CHAPTER 5
Clay
I would not fall asleep. I would not fall asleep.
I kept up that mantra as I watched Holden breathe, looking so tiny in the big hospital bed, the nebulizer keeping him steady.
He was down for the count for the evening and would have to stay overnight as soon as there was a bed for him upstairs.
They were admitting him for twenty-four hours to keep watch because they were afraid that he would end up getting pneumonia even after less than a day of this cold.
Because that was Holden. He never did anything the easy way.
My lips threatened to smile, even if there was nothing funny about any of this.
Holden was so thoughtful, so purposeful, but he also never did anything small.
Jackson was pushier, more aggressive in protecting his family, even though he had a kind heart.
And Mariah was all kindness and rainbows and puppies but vicious if anyone came at her family.
My kids were fantastic, and I was so scared that I was doing everything wrong.
I hadn’t signed up for this. I hadn’t signed up for any of it.
I had been a child when my aunt showed up pregnant the first time. Rachel hadn’t told anyone who the father was, other than it was a gentleman who loved her.
Then she had gotten pregnant again, and then again. Mariah was actually the same age as Everly’s twins. Everly’s bastard of a husband had gotten both Rachel and Everly pregnant at nearly the same time, and had ended up with five children.
Five kids who had never known their siblings existed until the bastard died in a commuter plane crash. Everly had been pregnant with the twins at the time and had gone into labor because of the stress. Rachel had had Mariah only a few days earlier.
The asshole hadn’t met any of them.
I didn’t want to hate the man because hate in my heart wasn’t good for the soul, but it was hard not to. Rachel had made many poor decisions and then some violent ones that had threatened everything. She had hurt Everly, had hurt my family, and then she had died tragically.
When I ended up with full custody of my cousins, things had changed. I’d had to become a father.
“Mr. Hollings?”
I looked up at the nurse. “Yes? Is there something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to check on you and let you know that the man out front with the two children asked how you were doing. We can’t let him know anything because he’s not on any paperwork, but I figured I’d let you know that there’s someone out front.”
I nodded and then cursed under my breath. “Sorry. Can you stay here with Holden? He doesn’t like to be alone.”
The nurse gave me a soft smile. “Of course. If I’m not here, one of the other nurses will be. Someone Holden can trust. He won’t be alone. We’ll be able to bring him upstairs for the rest of the evening soon.”
I nodded and ran my hand through my hair. “Thanks. I need to check on the other kids.”
She smiled, and I walked down the winding hallway towards the waiting room.
I had already checked on them a few times, scared to leave Holden.
Riggs and I had been texting, but my phone was nearly dead, and I hadn’t brought my charger.
I usually had one in my go-bag for these types of occasions, but I couldn’t find it.
I kept messing things up. I needed to be better than this.
I walked out into the near-empty waiting room, darkness from the tinted windows spreading across the floor. I nearly tripped over my feet when I saw Riggs there.
He had his phone in his hand, a frown on his face. Mariah slept on his lap with her little coat over her shoulders, and Jackson leaned against Riggs’ other shoulder, his mouth open as he snored gently.
I wanted to use the rest of my phone battery to take a photo, but I knew that would be odd. Riggs wasn’t their dad. He wasn’t even my boyfriend. Yet he had stayed here for hours.
He was watching my kids.
And I trusted him implicitly.
What the hell was I supposed to do? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Riggs shifted a bit as Jackson moved, but didn’t seem to notice me. I leaned forward, and Riggs looked up at me, his eyes wide.
I did what I wanted to do, knowing it could be a mistake, but I didn’t care. I just needed this. I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, barely a brush of pressure, and Riggs smiled softly. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Riggs grinned then, his eyes brightening. He was so damn sexy. So damn caring. And he was so much trouble. “Kid okay?”
That was the first thing he asked. A kiss out of nowhere, a long night in a hospital with kids that weren’t his, and he was worried about Holden.
Riggs had always been a danger to my heart. A full adult Riggs with a caring soul? Damn near treacherous against my motivations.
“He’ll be okay. They’re going to keep him overnight.”
Riggs sighed. “Okay, then. You going to stay with him?”
“I have to.”
“Do you need me to get the kids home? They’re passed out here, but they’d probably like to be in their own beds. I don’t mind.”
I wanted to sit down next to him and hold him close.
Just let Riggs tell me that everything would be okay.
I didn’t want to do everything on my own anymore.
I just wanted to breathe and be happy and figure out exactly who I could be as Clay, the man who could maybe fall in love one day.
Not Clay, the single father of three with the tragic backstory—far more tragic than anyone else could ever know.
I shook my head after a moment, finally answering Riggs’ question. “Storm and Everly are on their way. They cut the trip short and are picking up the kids before they get the twins and their baby.”
Riggs blinked. “All the way from Denver?”
“They all have the same routine. They’ve got this. I did something similar for them when they needed an emergency contact for one of the twins.”
Storm and Everly’s youngest, Brooklyn, was one now.
She wasn’t biologically related to my kids, but they all acted as if Brooklyn was their sister as the twins were their siblings.
It was the same with the rest of the Denver Montgomerys.
Now, it was turning out to be the same with the Fort Collins Montgomerys.
They had adopted us, and I figured maybe I should get that tattoo, after all.
Or maybe I just needed sleep.
“I’ll stay here until they arrive. I don’t mind staying. I’m here for the long haul, Clay.”
The way he said that worried me. Because I didn’t think it was just for the night. And I didn’t know if I was ready for that. Before I could think of anything to say, to thank him again or say I needed to go, Storm and Everly walked in. They looked exhausted, but then again, so was I.
“You’re out here. Good. We don’t have to go rush and find you,” Everly said as I stood up. She threw her arms around me. “Everyone okay?” she asked, her voice low.
I kissed Everly on the top of her head and squeezed her hard. “We’re fine.”
“Good. The twins, Brooklyn, and Randy—our puppy,” Storm added for Riggs’ benefit, “are with Wes and Jillian. We don’t have to go back to Denver tonight.”
I winced. “I didn’t think this whole process through, did I?” I asked, running my hands through my hair.
“It’s okay. We’re good with the logistics while you worry about Holden.” Everly smiled. “You’re Riggs, then? Clay said that you helped out. We’re so grateful.”
Riggs waved over Mariah’s head. “No problem. We had a good night of TV shows and sleeping.”
“We also ate McDonald’s,” Jackson whispered, and I realized that he had woken up.
He rubbed his eyes, and I gave Riggs a look. “McDonald’s?”
“It was close. We ate in the car because I didn’t feel like bringing fast food into an emergency room.” Riggs shrugged. “You guys missed dinner, remember? I texted you.”
I rubbed my stomach and nodded. “Thanks. I know you said you were going to handle it, but everything happened so quickly back there. I’m just grateful.”
“As I said, Clay, I don’t mind.”
Mariah woke up at that moment, while Everly and Storm had so many questions in their eyes I couldn’t even find the answers for them.
They kept staring between the two of us before Riggs cleared his throat.
“Now that you’re up, Mariah monster, why don’t you hang out with Miss Everly and Mr. Storm while I make sure Clay’s okay? ”
“Okay,” Mariah said softly as she held out her hands.
Storm smiled and picked up Mariah, holding her close. Everly and Riggs changed seats, and Riggs stood and did a complicated handshake with Jackson, both of them fist-bumping on their way out. Riggs leaned down, kissed Mariah on the top of her head, and then nodded at me.
I hadn’t been gone that long, but the three of them had bonded.
Bonded so much that it fucking worried me.
Storm gave me a look, and I gestured towards the front door. “I’m going to walk Riggs out.”
“No problem. We have car seats in our car, but you may want to get the booster out,” Storm said as he tossed me keys.
I nodded, feeling as if I were two steps behind.
“I’ll help you move everything,” Riggs said as we walked towards the car.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered after a few moments of awkward silence that didn’t feel all that awkward.
We stood outside now by Riggs’ car, thankfully only two vehicles down from Storm’s. We’d already moved the booster seat, and now I wasn’t sure what to do next.
Riggs just shook his head and leaned forward. “I’m here for you. I’m sorry tonight was stressful, but you didn’t have to do it alone.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I hated myself for it. When Riggs leaned forward more and brushed his lips against mine, I moaned, just wanting to be for the moment. To pretend that everything was normal, and this wasn’t another complication.
Riggs brushed his thumb across my stubbled jaw before kissing me again. “This isn’t going to be simple, Clay. You know that. I don’t mind.”
“I took your whole night, Riggs. I’m the dad who isn’t a dad. I’m the epitome of complicated.”
Riggs just snorted and kissed me again. “And I’m a man who doesn’t mind helping. I like you, Clay. Remember that.”
He kissed me again, and I hated myself. Because I wanted this. I wanted this to be something more. I had relied on him, and he had stepped up to the plate.
And I had no idea what that meant.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I shook my head, my mind spinning. “I’m not coming into the bar, Riggs. I can’t even go into work.”
“My friend from out of town is watching the bar. I’ve got you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kissed me again, and then he walked to the driver’s side door, leaving me behind. I watched him go, more confused than ever. This wasn’t what I had planned, and yet nothing I did seemed to be working out well.
I locked Storm’s car after making sure the booster was in correctly before heading back to the waiting room, surprised to only see Storm there with the kids.
“Everly’s on your emergency contact list, so she went back to be with Holden. I will go get the kids set up at your house now that you’re back. We wanted to give you a minute to say goodbye to Riggs, or we would’ve gone out there with you.”
I nodded, feeling confused.
“Is Everly staying tonight, then?”
Storm just smiled. “Of course, she is. We tossed a coin to see who would stay with you and the kids, and we both won.”
My lips twitched, and I shook my head at the man who was like an older brother, a father, and a friend all rolled into one. “Thank you. Seriously.”
“Of course. We’re family.” He cleared his throat. “Hey, Mariah, go help Jackson finish packing up your bag. Give me a minute to talk to Clay?”
“Okay,” Mariah said as Jackson gave us looks but went to pack up her little bag anyway.
“Seriously, thanks for coming tonight. I know it’s a long drive.”
“We’ve done it before. So have you. It’s what we do. Those kids have you, Clay. Who do you have?”
I blinked at the suddenness of his question, and I shook my head. “I can’t think about that right now. I have to go back to Holden.”
“Of course, you do. And, of course, you can’t think. Maybe you should try, though.”
I looked at Storm but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have answers. Instead, I said goodbye to the kids and Storm and headed back to the room. Everly smiled softly as she read a book to Holden, who was now awake, his eyes drowsy.
She didn’t say anything, even though I knew she had questions, as well.
I sat down next to Everly and watched my kid, wondering what I was thinking.
This was my lot. This was my family.
I wasn’t going to get the happily ever after that Storm and Everly had. That Abigail, Archer, Beckett, and Benjamin all had.
This was my path. I didn’t get to have Riggs.
I just had to make myself believe that because wishing only hurt.
And promises were meant to be broken when the only promise you had left was to protect your kids—and not yourself.