Chapter 15 Adam
He’s sitting in the sunshine drinking lemonade, thinking about Leaf’s return tomorrow. He chews on his lip, almost drawing blood. He starts at the tap on the shoulder. Lemonade spills from the rim of the glass onto the slate paving. Adam realises that no one touches him these days, except for Leaf.
It’s Samuel Ross. ‘There’s someone here for Mr Winham,’ he says, flat.
‘Well, he’s not here,’ Adam says.
‘I think it would be good for someone to talk to this person.’
‘Ok,’ Adam says. He has a terrible fear that it’s Christie, that she has come to mess it all up, to take him back or tell Leaf that Adam is a terrible person. The child is due in a month.
They drive the golf buggy down through the falling leaves to the Nowhere gate. Standing by the guard booth is a uniformed police officer.
‘I’m Adam Leahy.’ He offers his hand. The officer shakes it with both of his.
‘Officer Lloyd, Boulder PD.’ He’s probably only in his forties but looks older, as people tend to do around here. He has a thick grey moustache and a constant look of mild surprise. ‘I wanted to talk to Mr Leaf Winham regarding a police matter.’
‘He’s not here. You can talk to me.’
‘It’s regarding Rick McFadyen.’
‘Oh.’ Sourness creeps through him at Rick’s name. ‘What did he do?’
‘Mr McFadyen has been missing for six months. According to his datebook, Mr Winham was one of the last people to see him. Here, at Nowhere.’ Officer Lloyd looks around at the peaks, the wooded hills. ‘Beautiful spot,’ he says politely.
‘Rick and Leaf don’t speak anymore,’ Adam says, distant. ‘Rick moved away.’
‘If so he moved without his passport or his ATM card. Both were still at his apartment. Why would be leave those behind?’
‘I don’t know, I never met him,’ Adam says. Jealousy spikes in him. Rick takes up more of his thoughts than he would like.
‘I thought maybe you had run into one another,’ says Officer Lloyd.
‘Leaf stopped speaking to him before I came here.’
‘Well, if you or Mr Winham think of anything—’
Samuel Ross appears silently at Officer Lloyd’s shoulder and hands him the usual wedge of paper. Surprise crosses the officer’s face as he reads the cover page. He says, with dignity, ‘I’m a police officer. We don’t agree not to disclose things.’
‘Of course,’ Adam says. ‘I’m sorry—’
‘We would be most appreciative of any help in finding Mr McFadyen,’ Officer Lloyd says. ‘He has a mother, sister, brothers – family who are very anxious to find him.’
Adam feels a spike of guilt for his unkind thoughts. ‘Ok. I’ll ask Leaf to get in touch.’
Samuel Ross is at Officer Lloyd’s elbow again. ‘Mr Winham will cooperate fully with any police investigation. Please contact our office to schedule an appointment.’
‘Thank you,’ says Officer Lloyd. ‘I will.’ He puts the NDA firmly back in Samuel Ross’s hands. Ross takes it. He melts away, is gone so quickly that Adam looks around for him in bemusement.
‘Mr Leahy?’
Adam starts. ‘Yes?’
‘Walk with me to my car, why don’t you? It stalled a little ways down the hill.’
‘Ok,’ Adam says. It seems impossible to say no.
The gates part in silence and they walk through.
Adam is suddenly unnerved. He realises that he hasn’t been outside Nowhere in months.
Sounds are different out here, the crickets louder.
The wind is harsher on his cheek, the sun unrelenting as it beats the top of his head. He misses the valley walls.
‘I hope the engine starts,’ Officer Lloyd takes off his hat and wipes his brow. His hair clings to his skull in wet strands.
‘I’m sure it will,’ Adam says. ‘These inclines are hell. Downhill is easier.’
‘Smart,’ Officer Lloyd says. ‘I’ll remember that. Downhill is easier.’ He laughs a little.
‘How far is it?’ Adam asks. The space all around is getting to him.
‘Not much further,’ Officer Lloyd says. ‘I heard the engine working hard a ways back and I thought I’d pull over to let it cool but then it quit anyway.
’ He pauses. ‘The only turnout I passed, there was a car already. Been there a while, if you ask me. A blue Mustang. Covered in leaves and so on. A shame. It’s a nice car. ’
‘Yes,’ Adam says. ‘That’s mine.’
They round the corner. The cruiser is at an angle across the road. ‘Blocking the way,’ Officer Lloyd says, apologetic. ‘But I couldn’t help it.’
He opens the door of the cruiser and backs away from the wave of heat that escapes from the car. ‘Woah,’ he says, cheerful, leaning on the door. ‘Give it a minute. You know, Mr Leahy, you seem like a nice guy.’
‘Thank you,’ says Adam, cautious.
‘You were reported a missing person,’ Officer Lloyd says. ‘But I found you I guess.’
‘I was never missing,’ Adam says.
‘Your girlfriend doesn’t agree,’ says Officer Lloyd, swinging down into the driver’s seat. He winces. ‘Damn, this seat is burning hot. Anyhow.’ He pauses before closing the door, squints up at Adam. ‘Don’t you feel guilty for leaving her like that?’
Anger starts to sing all through Adam. ‘What the hell gives you the right?’ he asks. ‘I told her I had a big job to do. I told her I’d be away.’
‘Two months ago,’ Officer Lloyd says. ‘You think that’s ok?’
Adam gasps. Pain crawls up his chest. ‘No,’ he says. ‘I know it’s not.’
Officer Lloyd nods, thoughtful. ‘I used to think there was no such thing as real good people or real bad people.’ He pauses.
‘Then I started in the force. And now I know that isn’t true.
Fair enough, most fall somewhere in between, but there are truly good people and bad ones.
And,’ Officer Lloyd takes a card from his wallet, ‘there’s also another kind.
The really bad ones. Monsters and gods are the same thing, I guess.
Neither are human anymore. You’re not one of those monsters, Mr Leahy.
You messed up. If I were you, I would call your girlfriend and go home.
There’s still time to make it right.’ He holds out the card.
‘If you decide to stay here,’ he says, ‘you could need this. It’s my number. It will find me night and day.’
Adam takes the card with numb fingers.
Officer Lloyd turns the key in the ignition and the cruiser growls to life. ‘Well, would you look at that,’ he says happily.
Adam watches the police car disappear down the mountain road.
That night Adam can’t sleep. He tosses, irritable.
Everything seems flat and tiring without Leaf.
But he will be back tomorrow. Adam can’t get Officer Lloyd out of his mind.
The encounter bothers him more the more he thinks about it.
He fingers the card with Lloyd’s number on it, turning it over in his hands.
Adam lifts his head at a faint sound. At first he thinks he’s imagining it, but it draws nearer.
It is a car engine. Maybe it’s staff driving home or something, he tells himself.
But surely they would all be gone by this hour.
The engine comes closer and he’s sure – someone is driving up to the door of Nowhere.
Leaf must be back early. Adam gets out of bed.
He can’t find shoes and he doesn’t care but then he stubs his toe on the side table and hops in agony for a moment or two.
He can hear the car pulling up. Adam tosses his clothes here and there (he does not open the closet, he does not go near the mirror-men).
Adam hears the vast front door creaking – it’s so loud, audible even on the third floor.
He finds sneakers, shoves them on his bare feet and runs down the grand staircase.
The hall is quiet. The alarm console flickers green on the wall.
It is disarmed. Adam peers out of the window.
He can’t see a car, but Leaf may have parked round back.
Somehow Adam has missed him. He runs up to the master suite on the second floor.
Leaf will be there, unpacking. He likes to deal with his own clothes.
Adam opens the door to Leaf’s room, eager.
The lights are off so he flicks the switch.
Everything is cool and white and beautiful; the linen canopy on the four-poster bed flutters in the gust from the opening door.
The room is empty. The door to the palatial bathroom is open.
He looks at the pristine room for a moment then shakes his head, turns the light off and leaves.
Adam searches Nowhere House, wandering like a ghost. Maybe Leaf fell asleep somewhere.
Maybe he’s in the den. Maybe the gleaming steel kitchen.
Maybe he’s gone out on the porch to smoke.
But these places are untenanted. The rooms are all dark.
Leaf insists that all lights are turned off at night. He is very environmentally conscious.
Adam paces to and fro before the fireplace in the hall. The dead antlers cast shadows on the walls. He’s worried that there has been a burglar or a home invasion.
Adam notices a faint glow. It’s from the hallway which leads to the long sunroom. Adam goes to the hallway. It is empty. The dimmer is on low, soft uplighting leading away into the house. None of Leaf’s staff would forget to turn off these lights.
Adam goes down the hall, heart beating in his throat. The sunroom is dimly lit, too. It is also empty. Adam walks around it three times, looking for a hidden intruder. But there is no one. Eventually he turns the light off. He goes back to bed.
Adam is finishing his breakfast on the terrace when he hears the front door creak. He throws his napkin down.
Leaf is standing in the hall. He looks up and sees Adam. They run to each other and hold tight.
‘There was a police officer at the gate,’ Adam begins.
‘Ross told me.’ Leaf runs a hand through his hair. He looks tired. ‘He probably just wanted to look around. Maybe he wanted an autograph.’
‘It didn’t seem like that,’ Adam says.
Leaf smiles, a little grim. ‘He left when I found out I wasn’t here, didn’t he?’
‘He was asking about Rick.’
‘People will use any excuse.’
Adam feels a surge of guilt. Leaf is always being watched. He understands why Leaf wants the secret staircase. With all these eyes on him all the time, who wouldn’t want a private place where he can be quiet and watch in turn?
They walk among the apple trees. Leaf likes to say hello to Nowhere when he’s been away. It’s good to be outside in the sunshine. The air is full of the scent of green and growing things. Leaf bends to stroke the grass. ‘She’s happy today.’
Adam smiles. He likes Leaf’s insistence that Nowhere is a person.
‘How did you two meet?’ he asks. ‘You and Rick.’
‘Through the Foundation,’ Leaf says.
‘He worked for you?’ Adam asks.
‘No. We helped him.’
‘So he’s – homeless?’
‘He was,’ Leaf says. ‘We got him back on his feet.’
‘Isn’t that a little weird?’
‘What?’
‘You have—’ Adam waves his hand around him, taking in Nowhere, the peaks, the valley, the house of warm wood and gleaming glass. ‘All this. He doesn’t have anything. You know what I mean?’
‘I don’t,’ Leaf says. ‘Explain it to me.’ His eyes are warm and his tone is level. But Adam suddenly feels cold. He can’t say why.
‘Isn’t it kind of unethical to date someone who the Foundation is – helping?’
‘You tell me,’ Leaf says politely. ‘You seem to know.’
‘Where were your bags?’ Adam says suddenly.
‘What?’
‘I met you at the door when you got back this morning. You didn’t have any bags.’
‘Ross brought them in from the car,’ Leaf says.
‘I didn’t see—’
‘It’s his job for you not to see him.’ Leaf stops. ‘I can’t stand jealousy.’ His voice cracks. ‘It ruins everything. It spreads like rot.’
Leaf thrusts his fists against the trunk of an apple tree. He punches it hard, making small noises of pain.
‘Hey, hey.’ Adam takes hold of Leaf’s wrists. ‘Stop it.’ The grazes on Leaf’s knuckles ooze blood. ‘I didn’t mean to—’
‘Everyone wants things from me,’ Leaf says.
‘Even the police just want to get in here and poke at me and look and pry. Before I put up the gate and hired Ross, people found their way in here all the time. They would take branches from the apple trees. One woman tore hair from the horses’ manes.
’ Leaf leans against the apple tree. He tips his head back, eyes closed.
‘You’re just the same as all the rest of them – you want to own me. ’
‘That’s not fair,’ Adam says. His heart pounds hard at the pace of disaster.
‘I was just asking. Last night I heard the door. The alarm was off. Who else knows the code? And there were lights on in the house. I thought you had got home early.’ He swallows.
‘I looked for you all over. So when you came in this morning, and I didn’t see your luggage, I just thought—’
‘What? That I was hiding from you somewhere in my own house?’ Leaf’s voice vibrates with anger. ‘What you’re saying makes no sense. Where do you think I was?’
‘I don’t know,’ Adam says. ‘But I also don’t understand.’
‘Do you know why I work with the Foundation?’ Leaf asks.
His voice vibrates with anger. ‘They say that long ago five children were kept here, back when it was an apple farm. They were murdered and the town covered it up. Maybe that’s why Nowhere wants me to help young people in trouble.
She’s trying to make up for it.’ Leaf breathes.
‘And maybe it’s time you went back to your girlfriend. ’
‘I’m sorry.’ Adam feels everything receding. He imagines a world where he doesn’t see Leaf or touch him ever again. Adam takes Leaf’s hand and kisses it gently, avoiding the bloodied knuckles. ‘I don’t want that,’ he says. ‘I want you.’
Leaf gives him a smile. Adam’s heart swells and almost stops. ‘I don’t want my fingers to ever get itchy with you,’ Leaf says. ‘I want you to stay forever.’
‘I will, if you’ll have me.’ Adam feels he’s lifting right out of his body.
They come out through the trees. In the distance, beside the house, is the green hill mounted with white crosses. ‘Jackrabbit,’ Adam murmurs.
‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ Adam says. He squints. He had thought there were twelve graves on the hill – now he counts thirteen.
‘Did something die?’ he asks, anxious. ‘Is that a new grave?’
‘Just some tropical fish,’ Leaf says. He trails a finger down Adam’s cheek. ‘Did you swim yesterday?’ he asks. ‘How long did you hold your breath?’