30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Now
W e hold our shoes in our hands as we slowly walk along the beach where the sand meets the water. The waves are warm, but the air is growing cooler as the night goes on.
“Are you cold? Do you wanna head back?” He asks, slowing his stride.
“No, I’m okay. It’s at least seventy degrees right now. There was a blizzard the other day back home, so I’ll take this over that any day of the week.” I spread my arms out wide, like I’m about to take flight. Trying to feel it all over my body. “This is perfect.”
“Too bad you don’t have that lucky turtleneck you had when we first met. I’m sure that would come in handy right about now.”
“Haha, oh God. That lucky SWEATSHIRT was my favorite shirt I’ve ever had, I’ll have you know. I still have it somewhere in my parents’ attic.” I give him a smug little smile.
“Oh, that’s right. It was a lucky crewneck sweatshirt , if I’m remembering correctly. Am I right?” he teases.
“Very right.”
“I never did get to find out what made it so lucky.” He nudges me gently with his elbow. “God, Jane, that day you surprised me by whipping it out and showing me who’s boss was one of the best moments of my life. I was so proud of you for not taking my shit.”
This earns a laugh. “I knew it! You did give me shit. You were such an ass.” I shove him softly toward the water.
“Hey, I know. I was a dick to you but only because I thought you were cute.”
I pretend not to hear this.
“Boys are so stupid. Why do you guys do that anyway? Poke fun at girls you like?”
“Don’t ask me, Robins. I don’t make the rules, I just do what I’m told.” He slings his arm around my shoulder, and his body feels warm against the quickly cooling night.
I look up at him, his arm still wrapped around me. “My Nan gave me that shirt a few years before I met you. She got it at a K-Mart around the corner from her house. It was on sale for three dollars. The shirt itself was nothing special, but she gave it to me and told me that it was the last thing she was ever going to buy for me.”
I feel myself getting swept away into the memory of that day in her home. She wrapped the small box in Christmas wrapping paper even though it was mid-July. “She gave me the box and said, ‘Birdie girl, this is the last piece of clothing I will ever buy you again. You see, my sugar, I know you’ll achieve all your dreams, and you’ll never need anything from anyone. I know you’ll go far. You’ll fly high, my Bird.’ That’s it. That cheap oversized sweatshirt represented that someone believed in me. So, when I wore that sweatshirt, it made me believe in myself too.”
At this, Noah brings me closer to him. Close enough that I reach my arm around his back and rest it on his hips. I let my head lean against his warm body as we walk along the beach. It feels so natural, so comfortable.
“I really wish I could have met this Nan of yours. She sounds like quite the extraordinary lady.”
“Oh, she was. I miss her.” I stare out over the ocean and try to hold it together.
“She was right, you know. You did achieve all your dreams and from what I understand, you did do it all on your own. You should be proud of that.”
“I guess.” I try to shrug my shoulders, but his heavy arm slung across them makes it impossible.
“What?”
“I don’t know, I guess I’ve done most of what I’ve set out to do, but I’m not sure if it’s what I wanted , or if it was just what I chose to focus on….Does that make sense?”
“Hmm, not really. Keep going.”
“Like, I still live in Colorado. I don’t really know why, I just never left. I know my parents are there, and of course, my best friends, but, like, I don’t think I stay because I want to. I just stay because I don’t want to deal with the change.”
“Jane, what do you want?”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Think about it. What is it that you want? Not what other people want for you, or what you think you should want. What is it that you really want? Do you want to live in Denver? Do you want to work for Schwartz he grips himself hard in his hand as he watches me slowly undress.
“Panties too,” he says, clenching his jaw.
I cock my head to the side and give a small smile as I do exactly what he says. As I lay back down, everything on full display, he moves over me, and his lean muscles tense as he makes his way up my naked body. Just like when we were younger, he softly rests his hand on my ribs. His thumb brushes delicately over my small birthmark there. He bends down and places a delicate kiss right on it. “I’ve thought about this birthmark more than I’d like to admit.” His lips hover over my tender skin.
“Hold on,” he says, breaking the kiss. He gets off the bed and moves toward his suitcase. “I have a condom in here somewhere. Gimme just a sec.”
I prop myself up on my elbows and stare at his perfectly muscular ass as he searches through his things. “If you can’t find it, I conveniently have an entire Costco-sized supply of them in my room.”
He turns around with one eyebrow raised, and a shiny little wrapper in his hands. “I’ll need that story later. But for now…” the corner of his mouth ticks up as he moves back onto the bed and licks his way from the middle of my chest all the way up to my pink, swollen lips.
His entire body presses into mine, nothing between us. My back arches into him, needing to feel every inch. The way we move together is even better than I ever could have imagined. We fit together perfectly. Our kisses get deeper and sloppier as our hands feverishly trace over every part of each other's bodies.
Pushing up to his knees, he rips open the condom with his teeth and slides it on himself slowly as he looks down at my body with dark, hungry eyes.
Not breaking eye contact, I bring a hand up to my nipple and give a little pinch as my other hand lightly traces a line down my stomach to the wet warmth aching for friction.
He bites his bottom lip, and I see his cock twitch before he bends back down over me. He gently uses his knee to nudge my legs open wider and positions himself right at my entrance. Fuck. I just want him inside of me; I need him inside of me. He wants me to ask for it. “ Noah,” I softly moan.
“Say it, Jane.” He growls into my mouth. He wants me to beg. “Say it.”
“Please,” I whimper, then I feel him plunge deep inside me, every inch stretching me to my max. I look up at him, chest moving up and down as he stays like this for a moment, allowing for me to adjust.
I slowly roll my hips, pulling him deeper, and watch as he bites back a smile. My head bends back in ecstasy, and I grip the sheets in my fists as he thrusts deeper again, and again.
“You’re everything, Jane. Everything.”
I come undone. Every feeling, every emotion, everything culminates into one perfect moment, and I feel myself dive over the edge in ultimate euphoria. I’ve wanted this for so long. This. Right here. With the only man I’ve ever trusted.
He grabs my hands in his and lifts them over my head. Our fingers intertwine as I feel his thrusts grow more rapid and frenzied. His face moves close to mine, and he stares deep into my eyes.
He lands a passionate kiss onto my open lips, then completely comes apart.
We lay in bed, my chin resting on his chest as he traces lazy lines up and down my bare back. He smiles at me. The most content smile I’ve ever seen on his face. “You know, I’ve been waiting fourteen years to do that.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Ever since that day at the lake when you were wearing that blue swimsuit…I was fucked right then and there. I’ll never be able to get that image of you out of my head.”
“What?! There’s no way. That was the ugliest thing I’ve ever owned! I’m surprised you even knew it was me under all that fabric.” He laughs. “God, I was so embarrassed.” I cover my face in my hands.
“Why were you embarrassed? I fucking loved that suit.” He turns me on my back and moves on top of me. “But if I’m being honest, I really just wanted to see what was underneath it…” He plants a soft kiss onto my lips and just like that, I’m lost in him again. The way he tastes and smells. The weight of his body pressed against mine. I want to stay here forever.
He breaks our kiss and stares at me. “You’re so beautiful, Jane.”
I bite my lip and smile. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
Noah gently rolls off and hugs me tight into his body. We lay in comfortable silence, my back to his front, feeling each other’s heartbeats. He rests his hand on my hip and gently drags it up and down my outer thigh. I feel him nuzzle his face into my hair and press a soft kiss on the back of my head. “Thank you.”
“Ha, for what? That sex was for me just as much as it was for you.” I laugh.
“No, Jane. Thank you for listening to me,” he says, trailing his hand over my stomach. “I’ve never told anyone those things about my family before. No one knows how messy my life has been. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to talk about my feelings, at all.” He swallows hard. “That night of the party was the first time I’d ever felt comfortable enough to let my guard down and shirk off this stupid cocky shell I’ve always had. Because of you, Jane. Even though we spent so little time together, you changed me. That was the first and only time in my life that I ever felt seen or heard. You did that for me. You make me feel like I can be myself. Like I can have feelings and be imperfect, and it’s okay.” He takes a deep breath. “There’s just something about you, Jane Robins. There always has been.”
My chest tightens, and I move in closer to him, not wanting there to be any space between our bodies at all.
He holds me close, wrapping my hands in his. “I’m so sorry about the pain I put you through all those years ago. I feel awful knowing how much I hurt you, especially after what you did for me. I never meant to…”
“Ssshhh, Noah. I forgive you.” I squeeze his hands in mine, and his entire body relaxes into me.
“Goodnight, Bird,” he whispers softly and hugs me tighter into his chest.