Chapter 29
29
GEMMA
It was Saturday morning; Dad was on his way down from Manchester, expecting to have lunch with me and Crystal, and at the last moment I had a phone call from Crystal saying she couldn’t make it. She’d forgotten she had a dentist’s appointment.
‘On a Saturday?’ I said.
‘Yes. It’s… an emergency, they’ve fitted me in?—’
‘I thought you said you’d forgotten about it.’
‘Well, what I meant is that I forgot to tell you I had a terrible toothache,’ she said, sounding awkward. Of course she was awkward – it was such an obvious lie. How can you forget you’ve got a toothache? How can you forget you’ve got an urgent appointment?
‘Can’t you come round after your appointment?’
‘Oh, I’m really sorry, Gem, but I think I’m just going to have to take it easy for the rest of the weekend. The pain has been keeping me awake every night and, well, if the dentist has to take the tooth out, or do one of those root canal treatments, I’m going to be so sore once the anaesthetic wears off. I don’t think I’d be very good company.’
‘Right.’ I knew I didn’t sound very sympathetic. I couldn’t understand why she would lie. She’d normally have done anything to spend time with Poppy, so it was quite obvious she just wanted to avoid meeting my dad. ‘Well, sorry about your tooth. But if you do feel OK afterwards, or if you’re better tomorrow, give me a call. Dad was really hoping to meet you.’
‘I know, and I do feel bad about it. Sorry, Gem. But have a good time with your dad.’
I was still feeling irritated about it when Dad arrived, but I didn’t want him to know Crystal had made a silly excuse to get out of the meeting. He was already thinking the worst of her so I didn’t want to give him good reason to continue doing so.
‘She sounded like she was in a bad way,’ I said, repeating her lie. ‘Thank goodness she’s got an emergency appointment but she thinks she’ll be out of action all weekend.’
‘I see,’ Dad said, quite obviously not buying it. ‘And I don’t suppose she’s too upset about not having to meet me.’
‘Oh, she sounded really disappointed—’ I began. And then I stopped, sighing. Dad was giving me a look, and I knew the meaning of that look all too well. ‘OK,’ I said. ‘To be honest, no, she didn’t. In fact, I think she might have been making an excuse.’
‘Yes, that’s how it sounds.’ He was still giving me the look. Then he spread his hands and shrugged. ‘Well, she’s your friend, I suppose you know her well enough. But from what I’ve heard, she’s been spending every weekend and most week nights here with you, and yet she can’t be bothered to meet your family.’
I could feel myself going into sulky-teenager mode. I was thirty-four, I hadn’t lived with my parents since I’d gone to uni at the age of eighteen, but any hint of criticism or disapproval from Mum or Dad still had this effect on me. Even if I had agreed with every word Dad was saying, it would still have got my back up, still have made me determined to argue back in support of Crystal.
‘It’s not like that,’ I insisted. ‘For a start, she hasn’t been here every weekend. In fact she spent a whole weekend with someone else just a few weeks ago. Last month. And when she is here, it’s because she wants to help me. I can’t see what you could find to criticise in that.’
‘I’m not criticising, love,’ he said quietly. He hadn’t even taken his coat off yet. He unzipped it now and hung it up behind the door. ‘Come on, let’s just enjoy our time together. I don’t see you often enough.’
‘I know. Sorry.’ I hugged him, wondering what I was apologising for. I felt torn between resentment of his implied criticism, and the truth – that I secretly agreed with him. Not with his worries about Crystal spending so much time with me, or more to the point, with Poppy, but with his assessment of her excuse for today. Why did she have to make an excuse? Why wouldn’t she want to come? She could have just called round for half an hour if she really didn’t want to spend any longer – just to be polite, just to appease Dad. Or – if there was even a grain of truth in the toothache story – she surely could have agreed to come the next day, once the dentist had done whatever was necessary?
I kept going over and over it in my mind throughout the rest of the day, while I was making lunch, listening to Dad chatting about his golf club and his neighbours in Manchester while he sat enjoying a cuddle with the granddaughter he adored but didn’t see nearly enough of. The feeling was mutual – Poppy adored her grandad too, and I wondered if she was hugging him even more intensely now because she’d understood that her daddy wasn’t coming back. I felt bad then for getting cross with Dad about Crystal. It was only natural for him to be concerned – he’d never met her, he’d heard all these stories from Mum, probably exaggerated, about how much time she spent with me and Poppy, and now all he could see was that she appeared to be refusing to come and be introduced to him. I felt the frisson of irritation again and determined to have it out with her next time I saw her.
I put sandwiches, a bit of salad, and crisps on the table and sent Poppy to wash her hands. Dad was silent for a moment and then said, quietly, ‘I know we said we wouldn’t keep talking about it. But I just wanted to say I’m sorry if you think I’m being interfering – about your friend. If you think that’s all I came down for.’
‘Well…’ I hesitated. ‘No, OK, I get it, Dad, but honestly, there’s no need for you to worry. Mum took offence over a couple of things, that’s all. Crystal did apologise.’
‘Yes, I know. But look, your mum’s an easy person to get on with. She nearly always likes people. She’s got over being offended about Poppy’s birthday, it isn’t that. She’s just worried about the amount of time this girl’s spending with Poppy, the way she seems to have – in her words – almost taken her over.’
‘And you both seem to think that just because she hasn’t got a child herself, she’s planning to run off with Poppy.’ Despite my best intentions, I was getting riled again. ‘Dad, don’t you realise how ridiculous and far-fetched that sounds?’
‘Perhaps it does to you. Because she’s helping you, and being a friend just when you needed one.’
‘Exactly, Dad.’ I was trying not to raise my voice. Poppy would be back in the room any second and the last thing I wanted was for her to hear us arguing. ‘I can’t understand why you can’t both just be pleased for me.’
‘We are. I mean, we would be. But you’re on your own now, with Poppy, and frankly, you’re a bit vulnerable. And this girl could obviously see that, and she’s stepped in and?—’
‘I washed my hands,’ Poppy yelled as she ran into the room, holding her hands out to show me. ‘Can I have some crisps?’
‘Yes, but a sandwich first, please.’ I pulled out her chair. ‘Come and sit down.’
I looked at Dad and forced a smile. ‘Can we drop it now, please? And just have a nice weekend together?’
He nodded.
The subject of Crystal wasn’t raised again for the rest of the day. We had a lovely afternoon playing some of Poppy’s games and – during a dry spell of what was a horrible windy, rainy day – having a quick walk down to the beach and along the seafront. By bedtime, Poppy was tired out from all the excitement and thought it was wonderful that her grandad read her bedtime story for her.
‘Why do you have to live far away?’ I heard her ask as he was settling her down for the night.
‘Well, that’s where my work is, sweetheart,’ he said.
‘My daddy went far away. But he isn’t coming back.’
Dad was silent for a moment. I pictured him giving Poppy a cuddle, or perhaps stroking her hair. Then he said, his voice sounding a little husky:
‘Well, I’m coming back, that’s for sure! I’ll come back as often as I can, my little princess – so whenever we say goodbye you can be sure I’ll soon be saying hello again.’
Mum had invited us all round for Sunday dinner the next day, and as we set off for Exeter I braced myself for the possibility of another round of Crystal-related discussion. She’d already called Dad to ask how he’d got on with her the previous day, so she knew about the dentist story. And she didn’t waste any time bringing it up.
‘Honestly, it’s just such bad manners,’ she said, shaking her head in disgust as we worked together in her kitchen, peeling potatoes and carrots. ‘You can’t tell me she really couldn’t have called in, even for just half an hour, however bad the supposed toothache was.’
‘No. I know, Mum. I don’t know why she didn’t. Perhaps she felt… I don’t know, maybe a bit intimidated.’
‘ Intimidated ?’ Mum shrieked, dropping a potato into the sink in her disgust. ‘Intimidated by your father? He’s never intimidated anyone in his life – not even you, when you were at your worst!’
‘What do you mean, at my worst ?’ I retorted, genuinely interested.
‘You know. When you were that difficult age. About fourteen, fifteen, when you thought you knew it all, like all teenagers. He could always get round you, never had to raise his voice. Anyway, don’t change the subject. Why on earth would you say Crystal was intimidated?’
‘Not by Dad himself. Just by the undercurrent. Don’t look at me like that, Mum, you know what I mean. There’s been an undercurrent of mistrust from you, where Crystal’s concerned, and she was probably nervous that Dad was going to be the same – which he would have been, let’s face it.’
‘Oh, nonsense! He’s just been anxious about you, that’s all, and wanted to meet her to set his mind at rest. Now he’s even more anxious because he thinks – quite rightly in my opinion – that if Crystal can’t have the decency to come and see him, when he’s driven all this way specifically to meet her?—’
‘Well, thanks. And there was I thinking he’d come all this way to see me and Poppy,’ I said, trying to lighten the tone. I really didn’t want to spend any more time going over the whole thing.
‘You know what I mean.’ She shot me a look. ‘It was rude, Gemma, that’s all I’m saying. Letting you down at the last minute.’
‘Well, if it was actually true that she needed an emergency appointment, she couldn’t exactly have?—’
Mum plonked the potato she’d just peeled onto the chopping board and attacked it so viciously with her knife that I actually flinched.
‘We both know,’ she said in a tone that wasn’t going to allow for any disagreement, ‘that it wasn’t actually true , though – don’t we?’
I didn’t need to reply.
Dad and I had driven to Mum’s in separate cars, as it was much easier for Dad to head straight home from Exeter after lunch. He gave me a hug goodbye, promised to come back again soon, and then picked Poppy up in his arms and showered her with kisses.
‘Don’t go ’way, Gandad,’ she said, tears coming to her eyes.
‘Remember what I told you,’ he said, soothing her. ‘I’m coming back. Soon, OK?’
‘She’s got a bit funny about people leaving,’ I told Mum quietly while I helped her load the dishwasher – Poppy having been coaxed out of her tears by being allowed to watch a mermaid cartoon on Netflix. ‘Ever since I told her about Jack not coming back.’
‘Yes. And I’m not surprised, poor little love. I suppose she’s transferred all her affections to Crystal, now.’
I sighed. How was everything coming back to Crystal again?
‘No, not all to Crystal,’ I said. ‘To me, to you, to Dad, to her nursery teachers, and to Crystal. OK?’
‘Mummy,’ said a little voice from the kitchen doorway. ‘Why do you sound cross?’
‘I’m not cross, sweetie,’ I said, forcing a laugh. ‘I’m just?—’
But fortunately, before I could think of a good excuse for what, without a doubt, must definitely have sounded like crossness, she went on with no regard to the abrupt change of subject, ‘I wish I was a mermaid, Mummy. I want a fishy tail.’
‘But then you couldn’t run away when I chase you like this!’ I said, pretending to try to grab her as she squealed and dashed off around the house.
If only everything could have been as easy to answer as that.