Chapter 28
Emerson
He wouldn’t fuck me, and I wouldn’t let him shove me into a different room or a different bed. I refused to go and so he left. I don’t know where he went and I honestly don’t care at this point.
I snuggle into his blankets and try to sleep, but it doesn’t work, so I lie here awake, waiting for him to come back.
I don’t know how I feel about everything I learned tonight. Or the fact he thought about killing me tonight. I suppose I understand to a point why he feels the way he does.
“You’re still awake,” I hear his voice from across the room and jerk a little.
“You left.”
“I needed to be alone,” he responds before he walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. I shove myself up and sit against the headboard, waiting to see if he says more. “You can sleep, Emerson. I won’t hurt you.”
“And yet you wanted to kill me a few hours ago,” I remind him. I hear him sigh loudly before kicking off his shoes and laying back on the bed.
“I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“And now that I did?”
“You didn’t look at me the way they did.”
“How did they look at you?”
“Like I was a monster. Like the monster I am,” he says sounding a little sad about it. I scoot over close enough that I can touch him, and as soon as my hand lands on his chest, his hand flies up to cover it. At first, I thought he was going to push me away, and maybe that’s what was going through his head, but instead, he kept his hand wrapped around mine.
“You’re not a monster. Things, bad things happened to you, Gannix.”
“You think killing women doesn’t make me a monster?” he asks, turning his head to look at me.
“I think your father made you the way you are. That doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it,” I tell him.
“I’ve thought about that too. If there are no other women, then I’d have no one to kill.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want you, Emerson. You’re the only one I want,” he explains, and my heart leaps into my throat.
“Do you honestly think this is going to work?”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“For one, you stalked me. You sold my house,” I say when he cuts me off.
“Which you no longer need.”
“Because your brother kidnapped me,” I add.
“Maybe I planned on doing the same.”
“Did you?”
“The thought had occurred to me.”
“Let’s just forget about that for now. The fact you don’t know me and the way I am …” I can’t finish that sentence. I don’t know if I like the way I am anymore. I thought I did. I thought I could live with fucking random men, but the more I think about it, the more ashamed I feel. Shouldn’t I want a husband at some point? Shouldn’t I want to settle down and live a good life?
“You’re perfect the way you are, Em. And I do know you. I know how your mother treated you. I know how you are with men, but you don’t need that anymore. Anything you want, anytime you want it, is right here.”
“Are you going to continue to hide from me?” Now, he lets out another long sigh.
“I can’t say I’m comfortable with all this just yet.”
“But you think I am?”
“No, I don’t think you are either, but this is it. This is the rest of our lives, Emerson.” The way he says it makes it all seem so final. I don’t know much about Gannix. I don’t know much about his life, but I do know that even though there are things wrong with him mentally. Somewhere in him, he has a good heart, even if it is a little blackened.
“I don’t know about that,” I mumble. Gannix laughs an actual laugh before releasing my hand and sitting up next to me.
“This is all new to both of us. I don’t bring women home. I haven’t slept with anyone except you since the day I laid eyes on you,” he confesses.
“How long ago was that? That you first saw me?”
“Three years ago. You were dancing in the rain outside your house. You were smiling like you didn’t have a care in the world.”
“Three years?”
“Yes. You were wearing a low-cut dress. You had just gotten home from the club as the sun was beginning to rise. I wondered what you did in between times that you were getting home that late, but I watched you.”
“I wasn’t smiling.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t smiling. I mean, I was, but it was just to mask the tears,” I tell him truthfully.
“Why were you crying?”
“Because my life is ugly, Gannix. There’s nothing good in it. There’s nothing to be happy about. I could fake it with the best of them, but deep down, I’ve not been happy for a long time.”
“Depression?” he asks, and I shrug.
“I guess something like that. When my mom died, I thought a piece of me died too, but why? She wasn’t a good mom. She didn’t want me, never had. It made no sense to me I’d feel that way.”
“You’re human, Em. You have feelings, and your mom was a big part of your life.”
“But was she? What did she do for me?”
“You might not like how she raised you, but you’re still you.”
“I could say the same about you,” I tell him, looking into his eyes. I see Gannix lick his lips before reaching over and cupping my cheek. He leans in and brushes his lips over mine, and I find myself melting into him. This is wrong. It’s so wrong, but why does it feel so right? He’s a murderer. He kills women. He wanted to kill me.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” he says before going back to kissing me. How can I stop that? How can I not think about the fact there are women out there dead because of what they saw?
I let him kiss me, though. In fact, I start kissing him back. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and a moan escapes me. A low growl leaves his throat as he hooks his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me impossibly closer to him.
Gannix devours my mouth with his until we’re both panting. He finally breaks away and shifts to lie down, motioning for me to do the same. I lie down next to him, and he immediately pulls me closer to him.
“Gannix?”
“Hmm?”
“You can’t kiss me like that and then go to sleep,” I tell him. He laughs, and it’s so fucking perfect.
“You’re going to have to work with me here, Em. I let you see me tonight, but I don’t think I can fuck you without drugging you yet.”
“It doesn’t bother me, you know?”
“I know. I saw that, but it bothers me.”
“It shouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault,” I tell him softly.
“As much as I know that, I still can’t, baby. Just give me a little time, okay?”
“Okay, then drug me,” I tell him. He looks at me as if I’m insane, and maybe I am. I shouldn’t ask this man to fucking drug me. I shouldn’t be asking him for anything after what he’s done to me, but here I am asking anyway.
“What?”
“Drug me,” I say once more.
“No.”
“Why not? You said it yourself. Whatever I want, whenever I want, is here. And I want you.” His eyes darken as he stares into my eyes. I can see the way he’s looking at me, torn between doing it and not. In the end, his urges win.
He nods his head and climbs off the bed, walking into the bathroom as I lie in bed debating what I asked him to do. It’s drugs, for fucks sake.
Gannix walks back out of the bathroom with a syringe in his hand, and my hands begin to tremble. He’s never used a needle before, only drugged my drinks.
“That’s a needle,” I state the obvious.
“It’s the fastest way to deliver the drugs,” he explains as I nod my head. “Change your mind, Em.”
“No.”
“Change your mind.” He tries once more as he gets closer to the bed. I sit up and shake my head knowing what I want, what I need, and that’s him. I swallow hard as he reaches out and pinches my arm, shoving the needle in without warning. I wince at the pinch as he plunges the drugs into my body. He pulls the needle free and tosses it onto the bedside table as he watches me.
“How long does it take?”
“It should only take a few minutes.” He answers me as I kick the blanket off myself and spread my legs. My hand lands on my chest, and I slowly work it down my stomach and between my legs while he watches me. His eyes are so dark I can barely see them, but that does something to me.
I find my pussy wet for him. Just like every other time I’ve been with him.
“What are you thinking about, Emerson?”
“You,” I whisper.
“You’re this wet just thinking about me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. I slide my finger in and out of my pussy and nod my head. I arch my back and get my finger as deep inside myself as I can while he watches me. “If you’re this wet just thinking about me, I wonder how wet you’d be if I tasted you.”
“Do it. Please, Gannix,” I hear myself begging, and I’m not ashamed of it. The thought of what I’m doing right now should make me feel ashamed, except it doesn’t. I should be running, I should be hiding from him not begging for him. But like he said, where am I going to go? I have nowhere, no one.
He watches me for a few more seconds before he grabs my ankles and pulls me to the edge. He drops to his knees at the edge of the bed and tosses my legs over his shoulders before diving in.
His head is between my legs as his tongue slides against the wetness he finds. He licks at me, causing my body to shiver and buck against him, but when his tongue touches my clit I nearly jump off the bed.
His mouth is like magic, and I’m glad I’m getting to enjoy this before the drugs kick in.
Gannix doesn’t stop eating me, licking me, touching me. His fingers have joined his mouth as they slip inside me, and his tongue works my clit. My hands tangle in his hair, keeping him pressed against me as my body feels like it’s going to explode.
“No coming in my mouth tonight, Em,” he rasps as he pulls back. I whine, but I can feel the drugs slowly working through my system. The room is turning fuzzy and my body tingles as Gannix stands to his feet and starts to pull his clothes off. All I can think about is touching him, feeling him touch me, fucking me.