Chapter 25
25
GEMMA
The day after Poppy’s birthday was a Friday, and I’d been hoping that when I took Poppy to Mum’s as usual, we might have moved on from the awkwardness of the day before. But no, Mum wanted to debate, all over again, the way Crystal had turned up without asking, bringing an ‘inappropriate’ present and a ‘pretentious’ cake, and she probably would have continued in that vein if I hadn’t said, with a sigh, that Crystal was my friend whether Mum liked her or not, and I had hoped she’d be pleased for me that I had a good friend on my side.
Mum went silent for a moment, looking hurt, and then put on a very deliberate fixed smile and said that of course, she was pleased, and I should forgive her for being so concerned about me and Poppy but that, as I should know, it was only natural for a mother to worry.
‘I know that,’ I said, giving her a hug, desperate to calm things down and be back on our usual good terms. ‘And I’m grateful for your concern, but honestly, Mum, there’s no need. OK?’
‘OK,’ she said, the fixed smile looking as though it was hurting her face. ‘Well, at least I’ve got Poppy to myself today. And if you’re busy, Gemma, please let me keep her here for the night for a change. I’ll give her dinner, put her to bed upstairs – you know I keep a few clothes and a pair of pyjamas here for her. We’ll read lots of stories, we’ll have fun. And I’ll bring her back in the morning.’
I hesitated. I suspected Crystal would want to come round this evening, hoping to see Poppy again, but if I said this to Mum right now, it wouldn’t go down well. And to be fair, I did have quite a bit of work to catch up on, and Mum had offered so many times recently to keep Poppy overnight on a Friday that I really didn’t have the heart to say no. Poppy would love to stay with her nanny anyway – it had been a while since she’d done so.
‘OK. Thank you, Mum, that would be lovely.’ I gave her a kiss. ‘I hope she behaves herself.’
‘She always does, with me,’ Mum said with a smile, sounding almost smug about it.
I really hoped we weren’t going to get into a situation where the people who loved Poppy were competing against each other for her affection. How had it come to this?
I thought about it on the drive home. I’d been irritated by Mum’s attitude the previous day, and when she urged me to think about it , I’d dismissed it out of hand, cross with her for casting aspersions about my best friend. Just because someone would have liked kids of their own, that didn’t mean they were about to run off with their friend’s child, for God’s sake. OK, so Crystal did seem to be slightly over the top with her enthusiasm for Poppy, but wasn’t it lovely that the feeling was so obviously reciprocated? Poppy didn’t always take to people so instantly or enjoy their company so completely. As far as I was concerned, it was a win-win situation, and I hadn’t felt any need to worry about it whatsoever… until now.
Not that I was worried about it, really. Not at all. I was just concerned about the effect it was having on Mum; on my relationship with Mum.
All right, I suppose since Mum made that comment, I’d been a bit worried. But only because she’d sowed that tiny seed of doubt, of concern, in my head and now I kept pondering over it, swinging from still feeling cross with Mum for planting that doubt in me, to wondering if I was missing something. Being na?ve, if you like. Was it quite normal for a childless woman to strike up such an intense friendship with someone so quickly… when she seemed more interested in spending time with their child than with the mother herself?
No! That wasn’t true – she liked spending time with me , too, didn’t she?
By the time I arrived home I’d talked myself into a complete circle of doubt and confusion. I didn’t want to doubt Crystal. I didn’t doubt her. She’d shown no sign of wanting to steal Poppy away from me. It was ridiculous to even think like that, even for a minute. I wouldn’t think like it. I trusted Crystal.
But did that mean I didn’t trust Mum?
I threw myself into my work, refusing to look up even to take a coffee break, and didn’t stop for lunch until two o’clock – when I ate a sandwich while scrolling through the news feed on my phone so that I didn’t have to think about anything. Mum had sent me a photo on WhatsApp of Poppy eating chips at her local café, grinning through a mouth smeared with tomato ketchup. Someone isn’t going to want a big dinner! she’d written with a laughing-face emoji. Mum was usually pretty careful about sensible meals, not too many treats, not giving in to toddler whims, and so on, and I couldn’t help wondering if she was doing a bit of extra spoiling, to compensate for what she’d obviously felt was her failure to be the most popular guest at the birthday party.
Stop it ! I told myself, putting the phone down and getting on with my work again. I was beginning to think I was the one with the problem, imagining ulterior motives everywhere.
It felt strange not having Poppy home for her dinner, and to be honest I felt nothing but relief when, at half past five, the doorbell rang and there was Crystal on the doorstep, smiling and cheerful as usual in a bright blue stripey cloak that billowed out with the breeze.
‘Hello, love!’ she said. ‘Sorry, I’ve done it again, haven’t I – turned up without calling you first.’ She didn’t sound the least bit apologetic. In fact, she laughed as she went on, ‘It’d serve me right if you weren’t in! Hope I’m not interrupting anything?’ She dropped her voice and added, as I held the door open for her to come inside, ‘Is your mum here?’
‘No,’ I said, struggling to get my face to decide whether to smile or not. I couldn’t help being pleased to see her, but I hoped she wasn’t going to be sarcastic or rude about Mum – about the awkwardness of the previous day.
‘Oh. I know she usually brings Poppy back about this time, so I thought it might be an opportunity to… well, you know…’ She shrugged. ‘Apologise, I suppose.’
‘No need to apologise,’ I said. ‘It was just a little bit awkward.’
‘Yes. My fault entirely. I shouldn’t have turned up uninvited like that. I thought perhaps if I saw her today we could clear the air.’
‘Well, yes, I’d like you to meet each other at a… less awkward time,’ I agreed. My face had decided to smile. ‘But in fact Mum’s kept Poppy for tonight.’
‘For dinner? Oh, that’s nice for her. For Poppy too.’ She smiled back, and my face began to relax completely. ‘And it’s given you a bit more time to yourself. Lovely.’
‘Yes. She’s keeping her all night. She hasn’t done that for a while, and?—’
‘All night?’ Crystal said, stopping halfway into the room, halfway out of her coat, her face suddenly changing. ‘What – sleeping at her house?’
I laughed. ‘Yes, of course. She’s often stayed over in the past. Poppy’s got her own little room there, with a princess duvet cover and her own pyjamas and toys and everything?—’
‘Oh. Well, that’s nice.’
Crystal’s whole tone had changed. She looked as if – as my grandad used to say when I was little – she’d lost a pound and found sixpence.
‘Of course it is. She’s Poppy’s nanny. Poppy loves staying over with her.’
‘Yes. Of course.’ She was still standing halfway into the living room. ‘Well, I suppose there’s no point me staying, then.’
I felt my mouth drop open in surprise. No point staying ? Really?
‘But… I thought… we can still have dinner together, can’t we? Like we usually do after Poppy’s in bed? You can stay over, if you want – have a glass of wine?’ I gulped, not wanting to sound too desperate. ‘Unless you’ve got something else on, I mean.’
‘Well, I suppose…’ she began reluctantly. ‘But, well, normally I come round to help out with Poppy, you know, and then we have dinner, but, well…’ She sounded awkward, almost miserable about it. ‘I guess you don’t need me, so?—’
‘But Crystal, come on, you’re my friend, I look forward to seeing you – it isn’t just so you can help with Poppy.’ I stared at her, waited for her to meet my eyes, then added more quietly, ‘Is it?’
‘No, no, of course not,’ she said quickly, colouring slightly. ‘Of course we’re friends, and – sorry – yes, of course I’d still like to have dinner with you.’ She smiled. ‘And yes, if you’re sure, maybe I’ll stay over, too, then I might get to see Poppy when she comes home in the morning.’
‘Right.’
I went ahead of her through the living room and into the kitchen, my heart suddenly pounding as if I’d been running, my thoughts flying chaotically through my head. However much Crystal had tried to deny it, it was pretty obvious from her reaction that she’d really only come round to spend time with Poppy. Not me. Even now she’d agreed to stay, it was only in the hope of seeing Poppy in the morning. I felt hurt, and disgruntled. It even crossed my mind for a split second that I should tell her I’d decided I was too busy tonight after all. Instead, I just put the kettle on and banged a few cups around, trying to calm down, conscious of her standing silently behind me.
‘What have I said?’ Crystal asked after a couple of minutes, sounding genuinely puzzled.
‘Nothing.’ I turned to face her, shaking my head. I was being ridiculous. It was nice that Crystal loved Poppy so much. At least she’d agreed to spend tonight with me, even if she was disappointed not to see Poppy. Instead of getting upset about it I should concentrate on the two of us having fun this evening while I had the chance of a relaxed, child-free evening. ‘I’m just making tea,’ I went on. ‘Want a cup? Or shall we get straight into the wine?’
I didn’t want to overdo the drinking, as I’d need to be fit to look after Poppy when she came back in the morning, but it was really nice for once to be able to indulge in a couple of glasses of wine. I woke up later than usual, remembering with a smile how Crystal and I had laughed uproariously, late into the night, about – amongst other things and in no particular order – people at work, various antics Crystal and I had confessed to getting up to when we were teenagers, and boyfriends we’d had in the past and why we’d finished with them.
Crystal was already in the kitchen, making toast, and looking a lot brighter and breezier than I felt.
‘We had a good night, didn’t we?’ she said with a grin as she plonked a cup of coffee in front of me.
‘Yes. I told you about Claude. How embarrassing.’
‘The French boy you met on the school exchange trip, who tried to smuggle himself onto your coach to come home with you. That was hilarious – the way you described your teacher finding him trying to hide under your seat!’
‘And your story about the guy you dated, who worked for the circus?—’
‘Training the elephants! I loved those elephants!’
We were almost helpless with laughter again as we went over all the silly stories that we’d shared the previous evening. By the time we’d eaten toast, drunk two cups of coffee each and just about managed to stop laughing, Mum was at the door with Poppy.
‘Mummy’s in her jamas!’ Poppy exclaimed, eyes wide with shock.
‘Sorry, Pops, I had a bit of a lie-in!’ I pulled her towards me for a hug. ‘Did you have a lovely time at Nanny’s?’
‘Yes! Look! Jam tarts!’ She held up a cake tin, shaking it so the contents thumped against the tin’s lid. I imagined broken tarts with jam everywhere – not that it mattered, when she’d obviously had such a nice time helping to make them.
‘Yummy!’ I said. I looked at Mum. ‘Thanks so much for having her. I must admit I didn’t realise how much I needed a night off.’
‘I hope it gave you a nice rest, love,’ Mum said, smiling. ‘Did your friend come?’
‘Crystal. Yes, she’s here – we’ve just been having a late breakfast. Come in, Mum. She’s in the kitchen.’
‘Crystal here?’ Poppy squawked, immediately running ahead of us into the kitchen.
‘Poppy!’ Crystal was shouting, picking her up in her arms as we joined them. She gave Poppy a kiss before planting her back down and turning to Mum. ‘Hello again, Mrs – um…’ She paused in her obvious attempt to be polite, looking at Mum expectantly. But Mum shook her head, managing a smile.
‘Call me Jane, please. Hello, Crystal. Did you both have a good evening?’
Mum sounded so formal, it was almost to the point of being unfriendly.
‘Yes, we did, thanks, Jane,’ Crystal said. ‘And I’m glad I’ve seen you. I just wanted to apologise for barging in on the three of you on Thursday. I should have realised you’d want Poppy to yourselves on her birthday, but I was so excited to see her.’
‘Well, she does seem keen to see you, too,’ Mum said in a slightly grudging tone.
I waited, but Mum didn’t go on to accept the apology and neither of them seemed to know what else to say to each other.
‘Want a coffee or anything?’ I offered, but she shook her head and said thank you but she’d better get off home and leave us to it.
I waited again, this time half-expecting Crystal to say she’d be going herself – but no, she just turned to talk to Poppy and then followed her into the living room as if they were two kids ignoring the adults and going off to play together.
‘Well, thanks again for having Poppy all day and all night,’ I said to Mum to break the awkward silence.
‘I’ve loved it,’ she said. ‘Well, I’d better leave you to it. Have a nice day. I suppose Crystal’s staying for the day? Or the weekend?’
‘I don’t know – we haven’t discussed it yet. She might have something else on.’
‘OK. Well, have fun. I’ll see you next Friday as usual, I suppose?’
‘Of course, Mum – if that’s OK.’ I sighed, and then added quietly, ‘Don’t be like this, please. You know how grateful I am to you.’
She just gave me a nod and a smile, and turned to leave.
‘Bye bye, Poppy-Pops!’ she called into the living room.
‘Bye, Nanny,’ came the response. I wanted to call to Poppy to come out and say goodbye properly but I knew that it would, somehow, make it even more hurtful to Mum that I’d had to ask her. Tearing her away from her new best friend.
‘I’ll call you,’ I promised as I kissed her goodbye.
Then I sat down at the kitchen table on my own, looking at the detritus from our giggly breakfast, listening to my daughter squealing and laughing with Crystal and feeling… somehow, weirdly sad.