted toward my shoulder. Then another one formed. And another one. Within literally five seconds, dozens of little water hearts were floating lazily around the two of us like a scene straight out of an anime.

"No," I said, my voice cracking with absolute conviction.

I immediately began swatting at the air frantically with both hands like I was being attacked by a swarm of invisible bees.

"This is a total malfunction! My magic has clearly misinterpreted the structural instructions!"

Another liquid heart floated right past my ear. I batted it away with a vengeance. "This is completely unintentional!"

A second one drifted directly toward my nose. I swatted at it like a maniac. "There has been a massive technical error in the spellcasting process!"

The water hearts continued to bob cheerfully around us, completely ignoring my desperate attempts to destroy them.

Exhausted, I whirled around to face Rhaevan. He was standing there, his arms crossed, watching my frantic swatting routine with entirely too much amusement dancing in his eyes.

I pointed an accusing finger at the floating shapes. "The water is clearly confused!"

Right on cue, one of the larger water hearts floated directly between us, bobbing gently. I glared at it, my face burning with the force of a thousand suns.

"You are also confused," I snapped at the floating heart, waving my hand through it several times. It just morphed and stayed right there. "This is deeply unprofessional behavior from my magical core."

Rhaevan made a highly suspicious, muffled sound that was dangerously close to a laugh.

I narrowed my eyes at him, my dignity in absolute tatters. "You are not allowed to enjoy this."

That completely broke him. He burst out into a full, genuine laugh, the sound echoing across the quiet clearing.

I looked back at the offending heart floating between us, got fed up, and aggressively poked it with my index finger. It burst instantly, splashing cold water all over my hand.

I turned on my heel, completely over it. "I think we have officially learned enough to satisfy for today," I announced to the trees, trying to sound majestic. "I will now be retreating to the library for... highly critical and important research purposes."

I started walking away at a borderline sprinting pace.

Behind me, I could hear him chuckling again, the sound warm and infuriatingly lighthearted. I did not turn around. Not even once.

"Stop embarrassing yourself, Cassiane," I fiercely muttered under my breath. "This is precisely how people end up letting their guard down and making terrible, life-ruining choices."

Unfortunately, judging by the literal hearts currently evaporating in the morning sun behind me, I appeared to be well on my way to doing exactly that.