FOURTEEN
THE NEXT MORNING her purpose was clear. Perspective was what she needed. Where better to get it than from the most honest and supportive woman she knew?
In the Rouge building, determination fueled her ascent to Roxie’s floor. In a glass walled corner office, her friend stood behind a desk. The blonde wasn’t alone, but, having come this far, that was no deterrent.
Without knocking, Freya went straight inside, focused completely on her friend. She dumped her purse on the desk. The second woman in the room didn’t even get a sideways glance.
“Hey, honey!” Roxie exclaimed. “What a nice surprise, and opportune too, you two need to meet. This glowing mother-to-be is Lilya Kintyre. She’s staying here in New York until she delivers. A little baby! We’ll have a little baby right here—not right here, ‘cause she has an apartment in town. But, bet your boots, where there’s a baby, my Jane will never be far behind!”
The words went right over her head. Unblinking, her concentration remained intent on Roxie.
Rounding the desk, she grabbed her friend’s wrist. “We have to talk. Alone. Now.”
“I’ll just… wait for you upstairs, Rox.”
Lilya Kintyre slipped out of the room just as the previously clear wall went white. Roxie took her hand to lead her over to the couches in the corner and sat them down.
“Is this an ‘I spilled wine on Zairn’s favorite couch,’ kind of conversation, or more of the ‘there’s a dead body in my apartment we have to chop into little pieces,’ variety?”
That was—“Zairn has a favorite couch?”
Random. Didn’t sound like the man she knew. A little distraction may put her thoughts in order.
“His favorite is whatever couch I’m on.” They both glanced down. No wine. Roxie snagged her hand. “That’s not the point. Murder or mayhem?”
“Somewhere in between.”
While part of her wanted to stand and pace out her hopping energy, the rest of her was just too exhausted. This was Roxie, the ride or die friend who would never let her girls down.
“Okay…” Roxie drew the word out, stroking the hand she held. “Want to give me a hint? I can guess. I’m great at guessing. We could be here a while though; I have an active imagination. Something my Casanova loves about me… He loves everything about me.”
Having seen the man admire his love more than once, she bought that. If only her own picture was so rosy.
Though her heart raced, her breathing slowed. She held an inhale for a moment, then let it out as her shoulders sagged.
“I think I’m falling for a forbidden man.”
After a brief beat, Roxie laughed. “Oh, honey, is that all? Who hasn’t?” The amusement on her friend’s face wasn’t so sympathetic. Didn’t she understand the torment? “This isn’t a bad thing. No one is as forbidden as we first think. You were right to come here, I have experience with this. A lot of experience. Tell me about him.”
“He’s… This is… It’s stupid. Utterly ridiculously stupid. I can’t… I just can’t. He’s not…”
“Why do you think he’s forbidden? He’s older? He’s younger? He can’t be your boss…” Roxie’s eyes wandered as she pondered. “Is he one of Truman’s friends? Because that’s okay—”
“This is so much worse than that. So much worse. Truman would accept that a thousand years before he would accept… Maybe I should leave the country.”
“And take your forbidden man with you?” Running away with Baer… great fantasy. One that would never work in reality. “Honey…” Drawing her cradled hand deeper, Roxie gave her a squeeze. “Whatever it is we can overcome it. If you love him—”
“Love? We haven’t—it’s never been like this, so instant, so visceral. Being with him, I lose myself, instinct wants to… take over.”
“Instinct? Or your hormones?”
Nodding, hope fought to inspire. “You think that’s what it is? I’m just caught up in the physical? If I avoid him…” No words ever tasted so wrong on her tongue. Imagine that, just for a second, never seeing Baer again… “I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
“Does he feel the same way? Because if he does, I doubt he’ll let you go that easy.”
She’d apologized to Baer for appearing stalker-like the previous day. His joke of being so lucky echoed in her ears. Would she be so lucky, if she cut ties, that he’d come after her? She couldn’t kid herself that wouldn’t be a dream come true. For the first time, the idea of a man pursuing her relentlessly was appealing. Talking of persistent men…
“I saw Chapman.”
“Please don’t tell me—”
“It’s not him.” The contortion of disgust on Roxie’s face eased, yet it lingered, still sickened by the thought. She almost laughed. “What if I said Chapman was my forbidden man?”
“I’d rush you to the hospital. Get you checked out for disease and insanity. Why did you see Chapman? You should stay away from him. What’s he got to do with your forbidden man?”
“It doesn’t matter. Except to say they met, laid eyes on each other.”
“You’re telling me your sleazy ex knows your forbidden man better than I do? I’m insulted. You’ve got to give me something, honey. You came here to talk about it. About him.”
No refuting that. “Chapman’s a detective. And my forbidden man he…” She wasn’t worried Roxie would judge her or Baer. Roxie was all accepting. It was just… Telling Roxie would make it real, and if it was real, she wouldn’t be able to kid herself that this wasn’t a big deal. “He may, in what he does, wander over the line.”
Roxie frowned. “Over the line? What line?” Her friend gasped. “The line! You mean he’s a felon? Wow, you go all out, sister.” Glee wrapped itself around the blonde. “So I wasn’t far wrong with the body in your apartment thing.”
“No! He’s not that kind of—he’s a good guy. Supporting his family. It’s not like—he’s a good guy.”
“So what’s the problem? He’s a good guy, and you want him, go for it. His past is his past. You can’t use it as an excuse to put up walls. Believe me, I’ve been there, done that. It doesn’t work. The heart wants what it wants.”
How many times had she heard Roxie and Zairn’s tale? She never tired of it. If there was one thing Roxie knew, it was love. Seconds of seeing her with Zairn proved that. Love? That was too far for her and Baer. Wasn’t it? Only… Her evening with his family had given her a glimpse of a future she wouldn’t be sorry to know.
“There are other… women involved.”
“How involved? He’s married? Are they separated? It’s the way things ended with Chapman. You don’t trust yourself; you’re gun-shy on the whole relationship front. We’ve all been there. Trust yourself, honey, and it’s okay to trust him. At least he’s told you about the wife, that’s one better than the lying creep Chapman. Maybe this time—”
“He sleeps with other women… for… His family have a lot of financial commitments, so he works with an agency that—”
“He’s a hooker?” Okay, so it was nice she wasn’t the only one to instantly go there. A barb of primitive offense was totally irrational. Now knowing Baer, she really hated that word. “An escort?” On a wince, Freya nodded. “Oh, honey…” Throwing open her arms, Roxie pulled her into a tight embrace. “Does he know? Who you are? About your money?”
He did know. Since their Cloud date. Did it matter? Oh, it always mattered eventually.
“Yes. We haven’t talked about it.” Or what it might mean for them. Not in depth. “I haven’t known him for—we met and it was… I’m insane, aren’t I?”
“No!” Roxie settled back, still holding her hands. “You are not. Who cares if that’s what he does?” The sheer acceptance on Roxie’s face was so at ease there wasn’t a chance of it being false. “And, baby, bet that guy will know some tricks. I thought my guy was talented, but he’s never been paid for it. Your guy gets an extra gold star.”
“Rox…”
“Okay, joking aside, if you love each other, you can help his family, they will be your family too. Wait, does he enjoy it? Is that the problem? He’s saying he wants to keep sleeping with other women if you get together? Because that is a red flag. A great, big red flag. He tries that shit, send him to me. If he’s yours, he’s yours. No one else’s. That’s a hard limit, you tell him.”
“We’re not there yet. I don’t know how he feels or… It’s such a treacherous path. I can’t stop thinking about him, I’m obsessing, it’s sad and—”
“Delightful! You’re freaking yourself out. If you came here for permission to walk away from Mr. So-Good-He’s-Paid-For- Sex, you won’t get it. I’ll always fall on the side of love… Okay, maybe not always, in the right circumstances and—let’s say I’ll always fall on the side of true love, now. I always fall on that side now, I didn’t always. I have to add that caveat or I swear Zairn will let me have it later.”
Glancing around, she didn’t see Roxie’s other half. “Isn’t he working?”
“Yeah, but, you know, I cover my ass. And who knows what Dyce tech he has secreted away in—never mind. Here it is: if you like this guy, go for it, embrace it.”
“I don’t know how he feels about—”
“I don’t believe for a second any guy wouldn’t fall head over heels for you.”
Her friend’s support was appreciated, but she wasn’t addressing the ridiculous part. “What kind of an idiot falls for a man in that line of work?”
“You said he had valid reasons for doing it.”
“He does, that’s not—it’s his job to make women feel good. Like you said, people pay him for services. He’s so good he has regulars that keep coming back for more. What if I’m… I keep coming back for more too.”
Though, so far, she hadn’t paid him for anything.
“You think he might be playing you? It’s possible.” Sitting straight, Roxie grinned. “Bring him here, I’ll figure him out.”
And scare him away for good.
She smiled. “I don’t think he’s ready for that.”
“How long have you been seeing him? If you’ve paid—”
“I’ve never paid to be with him. We met because… Holly took me to the agency because she needs a guy to back up her fake boyfriend story.”
“Always a bold start to any relationship. I love a good caper. Tell me more.”
Recounting the whole fable, it felt good to get it off her chest. Perspective was still hazy in the relief of the burden. Roxie was exactly the right person to absorb some of it for her. It felt good to vent to someone sympathetic who may end up alibiing her if the whole thing fell apart.
“So we were there in the car… then something happened with his brother, his younger brother, his twelve-year-old brother… he ended up in hospital.”
Roxie’s concern interrupted her flow. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine but… Roxie, I can’t fall for this guy. I can’t. Truman would disown me.”
“Who says Truman ever has to know about the escort thing? Your guy would give it up if you got together. He wouldn’t need the money anymore. If you don’t want Truman to know, don’t tell him.”
“You know what my grandfather is like when it comes to the men in my life. He’s relentless.”
“If this is your meant to be guy, it doesn’t matter what Truman thinks, it doesn’t matter if he disowns you either.” Her friend leaned closer to side-whisper, “Though, personally I don’t see that happening in a million years. Truman adores you. Even if he stamps his feet and causes drama, he’ll come around in the end.”
“My grandfather doesn’t cause drama, not public drama. He works in the background, meddling, without me ever knowing. Until someone like Chapman comes along and reams me for his demotion.”
“Don’t even deny Chapman deserved it. Truman did the right thing. That guy needed to be brought down a peg or two. Is he still with his wife?”
“I didn’t ask. I don’t care.”
“It’s not like we could believe him no matter what he said.” Roxie came over more discerning. “Chapman’s a detective.” Yes, hadn’t she made that connection already? “You’re worried he’ll come after your forbidden man. If your ex learns what your new man does…”
“He’s not in vice, I don’t even know if…” The slight tilt of her friend’s head killed her knee-jerk objection. She exhaled. “I don’t know how he would ever find out. Seeing him at the hospital, it’s clear he hasn’t let us go yet.”
“Because you’re fabulous.” With the tips of her fingers under Freya’s chin, Roxie elevated it. “If you love this guy, you can’t give up for maybes. Maybe Truman will cause trouble. Maybe Chapman will. Trust me when I say it’s all worth it. Waking up with your guy, your true love guy, there’s nothing like it, no substitute. You have to fight for it, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome.”
“And the paying for sex thing?”
“You never have,” Roxie said. “That’s what you said. So make a rule; not paying him for sex is now a rule. If you’re with him on a night he could be earning, pay for his time, and think of it more like helping a friend out with his bills. It’s just the same as you paying for dinner.” Not like she’d never done that, and so much more. “Besides, if I came to you for money, if anyone you cared about did, you wouldn’t hesitate to help. Think of it like that. And on the nights you’re paying him: no sex. Use the time to get to know him better. To know each other better. Please promise me you’ll try. No guilt. No second-guessing.”
“And what about this family vacation?”
Roxie shrugged, arms loose. “Take him with you. Why not? If it wasn’t for the fake boyfriend thing, I would go with you.”
“That may not be a bad idea.”
“The press believing I left Zairn for a tempestuous affair with you would be entertaining… think of the antics.”
This woman and her antics were all wrapped up in such a good heart. “Isn’t the point not to give my grandfather a coronary?”
“He’d love it! Two granddaughters for the price of one.” Her friend hummed. “Hmm, no, I’m probably very expensive. Zairn would know. And we do have that pesky wedding this year.”
Another wedding. Would she take Baer to—stop. No.
“Let me get over one family event before dealing with another one. Is taking him on vacation a good idea?”
“An excellent idea. Think of it the same as if I was coming,” Roxie said. “You’re taking a friend, one you don’t pay for sex. You’re hanging out. Having fun. If it happens, it’ll happen naturally, off the clock. What would be so wrong about that?”
See this was why she came to Roxie. The woman had a way of cutting through the crap, of skewing her perspective to just the right angle, providing the truth of the complete picture.
“What would I do without you? I’m overthinking this, but I’ve never—”
Zairn came striding in, the door fell back into its place behind him.
Roxie stood up. “Excuse me, who do you think you are? You don’t come storming in here. What if we’d been naked?”
“I’ve seen you naked. Many times. All the time. Can’t seem to go ten minutes without it.”
“Because you spend every waking minute drooling over the hidden camera shots you take of me illegally. You think I don’t know? Your obsession is not healthy. I turn a blind eye because you’re so rich, otherwise I’d be out of here like a shot, boy.” These two loved to joke and spar. “And Freya is here, she doesn’t want you seeing her naked.”
“I’ve seen Frey naked too.”
She couldn’t see her friend’s face, but there must’ve been a reaction.
“Ha!” Roxie started. “There’s no way we believe of all the millions of naked women you’ve slobbered on that you remember anything about Freya’s fabulous figure from some peeping tom moment in your youth.”
“She dated one of my best friends for years. Crazy years when we were all young and stupid.” Zairn licked his lips. “No, Freya’s always been the sensible one. I apologize Frey.”
“I don’t care about your days of debauchery,” Roxie said. “And where’s my apology? You just stormed in when we could’ve been having sex or anything.”
“Hot tip for the future, Lola, if you want to have sex with other people, don’t do it with your guy in the next room.”
Roxie’s hands found her hips. “Did you want something, or are you just here to do a panty check?”
“Always got time for one of those,” Zairn said. “I thought you were having lunch with Lilya upstairs. Have you scared her off already? Sent her into labor?”
“If I sent her into labor, would I be standing here?”
“Who knows with you? I thought you were upstairs already.”
“Oh, so you came in here to snoop?” Roxie crept closer to her other half. “What are you doing in my office anyway? You come in here when I’m not here?”
“All the time. It’s my building, I go where I want, when I want.”
“We need to talk about boundaries,” Roxie said, stroking Zairn’s belt when she got close enough.
“Do we?”
“There are rules with boundaries…”
“Yeah?”
“Decide your boundaries and no matter what, under all circumstances, stick to them.”
The way the couple fixated on each other left no doubt as to where their words and hands wanted to go next.
She stood up. “Thanks, Roxie, I’ll just—”
“No!” Roxie spun to lean against her guy. “Don’t go. Stay and have lunch with me and Lilya. She knows a thing or two about forbidden men.”
“Forbidden men?” Zairn asked.
“Never you mind.” Roxie waved a dismissive hand over her head before smiling at her again. “You’ll get along great with Lilya, Frey. I promise, she’s not all baby brain.”
“Thanks, but I… have plans for lunch.”
“With…?”
Further complications. “No one you know. I’m sorry I intruded on your day.”
“It’s never an intrusion,” Roxie said. “I’m always here for you. For all my girls. I do want to meet this guy.”
“What guy?” Zairn asked.
Roxie tipped her head back. “Didn’t I say never you mind? Make believe we’re in bed.” Zairn’s brows went up as hers did the same. “He’s not allowed to repeat what he hears in our bed.”
“Okay. If there’s no tragedy… or sex…” Zairn kissed the top of Roxie’s head. “I’ll leave you to it.”
Reaching behind her, Roxie snagged his belt. “No, I have use for you.” Her friend refocused. “Freya, honey, you have to embrace this. Trust me when I say it’s worth it. You have to take the leap. Embrace the danger. Make it work. You’ll never forgive yourself if you let this go.”
Roxie did know what she was talking about. As stated, this was the woman’s area of expertise. Had she come to Rouge for permission, or an out? Whatever the reason, her friend provided purpose. One she had to hold onto during her next visit. Boundaries: she’d get them straight and, as Roxie said, stick to them no matter what.