Chapter XXV
XXV.
Nate studies the photo with crinkled brows. “What’s this?”
“I found it in my father’s room. He had a whole album of them.” I drag my fingernails over my thighs and fidget with a hole in my dress.
The boat rocks beneath us in a gentle rhythm as he holds the picture closer to his face. “Is this your mom?”
“I think so.”
“She’s beautiful. She looks like you.” His cheeks redden, but he keeps his eyes on the photo. “Was this taken on Earth?”
My own face heats with his as I peer over his shoulder. “I think so. But you’d know better than me. There’s a name on the back.”
He flips it over and nods. “Los Angeles. I thought the palm trees looked familiar.” His arm freezes midway to handing it back to me, then he shoves it back in front of his face. “Wait, this was taken this year. You just said your mom’s dead.”
I pluck the photo from his fingers and return it to my bodice without looking at him.
“I thought she was. Everyone in my life told me so. But then I found this and learned that she’s not only alive, she’s human.
That’s why I’m going to Earth. To find her.
I need to know why I’m here and she’s not.
I need to know if…if I was ever wanted.” A lump crawls up my throat at the last words and I swallow it down, my eyes trained on a patch of mud caked to my dress.
Nate lets out a long breath. “That’s a lot. Have you asked your dad about it?”
A chortle escapes my lips, and I shake my head. “He’d kill me if he knew I found this. Not only that, but I accidentally set fire to the rest of the album. No, he’s not one to sit and talk about feelings.”
Nate turns so he’s cross-legged, his knees pressed into my thigh. “So your plan is to break out of here and track her down? You know Earth is huge, right? Please tell me you at least know her name.”
“Dina. Her first name and this picture are all I have to go on.” I take a deep breath and release it slowly. “I thought you could help me since you’re from Los Angeles. Maybe you have an idea on where to start.”
He pulls back, and darkness clouds his eyes. “Ah. There it is.”
Shivers run up my spine, not only because it’s cooler out now, but at his change in demeanor. “There what is?”
Leaning against the wall, he focuses on the horizon. “I knew you had another reason for breaking me out. You’ve never believed I’m innocent. What was the plan? Have me help you find your mom, then send a message to dear old Daddy to come get me so that he forgives you?”
Heat rushes up my neck, and my mouth runs dry.
Crap. Showing him that picture was a mistake.
“I…” I open my mouth and close it again. My shoulders drop. “Yes, that was my original plan. But to be fair, I didn’t know you yet. You were a sinner who was gullible enough to believe I’d want to free him.”
Hurt blazes across his features and his jaw tightens. “And now?”
“Now… Now I’m not sure.” The words take even me by surprise.
I’ve never considered letting him go once we’re on Earth.
But I also didn’t fully believe he was innocent—until now.
I turn to him, cross-legged, my knees pressed into his thighs, mirroring his earlier position.
“I didn’t see your sin when I touched you that night in my room.
You’re sincere when you talk about Gabe.
And you’ve saved me multiple times now. Honestly, I don’t know what my plan is anymore. ”
The only sounds are the motor of the boat and the water sloshing against the sides of it. They may as well be my own stomach contents tossing around as I wait for his answer.
If he tells me he’d rather go back to his lot than take a chance with me, I couldn’t blame him. He knows two dangerous things about me: the lies I’ve told him, and that my father is the king of lies. It doesn’t make me an easy person to trust.
He takes a few deep breaths, then faces me, his jaw softening. “While ‘I may send you back to Hell but I’m not sure yet’ isn’t exactly what a guy wants to hear, I appreciate the honesty. And no matter what you decide to do, I’ll try to help you find your mom.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Really? Why would you do that when I’ve admitted I’ll probably betray you?”
“Two reasons.” He takes my hand, his skin soft, fingers gentle as they curve around mine.
“The first is because I know what it’s like to not to be with your family.
You deserve to meet your mom. The second is that when you said you don’t feel like you belong down here, I agree.
The person who freaked out at her reflection in Lot Eleven was fighting the monster she was afraid she’d become.
So was the girl who carried me across a bridge.
I’ve seen your pain when the damned scream.
You hurt because they do. I don’t think you can harm an innocent person.
And I know I’m innocent. By the time we find your mom, you’ll know it, too. ”
I pull my hand from his and drop it into my lap, scanning the floor. The person he’s describing can’t be me. It’s everything Father’s trained me not to be. How can there be good in me when I’ve spent my life surrounded by everything that’s evil?
Tears spring to my eyes, and I blink them away. “I can’t make any promises.”
“I’m not asking for any.” He touches my knee. “And I think I can help you. In fact, I know I can. You said all the pics your dad had were taken in the same place?”
“Yes.” I pull out the photo and hand it to him again, still unable to meet his eyes. “She’s always sitting on that bench.”
“She probably lives nearby,” he says. “I know this park. It’s popular with the locals.”
My heart picks up speed, and I lift my head. Scooting so my knees are tucked beneath his, I peer at the picture. “You do?”
“Yeah, it’s down the street from one of my foster homes. I’ve lived all over the L.A. area, so I know it like the back of my hand. See the building behind her that says ‘Fiesta Hall’ on that wall? It’s an event venue. I worked there one summer. So many weddings. I can take you there if you like.”
I scrutinize his face, searching for anything treacherous beneath that tanned skin and those bright eyes. “You’d really do that for me?”
“Yes, Devica.” He hands me the photo, and I place it back in my bodice.
“It’s not like I have parents of my own to find.
On Earth, I’d probably end up back in the foster system.
Where everyone thinks I’m dead.” He pushes off the floor and walks to the front of the boat, his gaze focused on the horizon.
“Damn, I really hadn’t thought any of this through.
What am I doing? I have no one left. I don’t know why I’m fighting so hard to get back there. ”
My heart aches at his words. When we started this journey, I was sure we had the same endgame of wanting out of here and that was where our similarities ended.
It turns out we do desire the same thing, but it’s not freedom. It’s connection. A person who cares about us without conditions. The one thing neither of us knows if we’ll find up there.
We just know we can’t get it down here.
Using the wall, I push myself off the floor and stand beside him at the helm, our shoulders touching. We stare at the water, our breaths rising and falling together, the tops of our fingers brushing. Electricity pulses through me at his touch.
His hand slips into mine. and my fingers tighten around his. For a moment, we’re alone, but together, and I no longer care how much farther we have to go.
A scream pierces the sky, echoing from one of the lots, and I drop his hand.
Closing my eyes, I curl my fingers into fists so they’re no longer vulnerable to his.
We can’t stay here. Father will track us down.
And he may not throw me into the Ignis River because I’m his daughter, but Nate won’t receive the same mercy.
“Look.” I swallow the ache in my chest. “I appreciate your help finding my mom. If I don’t turn you in, you have to promise you’ll disappear. I’m your guide out of here and nothing more. It’ll be safer if we split up once I find her.”
Now that the light’s dropped away, it’s impossible again to make out his expression. He’s harder to read than Mr. B.’s handwriting. “Got it, Virgil.”
“Does that make you Dante?”
He stares over my head, eyes far away. “Maybe.”
I focus on the water and shiver. The look in his eyes mirrors their depths. Calm on the surface, but there’s darkness below ready to pull him under.
It’s a darkness that lurks in me, too.
Which means that if we cling to one another, we’re both going to drown.
“Hey, Dev?” he asks, his gaze still focused beyond the waves.
“Yeah?”
“If I’m dead on Earth, and we get out of here, what happens to me? Like, am I going to have to reinhabit my body and claw my way out of my grave? Or will I walk around like a zombie craving the brains of everyone I see?”
I cock my head, considering. “I have no idea. No one’s broken out of here before.
Your afterlife body is as real as your body was on Earth.
It’s designed that way so that you’re able to feel pain or pleasure, depending on where you end up.
But my textbooks didn’t exactly teach me how to send people back. Only how to punish them while here.”
“Huh.” He mashes his lips together, then shrugs. “I suppose it could be cool to be a zombie. It’s still better than Lot Thirteen.”
Studying him for a moment, I shake my head. I don’t know what a zombie is, but if he’s okay with it, I am, too.
A mass of land appears ahead, and I decrease our speed. The shores surrounding us are covered in sparkling white puffs.
Nate blows into his palms and rubs them together. “If I knew Hell really was gonna freeze over, I would’ve stopped at the souvenir stand and grabbed a scarf or something.”
I peel my eyes from the water and scowl. “Souvenir stand?”
“It’s where you buy trinkets from the places you visit. You know, like T-shirts that say, ‘I went to Hell and all I got was this lousy T-shirt,’ or ‘I heart HELL’ bumper stickers.”
I wrinkle my nose. “We don’t have anything like that.”
“I’m aware.” He sighs, and snowflakes drift from his hair to his shoulders, melting on his shirt like stones into lava.
We slam into the shore and pitch forward. I curse as the steering wheel digs into my gut. Once we’ve come to a stop, I pull the lever until the boat clicks off.
“We’re here,” I announce in a cloud of white breath, rubbing my stomach where the wheel gouged me. I cough, then spread my arms in an overdramatic fashion. “Welcome to Nix, the city of ice.”