Chapter 31
31
GEMMA
‘Before you say anything,’ Crystal said, as soon as we met up the next Monday lunchtime, ‘I’m sorry, OK? Really sorry I had to let you down at the last minute like that. I know what you must think.’
‘So I presume it wasn’t true?’ I said. I could hear the snappiness in my voice. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt – but I suspected that even now, she was going to lie. Anything other than admit she hadn’t wanted to meet my dad.
‘Not completely true,’ she said. ‘But I did have a terrible toothache. It came on suddenly, and, well, I just couldn’t think straight. I did try to get a dentist’s appointment but it was no good, I couldn’t get in anywhere. So I just took some strong painkillers and went to bed.’
‘So why wouldn’t you tell me that?’
‘It sounded pathetic,’ she said, with a sigh. ‘I thought you’d think it sounded like… well, like an excuse.’
‘So how is it now?’ I couldn’t hide the scorn in my voice. We both knew she was still lying. Why couldn’t she just admit it?
‘Much better, thanks. I didn’t sleep all night for the pain, so I stayed in bed yesterday, too, but today, it’s OK. Isn’t that amazing?’
‘Yes. Amazing.’
She fell silent. Then, ‘You don’t believe me, do you?’
‘Should I? Look, I’d have preferred it if you’d just told me right from the start that you didn’t want to meet my dad, OK? Why leave it till the last minute and make up some pathetic story? You didn’t have a toothache at all, did you?’
For a minute I thought she wasn’t going to answer. We were walking towards our usual lunch stop, and we’d already crossed the road and turned the corner. Then, ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again, grabbing my arm, bringing me to a stop. ‘Please don’t hate me.’
‘Don’t be stupid, I don’t hate you, but I am annoyed. Disappointed. I’d just rather you were honest with me. I could have understood, in a way – although my dad isn’t scary, he’s lovely. But perhaps you felt like you were going to be interrogated or something – after all, my mum hasn’t exactly been welcoming?—’
‘I did think that, a little bit,’ she admitted. ‘I was a bit nervous, yes. I wish I had been honest with you, Gem, but I didn’t want you to hate me.’
‘What’s all this about hating you?’ We started walking again. In a weird way, I felt better now she’d admitted to lying, annoying though it still was. ‘There’s no need to talk like that, is there? I was just cross that you cried off, at such short notice. All it’s done is give Dad even more of an impression that I shouldn’t trust you.’
‘Is that what he thinks?’ she said, sighing.
‘Yes. Frankly, yes, and since we’re being honest with each other now – so does my mum. They’re both suspicious of you, and now you’ve made it worse.’
‘I’m an idiot,’ she said quietly. ‘It was true that I couldn’t make it this weekend, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I thought it would have sounded… feeble. But I had something I couldn’t get out of.’
I waited, but it seemed she wasn’t going to tell me what it was. She didn’t have to, of course, but I couldn’t help wondering. Like the last time , I thought. Again, she was unavailable for a whole weekend but didn’t want to talk about it. Well, that was her business, I supposed.
‘Well, you’re right, you’re an idiot,’ I said, a bit more affectionately, as I pushed open the pub door. ‘We’ve been friends for long enough now, haven’t we? You should have just told me you couldn’t make it – I won’t ask why, if you don’t want to tell me – but please, don’t go making up stupid lies about dentists ever again if you want us to stay friends, OK?’
‘OK.’ She linked her arm through mine. ‘I’m really sorry, Gem. Thanks for being so nice about it. I don’t deserve you.’
‘All right, all right, don’t overdo it. There’s an empty table at the back, look. Go and grab it while I order the food. What are you having?’
‘I’ll have a lentil curry today. I’m hungry.’
‘After your weekend not eating because of the toothache, I suppose?’ I teased, and she gave me a grimace in response.
I was glad we’d made up, glad we could move on. But at the back of my mind, I still had a niggle about the way she’d felt the need to lie, and more to the point, to let me down. Let my dad down. Make things worse for us both.
‘So tell me why you think your parents are suspicious of me,’ she said when I went to join her at the table. ‘What have I done? Is your mum still upset about Poppy’s birthday?’
‘No, it’s not that.’ I paused for a moment, wondering how honest to be with her. But really, I thought she needed to know. ‘It’s… well, look, perhaps it sounds a bit daft, but the truth is, they’re worried about how close you seem to have got with Poppy. Over such a short time.’
‘So they’re jealous, that’s all. Because I’m spending more time with Poppy than they do? Don’t they understand that I’m doing it to help you?’
‘Yes, I keep explaining that. But they’re not jealous – well, Mum might be, a bit, but it’s not just that. They’re suspicious because… oh it’s ridiculous, really, but they seem to think you might run off with Poppy or something. Steal her from me.’
There was a silence. Crystal bent her head and looked down at the table. She was upset, and I wasn’t surprised. I touched her hand and went on, softly, ‘I keep telling them it’s ridiculous.’
‘You don’t think that, do you?’ she asked without looking up.
‘No. Of course not. And anyway, if you’d wanted to steal Poppy from me, you’ve had plenty of opportunities to run off with her – when you take her out for walks. Do you think I’d let you take her out if I didn’t trust you with her?’
Our meals were brought to the table then, so we both fell silent for a few minutes. I started on my soup, but Crystal just toyed with her curry, lifting forkfuls of it and putting them down again.
‘Your parents only think that about me because I haven’t got a child of my own, don’t they?’ she said eventually, looking up to meet my eyes. ‘They think I’m so desperate that I’d make friends with you just to steal your daughter. I’m really hurt that anyone could think that of me.’
‘Well,’ I said, trying to spare her feelings, ‘perhaps it’s just that they find it strange how quickly we’ve become friends, and how well you’ve got on with Poppy. Don’t worry about it, and please don’t be hurt. I trust you, and that’s all that matters. But please make an effort to meet them both properly and show them you’re… not what they think. For my sake, OK?’
She nodded. ‘OK. I will. Now, what’s the latest about Jack? You said you’ve heard from the Child Maintenance Service again?’
‘Yes.’ I blinked back surprise at the sudden change of topic, but I guessed she just didn’t want to talk about my parents any more. Not that I really wanted to talk about Jack, or his disappearing act, either. ‘Apparently neither Jack nor his family can be traced in New South Wales. The Australian authorities are suggesting the entire family might have even moved to another country.’
‘ What ?’ she gasped.
‘Unbelievable, isn’t it?’
‘You don’t think they’ve come back here, to the UK, do you?’
‘The CMS will find them if they’re here. No, I bet they’re still in Australia or New Zealand somewhere, living under false names or something, but it seems ridiculously extreme, doesn’t it? The whole family in hiding – just to avoid Jack paying maintenance for his daughter? I can’t get my head around it.’
‘Sounds like they must have more to hide from than just the CMS, if you ask me.’
‘I’ve been wondering the same thing.’ I put down my soup spoon and turned to look out of the window. It was raining, dark and cold – depressing weather for a depressing conversation. ‘I never really knew Jack at all, did I? I was in love with… a myth. A pretence.’
‘It must feel that way,’ she sympathised – and then reached over the table to squeeze my hand. ‘Keep hold of that anger, love. Don’t be sad. Get your own back by having a good life without him.’
I nodded. ‘I know. I’m trying.’ I smiled at her. ‘I couldn’t do it without you, though.’
We went on to talk about other things, and while I was glad to drop the subject of Jack, there was also no more mention of my parents and their suspicions, which I found quite strange since she’d professed to be so hurt by it all.
The following evening, as I was getting Poppy out of the car outside my house, one of my neighbours from along the road, a middle-aged woman called Amanda, happened to walk past and called out hello.
‘Haven’t seen you for a while,’ she commented. ‘Or your other half. Are you both keeping well?’
‘Oh.’ I felt my face drop. I only knew a few of the neighbours, and not well enough to have felt like broadcasting the news of our separation to any of them. ‘Well unfortunately we’re not together any more,’ I said, and turned away, wanting to leave it at that.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,’ Amanda gushed. ‘I did wonder… what with your sister having moved in with you.’
‘My sister ?’ I stared at her. ‘Oh – you must mean Crystal. She’s not my sister, she’s a friend. And she hasn’t moved in. She’s just… spending quite a bit of time with me. Helping me, actually.’
‘I see.’ She nodded. ‘Well, that’s nice, and I’m glad you’ve got someone to help you. She’s always up and down here with your little one, isn’t she? Hello, dear!’ she added to Poppy, and then turned back to me and went on, half under her breath, ‘Such a shame for her – her daddy leaving. Bye, love.’
‘Bye bye, lady,’ Poppy called after her as she walked down the street.
I was seething. Nosy old bag. I was sure Crystal hadn’t told anyone she was my sister, Amanda had just said that as a ruse to find out exactly who she was, not that it was anything to do with her.
‘Lady in the sweet shop,’ Poppy said as I opened the front door.
‘Lady? The lady we saw just now, Pops? She lives along the road. You’ve seen her in a shop?’ I said, surprised.
‘Sweet shop. Gives me buttons.’
I was frowning now, confused. ‘That lady – Amanda – you’ve seen her in the sweet shop? What, the shop round the corner? And she gave you chocolate buttons? When was this, Poppy?’
‘Yesterday.’
To Poppy, everything in the past was ‘yesterday’ so it really didn’t tell me anything. I wasn’t sure if she was making this up, or…
‘Was it when you were out with Crystal?’ I guessed.
‘Yes. When I goes with Crystal. In the sweet shop.’
‘And… hang on, has this happened more than once? The chocolate buttons?’
‘Yes, in the sweet shop!’ she said, sounding impatient now. ‘Play with me now, Mummy?’
There was no point questioning Poppy any more, but I pondered over it during the evening, while she was in bed. It sounded innocuous enough for Amanda, if it was her, to see Poppy with Crystal in the post office and buy her some chocolate buttons. Poppy called it the sweet shop because I often treated her to sweets when we had to queue in there. Nice of her, but out of the ordinary. So it seemed odd that Crystal hadn’t mentioned it. And odd if it really had happened more than once. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable: I could have thanked her, if I’d known about it. Why hadn’t Crystal told me about it? She couldn’t have forgotten. It would have been quite unusual for someone to give Poppy sweets like that – she’d surely have mentioned it, asked me about Amanda, whether I knew her, whether she knew Poppy?
For some reason, then, I went back to thinking about the conversation we’d had over lunch. When I’d told Crystal of my parents’ concerns about her, and the way she’d abruptly changed the subject. I’d assumed it was because she was upset – she looked like she was upset – but was she actually just being dismissive? Thinking it was all a fuss about nothing? I’d assured her I thought my parents were being ridiculous, but wasn’t I – if I was completely honest – wondering just a tiny bit whether it was strange how much time she wanted to spend with Poppy, how often she came around, how she seemed to have made me depend on her so quickly. I knew it was all a bit unusual, but I talked myself out of thinking that. I talked myself into accepting it because I liked her, I needed her, I needed to trust her. Surely I wasn’t wrong – was I?