Chapter Twelve Mateo #3
It makes it easier when I finally run into Logan a few days later.
My heart still knocks restlessly around my chest, yearning for more than the fleeting intimacy Jamie and I have shared for years, but telling my grandmother our story made it more real than it has been since my tequila-soaked confession to Sophie.
And that was a goddamn lifetime ago.
So, now two of the most important people in my life know about the man I love more than I probably should, and having those memories surface means I choke on them when Logan waves.
I've been out front for a while, taming overgrown shrubs and pulling weeds, and he walks across the street wearing tiny shorts and a t-shirt that barely makes up for those long, bare legs.
"I noticed your car here—is everything okay with Maria?" he asks as I stand. "I haven't seen her in a while."
"Yeah, she's—she and my grandfather lived here for over twenty years, and she won't leave now, but it's also—sitting alone with so many memories isn't great either."
"So, you're here to sit with her for the summer?"
"Most of it, probably." I look over my shoulder at the house, then back at Logan. "How have you been? I guess we haven't really talked lately."
"We haven't really talked since you left last time," he says, far from unkind about it. "Do you think you'll be available sometime soon? You know, as long as you'll be here most of the summer."
"I—" There are so many answers I could give, and very few of them would be wrong, but I flash back to Jamie's comment during our conversation the other night.
It just sounded like maybe you weren't talking about me.
I'm allowed to see anyone I want, and I'm not sure whether I was referring to Logan then, but I don't want to promise him anything now.
"I don't think I'll be available in the same way I was before. "
"Ah, you're notably unavailable. Congratulations to you both."
"It's more complicated than that."
"Isn't it always?" Logan laughs, quieting a few seconds later. "Listen, I wouldn't mind hanging out while running errands again—or a friendly dinner. Nothing else, just a chance to catch up."
"Friendly?"
"Mostly friendly. Also, slightly tinged with jealousy because I'd love to be unavailable too, but definitely mostly friendly."
"In that case, I would love to run some errands with you. Text me whenever. You know where I'll be."
He smiles. "Right. Most of the summer."
So I hear from him when he has to go grocery shopping, and I decide I might as well make a list of the things my grandmother and I need.
It's a relief to exist at his side without worrying about whether we might run into someone we know or what we'd look like to them if we do.
Logan and I are nobodies, and standing in the middle of the produce section, we're nothing more than friends.
We're nothing more than friends anywhere we stand, but being more wouldn't make a headline, and I think I'd forgotten what that freedom feels like.
The week after grocery shopping, we hit the library together and stop somewhere to eat once we're satisfied with stacks of books.
We make plans to hang out at his house soon, so I can show him how I meal prep during the school year, but Logan gets slammed at work and my grandmother has a string of doctor appointments, so it takes a couple of weeks to make it happen.
The evening we get together, I lean into his side while we portion the rice we've just made.
He nudges me with his shoulder, and neither of us shies away from the contact that follows.
It's friendly in a way I'm used to, and I'm confident it won't go further than flirting in his kitchen, but I like it, and I tell him I'd like to come back again soon.
Not long after, I get a call from Jamie, and so many things change.
Some are obvious right away. Some I don't realize until later.
"How would you feel about spending a few days up at Taylor's lake house instead of staying at my little rental?"
I glance at my grandmother, who's sitting in her favorite chair and staring at me far too intently while I talk to this nice boy she's never met. If she were anyone else, I'd turn my back and walk far away, but I'll let her watch me like I'm one of her nightly shows.
"Did you—does he know now?" I ask.
"No, no. Sorry, it's not—" Jamie pauses and clears his throat.
"He invited me and a couple of other guys out there.
I wasn't sure I wanted to go, and mentioned that a friend of mine was going to be visiting from California.
I figured it would be a good excuse to stay where I am, but then he said I should bring you. "
"Why didn't you want to go?"
He's silent long enough for me to wonder whether he's about to lie. "Partying by the lake doesn't have the same appeal it used to. But it really is gorgeous there, and if you're with me—"
"It won't be much of a party?"
"It'll be better than that. We still won't be able to—I mean, I think we might even sleep in separate rooms, but—"
"Yeah, right, of course." He's not Logan, and we won't be at the store.
Jamie sighs. "I want you to come to the lake with me. I want you to meet Taylor, and I want to pretend this is a little vacation for us, and I—I want to see you, 'Teo. I just really want to see you, so if you'd rather stay with me here, I can blow him off, and we can—
"No."
"No?"
"No, don't blow him off. I'll go to the lake with you," I say, my voice lower as I continue. "I'll go anywhere with you."