Chapter 4
4
CRYSTAL
Gemma had mentioned that she was only part-time, so I knew I wouldn’t bump into her again at work that week. The chances of bumping into her were pretty remote anyway. It was a big company, a big building, and we worked in completely different parts of it, on different floors. It was just coincidence that I’d happened to pop into the loos on her floor that day, en route from another department.
At home, on my own, I wondered about the coincidence of our experience. It was almost as if we’d been meant to come together. I pondered it over and over, getting angry on her behalf: angry with her ex for the way he’d treated her, just as I’d been angry when it happened to me. But no, I didn’t want to slide back into that anger. I’d got over all this; I’d been getting better. Everyone had been saying I’d been making good progress. I was at a stage where I felt almost like a perfectly rational, undamaged person for most of the time.
But I’d not only felt compassion for Gemma, I’d really liked her, too. I could already sense that she was a nice person, a decent person who hadn’t deserved to be treated so badly. I wanted to help her, if I could, just as I’d been helped myself when my world imploded. I can honestly say that was my only motivation at the time.
Or was it?
I didn’t know much about Gemma yet, but there was one thing I did know: she had a child. A little girl. And looking back now, if I’m going to be totally honest with myself, I think I’d have to admit that this was already a factor, part of the reason I wanted to get close to her. Yes, I can’t deny it: at that point in time, I envied everyone who had a child. I was curious about her daughter. I really wanted to meet her.