Chapter 35
35
GEMMA
I wished, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, that I hadn’t said anything to Mum about Crystal and the woman in the park.
‘What have I been telling you?’ she demanded. ‘There’s something not right about all this, Gemma. A single woman with no kids, wanting to spend all her time with Poppy? I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t add up. And now she’s been pretending to be Poppy’s mother – well, I hate to say it, but I’m not surprised, I thought all along?—’
‘I know what you thought, Mum,’ I said, wearily. ‘But I just can’t believe she’s got any… malevolent intentions.’
‘You’re being too na?ve. You were vulnerable when you met her – you still are, to be honest. Susceptible to… well, to someone being kind, helping you out, sympathising with your situation. Whereas your dad and I could see straight away that… well, there was something not quite right about it.’ She paused, gave me a look and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to think the worst of her. I know you needed a friend; I do understand. But be honest – how well do you really know Crystal? What do you know about her? Have you ever been to her home? Met her family?’
‘She hasn’t got any family, apart from a brother who lives in London, and she hardly ever sees him.’
‘Well, that’s convenient, isn’t it?’ Mum said drily.
I was silent, thinking about the weekends when Crystal couldn’t see me because she had to go somewhere else, somewhere mysterious that she never wanted to talk about. Were they a cover for something else? What exactly was she not telling me?
‘So have you been to her home?’ Mum persisted.
‘No. She always comes to me, because the whole point is, she helps me out by looking after Poppy.’
‘Yes. The whole point ,’ Mum said, nodding. ‘That’s exactly what I’m getting at. Why doesn’t she invite you and Poppy to her place?’
‘I suppose it’s just easier…’
I tailed off, miserably. The more I tried to defend Crystal, the more Mum’s arguments were ringing true. I didn’t want her to be right. I didn’t want to think badly of Crystal. But I had that shivering down my spine again, just from thinking, even for a minute: What if Crystal really did want my daughter for herself?
Inevitably, I had a phone call from Dad that evening, after Poppy was in bed. Mum hadn’t wasted much time reporting back.
‘Look, I’m not saying you ought to stop seeing her,’ he said without any preamble. ‘But please, Gemma, don’t let that woman keep taking Poppy out on her own, will you? Not till you’ve sorted this out, at least.’
‘Sorted what out, Dad?’ I could hear the sulky tone in my own voice. I felt like I was about thirteen again, listening to my parents worrying behind my back about the suitability of one of my friends.
‘Well, Mum seems to think you still don’t really know enough about this Crystal. She thinks you rushed into the friendship – and don’t get me wrong, love, we both understand why – but you didn’t really know her. And you still don’t. You don’t know where she lives, you don’t know why her own relationship broke up or why she doesn’t have any kids of her own.’
‘No, I haven’t asked, because it’s frankly a bit too personal, isn’t it? She’d tell me if she wanted to, but I’ve just presumed her boyfriend left her before they’d even started trying for a baby, and now she doesn’t want to have one as a single mother, and she hasn’t met anyone she wants to?—’
‘I’d feel better if she’d told you, rather than you presuming. But this latest thing – pretending to be Poppy’s mum – it makes me feel very uncomfortable, and your mum says you obviously weren’t happy about it yourself.’
‘Well, to be fair to Crystal, I don’t know if she was pretending. It was just as likely the other woman assumed it.’
I could hear Dad sighing. ‘Well, look, I won’t say any more, but just think about it, will you? Your mum and I are both worried. Promise me you’ll be careful. Don’t let her have Poppy on her own until you’re really sure about her.’
‘I was really sure about her,’ I said, ‘until you and Mum started saying all this stuff.’
But of course, it wasn’t true. Not any more. I was having doubts, however much I tried to deny it, and I didn’t know how I was going to resolve them. Crystal was always around, always being her usual cheery, chatty self, and I couldn’t find a way to suddenly start giving her the third degree about why exactly she hadn’t had children, or why exactly she wanted to spend so much time with Poppy, having accepted the situation without question up till now.
I made up my mind; I’d have a serious talk with her as soon as possible, but when Crystal and I met for lunch on the Monday, she seemed quiet and preoccupied, barely able to give me a smile even when I started telling her about something funny Poppy had said.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked, concern now taking precedence over my worries. ‘You seem… a bit down.’
She forced a smile. ‘Oh, I’m all right. Just thinking about… well, about everything I’ve got to do before Christmas.’
‘Tell me about it!’ I laughed. ‘I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping yet. And Poppy’s nagging me about putting the tree and the decorations up – they’ve had everything up at her nursery since the beginning of the month. I need to get on the case this weekend, really.’
I stopped, looking at Crystal, wondering. What did she do for Christmas? She’d never said. Surely she didn’t just sit at home on her own on Christmas Day?
‘Do you go to your brother’s for Christmas?’ I asked her. ‘Or does he come to you?’
‘Sometimes,’ she said, not looking remotely pleased at the thought of it. ‘But, well, it’s just another day, really, isn’t it? When there are no children to get excited about it.’
She’s expecting me to invite her, I realised.
I felt my breath catch in my throat. How could I? Poppy and I would be going to Mum’s; Dad would probably come down – unless he had a better offer. We’d stay over for Boxing Day – it was all planned already. There was no way I could ask to invite Crystal to join us, not the way Mum and Dad were feeling about her now.
‘Why don’t you come round on Christmas Eve?’ I said quickly before I could change my mind. ‘It’ll just be you, me and Poppy – she’ll be all excited about Father Christmas, you can help her do the milk and biscuits for him, and we’ll do her stocking and tuck her into bed early, then we can have a special dinner, just the two of us?—’
Her eyes had lit up. ‘Oh, are you really sure? You really wouldn’t mind? I mean, I know you’ll be going to your mum’s on Christmas Day, and, well, I might see my brother but I never know till the last minute – but it would be so lovely to spend Christmas Eve with you and Poppy. I can’t tell you how happy that would make me. It’ll make… everything else’ – she paused and took a deep breath – ‘everything else that goes on… feel easier to bear.’
I couldn’t help feeling relieved that I’d cheered her up so much – that she seemed so pleased and enthusiastic about coming on Christmas Eve, even if she did have to spend Christmas on her own. I didn’t care, right then, what Mum and Dad thought, I didn’t care about my own uneasiness about her. The thought of her, alone and sad on the day when most of us would be enjoying ourselves with our loved ones, was almost unbearable and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought about it sooner. But that last, lingering comment she’d made about everything else that goes on was troubling me. Her smile had dropped as she’d said it, the frown lines coming back onto her face.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked her. ‘What is everything else that goes on ?’
‘Oh, well,’ she said vaguely, with a dismissive shrug. ‘You know. All the hassle. Christmas shopping, like you say.’
I frowned. Christmas shopping? Who did she have to buy presents for? Just her brother, unless…
‘Please don’t start spending money on us – Poppy or me,’ I said gently. ‘There’s no need, honestly?—’
‘It’s fine. I’ll only buy a little something. It’s a pleasure to buy for Poppy, especially now I know I’ll be able to give her present to her myself – if you don’t mind her having it on Christmas Eve?’
‘Of course I don’t mind.’
I stared at her as she started to idly pick at her lunch. I couldn’t make this out. There was something very strange about her mood: despite her excitement about the offer of Christmas Eve, she still wasn’t really happy.
‘Cheer up,’ I said. ‘How about we go shopping together on Saturday? Mum’s offered to have Poppy for the day so I can buy my Christmas presents. I was going to get them all online, to be honest – I don’t particularly like shopping in the crowds at this time of year – but if we go out together, it’ll be more fun, won’t it?’
‘Your mum’s having Poppy?’ Crystal said, looking up at me. ‘I suppose she doesn’t trust me around her now.’
I stared at her. ‘No, it isn’t that, at all. I’ve just said, it’s so that I can go shopping – if I want to. Poppy would hate it?—’
She sighed and shook her head. ‘I can’t make it this weekend anyway. Sorry.’
‘Oh.’ I was taken aback by her tone. Was she sulking? Was she really so offended at my mum offering to have Poppy for the day? And this was before I’d even broached the subject of my concerns – or more specifically my parents’ concerns – about her pretending to be Poppy’s mum. I didn’t feel able to even attempt to do that now.
‘So are you busy all weekend?’ I asked her. ‘We could go on Sunday instead.’
‘I’ll be away. Sorry.’
‘Oh – are you going to your brother’s? That’ll be nice for you?—’
‘No.’ She put down her fork, looked at me across the table, seeming to hesitate for a moment, and at the same time I remembered that this had happened before. Several times.
‘Is this – like the other weekends you couldn’t make?’ I prompted. ‘Is it something horrible you have to do, something that upsets you? You never seem very happy about it. Why don’t you tell me, love? Even if I can’t help, it might just make you feel better to talk about it.’
‘It won’t,’ she retorted. She pushed back her chair, got to her feet, trembling, on the point of tears. ‘I can’t talk about it, OK? It’s private. Don’t ask me to talk about it?—’
‘All right, I’m sorry, I won’t – look, don’t get upset, I didn’t mean to… Oh, Crystal, don’t just go!’
But she’d turned and walked away, out of the pub door, slamming it behind her, running down the road towards our work. I couldn’t even run after her. We hadn’t paid the bill.