Chapter 9
KACEN
Kingston's place is too quiet.
Not the peaceful type, either. The kind that settles in your bones like something's wrong, like you're waiting for a bomb to go off even though the explosion already happened.
I left Natalie standing in her kitchen, her eyes shining and her hands clenched.
It was obvious she was holding herself together with sheer will.
Like a coward, I slammed her door and drove off as my dad had done.
And now I'm sitting on Kingston's worn leather couch, my shoulders hunched, my head pounding, and I can't stop replaying the whole damn fight.
My hands won’t stop shaking. My stomach is twisted in knots so tight it feels like I’ve swallowed wire. I’ve been pacing the living room for the last half hour, stopping every few steps to try and catch my breath. It’s as if my body’s trying to outrun the shame clawing at my chest.
I keep seeing her face. Hearing her voice. The way she stood there, blinking back tears, her voice shaking when she said she didn’t betray me. That she didn’t want to hurt me. And I walked out anyway.
More than once, my thumb hovers over my phone.
I type her name in the search bar. Even open a new message, but I can’t bring myself to write anything.
What would I say? Sorry I turned into my father right in front of you?
Sorry I made you feel like trash for trying to do something good?
Sorry I always ruin good things. Every time.
She promised. And I believed her.
The front door opens behind me, and slams shut.
I don't have to look up to know it's Kingston. His footsteps are solid, unhurried. He doesn’t say anything at first, just walks past me to the kitchen.
I hear the fridge open. The clink of a bottle.
The hiss of carbonation. Then he's standing across from me, leaning against the counter with a soda in his hand and that look on his face like he knows everything without asking.
"So," he says. "You blew it."
I don’t answer.
He takes a sip, then sets the bottle on the counter. "I take it you saw the flyer."
I nod once.
"And then what? You accused Natalie of stabbing you in the back?"
My jaw tightens. "She helped with it."
"Yeah," Kingston says, pushing off the counter. "She was coerced into helping by Ruby just like you were with the Halloween Party."
I blink. "Ruby knew?"
He crosses the room, dropping into the chair across from me. "Who do you think has been helping me? This whole time, she has kept my secret. I don't know how she did it, but I expected her to let it slip a hell of a lot sooner than this."
My stomach sinks, pulling me down from the inside out.
Kingston lets that hang in the air before he speaks again. "You made her feel like she betrayed you. Like she used you. And you didn’t even give her a chance to explain."
I press the heels of my hands into my eyes. Everything aches. "I panicked."
"No," he says. "You ran. Like always."
I flinch. "That’s not fair."
"Isn’t it?"
His words are sharp, but not unkind. Just true. Too true.
"You’re scared," Kingston says. "Of being wrong. Of being hurt. Of being seen. But you don’t get to ask people to trust you if you're not willing to trust them back."
Leaning back, I stare at the ceiling as if it has answers. "I didn’t want to screw it up."
"You didn’t screw it up because of Natalie. You messed it up because of you."
He doesn’t stop there. His voice softens, but his eyes don’t let me look away.
"You’re not that scared, bitter kid anymore. Unless you choose to be."
The truth of that slices through me. I take it. Let it hit and bruise, settling deep.
He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "You think I don’t know what it's like to carry shame? To wake up every day thinking maybe today I’ll be more than my past?
But guess what? Growth doesn’t come from pretending it never happened.
It comes from owning it. Staying. Choosing better.
Besides, I didn't save your ass all those years ago for you to be miserable and run from love. "
Closing my eyes, all I see is her. Standing in that hoodie. Voice trembling but strong, telling me she didn’t betray me. She was on the verge of tears, and I left anyway.
I blew up, not because of her, but because deep down, I believed I wasn’t worth keeping promises to. That fear my dad instilled all those years ago that I've been trying to outrun.
"I hurt her."
Kingston nods. "Yeah. You did."
"I became Dad for a minute."
"And now you get to decide if you stay that way."
The silence that follows is heavy. It settles on my shoulders like a punishment.
I want to go back and make it right. I want to be the kind of man who doesn’t run when he’s scared.
Taking some time, I think about what I want. Not just in some vague future, but right now. What kind of man I want to be. What kind of life I want. And I think about Natalie. The way she laughed with me in the Merc. The way she looked at me like I was worth the risk.
I stand.
Kingston watches me, unreadable. "You gonna fix it?"
"I have to try."
He nods once, slow and firm. "Then stop running. Stay and fight."
I grab my keys.
Heading to the door, I pause with my hand on the knob. My heart is hammering so loud it drowns out the quiet.
"Do you think she'll even want to hear it?" I ask.
Kingston shrugs, but there’s warmth in his voice. "You won’t know unless you show up."
I nod, stepping outside. The cold hits my skin, crisp and sharp. The kind that wakes you up, forces you to feel. I stand on the porch for a second, just breathing. The world doesn’t stop because I messed up. Which means I still have a shot to make it right.
This time, I won’t slam a door. I won’t walk away.
This time, I’m staying.