39. Chapter 38
39
T he day after our ceremony, Kara woke up with a purpose. She shot out of bed, and rattled off half the details of a plan.
Which I was still half asleep for. Missed the plan entirely.
I only woke up once I heard the door slam closed, and barely squinted my eyes open to make out the shape of her holding something. Food.
She went out for breakfast sandwiches.
I am in love with her.
I also happen to be a bit frustrated with her, because she really rushed me to eat and get ready. Vacations are meant for sleeping in, and I deserved that much after the previous twenty-four hours.
When I pried for an explanation, I was met with a sneaky little expression that told me I’d have to find out the hard way.
And it was hard. I don’t do enough hiking.
I stand there at the base of that waterfall, and I just feel. I relish the tiny freezing pricks of the water that land on my cheeks, and the wind that numbs them. My hair flows wildly around me, something I’ve never let it do. I’ve always tied it up or tucked it behind an ear, but it’s feels amazing. It’s so freeing.
“You look so happy,” she whispers. Almost like she didn’t mean to say it out loud.
“I am.” I reach a hand out for her, and know I don’t have to reach far before she takes it and steps beside me. “Close your eyes.”
We stand there in silence for so long. Maybe a few minutes, maybe twenty. It’s hard to tell. I only open my eyes because my teeth start to chatter. I see hers doing the same, but beside that… she looks so at peace.
“I’m so glad I married you.”
She slowly opens her eyes to gaze over at me.
“So am I.”
“I think this is karma for all the times I’ve shown up unannounced at someone’s house.”
Her laugh is muffled by the pillow, and I can tell that the ringing doorbell isn’t bothering her nearly as much as it's bothering me. Probably because wherever she’s still hanging out in dreamland isn’t somewhere she needs to worry about the repercussions of getting married and not telling a single soul.
I drag myself out of bed, fueled by panic when the ringing doesn’t relent. It must be someone that gives a damn about me if they’re trying this hard to get me to the front door.
I take a deep breath and decide that whoever it is: I don’t have to tell them anything today. I could avoid doing this one on one and throw a dinner party or something. Maybe I’ll bake a cake that’ll be so delicious it distracts everyone from the news.
Happy taste buds, happy emotions. Hopefully.
Autumn stands at my front door, her brows scrunched in what seems to be concern. Shit .
I never ignore her, and definitely never for this long. It wasn’t even intentional, things just got away from me for a while. All I want to do when I pick up my phone lately is find out what my daughter is up to.
“Rey,” she says like she’s relieved. “I thought I was going to have to call the police or something.”
“That’s extreme,” I say in an attempt to sound casual. “Sorry, babe. I was sleeping.”
“Have you been sleeping for the last couple months? Honestly, what the hell?”
I laugh, pretending I don’t notice that she’s not happy.
“I know, I’ve been so distracted lately. I haven’t really been socializing.”
“Or going to work?” she asks, raising her voice. “There was some new girl working that told me you haven’t been there in a while. What’s going on?”
“I went on vacation, did I not tell you? It’s okay, Autumn. I promise everything is fine. I just needed a break. It’s been really nice to take a step back.”
Her shoulders drop, relaxing at that.
“Where did you go?”
“Just to the coast for a few days.”
“When are you going back to work?”
“Such an interrogation,” I joke. Kind of. I’m too tired to be answering all these questions. “Next week.”
“How’d you afford that?”
I scratch at my jaw, hating that I’m getting frustrated with her right now. I just wasn’t ready for this. I wish she could come back tomorrow or the next day and worry about me.
“I had the vacation time.”
“What the fuck is that?”
I look down quickly, nervous there’s a bug on something. I start swatting without seeing anything.
“What?” I’m a little frantic. “What is what ?”
She stops me by grabbing my hand.
My heart ceases to beat when the realization hits me.
“Why is there a ring on this finger?” Her voice is deathly calm. I don’t know what emotion is fueling it, but it’s big. This is big, and I am terrified.
“Um… It is…” I hate my brain for failing to fill in the blank. I don’t want to lie, but I really don’t want to tell the truth. Not yet.
Her head snaps up, and my reaction time to the responsible sound is much more delayed.
My bedroom door opens.
Autumn can’t see it from where she stands, but I can when I turn my head. Kara is frozen in place, realizing I’ve got someone standing at the front door. It’s too late. It’s clear that I’m not alone, and when you combine that fact with the ring on my hand…
Why didn’t I think to take it off?
“I don’t like this.” Autumn takes a step back, dropping my hand, and my heart sinks. “I’m not going to beg you to tell me what’s going on, but if that—“she points to my hand again—“is what I think it is…” There’s no end to the sentence, because I know. I know how fucked up it is, and how much it’s got to hurt her that I’d keep it to myself.
I hear shuffling to my right, and turn to see Kara making her way over. I can’t shake my head fast enough, but it doesn’t matter. The gesture exposes me enough, there’s no doubt I want to be keeping something from Autumn when I make it. Kara doesn’t see me anyway, keeping her eyes down until she’s standing next to me.
Until she’s right next to me in the doorway. Right where Autumn can see her. She’s not even wearing pants, just one of my big shirts.
My friend’s face looks so pained as her hand flies up to cover her mouth.
She takes a step backwards, and I take one forward.
“Can we just talk about—”
“This is some joke, right?” I hear the emotion in her words, and I watch as her eyes start to shine. “What the hell, Rey? What did I do to deserve this?”
I was ready to apologize profusely, but the last sentence stops me. What did she do to deserve this? As if the choices I’ve made on behalf of my own emotions, my own happiness, are an attack on her?
I must be misunderstanding, because she’s never been that selfish.
“Are you serious?” Kara asks, and I know it’s only going to make this worse. Autumn doesn’t want to hear from her right now. What needs to happen is for the two of us to come back together another day and talk about all of this.
It’s a lot, and I fucked up, and I’m willing to admit it.
“I’m so serious. I can’t believe you.” She looks at me the entire time, acting as if Kara hadn’t said a word.
She sounds so wounded, that it tears me up inside. I instinctively want to comfort her, but I can’t believe she’s acting like my relationship is something being done to her.
I gape.
“Come on, Autumn. This isn’t about you. Kara makes me happy. We love each other, and–”
“Stop. Please.”
It’s like I’m watching her heart break further and further, but that’s how I feel. I’m not going to act like I’m guilty for being this disgustingly, happily in love. She’ll get over it if she would take a second to see it for what it is.
I don’t even know how much I care if she does. My emotions are high, and I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow, but right now… I don’t care at all.
I can tell she wants to say more, but she holds it in. Whatever it is.
“You should leave,” I tell her.
She shakes her head.
“Why would you n—“
“I want you to leave right now. I didn’t want to have this conversation today.”
Her head drops in what I assume is defeat. My limbs ache with the urge to hug her, but I stay still. Painfully still, like a damned statue.
She hesitates for a few seconds, but she does it. She leaves without another word, or another look my way.
Arms wrap around me from behind.
“I’m so sorry, sunshine.”
My head falls back onto Kara’s shoulder.
“Wow,” I whisper. I don’t know what other words there are to say. Trying to come up with some just sounds exhausting.
Being back in bed sounds so appealing, and Kara must see it on my face. She guides me back to my room, and my head is hitting my pillow before I know it.
“I’m here if you need anything.”
The last thing I’m aware of before falling back asleep is the soft kiss she places on my cheek.
How could this upset someone that cares about me so much?
“We have to figure out how to tell people. I don’t want to take this ring off, but I can’t go back to work with it on. I don’t want my coworkers to figure it out before we tell the important ones.”
“Who do you want to tell first?” she asks before opening up my junk drawer and pulling out a pad of paper that should look all too familiar. We smile at each other before she clicks a pen and encourages me to answer.
I guess we’re getting organized.
“My parents. They’ll be cool about it, I think. Definitely surprised, maybe a little disappointed they weren’t there to see it, but I don’t think they’ll be upset.”
She writes it down.
“I’m glad. That’s one less terrifying conversation for us to have.”
“Who do you want to tell first?”
“No one, but I guess I have to tell my parents too. They won’t be happy. It’s going to go terribly.”
I rest a hand on her shoulder.
“You want to give me a heads up on what to expect?”
We’ve already established that her mom isn’t a good person, but I want to be as prepared as I can possibly be. My wife takes a steadying breath before diving in.
“On top of all her other endearing qualities, she’s very traditional. Actually—traditional isn’t the right word. She’s hateful. Believes marriage should only be between a man and a woman.” Her eyes scan my face like she’s waiting for me to be scared, but it won’t happen. I’ve dealt with plenty of shit over the years, even while I was with Caleb. My appearance has always made people believe I wasn’t straight, before I even knew myself. “I remember when same sex marriage was legalized, and she went into a rage. Went on about how that didn’t mean she’d have to work with any of them, and that she hoped there wasn’t a real estate agent in town that would because, ‘they’re lifestyle shouldn’t be enabled like that.’”
She gestures with air quotes for the last part, and I hold back a wince.
I need to give my mom the biggest hug the next time I see her. It’s not like I wasn’t aware how lucky I am to have her, but I’m finding new evidence every day.
“What about your dad?” I ask quietly.
Kara shrugs. “He’s always been scared to disagree with her, despite whatever he actually thinks. Such a peacekeeper. I don’t think I know his opinion on anything.”
“Why don’t we tell them separately? We can talk to Pierre first, and hope he handles it better than she will.”
Kara leans in and presses a kiss to my lips.
“I don’t know, but we can try.” Another soft kiss. “Thank you.”