29. Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Twenty-nine
Alec
Everything feels different.
It’s like my whole soul has flipped upside down, and the more I try to pull myself back up… the deeper it gets.
Missing her, that is.
I miss the sound of her laugh.
I miss the color her skin turned when I said her nickname and the way it felt being next to her. I was relaxed and less worried. I felt comfort in ways I hadn’t in a very long time. She was like my own personal succubus.
It’s stupid, really, considering it’s only been a couple of days since I last saw her, but knowing I no longer will hurts.
I thought that I was protecting her by not telling her that her father arrested me time and time again, but it was I who was being fucking selfish.
That’s all I ever am.
A selfish man who will only care about himself.
Aunt Jules’s words snake through my mind. The same ones that taunted me every day since she gained custody of us.
You’re never going anywhere, Alec. You’re just as selfish as your mother and father when they decided to let the drugs consume them and forget that you and Callie ever existed. Never thinking about anyone but themselves. Blocking out the reality of life. You’re just like them.
For years, I have tried to block out Jules’s thoughts of me. Knowing that I would never be like my father. I am nothing like him, but as I sit on my couch in my apartment, waiting for Chase, I can’t help but feel like my aunt was right.
It wasn’t until I spoke to Summer that first time on the commons bench that I realized something inside of me shifted. I fought it, hoping that maybe I could focus on revenge instead. How stupid of me to think that revenge would soothe the anger I withheld all these years.
Revenge is worthless. It only pushes you further from where you want to be.
And now… now that selfish part of me, that black hole in my heart… it’s thicker. Darker. Deeper. And there is no way I can crawl myself out from under it.
Music is all I’ll ever have.
I drag myself off the couch and into the kitchen just as Chase walks in without knocking. It’s typical of him. The only time he ever knocks is if I’m not expecting him.
He drops his binder onto my counter with a loud thud. The legs of the stool drag against the floor as he pulls it out and sits down. He doesn’t have to tell me he’s pissed off for me to know. With the way his jaw is set, and his lips are pulled in tight, showing the creases in the corners… it’s obvious.
Neither one of us bothers to speak. Instead, I pull out my bottle of Jack and pour us both a glass.
Chase breaks the silence the minute I slide the glass his way. “You cost not only yourself, but me, a lot of money.” I don’t say anything because I’m aware of what I cost this band. I’m aware of the massive loss Chase took. “You know,” he continues, bringing his glass to his lips for a sip. “When I saw you guys play a few years back, I knew you had a lot of potential. I saw the passion each of you had.” He shakes his head and places the glass back down on the tabletop. “It’s a shame that pussy got in the way.”
My knuckles turn white, my grip on my glass of whiskey tightening. “It wasn’t the pussy.” That’s not a lie. As much as I wanted just a taste, wanted to claim her for what she was… I’m a respectful guy.
“Mmm,” he hums, not believing a word I say. “There are hundreds of people who would kill to be where you are. If not thousands. I’m not an easy man to work with, but I also have no intention of having my career die.”
“Are you implying that I do?”
He cocks an eyebrow. “I don’t know. Do you?”
I press my lips together, my jaw jerking to the side. “I had shit to deal with, but it’s done. I made a mistake, yes, but that only makes me fucking human. I’m no saint.”
He chuckles, adjusting the strap on his watch. “People pay attention. They talk.”
My eyes narrow. “What exactly are you saying? Are you quitting on us because of one lousy fuck up?”
He slams his palm against the counter at the same time he stands. You’d think I would’ve jumped, but I’m too used to the rage Chase explodes with.
“A lousy fuck up would be being late. A lousy fuck up would be a string snapping. A crack in the bass during shipment. You deliberately ignored me. Made me look like a goddamn fool.” He scratches his temple, picking up his binder with the opposite hand. “I’m not pushing for someone who doesn’t take this passion seriously.”
He goes to leave but I stop him when I ask, “So what? That’s it… you’re done?”
He turns his head slowly, still facing the door. “I suppose I am.”
Gripping the back of my neck with one hand, my glass of whiskey in the other, I walk around the table. “What about Tale’s Gate? We prepared new songs. It could redeem us. Maybe get us back on track.”
Chase’s nostrils flare as he inhales and exhales. “I wish you the best of luck, Alec.” He stuffs his binder between his arms and leaves without another word.
My teeth grind against each other, the harsh friction sending waves of pain striking into my jaw. The surge of anger that courses through my veins ignites like a raging fire. I clench my hand tighter around the glass, feeling the muscles in my arms pulsing. Suddenly, before I can stop myself, my arm swings up, hurling the glass into the door. The impact echoes through the room. Shards of glass splinter throughout the kitchen. The dark whisky from the glass splashes onto the floor, forming a small pool, and specks of it decorate the nearby wall.
“Fuck!” I shout, gripping my hair tight.
My eyes fixated on the remnants of the sightless rage. Yet, I don’t have a care in the world.
I snap out of my dissociation, and my eyes dart to the microwave clock. It’s only been fifteen minutes.
Everything is going to shit, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. There isn’t a thing I want to do. And I’m sure that is screwed up as well, but I really don’t fucking care.
I once thought that, if someone believed me, Callie would be back in my arms. That I would get to see her, visit her, and take her out for ice cream whenever I damn well pleased. But the truth is, that’s never going to happen. It doesn’t matter how hard I work on myself and my dreams. Jules has made it clear a thousand times that I’m a dirtbag and I’m nothing but a bad influence on Callie.
I lived in a fantasy for years. Wishing and hoping. Praying and dreaming that things will turn out exactly how they should be. I’m a fool for thinking that things would change.
Nothing is going to change.
Not a single thing.
And now… I lost the girl.
Chase quit.
And soon, everything I worked so fucking hard for will flop, and I’ll be drowning as a nobody all over again.
Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair to get small strands that dangle off my forehead and then grab a towel from the bathroom to clean up the liquid on the floor.
Once the towel soaks up the whiskey, I give it a small shake, staying close to the floor to make sure any pieces of glass don’t get stuck or fly elsewhere. Then, I use the dustpan to clean up the shards of glass. I do this three times, hoping I don’t miss any small pieces.
After I finish cleaning the mess, I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts a few times, debating whether now would be the best time to update the band… or at least Samantha.
I hate being stuck in this predicament, but I signed up for this.
To be the main man of the entire operation.
Scratching my temple, I hit the call button and bring the phone to my ear. It rings a few times before Samantha answers.
“What’s up?” she answers.
Taking in a deep breath, I blow out, unprepared for how upset she’s going to be. “Can you meet me at Rise and Shine?”
“Um… yeah. I mean I was going to help my dad out at the bar. He’s short staffed.”
“It won’t take long.”
I listen to her breathing over the phone for a short second, assuming she’s thinking. “Yeah. I’m sure he won’t mind that I’m a few minutes late. What’s he gonna do? Fire me? It’s not like I actually work there.”
I chuckle, scratching the stubble on my jaw. “Yeah. See you soon.”
When I hang up the phone, I roll my neck, slide my phone into my pocket, and grab the sunglasses I left on the counter. Memories of Summer peek through my head, and my grip on the glass tightens. I push the thoughts aside, having no other choice, and drive to Rise and Shine.
The second I walk through the doors, my senses are filled with the intoxicating smell of freshly brewed coffee. My eyes fall onto Samantha, lounging on the red sofa by the jukeboxes. It didn’t take me long to spot her, considering we always sit in the same spot each time we come here. She has her glasses pulled on the top of her head, but I leave mine on, knowing it’s not much of a disguise. But right now, it’s better than nothing at all.
Hiding myself completely from the public was never something I cared to do. Much like the guys, they usually will toss on their beanies and keep a lower profile. For me, I love to appreciate our fans. We wouldn’t be where we are if it weren’t for them.
So, if someone spots me out in public and wants a photo or a signature, absolutely. However, I know that I will eventually grow tired and overwhelmed the more popular we get.
I plop down on the couch next to Sam, sinking down into the cushions. A breath of aggravation comes from my chest, and I regret it the second it slips out.
“You good?” Samantha asks.
Pinching my temples with my thumb and index finger, I shake my head. “I met with Chase.” I stop there, sitting up and resting my elbows on both knees.
“Why do I feel like this isn’t the conversation I was hoping for?”
“He didn’t take everything well. We’re on our own.” There is no reason to sugarcoat it.
“Shit,” she says in a mere whisper.
Nodding, I grip the back of my head. “Look, I’m sorry. I know how badly I screwed up. I manage to screw up everything that comes my way. But not this. I’m gonna make this right. I have to.”
“Well, surely. We aren’t perfect. So, I guess we will find a new director or make Chase wish he never quit on us to begin with.” She pauses for a minute before continuing, “The new songs are amazing. Different, but I think that’s what we need.”
I sigh. “I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.” There’s sarcasm in my tone, and Samantha knows it. Her lips curl upward as she rolls her eyes, taking in a deep breath.
Then, there is a long moment of silence. Samantha drinks her coffee, and I wallow in my thoughts. We have a little over a week left until our event, and I need to get into gear and really nail this show.
“You really cared for her, didn’t you?” Samantha breaks the silence, pulling me out of my endless thoughts.
I don’t need to know rocket science to know who Sam is referring to. The thought of Summer makes the stinging in my chest increase. I can’t count how many times I have typed out a message, deleted it, and typed it all over again to just not send it. All I want to do is explain and apologize for how much of a dick I am. But the fear of rejection has almost consumed me.
Truthfully, my skin itches to hear her voice and to see those big, beautiful, bright eyes looking at me again. To smell her sweet scent. To be the reason she smiles on a bad day.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “I really care for her.”
From my peripheral, I see Sam nod. She then pats me on the shoulder and pushes herself off the couch. “I guess it’s about time we do something about that.”
My eyes narrow. “ We ?”
Samantha’s mouth curves into a big smile.