Chapter 34
XXXIV.
We’re in an alcove next to a metal bin Nate refers to as a “dumpster.” I wrinkle my nose as the stench of rotting food—and who knows what else—oozes over the side of it.
Nate peers around the corner. He scans both directions as I use the dumpster to pull myself off the ground, then wipe my hands on the skirt of my dress. So far, Earth smells worse than Hell. And that’s saying a lot. Demons don’t exactly bathe on the regular.
“I know this place,” he says. “Bright lights, crowded sidewalks, the Chinese Theatre with the handprints. We’re in Hollywood.”
A folded piece of paper sticks to my boot. There’s an ad for some sort of motorized carriage that takes you to “See the Movie Stars’ Homes” scrawled across the front.
I kick it off with an annoyed grunt and sidle up to him. “That’s right.”
“Let me get this straight.” Nate faces me. “The entrance to Hell is in Los Angeles. The City of Angels.”
“Yes.” I scrunch my face. “I didn’t tell you?”
“No, you conveniently left that part out. You left a lot out, Devica.”
His gaze burns a hole in my stomach, and I bite the inside of my cheek and focus on the map on the ground, with its instructions for finding someone named Taylor Swift. If it’s that easy to find whoever she is, maybe tracking down my mom won’t be as difficult as I thought.
Nate sighs. “Where’s the entrance to Heaven, then?”
“New Jersey.”
“Would’ve thought it was the other way around.” He picks up a crinkled piece of paper with black writing on it and frowns. “Wait, it’s September?”
I peer over his shoulder. The paper seems to chronicle human current issues and politics with blaring headlines and bright photographs. “I guess? We don’t exactly have seasons in Hell.”
“I died in October.” His face pales, and he drops the paper. “October last year. I knew I’d been down there a few months, but not a year.”
His body trembles, and I raise my hand to comfort him, then drop it to my side. Burns pattern his clothing, his face is painted with soot, and dried blood stains his throat. All of which are my fault. I did it to save him, but it doesn’t erase the reminders that it happened.
“I’m sorry, Nate,” I whisper, blinking away tears. “For everything.”
He doesn’t appear to hear me. He’s staring at the wall, his eyes faraway. “I lost an entire year of my life. I turned eighteen a month ago and didn’t even know it.”
“Happy belated birthday?” I attempt a smile, but the realization that my own birthday is soon forces my lips into a line. No wonder Ferus was so anxious to prove himself to Father. I’m about to inherit the throne he wants so desperately.
I glance over at the portal. It’s invisible up here, but the energy surrounding it pulses enough to raise the hairs on my forearms. It’s quiet now, but it won’t remain that way for long. Surely Ferus and Father are strategizing to track me down.
“We should get going,” I say softly. “The faster we’re away from here, the better.”
Nate blinks and rubs his eyes, then looks me up and down. “Shouldn’t you do something about…” He gestures to my wings and sword. “Those aren’t exactly standard human issue. You’re going to stick out like…well, like a half demon with wings.”
I cross my arms over my chest and scowl.
“What would you have me do? I left my cloak behind when I jumped off the bridge, and I can’t make these vanish.
” I tuck the feathers as deep into my back as possible, then place a hand on the hilt of my sword.
“Besides, you’re not the portrait of obscurity yourself.
You’re wearing an outfit belonging to a demon souldier from Hell. ”
“Fair point.” He peers around the corner again, rubbing at the dried red stains on his collar. “I mean, it is Hollywood Boulevard. Lots of people in costumes here. Just follow my lead from now on. I know that might be hard for you.”
He strides down the sidewalk with heavy steps, not turning to make sure I’m behind him. People swarm the area, and my grip tightens on my sword.
This is the first time I’ve been around humans who are alive. Down in Hell, I have the upper hand. They’re in my home. But now I’m in theirs, and despite reading many books about Earth, they know more about this place than I do.
Closing my eyes, I take shallow breaths and steady my body.
They’re humans, Devica. You’re more of a threat to them than they are to you.
“Nate?” I shove my way through the people and jog to catch up to him.
He jerks away when I reach for his hand, and I frown.
He’s been different since we escaped. He hasn’t ignored me entirely, but there’s a coldness in his gaze I don’t recognize.
Doesn’t he know that I made up everything I said on the bridge to save him? He can’t believe I meant any of it. Not after I dove in after him, singeing my favorite pair of boots in the process.
Maybe this is Earth Nate. Hard as the concrete at our feet so that he could survive moving from place to place. Maybe this is how I’m supposed to survive here, too.
I square my shoulders and keep pace behind him.
We weave onto a sidewalk with pink stars and gold names etched into them—none of which I recognize.
Our path is cluttered with humans of all shapes and sizes.
They’re dressed in everything from the shortest denim shorts and shirts that expose so much flesh I practically develop a sunburn looking at them to long dark skirts and hijabs that shield all but their faces from the punishing light above.
Almost all of them insist on stopping suddenly to point at buildings or aim rectangular devices at their faces or the stars that pattern the ground.
When anyone brushes against my bare skin, I connect without warning to their souls, and their sins knock the air out of me like a tidal wave suffocating a flame.
Cheated on his spouse. Cheated on her taxes. Treated their pets terribly. Treated his children worse.
Along with sins, I’m getting images of other aspects of their lives. The good things they’ve done.
Donated money to charity. Volunteered at a shelter. Started a recycling program at school. Helped a stranger in a crowd.
The latter sends my mind spiraling. It wasn’t only Nate. And it wasn’t because I kissed him. Something is wrong with me.
Nate walks ahead of me, never slowing or turning back, even as I pause to catch my breath and try to sort the questions battering my brain.
A large man with muscles that bulge beneath his shirt approaches me. I step into the street so I don’t have to deal with whatever sins he may be wrestling with, and there’s a loud honking as one of the metal vehicles thrums toward me. I freeze, my eyes locked on the headlights.
I’m yanked onto the sidewalk, and Nate spins me to face him, his eyes wide. “Devica, you can’t walk into the street. You’ll get run over.”
“I’m sorry.” He drops his arm, and I shield my eyes with my hands. “It’s hard to see. The light hurts. Aquarum may have three suns, but it’s not like this.”
The lines that have been etched in his face since we shot out of the portal soften.
“I hadn’t thought of how different all this is for you.
We need to get you sunglasses. But I don’t suppose you brought any money?
” I shake my head, and he sighs. “Sorry, Dev. Without money, you’re also without sunglasses. Try not to stare directly at the sun.”
We pass a woman with brown skin and beaded braids carrying a satchel with a small furry animal over her shoulder.
Hanging off the side of it are a pair of dark glasses.
She doesn’t notice me slip them off the leather.
Her strange animal growls at me, but she pats him before disappearing into the crowd.
I shove the glasses onto my face, and the pain behind my eyes lessens. “Much better.”
Nate turns and stops so suddenly, I almost plow into him. “Where did you get those?”
I spread my arms. “I grabbed them off a lady’s bag.”
“That’s stealing, Devica.” Nate rubs his forehead. “Don’t you have an entire lot dedicated to people who do that?”
I scowl. I know how these things work. I don’t need him Nate-splaining them to me.
“She wasn’t using them,” I mutter. “Besides, you know who I am. I don’t exactly think it’s an issue.”
“How could I forget?” His voice is dark and low. “You made that abundantly clear on the bridge.”
My heart sinks. The pain on his face wedges under my skin, and I swallow hard.
“So that is what this is about.” I straighten my sunglasses and fix my gaze on him. “You know everything I said to Ferus was a lie, right? I needed him to trust me. As long as he was suspicious of me, we’d never get away. I tossed you over the side, but I also dove after you.”
“You did.” He straightens his spine. “Because you need me to take you to your mom. That’s all I’ve ever been to you. And it’s fine, Devica. I accept it. But it doesn’t mean I like it.”
I shrink into my wings. His words sting more than the blinding sun. My voice comes out barely a whisper, the words scratching my throat. “What do you mean?”
“It became clear as I was falling. How you planned every single step. You know Hell better than anyone, but you led us directly into those lots. Then you conveniently got injured in Nix. But you kissed me first. You invited me into your bed. I can’t believe you thought you needed to take it that far.
You’d already hooked me. I would’ve helped you anyway. ”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Tears prick my eyes. He thinks so little of me that he believes I’d seduce him for a ticket to Earth. That time in the castle means nothing to him. It meant everything to me.
My throat aches. I wrap my arms around myself and dig my fingernails into my side. “I was surprised about that kiss, too. I’ve never kissed anyone, Nate. I wanted to be with you, to show you how much you matter to me.”
I take a trembling breath. “And I don’t know Hell as well as you think. Father did his best to hide the worst from me because he knew I wouldn’t want his job when I saw what he really made down there. He only showed me what he wanted me to see.”
Nate shakes his head. “But I saw it in your face, Devica. How much you despise humans. How much shadelings like me make you sick.”
My stomach lurches. I’ve known since the ice castle that I’d have to let him go. And his anger makes things easier. Except I can’t bring myself to walk away from him like this, thinking the worst of me. The worst of us.
“You don’t.” I touch his arm, and he wrenches out of my grasp.
My heart sinks. “You told me the name of the park back at the castle and explained where to find her. I didn’t need you here, I wanted you.
I jumped after you without knowing if my wings would even work.
We both could’ve died in those flames, but I took the chance to get you out.
I couldn’t bear the thought of you ending up back in Lot Thirteen.
I would’ve done anything to make sure you didn’t, even if it meant hurting you.
But I’m sorry it did. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. ”
He stares at the ground, scuffing his boot over the already dulled star beneath it. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Lowering my sunglasses, I tilt his chin so that he can see my eyes.
“I did it for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you my plan, but there wasn’t time.
I believe you’re innocent, Nate. You’re one of the good ones, and you deserve to be saved, no matter what I lose in the process—no matter if I lose you. ”
Nate searches my gaze, his face pinched.
“I’m trying to forgive you, Dev, but it’s going to take time.
The girl I saw down there terrified me, and I’m not sure I can trust you anymore.
You know my history. Everyone who loved me left me.
And many that were supposed to care for me treated me more like a paycheck than a person.
It killed me, reliving that pain. I understand why you did what you did, but you didn’t see yourself on that bridge.
The coldness in your eyes. You spent our journey proving to me you’re not your father’s daughter, but it all came undone in that moment. ”
I drop my hand and close my eyes, taking shallow breaths. “Nate—”
“Look.” He starts moving again. “I promised I’d take you to the park for getting me out. You kept your end of the bargain, and I’ll keep mine. But we’ll stick to your original plan and split up once we’re there.”
His words scrape my insides like a dagger against my ribs—an actual punishment in Lot Thirteen—but his voice is the blade. Nate’s managed to split me open without a weapon.
I open my mouth to protest, but then I clamp my jaw shut.
He’s wrong about my intentions, but he’s right about us splitting up.
Father or Ferus—or both—will come after me.
And it’s better if I’m nowhere near Nate so that they can’t drag him back, too.
Nate’s anger stings, but it’ll make it easier to let him go. He deserves peace for once in his life.
I’ll just have to get over the fact that the one person who saw any good in me no longer does.