12. Chapter 12
Chapter twelve
Golden replayed the scene in Grayson's office for the thirtieth time in her head. It had been two days since her fall outside his office. Two days since Grayson picked her up in his arms and carried her. Grabbing the pillow next to her on the bed, she put it over her face and screamed in pure delight.
It felt as if her heart was going to burst.
"Is it wrong that I want to keep you for myself?"
Dear God, she thought as she clutched the cool pillow tighter to her face, she could still vividly hear the husky timbre of his voice. Did that really happen? Did he really say that to her? Turning over onto her stomach, Golden laughed with muffled glee into the plush material.
The only thing that would make it all perfect is if she knew exactly what he meant by it. Her glee ebbed a little as the practical side of her brain, determined to ruin her good mood, kicked in. Turning over with a sigh, Golden stared up at the spinning ceiling fan.
She just got home from work a few minutes ago and she planned to spend the rest of the evening trying to straighten up the front garden. When her aunt was alive the lawn and flower beds were kept in pristine order. Sadly, with the two years of the house being rented, the flower beds weren't very well tended to. Just seeing the wild state of the rose bushes and the overgrown weeds made her feel guilty.
"I'm sorry Aunty. I let all your hard work go to waste," she mumbled to herself.
Getting up from the bed, she changed out of her work clothes and into something she could wear outside. As she pulled on a pair of pants, she caught the sight of her black dress hanging on the closet door. Golden couldn't stop herself from grinning. Since that day she fell, she and Grayson had spent each day together in the little sitting area of his office looking over manuscripts for next quarter's new author spotlight. It was just like the evenings spent in his library years ago. She sat on the couch while he sat in the chair next to the couch. Her heart swelled painfully at the memory.
How she had missed the evenings in the library the most. She had tried and tried but despite all her efforts, she could not banish those memories. They were too special for that.
Behind her, her phone chimed on the bed. Picking it up, she smiled at the notification. Lately, she had been talking to a few of her old friends. Just the other day she met up with Lydia, a girl she used to hang out with in choir, for lunch. Lydia had seen her Instagram post about applying at Oakes University and had direct messaged her saying she was also at Oakes and that they should meet.
It was nice seeing old faces even if she had to artfully dodge all the questions about what happened at Juilliard. Golden sighed and walked out into the backyard where the detached garage was. Since she had no car, the building was mostly empty save for a few garden supplies neatly lined along the wall. Her thoughts swirled as she picked out a few tools.
When she had graduated, the entire school had made such a big deal about her Juilliard acceptance, there had even been an article in the local newspaper. The whole town had seemingly celebrated her entry to the prestigious school and predicted big things for her. Now look at her.
Shame wrapped its hand around her chest making it hard to breathe as she walked to the front carrying her tools. Stopping, Golden looked up at the sky and closed her eyes, counting to ten.
"Golden?"
Opening her eyes, Golden stared in surprise at Grayson as he stood beside his midnight blue Aston Martin parked in front of her house.
"Mr. Rosebank! What are you doing here?" she asked, more than surprised to see him.
His gaze sharpened at her words as he walked up the sidewalk.
Golden blushed, correcting her error. "I mean, Grayson."
Satisfied, his expression softened. "I've come to see you." Seeing the question in her eyes, Grayson continued. "I realized as I went home that you and I had no one there waiting for us at either house." His mouth ticked up at one corner in a rueful smile. "So why not spend the evening together?"
Golden opened her mouth and then closed it. She didn’t know what to say. This couldn't be happening right? She looked an absolute mess too. Her hair was covered in an old bandana and she was wearing oversized basketball shorts and a badly faded t-shirt with more than a few moth holes in it. Why God?!
"Um okay, yes of course. I would love to. Let me just put these back up," she said, hurriedly picking up the assortment of tools she had dragged out. "I was about to tackle these flower beds."
Coming over to her, his expensive leather shoes sinking into the grass, he stopped her. "You don't have to stop. I can help you."
Okay, now she knew she was dreaming. Giving him a flat look, she just stared up at him in silence.
Grayson laughed. "This perception you have of me as a high-maintenance snob is categorically incorrect."
"No, I'm sorry. I don't think you're high maintenance, it's just that you're Grayson Rosebank ," she stressed. "Your family owns this town. What would people think if they saw me out here putting you to work like a commoner?"
His jaw locked while his eyes glinted at her and Golden couldn’t help but laugh.
"Just give me the shovel and tell me where to start," he growled, taking the shovel from her hand.
"But your clothes." She pointed at him in alarm. He was wearing dark blue slacks and a light blue button-down. The overall look was pretty casual for him but she knew each article of clothing cost a fortune.
Grayson glanced down at his clothes and shrugged. "Don't worry about my clothes, I have a change of gym clothes in the car."
She smirked at that. "Omar is still ever prepared, I see."
"The man has started to pack snacks and waters in the car in case I get stranded. And I'm pretty sure he has secretly started canning food in the cellar." He began to take a step toward the overgrown flower beds when she made a noise under her breath. Letting out a sigh big enough to shift his shoulders, he turned back at her with a defeated smile. "It's going to bother you unless I change, isn't it?"
Relieved he understood, Golden nodded emphatically. It may just be her imagination but she could swear she could see the curtains moving in the houses across the street. If she had one of the Rosebanks out here working in her garden dressed in his fine clothing, her face would be plastered in the morning paper and real discussions of stoning her in the town square would commence.
Grayson lifted his hands in defeat and gave her a handsome smile. "Fine. I'll get changed," he said, turning back to his car and grabbing a gym bag from the trunk.
Setting down her own equipment she hurried to her door and showed him inside her house. A ball of nerves settled in her stomach suddenly. Grayson had never been in her house, ever. He had met her aunt of course but only outside the house and in town, never inside the house. And although she had told him of the cramped nature of her aunt's house in the past, Golden would've rather died than let him actually go in and see it. However, things were different now. Very different. The place was practically empty but somehow that was just as bad.
Her stomach shifted painfully in shame as he stepped over the threshold into the house. Which was worse, a house brimming with stuff or a house that showcased just how pathetic and lonely her life was? His footsteps echoed against the wood floors with each step and it felt as if each one just accentuated the emptiness of the house.
"You can use the guest bathroom up ahead," her voice trailed off as she looked back to see Grayson stopped in the middle of the living room looking into her open bedroom.
Panicked she glanced at it praying to God there wasn't a pair of panties sitting out or anything.
"That bed is massive." The statement was quiet, his gaze intent on the bed.
Relieved that was all he was looking at, Golden nodded. "Yeah, the thing is a beast. It's so big and sturdy it can't be removed from the room unless you hired a welder to break through the iron or something."
"I see," he said quietly, slowly pulling his gaze from her room and back to the rest of the house.
"Here is the bathroom." She gestured to the open door further down the hall. "It's clean and stocked."
Grayson paused next to her and looked down at her thoughtfully. "Your home reminds me a lot of mine."
She tilted her head to the side. "How so?" He lived in a mansion with countless rooms and an indoor and outdoor swimming pool. How in the world could they be the same?
"They’re both empty." He didn't wait for her to answer before walking to the bathroom.
Golden stood there for a moment letting his words sink in. She looked around the place. He wasn't wrong. Even with all its furniture and endless little odds and ends the place had had life back then, unlike now.
Golden's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and she turned to see Grayson coming out dressed in a pair of navy-blue jogging pants and a silver-blue shirt that clung to his defined chest and narrow waist. Dragging her eyes away she sent a feeble prayer to God to simply give her a break.
An hour later they were both dripping in sweat as they pulled the last of the vines out from the flower bed.
Standing back, Golden wiped her forehead with the back of her gloved hand and stared at the now clear bed. "That looks a lot better."
"It should, it has our blood, sweat, and your tears in it," Grayson remarked dryly, swiping at some of the various small cuts on his arm caused by the unruly rose bush.
"I thought there was something in my eye!" She shot back. He had teased her about her watering eyes as they both yanked out weeds.
Grayson gave her a patronizing nod that reminded her of Gaige. This was where that heathen boy got it from, she thought with a smile. Grayson was right, he looked like a gentleman on the outside but there was a bit of twisted darkness deep inside.
Grabbing the tools from the ground, she looked up at the darkening sky. The sun was setting fast; they had finished at the perfect time. "Let's go inside and clean up and I'll order delivery from my favorite little gyro place up the street. My treat since you helped me out tremendously."
Coming over to her, Grayson gently grabbed the tools from her hands. In the exchange, the back of his hand grazed across her breast. But Grayson's face gave no indication he noticed. "I'll take these," he said.
Golden bit the inside of her lip and prayed her hardening nipples weren't showing through her sports bra and t-shirt.
Inside they both went to their respective bathrooms.
As soon as she shut the door, Golden pressed a fist to her mouth and squealed quietly. Was Grayson really in her house showering right now?
Turning her face up to the ceiling she closed her eyes with a satisfied expression. "Thank you, God," she whispered. Because even if this wasn't quite like her dreams it was as close as it would ever be.
Making a quick call to the gyro shop, Golden secured the order and hopped into the shower. It wasn't until after her shower she realized she screwed up. With only her dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, she had no clean clothes to change into, and worse yet—she forgot to close her bedroom door. She had obviously lived alone for too many years.
Wrapping the big towel around her tightly, Golden peeked her head out of the bathroom and looked out the open bedroom door. From what little she could see of the living room it seemed empty. Maybe he was still in the bathroom. Ready to test her luck and dash across the room to her closet, the doorbell rang.
Curse them and their fast delivery times!
With her hand still secured around her towel, Golden stepped out of her room to go to the door but stopped suddenly. Coming from the other side of the living room, wearing another set of fresh clean gym clothes that clung to his slightly damp chest and his wet hair slicked back giving his whiskey blond hair a look of burnished gold, Grayson stopped for a second and looked at her. His blue eyes sharpened into steel as he took in her state of dress.
He pointed over her head to her bedroom. "Go change, I'll get it," he commanded.
She began to do what he said and stopped. "But I need to pay," she said pointing to her purse even as he pulled out a clip of money from his pocket. "It was supposed to be my treat."
Grayson looked back at her over his shoulder, one blue eye cutting toward her. "It will be my treat if the delivery guy doesn't see you wearing only a towel."
"I would have hidden behind the door," she countered.
"Golden," the sheer warning in his tone told her she was pushing it and she promptly turned around and closed her bedroom door.
Golden never changed so fast in her life, although she still made sure to throw some product in her wet curls and spray a bit of fragrance on before she popped out of her room.
"Sorry about that," she mumbled to Grayson as she took the bags of food from his hands and led him to the couch.
Sitting down beside her, Grayson gave her a hard look. "Tell me you don't usually answer the door like that."
Her instinct was to tease me, to say something flippant like, Yeah, that's me. I'm always naked and always getting delivery enough to make it a habit. But she could see the twitch of muscle in his jawline and the serious gleam in his cool eyes, so she thought against it. "Umm no. I was just trying to hurry."
Grayson shook his head. "I swear you're going to be my death."
"What does that mean?" More than a little defensive.
His eyebrows quirked in silent challenge as if shocked she could even ask something so ludicrous. "It means you make me worry about you all the time."
"This one incident?! And besides, Stardust is so safe!"
"There is still crime in Stardust, Golden," he lectured, handing her a foil-wrapped gyro.
"Yeah, but you know it's not that bad and you also forget I used to live in New York. I think I know what I'm doing." Yeah, she sounded arrogant but compared to the version of her coming from Stardust all the way to New York and being absolutely terrified, she felt that it was justified.
"Do you now?" he hummed as he pointed the controller to her new TV.
Golden huffed and poured the little plastic pot of sauce on her food before taking an angry bite. "Eat your gyro, mister."
Grayson smirked, not at all bothered by her attitude.
After a few seconds of swiping through the movie options, they settled on a movie about a psychiatrist and a stalker from one of his murdered patients’ family. It was easy to see the good-looking stranger had ill intentions for the psychiatrist and his family. A family already fractured and barely speaking to one another. They were watching a scene where the stalker was seducing the family's underage daughter.
"Oh my god, him turning on some fairy lights did it?" Golden groaned, pointing a fry at the screen. The look of pure awe on the girl's face was just annoying.
"Exactly," Grayson grumbled next to her. "They were no doubt already strung up. He just found the switch and turned it on."
They were both sitting with their feet propped up on the old coffee table picking through cold fries as they watched.
"As he was breaking and entering, because someone needs to remind her, he is a criminal," she added and they both laughed.
As the movie progressed, the tension built. There was a particularly poignant scene where the daughter, overwhelmed by the chaos and danger surrounding her, packed her belongings and decided to leave.
Grayson gave her a sideways glance. "How did you feel when you realized you were actually leaving Stardust? When you sat on that plane going to New York?"
"It wasn't that," She pointed to the screen, to the girl's look of hope and relief. "I was scared out of my mind and wondered if I could even do it." I guess we can see how that turned out, she was tempted to say but refrained. She wasn’t sure why she asked but she couldn't stop her next words. "How was it for you when I left?"
"I didn't actually find out the day you left. Gaige purposely withheld that info," he said, staring hard at the screen ahead of him before turning that hard stare to her. "But the day I did find out, it was the single worst day of my life?"
Her lips parted in shock. "Why?" she dared to whisper.
He gave her a knowing look and he opened his mouth to speak, but his phone lying on the couch between them rang. The screen flashed "idiot brother" across the screen.
Driven by cowardice, she made use of the opportunity. Clearing her throat, she pointed to the phone. "You should take that. He never seems to call unless it's important."
Technically that was true. For the month she had been working for Grayson, his brother Grant only called a handful of times and it was something that always called Grayson out of the office for the rest of the day.
She thought he would get up from the couch to take the call, but instead, he sat there next to her, his eyes occasionally falling on her as he tersely answered his brother.
Golden had to look away. It felt as if she was getting twenty percent less air. Was the day he found out that she left for New York really the single worst day of his life? Or was he just being kind? She glanced back at him and her heart stopped as she met his piercing blue eyes. He was watching her; even as the deep voice of his brother spoke on the other end of the line, Grayson watched her every move. Nervously, she smiled at him.
His gaze softened a little and the corner of his lips twitched in a small smile. His brother said something and the smile that had hinted at Grayson's lips disappeared into a flat line of annoyance.
"I will take care of it first thing in the morning, so stop bitching. Goodnight," he growled into the phone before tossing it back onto the cushion.
With the TV paused the room filled with an awkward silence.
"Where were we?" Grayson began, relaxing back into the couch cushion.
Golden held her breath and looked down at the small space that existed between them where his phone sat. She wished she had the nerve to sit closer. She wished she had the backbone to continue their conversation but she just didn’t. What if the answer to her question wasn't at all what she wanted to hear?
It was the single worst day of my life because you were always like a daughter to me, Golden, she imagined him saying. What if she had scooted closer when he first sat down next to her and he gave her a look of horrified confusion and moved away? No, she wasn't strong enough to survive being made a fool of again. What happened two years ago in his bedroom was enough to haunt her until the day she died.
Golden could feel his eyes on her and she looked up.
Grayson studied her face and glanced away before looking back at her with a curious expression. "What were you thinking about earlier when I first drove up? You were standing there in the yard with your eyes closed and head back."
She tried to recall earlier in the yard. It seemed lifetimes away since Grayson arrived. Squinting in thought, she remembered she was thinking about her time at Juilliard.
Golden made a face. She decided to answer a question with a question. "Why haven't you asked me about Juilliard?"
"You weren't ready to talk about it. I just got you back, I'm in no rush to run you off," he answered solemnly.
She stared at him. Did he truly mean that? "You're not disappointed I quit? After getting into such a prestigious school for the exact thing I wanted to do, I just up and quit. You're not disappointed at all?" Her words could barely squeeze out the tightening of her throat as shame latched itself onto her.
"No. Are you?"
Tears ran down her face. "Yes," she hissed. All the pent-up feelings of her failure began to spill out. "I hated it there. I hated the people. I hated the teachers and students. The toxic attitudes and passive-aggressive treatment. The feeling of always being the odd one out and not belonging no matter how hard I tried to fit in with people I just couldn't vibe with. I don't know what it was–classism, racism, or sexism. Honestly, it felt like all of the above but not in a direct way. It was so pervasive I couldn't tell anyone and believe they’d actually listen. It just made me sound crazy like the problem was me. They would say no one else is having these issues , or we haven't heard this complaint before , completely invalidating everything I was saying. I just couldn't imagine doing another two years of that. Or worse, a possible lifetime of dealing with more people like that all to achieve a dream to sing professionally. And do I even want to sing professionally or do I just like to sing? I don't know, I just feel lost and stupid and like I wasted everyone's time.”
Grayson reached for her, his hands finding her shoulders and pulling her close until she was leaning against him. Gently, he swiped the tears from her face with his thumb. "You haven't wasted anything."
"I feel like I’ve been spoiled here, as funny as that is," she sniffed. "Years and years of just feeling like a weirdo with no real family. Feeling like I was just Gaige's friend or the girl who could sing well. But in reality, I had it all here. Because New York immediately took the veil off my eyes and showed me just how good I had it back here. I feel like a failure."
"Spoiled?" Grayson laughed under his breath. "You don't know the meaning."
Golden could feel herself growing hot against the hand that lingered on her cheek.
"But I know how you feel," he continued. "Trust me, I know. My father was a true bastard through and through. The kind of man who had a set path for all three of his sons and then pitted us against one another. I never wanted to work for the company, but saying that would have been the equivalent of spitting in my father's face. So, I did what the dutiful son is expected to do and obeyed. I got the degrees and the endless training but I hated every minute of it. I felt ungrateful and a little inadequate at first. Here I was, a Rosebank, a man with generational wealth and a role in my family's company handed to me and I was miserable."
She never knew any of this. Sitting a little straighter against him, she looked up at him. "How did you get out?"
"Well, as you can see, I'm not truly out," he smirked and pointed to his phone on the table. "Grant still calls me about anything he doesn't trust the usual team of lawyers with."
"You know what I mean," she urged.
Grayson relaxed into the couch and his arm around her shoulders tightened, hugging her to him. "I got out because I decided I would not live the rest of my life doing what other people wanted and never what I wanted. So, I just left it for Grant to run."
Golden imagined Grayson telling his intimidating brother he was leaving the company and the argument that no doubt occurred amongst the brothers. "How did it feel when you made that decision?"
"Like taking my first breath of air. I promise you; it will feel the same for you." His sincere voice was pitched so low it thrummed through her, working its strange magic over her.
She did feel relief and she was more than happy to reconnect with him, but the shame of quitting Juilliard was still fresh. She just hoped one day it would fade.
Taking the chance, she leaned deeper into his side until her face was pressed against him. "Can I stay like this a little longer?”
His hand rubbed rhythmically at her shoulder. "You never have to ask."
Leaning against the reception desk, Golden stared out the windows of the main entrance. She was standing in the foyer of the building waiting on the post. Having just gotten back from lunch with a friend when she got a message from Grayson's assistant to pick up the mail, she decided to wait in the lobby before going up.
Good. It gave her plenty of time to daydream about last night.
When she watched Grayson pull away from the curb last night, the powerful engine giving off a beautiful low growl that echoed off the houses in the neighborhood, she practically squealed like a child. It was perfect. So freaking perfect she could hardly stand it, much less sleep. All she could do was think about the firm strength of his body against her when he held her. Or the way his deep velvety voice wrapped around her as he spoke.
Last night, it felt like another door opened between them. A path that led her further from the friendly guiding role he always played in her life to something a little more intimate.
Golden grinned. Happiness soared through her like fireworks.
A big brown truck stopped in front of the building and she straightened away from the reception desk. Greeting the delivery man and signing for the heavy envelope, Golden headed to the elevators.
Checking her hair in the door's gold reflection, she patted down a wrinkle in her blouse and smiled to herself as the doors opened to the fourth floor. She noticed that Mrs. Baker's desk was empty. Did she say her doctor's appointment was today or was it something to do with her grandchild? Golden couldn't remember.
Walking past the desk toward Grayson's office, she stopped when she heard a laugh. A woman's laugh. Golden felt a jolt of cold awareness zing through her veins. Quietly, she crept closer to the partially open door and peered in.
Inside, a woman stood in front of Grayson on the other side of his desk. She was leaning against it in an inviting pose that accentuated her tall, lithe figure in a tight blue dress. Her beauty was like daggers to Golden's heart, it was undeniable—her long, glossy hair fell in endless waves around her shoulders, and her eyes sparkled with an unsettling mix of intelligence and clear seduction. Her smile was all confidence. Every bit of her exuded an aura of self-assured grace that Golden had never once possessed in her life.
The woman openly flirted with Grayson, who sat impassively in his chair staring up at the woman with an unreadable expression. But she wasn't fazed. Her body language was relaxed, her posture inviting. She laughed again at something he said, a melodic sound that seemed to wrap around the room, and lightly touched Grayson’s arm, her fingers lingering just a moment too long.
Pain and jealousy surged through Golden as she backed away from the door, her heart aching. She turned and quickly walked away, her mind racing to process the scene she had just seen.
Leaving the package on the desk, Golden scrawled out a shaky note. " Saw that you had company, left early."
Not risking the ding of the elevator, Golden slipped out through the stairwell door. Within minutes she was out on the street walking swiftly to the bus just pulling by. More than thankful for its good timing, she paid the meter and rushed to the back of the empty bus.
As soon as her back hit the seat, the tears she had been holding back finally broke free, streaming down her face in hot, silent torrents.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t put herself through the disappointment, no matter how unjustified her feelings were. She wouldn't survive watching him date other women. The ache in her heart was unbearable, and they weren’t even anything to each other!! Everything she had imagined between them was clearly a one-sided illusion. The bitter realization of that stung, making her feel foolish and exposed. Like a fool, Golden had allowed herself to let a silly childhood dream turn into hope, but reality had come crashing down around her, shattering those fragile dreams, and she could see things clearly now.
Golden wiped at her tears, taking deep breaths to steady herself. She knew she had to face the truth—whatever she felt for Grayson, it was not reciprocated. The connection she believed they shared was nothing more than the workings of her imagination. She had to let this fantasy go once and for all, to protect herself from further heartache.
Staring out the window, everything inside of her seemed to hurt.
Her phone in her lap vibrated and she looked down to see a few notifications from friends. She stopped at one from Gaige. It was one from earlier that morning that she had forgotten to respond to.
Gaige : Hey sunshine, how's the new job treating you? Still trying to keep your heart eyes for my dad under wraps?
Pain shot through her and she tried to steel her heart as she typed in her reply.
Me : Think I'm gonna quit.