Chapter 50
Chapter Fifty
Noah
Missed Your Shot
Coach goes hard on us at practice, with a bag skate he doesn’t call until Colt pukes. He insists it’s because there’s no practice tomorrow rather than because we lost the game, but we call bullshit.
Peaches
Totally random, but are you busy this afternoon?
I want to say yes to whatever she wants to do, but that –mixed with how much I enjoyed seeing her with my name on her back, and how I wanted her in my bed last night, just so I could fucking hold her as I slept – tells me this has gotten way too serious, and we passed friends with benefits weeks ago.
Couple in a relationship is what this feels like, and the pressure is fucking…
not as scary as it should be. Which scares me.
Because I don’t ever want to be like my mom after we lost my dad. I have way too much riding on me.
“We’re going to Slapshots, you in?” Darren asks, causing me to look up.
“Come on, Cap, team bonding,” someone adds.
“There’s a Mavericks game on, right?” Donovan asks Darren.
“I’m not on the team yet,” he argues.
“Fuck, if I was drafted, I’d know everything about them,” Mike insists, but drafted isn’t signed, and we’ve seen our share of teammates graduate with nothing after years of team pride.
Me
The team has decided we’re bonding, and as the captain, I’m apparently not allowed to bail. Rain check?
Peaches
Of course. Have fun with the boys!
I try to kill the guilt that settles in my stomach, or learn to live with it, because this is what would happen if I tried to start something real with Savannah.
Only I don’t think I would make the same choice if I was all in.
I would bail on the guys for her. I would bail on classes, on captain-shit, on practice if she needed me to.
And that’s why I need to shut this down sooner rather than later.
It sucks and I hate it. The burgers go down heavy, and the beer does nothing to wash it down. I switch to water after the first round because I’m driving, but also because I’m getting dangerously close to trying to numb the pain I know I’ll feel once I cool things down with Savannah.
“No game today?” Dawson walks up to our table and asks Spring as they do some kind of elaborate handshake.
“Nah, we had the shitshow from yesterday, so we get to stew on it ‘til Friday,” he answers.
“You guys played good, they just played better.” One of the guys behind Dawson assures Spring, or ribs him, I’m not sure which. I only recognize a couple of them, but they’re all on the football team.
“Since when do you watch hockey, Manning?” Dawson turns to him.
“Since my girl wanted me to sit in the stands with her for once. Could have used some fucking warning about the warmups.”
I’m laughing at the expression on his face, because it’s clear his girlfriend enjoyed watching us, or at least pretended to so she could get a rise out of him, but my attention is caught by the brunette who just walked in, nervously making her way to the counter that’s mostly for take-out orders.
My first instinct is to run over and take her in my arms, because it’s what I always want to do when I see Savannah, even before I catch her eye and she smiles, her entire face lighting up.
“That goal you made in the third was awesome,” Manning draws me back to my table, and not a moment too soon, because these are football players, who know who her brother is, who will react if they see her, and she doesn’t want me to know.
Fuck.
“Thanks, man,” I say, but I’m mostly just waiting for them to move on so I can go see Savannah, who is no longer looking over here. If I was her, I would have taken out my phone and pretended to be busy talking to someone, but she’s looking around, taking it all in, carefully avoiding my table.
“For real? Karaoke?” Dawson asks. He pulls up a chair and joins us, so his teammates do the same.
I reach over and take a sip of my beer, because the guys are debating if they should start with One Direction or Taylor Swift, and it looks like we’re in for a long night.
“Missed your shot?” David asks me.
“No idea what you’re talking about.”
“That why you just downed my beer?” He raises an eyebrow, not reproachful, but I still catch on.
I was drinking water.
“I’ll get you another one.”
“It’s cool,” he stops me, signaling something to the waitress which I assume will get him the hard stuff he favors.
“Parker warned me not to go there,” I explain myself.
David nods, considering it. “Have you asked Savannah about it?”
“About the thing I’m not supposed to know, and she still hasn’t told me?”
“Point taken. Enjoy the beer,” he assures me.
I stay at the table, but I don’t take my eyes off Savannah as she waits for her order. She picks at an imaginary lint on her coat to look busy and it takes all my self-restraint not to go up to her.
What’s the worst that can happen, really? It isn’t like Parker is here to see. Maybe only some of the team knows about her brother. Maybe Sav wouldn’t even care if—
A guy takes the seat next to Savannah and I am hyperaware of every move he makes.
I don’t recognize him at all, and I don’t think he’s a student.
He’s wearing jeans and a button down and he’s carrying two drinks, offering Savannah one as if he accidentally ordered two, which isn’t something that happens here, especially not when you’re drinking alone, but Savannah smiles at whatever he says.
She turns her head to me, but not enough to make eye contact, so I can’t see what she’s thinking.
I know what my thoughts are, but I also know I’m wrong. That Savannah isn’t mine, so I don’t really have the right to rush over there and tell the guy to get lost.
I’m trying to analyze her body language, to see if she looks uncomfortable, but she always looks…shy with new people. She holds herself like she isn’t sure what she should be doing with her arms, like someone told her not to close herself off but she doesn’t know what else to do.
It’s killing me, and I can see David eyeing me from my peripheral. Owen too, I think, but my eyes are on Sav, and really, what do I care about these assholes on the football team if there’s even a chance Sav is uncomfortable with that guy?
Or worse, if she’s into it.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell whoever is listening, making my decision after my body has already started walking towards her.
I feel like I’m walking unnaturally fast, but also like everything is in slow motion, because it takes forever.
He notices me first, but dismisses me and turns back to Savannah, but that moment of inattention is all it takes for her to look over and find me, her eyes locking on mine with so much uncertainty my chest cracks.
As I get closer, I realize I have no idea what to say, because my brain has gone all caveman, and I know better than to stake my claim if I’m not going to back it up.
“Hey,” is what I settle on.
“Hey,” she responds.
“I was just coming over to see if you guys wanted to join us.”
It’s a complete lie. The last thing I want to do is force Savannah into a situation where she has to lie or come clean before she wants to.
“Nah, we’re good.” Her new friend completely dismisses me.
“My food should be out in a minute,” Savannah adds.
“Perfect, I was just leaving,” I say.
Our eyes are still locked, which should be awkward, but I understand what people mean when they say someone’s eyes are smiling. It’s like they’re brighter and sparkling and the more ridiculous I make myself, the more she enjoys it.
“We were going to have—” The guy starts.
“No, you weren’t. You were leaving.” I can’t bring myself to look at him, which I honestly think is what makes him finally give up, though he’s sulking when he walks away.
“That was rude.”
“He wasn’t taking a hint.”
“Maybe I…” she says, but I raise an eyebrow, and she gives up on even trying to pretend she was into it. “Your friends are waiting,” she says instead.
“My best friend is leaving.”
“Team bonding,” Savannah reminds me, but she’s grinning from ear to ear as she gets up and thanks the waitress who hands her a takeout container.
“It’s not just the team anymore, and this is kinder than if they force me to karaoke with them.”
“Because you can’t sing? Or don’t want to listen?”
“Both.” I sigh, but I wouldn’t mind listening to her. I wonder what song she would choose.
“Kind of makes me want to stay and watch.”
“What if I promise to sing for you if we leave right now and you pretend my car is on fire if anyone asks.”
“A song of my choice?” She looks excited.
“Does it matter?”
I’m teasing, but she goes serious.
“Not even a little bit.”
“Come on.” I put my hand on her lower back to lead her out the sports bar, waiting until we’re almost at the parking lot to press her into the brick building and kiss her like I haven’t touched her in months instead of days.
She swallows when I pull away, looking at me completely flustered, but also confused.
“What was that for?”
“I missed you last night.” It’s the truth, as ridiculous as it sounds, and I think she knows that.
“You forgot your jacket. You’ll freeze.”
“It’ll take them longer to realize I’m gone.” I kiss her again. “And my Jeep will warm us up.” I lace my fingers through hers and wonder if maybe letting her all the way in is less distracting and time consuming than trying to stop this.