Chapter 20
Adam
Adam’s office came into focus as he reset—the too-bright lighting and built-in bookshelves. The desk with the framed photo
of his wedding day with Shireen.
His hand on Shireen’s shoulder.
But no, there was no shoulder. His hand was suspended in midair. There was no Shireen. She wasn’t there. He poked his head
out the office door. “Shireen?” he called out.
Maybe he’d somehow missed her leaving? But no, that wasn’t possible. He would’ve felt her leave his grip.
Then there were footsteps as Carly appeared in the doorway of the funeral room. Carly was here, but Shireen wasn’t . . .
“Why are you frowning at me?” She adjusted her glasses. “I thought we’d had fun this last loop.”
Carly walked toward Adam, straightened the front of his blazer, and then looked up at him with those thick lashes. Which reminded
him of all the fun they did have—in the orchard, in the booth of Moms while they ate apple pie for dinner and she stroked him through his pants, then in the tree house where she’d removed his belt while he showed her Orion’s belt . . .
He began to lean toward her mouth, but then remembered the very troubling fact that Shireen hadn’t restarted with him. “Wait,
Carly.” He took hold of her hand, which had begun to reach for his bel, once again. “Shireen is gone,” he said.
Carly took a step back. “Okay,” she said in a tone that suggested she wasn’t totally following.
He tried again. “Shireen is gone. As in, she isn’t here. She didn’t restart with us.” And then the reality punched him in the gut. She hadn’t restarted with them. That was . . .
a problem.
“Shireen is gone?” Carly asked.
“Gone,” he repeated.
How was it possible that she’d just vanished? People didn’t just stop the loop. Everyone, as far as he knew, restarted in the same spot.
Carly’s eyes widened. “Oh my God,” she said. “What if Shireen somehow got out? Like, maybe she slipped through the wormhole?
What if other people are missing, too?”
It stood to reason that if Shireen’s loop had changed, other people’s had as well. That was possible, Adam told himself. He
wondered where Shireen was if not at the funeral home. Was she in a waiting room somewhere? Was she okay? What if she had gone through the wormhole? Could she ever come back?
“Adam,” Carly said.
He managed to break out of his thoughts and look at her.
“You have that same look as when we saw Shireen and Dean in town,” she said.
“I know you don’t like to talk about things, but you can talk to me.
You can tell me what you’re thinking and, maybe by doing that, I can help.
Because my ADHD brain will create well over a hundred different scenarios of what could be behind door number Adam, but chances are none of them will be correct. ”
She rubbed her hand up and down his arm and, to his shock, he began to speak.
“Missing,” he said. “That was a scary word to hear. I don’t want to be with Shireen anymore, but I also certainly don’t want
her to go missing.”
“Of course you don’t,” Carly said. “Shireen is going to be okay.”
“But what if she isn’t?” He was terrified, because if Shireen was missing . . . who could be next?
“Why don’t we go into town.” Carly grabbed a hold of Adam’s hand and started to lead him toward the front door. “Maybe Shireen
just restarted somewhere else, like at your old house. And we need to see if anyone else is missing, right?”
“Right,” he said. “Missing.”
“Not missing.” Carly waved a hand in front of her own face to try to clear the word from the air. “I’m sure she’s fine. Seriously. Let’s
just go into town and find out if anyone has seen her, okay?”
When they parked at the top of Main Street, Adam fisted a hand through his hair. He hadn’t pictured spending the day this
way. He’d wanted to make the most of his time with Carly, but now they were searching for his ex-wife.
And he was scared of what they might find, because he had a sinking feeling that Shireen hadn’t restarted somewhere else.
His loop resets were so intricately tied with Shireen that he felt connected to her, even when they weren’t together. And
this reset he couldn’t physically or emotionally feel her—their connection seemed severed.
“We’re going to figure this out,” Carly said as she unbuckled her seat belt. “Trust me.”
And he found that he did. So he got out of the car, too.
They were only an hour into the loop as they walked down Main Street. What were they looking for, exactly? People screaming for help? Missing Persons signs being tacked up? Adam wasn’t sure.
All appeared to be normal as they made their way down the sidewalk. Well, normal in that enormous bags of flour were being poured out in the middle of the street and people were making snow angels in the
white powder.
“Is it possible that only Shireen is missing?” Carly asked.
“Maybe others are, too, but no one has noticed,” he hedged.
“Totally. But since no one else seems to be ringing the alarm, perhaps we can assume it’s just Shireen. And if it’s just Shireen,
maybe she restarted with Dean?”
That would certainly make Adam feel better, if it were true. Though it would be equally confusing to find a reason as to why.
“That’s possible,” he acquiesced.
“We could go find Dean so we can rule it out?” She spoke so gently and with such care that it almost broke his heart in half.
“Carly, you don’t have to do this with me.” Even his hands were unsure in this situation as he reached for her, but then pulled
back. “I think it’s a lot to expect you to help find my ex. I wouldn’t want to put you in that position.”
Carly took Adam’s hand, and his fingers instinctively flexed against hers. “I know I don’t have to, but this is important.
I’m worried about her, too,” she said.
“Okay.” Adam swallowed down his fear and unease and tried to harness some fortitude. “I know where to find him.”
Since the affair and the start of the loop, Adam had driven by Dean’s fifties bungalow rental a handful of times.
Sometimes he wanted to see if Shireen’s car was parked there.
Other times, he drove by with the intent of stopping and angrily confronting his former best friend.
This time, though, he actually got out and stood in front of the stucco building.
Adam walked across the mosaic tiles that led a path through the garden and up to Dean’s front door.
Shireen had always loved those tiles. So when Adam knocked, he sincerely hoped that affinity had somehow transported her to Dean’s place.
It was only Dean who answered, though, in a white T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and high-waisted trousers, a young Marlon
Brando-esque look he’d perfected over the past few years. Adam’s jaw clenched as Dean’s smile instantly faded. The only great
part of seeing Dean was also seeing his mullet—the one he’d insisted was cool and was now stuck with, thanks to the time loop.
It was a pure delight to know he might have to spend eternity with that thing. Well, potentially not eternity.
“Oh, hey.” Dean sucked in his top lip, maybe wisely stopping himself from saying anything further.
Hey? That was all Dean had to say to Adam, just hey? Not something more along the lines of Wow, it was deeply uncool of me to sleep with your wife and destroy over two decades of friendship. Sorry about that, man.
No, this was Dean, and of course the only thing he wanted to tell Adam was hey.
Adam didn’t answer. He hadn’t spoken to his former friend since the loop began. He fought the warring words in his head—simultaneously telling
him to flee while also urging him to throw a verbal punch. He didn’t plan to insult Dean, though. Because for the first time
in a long time, Adam was in a much better spot than Dean.
“Is Shireen here?” Adam asked.
Dean frowned. “No, she hasn’t shown up yet.”
He looked past Adam, as if searching for her, with an expression that could only result from genuine concern.
“She didn’t reset with us this morning,” Adam said gently.
Dean shifted his weight as he considered that. “What do you mean?”
Which is when Carly decided to come forward. “Hey, I’m Carly. I reset with Shireen and Adam every loop in the funeral home.
I can confirm that this loop, Shireen wasn’t there.”
“Where the hell is she?” The edginess in Dean’s voice was jarring.
For the first few weeks after the loop started, Adam had worried daily about whether or not Shireen was okay. Without the
help of cell phones, he had no way of reaching her once she left the funeral home. She was ostensibly with Dean, he’d supposed,
but they’d never spent twenty-four hours apart before; they’d always managed to see each other within a day. And the look
Dean had was the same one Adam had so often seen on himself, at least initially.
“We don’t know.” Adam was suddenly hot, either from the midday sun or Dean’s glare. “We walked through town, but no one seemed
to be exhibiting signs that anything was different. There could be others, but we’ll have to wait and see.”
“Wait and see?” Dean reached for keys on a coffee table near the entrance. “I’m not going to just wait for Shireen to come
back. I have to find her.” Dean breezed past Adam and Carly to the cherry-red convertible covered by a tarp in the driveway.
Adam followed and helped him take off the tarp. He had at least a dozen memories of the two of them stalled on the side of
some road, popping the trunk and the hood to try to troubleshoot whatever was going wrong with this ancient beast of a car
that Dean loved. The car went with the whole lifestyle he was going for, though, and Dean had always been big on how his life
looked to everyone else.
“I would do the same thing,” Adam said as Dean got into the car. “We’ll keep looking for her, too.”
Dean attempted to turn the engine, which had always been a bit temperamental. “I know you came to the tasting room the other
loop. Shireen told me.”
Adam straightened. “I’m glad. Secrets aren’t great in a relationship. I would know.”
Dean looked away from him then, as if unable to accept that he had been the secret. Dean kept his eyes on the steering wheel as he said, “I’m sorry you found out the way you did.”
Adam waited for more. Would there be groveling? A promise to give Adam his mullet trimmings if he forgave him? But no, Dean
wasn’t like Adam in the sense that he, apparently, didn’t feel the need to explain himself. Adam had thankfully moved past
the point of wanting anything substantial from Dean, and what a lovely shift that was.
“I just wanted to say that I know Shireen will return.” Adam had hope—maybe Carly was rubbing off on him. “We’re going to
find her.”
“How do you know that?” Dean looked up, his eyes red rimmed, as if holding something back. Whether it was for their friendship,
or Shireen, or both, it wasn’t really any of Adam’s business.
“It’s a feeling,” Adam said. Wow, now he was even starting to sound like Carly. A feeling? He didn’t work on feelings, but he also couldn’t deny that he did have a feeling about this situation, and the fact that
Shireen wasn’t gone.
Dean’s grip on the wheel tightened. “I hope you’re right,” he said.
Adam waited a beat. He’d broken the long silence between them.
He’d been the bigger person and had a conversation with Dean, releasing the friendship ghost that had hovered over his head for months.
And seeing Dean like this, so lacking in remorse, confirmed what his mom and dad had said: Dean wasn’t his friend.
Adam took a big breath in and said words that he very much meant. “Bye, Dean.”
When Adam turned, Dean’s engine finally kicked in and the wheels sputtered against gravel as the car sped down the road. Adam
walked back to Carly, who waited for him at the hearse.
“You okay?” she asked.
He gritted his teeth. He was as okay as could be in a situation like this. “I will be,” he said.
Carly gave a subtle nod, like she wasn’t going to push him but was listening, which he appreciated.
“Okay, so Shireen’s not with Dean, and from what we can tell, no one else is missing.” Carly counted the two facts out on
her fingers. “You’re going to hate this suggestion.”
“Don’t say we have to tell Rick.” Adam pinched the bridge of his nose.
“We absolutely have to tell Rick, yes, and probably Dr. Song.” Carly patted Adam on the back, and then gently shoved him toward
the driver’s-side door. “Look, I know they’re both different sides of a fucked-up coin, but they’re basically the only other
people who care about what’s going on in the loop. If anyone will have ideas on how to bring Shireen back, it’s them.”
Adam rolled his eyes and let out a disgruntled sigh, because Carly might just be right. And they didn’t have any better options.
“You know, maybe this is a little blip. She might be back next loop.” Carly opened the passenger-side door and slid in.
“She might.” Adam got into the car and when he turned the key the cold air-conditioning sent welcome air to his face. “Let’s
go find them, but Dr. Song first, please.”
“Sounds good.” Carly buckled herself in. “Shireen will be okay.”
Adam gave a tight nod. Shireen had to be okay, because the alternative was that he’d spent the last 250 loops wishing he didn’t
have to see her, and it had finally come true.