Chapter 61 #2
I freeze outside the door, tears burning as I refuse to let them fall. The football team has been overly protective, yes, but everyone we’ve encountered has been nothing but nice. Smiles, hellos, compliments on my outfit, on my hair, on my brothers’ stats and previous games…but this is not nice.
I shouldn’t hold it against her, because it’s behind my back, not meant for me to hear, but it’s in my space, where I am supposed to be safe.
“Savannah.” The sound of my name snaps me out of my mini panic attack, but it’s the tone really, the kind that implies it isn’t the first time she says it.
“Lacey, how can I help you?” I try to brighten my voice, but I have to swallow against the bile, and while the voices are quiet now, I don’t think they were when she arrived, because Darren, who’s a step behind her, is livid.
“I came to see if you wanted to go for dinner while the guys are at practice.” She eyes the door, then turns to her boyfriend. “Babe, you’ll be late, won’t you?”
His eyes go wide, telling me he heard whatever they said after I zoned out, and in no way wants to leave me alone with them. Which makes me glad I missed it.
“I’m sure my captain won’t mind,” he says pointedly, so she sighs and rolls her eyes, but the hand on his chest is a warning. Which is a bit funny, because she’s like six inches shorter, and maybe half as wide as him.
“We have three choices, Sav. You and I can go for dinner and pretend we didn’t hear that, or we can go in there, get what you need, then have you come room with me.
I’m on the second floor in a double with Chloe, who doesn’t want her parents to know, but she lives off campus with her girlfriend.
Not that I’m there all the time, if you want space, but I could be if you’d prefer cheesy movies and puzzle nights with me. ”
Darren, who’s room I assume she spends most of her time in, doesn’t argue with her offer. In fact, he looks like he approves.
“What’s my third option?”
“I let him loose. Personally, I don’t recommend that one, because he’s hella protective on his own, then he’s also very loyal to Noah, like blood brothers level, and while that would usually help rein him in, right now I’m worried they won’t take my credit card for bail.”
“Noah and I, we’re not…” I don’t know what he’s telling people, but while I walked away, he pulled the plug.
“I gathered, from the storm cloud that’s been following him around, but I play the long game.”
“It’s fine, you really don’t have to—”
“You need to be safe in your own room, Savannah. I had a feeling you wouldn’t want to go to your RA, but that’s an option too, or the house on Ivy, because putting you both in a room together would probably speed things up, but—”
“It’s just the pictures.” I sigh. “I was hiding out at home, so everything I need is still in my car, but they mentioned my family pictures, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving them here.”
“Savannah, you’re back!” Anna opens the door, all smiles, and I assume she heard our conversation as well as we heard hers.
“Just to grab some things.” I hate confrontation, so I am very okay with ignoring the elephant in the room, but my wannabe saviors are not.
“Darren Steele.” One of the guys’ eyes go wide.
While the others are either wearing Dallas’ jersey from when he was a Wolf, or the new stuff with the Coyotes, this guy’s in a Mavericks jersey, which is the team that drafted Darren.
He was looking completely bored with the conversation, but not anymore. “Great game yesterday.”
“They lost,” another guy points out, for which Anna elbows him in the stomach, clearly worried Darren is volatile.
“But this guy stopped nearly every shot they threw at him.”
I knew they lost, but I didn’t know how guilty I felt about it until Lacey squeezes my arm.
“What are you doing here?” The hockey fan looks around at the three of us, then to my roommate, to see if she can fill in the blanks, but she pops her shoulder.
“I came to check on my friend, because though I’d like to think the world is made up of decent human beings, apparently there are still assholes who see an awesome woman who is smart and beautiful and bakes the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever tasted – sorry babe – and decide to tear her down because they’re jealous her brothers are famous. ”
Anna swallows, but the guy who is holding my family photo doesn’t break eye contact, even if I can see the beads of sweat on his temple.
“You guys aren’t assholes like that, right?
” Lacey asks, grabbing the frame from the guy, and unpinning the other ones from the wall.
I’d completely forgotten about it, but the folder with all my plotting notes, including Noah’s diagrams, is open on my desk, which I don’t think I did, so I quickly stuff it in my bag.
And, because I can’t stand to leave it behind, I take the succulent Noah gave me from the bedside table.
“Of course not.” My roommate looks guilty as hell, but I think she’s trying to apologize with her eyes, as if now’s the time to be subtle. As if she thinks she can pretend her friends crossed the line and she wasn’t an instigator. “When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know.” I was just going to humor Lacey, maybe go for another home cooked meal, but I had full intentions of being back here tomorrow night. Now I don’t think I can ever come back.
“You know you could have told me, right? Finding out from a girl in my stats class made me feel like shit.” She doesn’t sound reproachful so much as defending her earlier conversation.
There are a lot of people who could make me feel very guilty for not telling them.
People who bothered to get to know me, to ask about my family, questions that I evaded.
Anna is not one of them. She never asked.
Never shared either, because she put her headphones on the second I walked in.
The only thing she did was suggest I find somewhere else to be when she had study groups, and this weekend.
Which I’m now wondering if it was to be nice, or to sell my stuff on eBay.
“I really couldn’t have,” I argue. “I think that conversation we overheard was way shittier than however you found out.” I’m so tired of everyone walking all over me because I never stand up for myself. “If you or your friends touch any more of my stuff, I’m pressing charges.”
Anna looks shocked, but Lacey seems impressed, and I focus on that.
“Ready to go, Savannah?” Darren asks as Lacey loops her arm through mine and leads me out.
I take a deep breath and let it out once we’re in the elevator, which I don’t usually take, but I think I would have followed them wherever they went at that point.
“That was perfect,” Lacey tells me. “You okay?”
“I’m good, just…really glad you guys were there for that.
” Old me would have walked in and pretended I hadn’t heard them.
I would have stayed and answered all her friends’ questions.
Apologized for not confiding in her. Might have even stayed in the room tonight and cried myself to sleep.
Because I hate confrontation, and I’m terrible at making friends.
“Anytime,” Lacey assures me before I turn my focus on Darren.
“Can you not tell him?” I ask. “Please?”
“Sav…”
“He’s got so much on his plate, with Izzie and midterms and hockey and I don’t want to be another stress on top of that. We’re not together anymore, so he shouldn’t have to worry about this when it’s nothing. It’s taken care of, and it’s none of his business.”
“Savannah,” he pleads, but I saw his expression change when I mentioned everything on Noah’s plate. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who sees how overwhelmed he’s been.
“You know I’m right.”
He and Lacey exchange a look before he sighs. “I won’t tell him what happened as long as you don’t stay there. I get it if you don’t feel comfortable with Lacey, but she can stay with me, or…”
“My parents live close,” I assure him. “I hardly slept in my dorm last year.”
“Okay then. I have to go to practice,” he tells his girlfriend, leaning down to kiss her, before he turns to me. “But you’re not right, Savannah. Whatever is going on between you…he would want to know. I promise.”
He leaves before I can argue.
“So…poké bowls, or are we boring?” Lacey loops her arm through mine again.
Dinner is delicious, and since the restaurant is off campus, we’re mostly left alone.
Hockey boys and the games connect us, but we talk about tv shows, movies, classes…
anything and everything. I don’t even realize how long we’ve been there until Lacey occasionally glancing at her phone turns into a continuous exchange, with a smile lighting up her face.
“Practice is over?” I ask.
“Yeah, but he can miss me for a little while.”
“You’re good. Thank you for hanging out with me. This was nice.”
“Are you sure you want to drive home? My place literally has a free bed, and if I’m the problem, Darren would love an excuse for a sleepover.”
I hesitate, because she has been so good to me today, and I really don’t want to move back home for another semester, because that would let my parents know I don’t feel safe in my room anymore, then my brothers and the entire football team would know as well, but the alternative is trusting Lacey.
“What are you thinking?”
“You’ve been a godsend today. And even on Friday, you saw right through Kinsey and put her in her place with a smile.”
“She’s the one who told everyone, right?”
“She is,” I agree. “But you never tried to hang out with me like this before. You didn’t want my number until this morning, and the fact that you asked Parker, not Noah, tells me that you knew about us.
But then you strongarmed your paper to not do me dirty, and I just…
I don’t know what to think. Because I want to trust you, but I’m a terrible judge of character.
And is it even worth it? When Noah and I… ”
I can’t say the words, because it hurts, but she looks at me with nothing but sympathy and understanding, which is so much better than the pity and defensiveness I was expecting.
“Babe, I totally understand where you’re coming from.
But I couldn’t care less who your brother is.
Have you seen Darren? Honestly, if I had ulterior motives in befriending you, it would be for Noah.
But it’s mostly for me, because you’re funny when you let yourself be, Darren is right about your baking, and Friday was really fun.
The only reason I wasn’t pursuing you earlier is because you made it seem like you didn’t want me to.
Every time we invited you to sit with us, you said no, which, I get it, Izzie probably didn’t want to share you, and the rotating WAGs have varying degrees of quality, but when you came alone…
you really didn’t have to be. You let me in on Friday, and that’s when I asked Noah for your number.
In a text that he only got back to on Saturday, telling me he felt bad giving it out without asking, especially after what happened, but that made me think you needed someone more than ever, so he hinted that you might be tight with Parker.
And Darren doesn’t keep secrets from me, so I’ve known since the team found out over Christmas holidays, in case that matters. ”
“I’m really bad at making friends,” I admit.
“My best…Kinsey often made me feel like an annoying burden, someone she had to deal with, so I just internalized it. Every time I go talk to someone, I need a purpose, and leave as soon as I’ve achieved it, because I assume that’s how everyone sees me.
I figured you invited me because you felt bad, but didn’t want me there. ”
“I’m not rude, so if you had walked up and asked me to join, I would have said yes, like I do for Donovan’s constant string of weekend stands, but I don’t invite people I don’t want to hang out with.
And my room is my fortress, so if I let you in, it’s because I trust you, and I don’t think you can trust people you’re trying to screw over.
Also, Noah will be godfather to my kids someday, so it would really suck if he hates me. ”
I laugh, because that must be why she said that last bit.
“He can’t do complicated. I wasn’t easy to start with, but after this…”
“I can’t tell the future, but he definitely cares about you and doesn’t want to see you hurt.”
I believe that. Noah’s a really great guy.
“One night,” I relent. “If you’ll still have me. I work for my parents tomorrow night, so it won’t be weird if I sleep over, and that should give me enough time to figure something out. If you’re sure you don’t mind.”
“I’ve never had a sleepover that didn’t involve sex!” she says excitedly. “Only child,” she explains, as if that’s why I looked at her funny.