Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Present day
“This is a longshot at best.” Jax sat in the driver’s seat, sipping from a paper cup. Outside, the snow that had fallen overnight blanketed the residential street in a layer of white that made it look nicer than it really was.
Kenna, in the passenger seat of the parked car, bit into her warm double chocolate muffin and tried not to groan aloud. After she’d savored it for a second and swallowed some of the mouthful, she said, “You have somewhere else to be?”
“Yeah, our land in Wyoming.”
She glanced at him, the muffin held aloft in front of her face.
The street around them was as empty as it had been for most of the morning except for the odd delivery driver and the mail van.
Two rows of houses, plenty of cars in drives and on the street—not the nicer ones that spoke of huge payments but the used models that were more common to people who couldn’t fork out hundreds every month for something flashy.
“Eat your snack.” He lifted his chin to her neglected muffin.
But they needed to talk about this. “You wanna leave Boston and go back home?”
“Well, yeah. You’re happier there, and so am I.”
“What happened to ‘time to get to work?’ That was yesterday.”
He snorted, shrugged. “I can change my mind. Wait ten minutes, and I’ll change it back. Or I’ll decide we should go to Hawaii.”
“Too hot any time of year.”
“Maine.”
She smiled. “A moody coastline that’s just mist twenty-four seven. Now you’re talking.”
“Hard to solve a murder when you can’t see your hand in front of your face.”
“Who says we’ll be solving a murder there?”
He smiled just enough that she could see the change on his face and leaned over to kiss her. “Mmm. Chocolate.”
She pushed his chest gently. “Get your own.”
“Bet they have those muffins in Maine.”
“If they don’t, we could rent somewhere with an oven, and you could make an über-healthy, high-protein version that’s ‘good for the baby,’ and I’ll pretend to enjoy it.”
His eyes closed for a second and his chest shook, but no laughter escaped.
“I love you.”
He kept his attention on the street. “I know.”
“Did you have a nightmare last night?” She had been shaking off the effect of hers all morning, trying to forget the images that had been burned into her mind. The ones that hovered like ghosts in her dreams.
He said nothing at first.
“Jax.”
“It’s enough to know you did as well.”
And yet she hadn’t shared with him any more than he had with her.
He said, “Don’t worry about me, okay? You’re safe.
We’re together.” He pulled in a full breath and blew it out slowly.
“I need a way to combat the fear, and getting in the Word this morning helped a lot. I’ve got a call later with a couple of my Bible study guys.
” He reached over and squeezed her knee. “I’m okay.”
“Still, you want a way to take them down so it’s finally over.” She ignored the sick feeling in her stomach and tried not to think about her faith and the way it had slipped from her heart in the middle of all that fear and the pain.
The fear seemed to have taken up residence in her life instead, in a permanent way. She couldn’t seem to shake it. And how could she, when this was far from over?
“You want this to be done, and I want another muffin.”
She didn’t really but wanted to move this conversation back to something safer.
And if she couldn’t eat a double chocolate muffin in the second trimester of pregnancy, then when on earth was she supposed to be able to eat one?
This was exactly the time to enjoy herself and not care about calories.
Plus, Jax had fed her potatoes, egg, and cheese for breakfast, so this was a totally valid pre-lunch snack.
“I want a way to guarantee your safety,” he said. “That probably means we have to take them all down in one go.”
“There’s no way to do that.”
“As far as you know. Which means we haven’t found the solution yet.”
Kenna wanted to share his optimism, but she couldn’t see how they’d be able to take down the entire Dominatus organization and keep their baby safe in the process.
She wasn’t about to watch him go off to battle with a dangerous enemy and stay behind.
Even if their friends went with him as backup, she could still either lose him to the fight or she would become a pawn in the middle of it all.
Kenna swallowed a mouthful of water. She’d thought about hot chocolate, but with the muffin, that was too much of a good thing. “Promise me something.”
“As far as it’s within my power to do it.”
She figured that was a decent way to approach the whole balance of marriage. But wasn’t sure he’d want to make the promise once she said what it was.
Down the street, a school bus turned onto the road and immediately stopped.
“Morning class but not afternoon?” she wondered aloud.
The first child got off the bus, and Jax said, “Looks like preschool or Kindergarten.”
“They’re so cute.”
“So cute you forgot what you were going to say?”
“Fine.” She sighed. “Maizie offered to turn a photo of you and me into a composite of what our child might look like.”
“Sounds terrifying.”
She managed to find a smile.
“What am I promising?”
Kenna reached over and found his hand, lacing her fingers with his the way she had in the early hours of the morning when she needed that connection as well as the feeling of him surrounding her.
The man who slept between her and the door, so that any threats would reach him first. “That if you do figure out a solution, you won’t leave to go finish it. ”
“I won’t put you in harm’s way.”
They didn’t need to rehash that conversation. The one where she pointed out that danger was everywhere, and at least out here solving cases, they were aware of the potential threat enough to manage situations.
The idea was to not go stir-crazy in the RV, on their admittedly gorgeous land, spending the rest of their lives wasting away from inactivity. There would be seasons in their lives when they could do that, like after the baby was born. But until then, she had to stay active.
“And because I won’t put you in harms’ way,” he continued, “the only solution is to allow Dominatus to continue and for us to do nothing about them. Live and let live. Always wondering when they’ll show up to steal our child from us.
Or tear us apart some other way. Knowing they’re destroying lives, and we knew and didn’t stop them. ”
“We can’t fight them. They’re too big and too dangerous.” She shook her head.
Right then, a boy no more than five years old with tan pants, rubber boots, and a heavy coat trudged along the salted sidewalk. His ears were red, but he held a wool hat in one hand. He stopped in front of the house.
“Isn’t that the residence?” Kenna asked.
Jax let go of her hand. “Yes, it is. You think that’s his house?”
She shook her head. “If he lives there, he doesn’t want to go inside.”
“The man who owns it has been dead longer than that kid has been alive.” Jax shifted in his seat. “But someone lives there. A light is on inside, behind the blinds in the living room.”
“He’s just standing there.” Her heart broke at the sight of this lonely little boy on the sidewalk outside a house that might not be his.
Was trepidation holding him there, not wanting to go home?
That, or he should move on. Get to his house.
If he lived here, what about that house made it so he didn’t want to go to the door and step inside?
A million scenarios all roiled in her mind. One of a thousand ways this little boy could be suffering inside the walls of that house.
“We need to keep talking about how to get out of this stalemate,” Jax said. “So we have a plan for what to do about Dominatus.”
The front door of the house opened. A slender woman stood there in slim jeans and a thin sweater with long sleeves pulled over her hands.
The little boy saw her and darted toward her, his backpack bouncing side to side as he ran. All the way into her arms. She crouched and held him to her, hugging each other tightly in the doorway.
Kenna sniffed.
“That’s why we have to fight them,” Jax said.
“So we can live in suburb with a white picket fence and kids who ride the bus to school and play sports and take music lessons. So we can go to sleep at night and rest and not lay awake wondering when the threat will come. We have to eliminate them so they’re no longer a threat. ”
“You sound like Bear.”
“It’s a good plan.”
Kenna shook her head, watching the door to the house close. “A missile isn’t a plan. It’s just a missile. They don’t know where to fire it, or when. What they need is intel.”
Another point of contention.
“So let’s get it for them,” he said. “Isn’t there a way we can find out when the next Dominatus meeting is? We could pass Miami Security International, or what’s left of them, the coordinates, as well as the date and time of the meeting. Let them take care of the rest.”
Kenna’s eyes burned. “I want that dream of yours, though not so much the suburbs.”
“I thought it was our dream.”
“If it was, there would be a dog in the mix. Something goofy and lovable.” She turned to him, taking his face in her hands to bring him close to her.
“I want that. I do. It just feels like too much of an impossible dream. I have to worry about now every minute of every day, and I have to worry about the next minute. I can’t even contemplate the day this child is born right now. ”
“It’s coming in a few months. We need to find a midwife, and a safe place for you to have the baby.”
Kenna squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “I can’t…” She tried to breathe. To think.
“I know.” He held her arms. “I think you should talk to Elizabeth, or someone else. Work through the panic you feel.”
“I need the fear.” She held his gaze with hers. “I need to remember to be afraid every moment. It’s what will keep this baby safe.”
“But you won’t let it stop you from living your life? You’re going to have to fight for that as well.”
She didn’t worry about the flat tone he used to say that. “I’m not hiding. But I’m also not dangling myself out as bait. I’m done playing their game. I do this my way.”
“Do what? Solve cases?”
“No, live my life.”
He drew her to him and kissed her passionately, and all that fear and anxiety and desperation arced between them light lightening.
The give and take between them was both solidarity and a battle of wills.
She wanted to feel his frustration and powerlessness, because it meant he felt the same as she did contemplating what the future held.
Kenna gave back as good as she got, pouring all the desire she felt into that steamy car kiss. Leaving them both breathless. They were in this with the same commitment, a hundred percent on board.
For each other and for their child.
“I have an idea,” she said.
Jax lifted one brow.
“Hold that thought for later. This is about our case.” She ignored the amusing disappointed look on his face.
He kissed her again. “This case is connected to Dominatus. So by working it with you, I’m working on my goal of figuring out how to take them down and your goal of ignoring their existence.”
“I’ve been trying not to think about what that medical examiner said.” Kenna winced. “They wanted the murder covered up.”
“Means we need to solve it.”
“I would’ve done that anyway, regardless of whether they’re involved.”
“I know.” He squeezed her knee. “What’s your idea?”