23. Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-three
Summer
My father was a hero to me. I say was because I’m not so sure about that now. Growing up, I looked up to him. I wanted to be exactly like him. Or, the man I thought he was.
Little did I know, I never really knew who he was.
After a while, seeing as many bodies as I’m sure he has seen, I suppose that can change someone mentally. Do enough damage to one’s brain that they don’t think before they act.
But no matter how much damage he has done, it doesn’t justify his actions.
My stomach somersaults, nausea at a peak high. I take long breaths to push through it because seeing my father and talking to him is the only way I will know how he truly feels.
And I need to know he’s suffering. I need to know he’s hurting from the action of hitting his favorite and only little girl he has cherished all these years.
Honestly, I’m terrified. But as the house comes into view, I notice that my father’s police car isn’t in the driveway. Something unsettling sits in my belly, but I keep walking.
I get inside and take a minute to look at my surroundings. I know this house by heart, every nook and cranny, all the way down to the squeaky floorboards. My heart grows heavy. I love everything about this house. I love how simple and elegant it is. But now that Mom is gone, everything here feels empty.
Making my way up the stairs, I look around, stopping in front of my father’s bedroom. I can’t help but stare inside. Mom used to bring light into the home. She’d open all the curtains first thing in the morning while Dad made the bed. He was always precise. Everything had to be perfect. A small laugh emerges as my mind drifts down memory lane.
***
My little feet run across the hallway. I see Dad adjusting the pillows and then the blanket. Mom is opening the curtains and the blinds. My tiny feet jump up and down with excitement. I’m always excited when Daddy has the day off because that means we all go out together.
Dad turns his head up at me and smiles. “Hey, sweetie.” He stops what he’s doing, comes over to me, crouches down, and grabs my little hands in his large ones. “Do you want to see something cool?”
I hop on my tiptoes, jump some more, and nod my head. Dad holds my hand and brings me to the bed. He lets it go and finishes stretching out the blanket, tucking each corner as tight as he can.
Mom comes over and places a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, honey. You’re not going to show her the quarter trick, are you?” she asks Dad.
“A trick!” I shout, clapping my hands together and jumping some more. “I love tricks. I want to see it. Let me see. Daddy, show me, show me.”
Dad chuckles. I look at Mom, and she shakes her head with a broad smile on her face. She releases my shoulder and walks to the dresser to pull out a quarter from her wallet. Then she hands it to me while Dad makes sure there are no wrinkles in the blanket.
When Dad finishes, he approaches me, resting on one knee, and plucks the coin out of my fingers. “Do you think this quarter can bounce?” he asks.
I shake my head. “That’s silly. It’s not a bouncy ball.”
“You’re correct.” He rises, standing straight on his feet. “But what if it can?”
I look at Dad, my little eyes wide, and I hop again on my toes. “That’d be so cool.”
He hands me the coin back. “Drop this on the bed. I guarantee it’ll bounce.”
My eyebrows crease. I don’t believe him, but I love experiments. So, I do it anyway. I toss the coin in the air with all my strength, watching it fall onto the bed, and it flings back up. My mouth drops open.
“It bounced! It bounced!” I shout. Excitement fills my voice.
Mom and Dad laugh together, and I leap into Dad’s arms, wrapping my little arms around his neck.
***
I force myself out of the memory, feeling my heart swell, and walk down the end of the hallway to the room where Mom used to read. I haven’t had enough strength since being home to step foot into this room. The heartache of losing Mom was enough. I didn’t want to feel more pain by imagining me sitting on her lap while she read me stories.
I lick my lips, reaching for the knob. My mouth parts as the knob doesn’t budge.
What the fuck?
This door is never locked.
I tell myself that Dad may feel the same as I do. Being mom’s favorite room in the house, perhaps he, too, can’t endure the memories we all once had. I shove my concern aside for later.
I take a deep breath and go into my room to change. Once I’m appropriately dressed, I pull up my father’s contact information in my phone and hit the call button.
As the phone rings, I nervously chew on my bottom lip.
He answers. “Summer. Where have you been?” His voice is full of worry.
“Hey, Dad. I’m OK. I was with…” I stop there, remembering how angry he was when I told him I was with Alec the last time. “It doesn’t matter. I’m home now.”
My head moves to the ground. I listen to his soft breathing through the phone, waiting for him to say something to make me feel better.
“I was so worried about you,” he finally lets out.
I nod frantically. “Yeah. Um. No. I’m fine. Promise. Are you at work?”
“Yeah, I’m heading out of the office soon. The case I’m helping with is almost solved. Things will be back to normal in no time.”
My chest hurts, and I’m left rocking back and forth on my heels. Things will never be the same . “Can we talk later? Or… tomorrow. Whatever is easier.”
I hear someone shout in the background, but I can’t make out what is said. “Yes. Tomorrow. I have to get going. We’re so close.” I can hear the excitement in his tone, and I know it’s not about me. It’s about work, which makes me feel like I’m being pushed on the sidelines again. “I’ll talk to you soon, sweetheart. We need to talk soon. Love you.”
I blink. “Yeah, love you too,” I whisper before hanging up the phone.
I slip my phone into my back pocket and drag my palms down my face. I take a minute to think before locking up the house and heading back to Alec’s car.
When I get to the car, Alec jolts as I open the door and climb inside. “Drive.”
He stares at me in all seriousness. “Where to?”
“The station.” My blood is hot inside my body, and I’m full of rage and adrenaline.
“Sunshine.” Alec’s voice is worrisome.
“Fucking drive, Alec!” I shout, waving one hand toward the dashboard.
“Jesus.” He shakes his head, pulling into the road.
I close my eyes and fight the tears that well in them. This time, these tears are hot and angry. I don’t allow them to fall. Instead, focus on the one thing I need to do.
Find my mother’s case file.
***
“We can leave if you want.”
Alec’s eyes slide to mine, momentarily dispelling my apprehension. It only lasts a second before returning, because as soon as I look over the dashboard, my insides are screaming at me again and I force myself to look back at Alec.
I could leave, but what would that accomplish?
“Do you have a better plan?” I drawl.
Alec watches me with narrowed brows. His hand reaches towards me, resting on my thigh. The touch of his skin radiates something warm and fuzzy up my arm, and straight to my core.
“No,” he says.
It would be much easier to check my father’s office first like I originally had planned, but if he’s working on a case, that’s the one place he would be in and out of. This plan is our only option. No matter if Alec disagrees. No matter if this is the stupidest plan in the universe, I will get my hands on that file and I will figure out who murdered my mother.
“You know… this might not end well,” he adds.
There’s truth in his words. I know it myself but hearing them come from him only makes me feel unease, pushing any good feeling I did have aside. But I have to shove it away. I can’t allow myself to second guess what we’re about to do.
“I know.” I swallow the thickness in my throat.
A muscle below his neck tattoo pulses. He wants to protest, but there’s no point. Nothing he says will change my mind.
“You don’t have to do this with me.” I think so, anyway. Honestly, I don’t know how I’d get my hands on that file if I didn’t have his help.
“You’re not doing this alone. Now, stop procrastinating and let's get this goddamn thing over with.” He speaks like this is easy, but we both know it isn’t.
I close my eyes, my insides still scattered, and I breathe in softly. “OK. I’m going to leave my phone here, talk to Brentley, and when I come back out with his key card, you’re going to…”
“Sneak in the side door, take the stairs on the left, and find the room that has ‘Confidential’ blasted across the door. Got it.”
I nod, opening the door, but before I close it, I bend over to look at him. “Oh, and Alec? Thank you for this.”
His lip quirks upward. “I’d do anything for you, Sunshine.”
My throat is suddenly thick and dry. I shove it aside, but my stomach cramps. Taking in a shaky breath, I paste a smile on my face and stride into the police station until I’m face to face with Allen Brentley.
He’s flipping through some kind of magazine that I can’t see from behind the glass that protects him from potential criminals… is that what I am going to be?
When he notices me, he jumps out of his seat and swipes his key card to open the door. I watch his movements like a hawk seeking its lunch.
“Summer,” he says, surprise written all over his face as he runs his hand through his mustard-colored hair. “I didn’t expect you to come here.”
I stutter over my chuckle, hoping he doesn’t notice the difference in my laugh. “You know me. I’m full of surprises.”
My eyes fall to his belt where his key card is clipped to one of the loops. He wraps his arms around me, and I do the same, holding my breath for what’s going to come next.