Epilogue Two
Alek
Five Years Later
The hospital room pulses with wild, electric energy as Hayvin pants on the bed. Strands of damp hair cling to her flushed cheeks, and she grits her teeth as another contraction seizes her belly.
I have never seen anything as breathtaking as her in this moment.
“Here comes another one, Hayvin. Are you ready?” her doctor questions.
Hayvin’s hand crushes mine before she snarls at me. “If you ever touch me with that fucking demon between your legs again, I’m going to make you choke on it.”
So fucking beautiful.
“Okay, baby girl,” I croon, ignoring Everleigh’s snickers.
Hayvin anchors her hands under her knees as she bears down. She grunts and pushes while Everleigh and I count down the seconds with her doctor. When we reach ten, Hayvin slumps back to the bed with a sob.
I wipe the sweat from her face with the cool cloth the nurse hands me. “You’re doing so good, baby. You’re brave as fuck, bringing our little girl into this world. I love you so much.”
She needs light in this storm, so I bury my own fear deep inside, determined to be her anchor.
My wife’s voice breaks, tears glimmering in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean those cruel words.”
I laugh softly, kissing her through the mask. “At the moment you did, and it’s okay. I couldn’t possibly love you any less. Curse me all you need as long as you make it through this in one piece.”
“We. As long as we make it through.”
I kiss her brow, another contraction distracting her at her need to push.
I love my daughter enough to take a bullet for her, no question. But what I feel for my wife defies words. When our daughter is grown and gone, Hayvin will still be my world. I vowed to love her, honor her, and put her above all else the day she became mine. She is the air I breathe every morning.
The past five years have overflowed with joy, but shadows have tried to smother our love. We fought through darkness that threatened to pull us under.
Hayvin had her first miscarriage six months after our wedding.
She was only ten weeks along. We grieved and were sad, but the second one nearly broke us.
She was nineteen weeks when the ultrasound tech couldn’t detect the heartbeat.
My wife’s hospitalization and delivery of our tiny son caused her much trauma in the days following that tragic news.
They asked us if we wanted to see our baby, and an automatic refusal sat heavily on my tongue.
But it wasn’t just my decision, and no way in fuck was I going to be selfish and put my needs above Hayvin’s.
Never again.
I called both our therapists, who quickly agreed to hold an emergency session at the hospital.
Together, Hayvin and I said a sorrowful goodbye to our baby boy.
Healing from that loss took years. We promised ourselves no more children, and Hayvin started birth control. Still, a piece of us clung to hope, because when I offered a vasectomy, she refused without hesitation.
For a while, our days were shrouded in darkness.
Anger and pain simmered with no place to land.
Hayvin abandoned her music, her joy lost, while I drowned myself in work.
Still, every night, we clung to each other, desperate to mend.
Therapy helped, but it was time and our stubborn love that finally pulled us back into the light.
Of course, we faced another setback when our best friends announced their pregnancy.
They were hesitant and fearful when they told us, and I think that was another breakthrough we needed.
We wouldn’t let our grief take away the happiness we felt for them.
Hayvin and I got tattoos commemorating the two angels we lost and promised each other to move forward.
Gradually, our days brightened and our hearts grew lighter as the ache began to fade.
Then, three years to the day after our first loss, we discovered that, despite precautions, Hayvin was pregnant again. Terror ruled those first months, but by the second trimester, fear gave way to cautious hope. Hope blossomed into excitement, and excitement melted into love.
By her third trimester, Hayvin glowed with a happiness that radiated warmth, wrapping everyone close. She was making music again, and I worked from home, determined not to miss a single moment.
Still, worry gnaws at me, coiled tight in my chest. It won’t loosen until our daughter is safe in our arms. That crippling fear creates distance. I ache to bond with this pregnancy, with our girl, the way my heart longs to.
When Hayvin called me at work to let me know that Everleigh was taking her to the hospital, my heart stopped. Then my wife’s sweet voice came over the line, explaining that it was time. Her water had broken, and her contractions were five minutes apart.
The one day I had to go in for a meeting, my little girl chose this one to make her grand entrance.
Three years to the day that we lost our son.
It felt like our lost babies were sending a sign, whispering that this time, everything would be all right.
“Are you ready to push again?” the doctor says from between my wife’s legs, pulling me from my thoughts. “Let’s try for a longer push this time. I can see a head full of hair already.”
A nurse holds a mirror so that Hayvin can see her progress.
“Push now, Hayvin.”
I watch in awe, barely keeping count as my wife unleashes another warrior cry and our precious girl slips into the world.
The doctor motions for me to cut the cord, and the nurses rush my quiet daughter across the room.
My stomach knots with dread, my heart slamming frantically in my chest.
Why isn’t she crying? She’s supposed to be crying. Right?
“What’s wrong?” I ask the nurses, but they ignore me.
“Alek?” Hayvin cries. “Why isn’t she crying, Alek?”
Just as I move toward her, the sweetest sound I have ever heard knocks me to my motherfucking knees.
She’s okay.
Our precious girl, our rainbow, is finally safe. Relief floods me, fierce and overwhelming.
Both of my ladies made it through.
I wipe away my tears and stand, guilt gnawing at me for not being there for Hayvin.
Leaning over the bed, I put my forehead against hers, savoring the feeling of our emotions corralling inside us. “You did it, baby. Listen to that set of lungs on our girl.”
“She’s okay,” she whispers, bringing her hand to my cheek.
“Yeah, baby. She’s perfect.”
“I love you, Alek, but you need to go to her.”
My body shakes at the thought of leaving Hayvin, but she pulls my mouth to hers, sliding her tongue against mine.
After a few kisses, she looks at me sternly. “It’s time to share your love, Alek. She’s the best part of you and me. Love her. Let her love you. It’s okay, Casanova. You can let go of that fear now and love her. Everleigh is here with me.”
“Vin,” I mutter, my feet staying locked in place even as my eyes drift to our little girl.
“Go, Alek. Love her as much as you love me. She deserves it. You deserve it.”
“Dammit,” I snarl, grasping her chin and covering her mouth with mine. “I fucking love you, you hear me?”
Hayvin laughs softly. “I fucking love you too, Casanova. Now go.”
I trail after the nurses, unable to tear my eyes from my tiny daughter as she wails. Time blurs; eventually, the nurses diaper her, swaddle her, and gently place her in my arms. The moment she settles against me, my trembling stops.
Something shifts the instant her cries fade and her blue eyes find mine.
I fall, hopeless and delirious, in love with my daughter. The love is as deep as what I feel for her mother, but spun from a different thread. My soul is now bound to two beautiful girls, and I would not change a thing.
I brush my lips against her forehead, breathing in that fresh baby smell as I carry her to her mama.
Hayvin watches us eagerly, her body wiggling in place despite just giving birth.
I pause at the bedside, reluctant to let go. Only the knowledge that her mama needs this moment as much as I do loosens my grip.
Placing one last kiss on her head, I peer at Hayvin and Everleigh. “Cadence Leia Johnson, this is your mama,” I murmur, unwrapping her so she can rest on Hayvin’s bare chest. “Mama, meet your beautiful little girl.”
Hayvin lets out a quiet sob, her hands covering any part of Cadence she can reach. “Hey, my girl,” she coos. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.”
Standing beside them, I witness my wife’s dream of motherhood come true before my eyes.
Of all the versions of Hayvin I have loved, this one—her as a mother—might be my favorite. She is transformed, radiant in a way I have never seen. If anyone was born for motherhood, it’s my wife.
Part of me aches that I could not give her this sooner.
But I believe everything unfolded as it was meant to.
Hayvin and I had to break apart to become stronger, to shed what held us back.
If we had faced our losses as the people we were seven years ago, we would not have survived as a couple.
Losing each other, then finding our way back, gave us the strength to weather every storm together.
“Thank you,” she whispers, peering up at me.
“Thank you for giving me this. For never giving up on me after we lost Angel and Cole, even in the moments I gave up on myself. You found me in those dark days and guided me back to our light. Without your strength, without your love, I don’t know if I’d have been able to make it. I love you, Alek.”
“You never have to thank me. Never. Loving you, being there for you, protecting you, is the easiest thing I’ve done in my life.
You would have eventually found your way out without me, but you’re never going to be alone, Hayvin.
I’m always going to have your back, so you never have to be afraid again.
You,” I place my hand over the back of Cadence’s head, “and now she is my life. I love you both to the deepest parts of my soul. So, thank you, Hayvin, for giving me the opportunity to do that.” I keep my hand on Cadence as I lean over the bed railing to place my forehead against hers.
“I don’t know what the rest of our future will bring, but I know that as long as I have you at my side, we’ll face it together. ”
A sniffle comes from the other side of the bed, and Hayvin and I turn toward Everleigh in shock.
“Oh, fuck off, you two. It’s just so good to finally see you all here.”
“Everleigh,” I ask carefully, knowing how she gets over this. “Are you knocked up again?”
Fire licks through her wet eyes, and she snarls at me. “Of course, I am. When am I ever not fucking knocked up?”
Everleigh starts to the door, muttering under her breath something about stupid fucking breeding kinks and being dickmatized by big dicks. I wince when she grumbles something about rusty razor blades.
“Should we warn him?” I ask Hayvin.
She snickers, shaking her head. “Nope. That man knows what’s coming for him. Plus, he adores her particular brand of fire. I think he antagonizes her most of the time just so he can get burned by it.”
“Should we let our family in now?” she asks.
The waiting room is full of people waiting patiently for the newest addition to our growing group. Everleigh and her man, Charlie and Keaton, Titan and his wife, Amelia and her man, and so many others that Hayvin and I have made friends over the years.
I shake my head, gliding my mouth over hers. “In a bit. Right now, I just want time with my ladies.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby girl.”
We’re both quiet as Hayvin brings Cadence to her breast. I watch in awe as my daughter suckles in the nutrients her mama provides.
“Hey, Alek,” Hayvin whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Is forever too long with me?” she asks the question that’s become our thing.
My eyes drift between my ladies before settling on my wife. “Forever isn’t long enough.”
Hayvin and I have weathered some heavy fucking storms, but every challenge has only deepened our love. Not a day passes that I don’t show her she’s seen, and always will be. When I say forever is not long enough, I mean it. I will never tire of her by my side.
Hayvin could never be my just because. She has always been the heartbeat within my chest.
Forever may not be long enough, but I’ll take every damn second of it.