Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
W e travel for hours without a break, and I curse myself, not for the first time, for not at least asking Beans which direction Forsto was in. Breaking for camp mirrors the night before. I’m tied to a tree and left alone with my dinner thrown to me in the dirt. Though, I’d much prefer to be tied up outside than be cramped in a tent with a bunch of stinking Erduborn men. They’re starting to smell worse than I do, and I’ve been huddled against barrels of fish jerky and covered in filthy, wet hessian.
The pony doesn’t wait for night to fall before escaping and coming to visit again. No one notices the small horse-shaped figure sneaking along the outskirts of the camp in the setting sun. I’m still eating my apple when she arrives. Sitting on the slightly damp ground, she comes to stand as close as she possibly can without stepping on me. Her head slowly comes down, inches from my mouth, as I continue to eat my apple. A snotty huff bursts from her nose whenever I take a bite. She throws her head up and down, her lips clapping to show further irritation when I take a very slow and very deliberate bite making “mmm” sounds at her.
I still have two bites and the core left when I spot Arpi across the camp, a black look in his eyes as he stomps toward us. I quickly feed the pony the rest of my apple and tell her she has to go. She eats the apple with painful slowness, and my rage fires up in my belly. Pushing her out of the way so I can stand, I push her again, encouraging her to leave.
I didn’t realize I had punched Arpi in the face until I felt the sting of it on my knuckles. It wasn’t a great punch, considering my hands are bound, but the resounding crack was excellent. He’d walked up and punched her in the head, and she took off running. Then I must have landed the punch, and now Arpi has his hands around my throat, lifting me off my feet. The pain in my neck and head is worse than the lack of air. His face is so close to mine that his nose presses against my cheekbone.
“No wonder the Gifted Erduborn woman paid me to get rid of you, you filthy cunt,” he all but screams at me. “I have big plans for you, and not a single one relies on you being whole. Test me again, and I will break you. Maybe I’ll break you anyway.”
He slams me against the tree by the throat before dropping me, and I crumple to the ground, gasping. Not done with me, he grabs me by the hair and pulls me back up to standing.
“If you still have enough strength in you to throw a punch, I must be feeding you too much. I hope sharing your apple with the fucking pony was worth it—you ain’t getting shit for a while,” Arpi taunts, spittle flying from his mouth.
He punches me so hard in the stomach that it winds me, and my meager dinner threatens to come back up. Letting go of my hair, he grabs me painfully by the jaw and shows me the knife in his other hand. He pushes it into my side, not enough to draw blood, but enough to let me know exactly which organs are at risk.
And then he puts his disgusting mouth on mine.
I bite my lips together, but he pushes them open with his tongue as he digs the knife in deeper in warning. He tastes like rotten meat, fish, and rancid drogalyf. My fists are balled up and stretching the boundaries of my tied wrists so hard I might snap a bone. He’s licking the roof of my mouth, and his dirty facial hair is scraping my lips along with his. Taking my bottom lip painfully between his teeth, he bites and pulls hard enough that I let out a cry.
Letting me go, he steps back with blood on his lips. My blood. He wipes his mouth, and seeing it, he spits at my feet.
“There’s more than one way to break a woman, and I know which ways are my favorite,” he threatens with venom, spitting once more and leaving. I do my own spitting on the ground, trying to get the taste of him out of my mouth, and then my entire meal comes up with a few violent heaves. I’m still chewing on a bunch of wet grass to rid me of the vomit and taste of that vile man when realization hits me.
She.
The Gifted Erduborn woman.
Tovi.
“It was the woman I was traveling with,” I say to Arpi as I am loaded into the cart without breakfast the next morning. “She paid you.”
“She was most distraught when our first attempt in Teorann didn’t work. But this has worked out much better,” he says, as his eyes look me over appreciatively before covering me with hessian for the day .
It can’t be true.
It took her a while to warm up to me, but she’s my friend. She wouldn’t risk the entire mission or the lives of the others. Why would she hate me that much? This is a mind trick meant to derail my confidence. He must’ve heard things and repeated them. Exactly how he knows so much information about me and the others gives me pause. But still, I cannot believe that Tovi would betray me, let alone Riley, Beans, and Bitty too.
When we stop for lunch, I’m not even given the chance to relieve myself or anything to eat. I push the hessian off me so I can breathe in some fresh air and find a moment of relief from the stifling heat. Kino barks at me to lie back down and covers me again. I wait there, seething and fuming for another ten minutes before the cart starts moving again.
As promised, I’m not given dinner, and I haven’t had a drink of water since lunch yesterday. My sticky mouth and pounding headache are worse than the cramp in my stomach. There is no rain, just another cloudy night with no stars. The temperature has dropped dramatically tonight, and it’s getting colder by the minute. The light tunic and pants I’m wearing are not enough, especially without boots and being stuck outside in this damp valley.
The lights in the tents have been out for hours, but still, I am awake. I’m shivering too much to sleep even though it’s all I want right now. I’m huddled in a ball at the base of a tree with my arms tucked between my chest and knees to protect them from the cold wind. The tell-tale signs of soft hoof beats reach my ears moments before I see the beautiful little pony coming to visit me again.
I untuck my arms to reach up to pat her nose as I whisper, “You shouldn’t be here, sweet girl. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
She huffs, before sprawling ungracefully on the ground in front of me. I lean forward a little, giving her a pat. Heat is radiating from her body, and I lean against her, stroking her whole body with my bound hands as I steal some of her warmth. The shivering finally stops.
The pony wakes me as she moves to get up. There is no sign of the sun, but I can hear the first songs of a morning bird, meaning it’s near dawn—I must have fallen asleep. I stand with her, giving her kisses and massaging her ridiculously fluffy ears.
When I escape, I’m taking her with me. She’s too good for them. Too good for me. Mama and Frankie will love her and treat her right. I whisper all of this to her because even if she can’t understand what I say, the Divine can hear my vow.
Kino brings me water for breakfast. Still no food. The water only makes my hunger worse, rousing it instead of helping to satiate it. I spend the day in the cart in pain, nausea rolling off me in waves. I’m allowed to relieve myself when everyone else does at lunch, but nothing comes out. I’m an empty, dried-out husk.
The next three nights and days follow the last so closely they blur into one memory. Tied to a tree outside. No dinner. The pony sneaks out when everyone is asleep to lie with me until sunrise, waking me as she sneaks off, and I still have no idea how she’s escaping. A few mouthfuls of water in the morning. The chance to relieve myself at midday with no success. Rinse and repeat. Rinse. Repeat.
I miss the others. All of them. I’ve never really had friends before, and I thought maybe these four…A large lump forms in my throat at the thought, and my eyes st ing. Tovi couldn’t have done this. I’m still angry at Riley and the weird game he’s been playing with me. But I’d give anything to have the warmth of his touch right now.
I fall asleep thinking of him, my thumb brushing over my three favorite freckles.
On the fifth night of cuddling the pony even though it’s no longer cold, I name her. I’ve been thinking about it for days and can’t think of anything better than calling her my sweet girl.
“Sweet Girl?” I whisper, to see her reaction.
Her furry ears turn to me, and she lifts her head.
“Is that your name? Can I call you Sweet Girl?”
She snorts her hot breath at me and drops her head back down.
“I’ll take that as a yes, Sweet Girl,” I mumble into her fur as sleep takes me.
One of the men takes pity on me, or perhaps Arpi has changed his mind, and I’m offered some food with my usual breakfast of water. I can barely stomach the handful of nuts and dried fruit, forcing them down requires concentration. My body tries to reject the food immediately, and the sip of water doesn’t help. I sleep the entire time in my dirty hessian tomb, not waking for lunch, unsure if we even stop. When I awake in the early afternoon, Arpi tells me, “We’re here.”
Here is a dusty clearing on the edge of the forest, with the side of a long canyon—more like a cliff—looming over us. In the wall of the canyon cliff is a well-worn cave entrance. Sitting in the cart, I watch Arpi’s men carrying things in and out of the cave. Some readymade structures sit to the left of the cave entrance, worn too, like they’ve been here for a while.
“Is this where you all live?” I ask Arpi in a croak, my throat painfully dry.
“No, we’ll be here a few days before moving on.”
His rough hands drag me off the cart and I’m tied to a tree on the edge of the forest with a full view of what they’re up to. Sweet Girl is taken around the corner past the structures that I can now see are full of tables and chairs. The men periodically go into another small cave I assume must be their privy.
I’m given an apple with a cup of tea for dinner. Kino gave it to me with a wink, pushing his finger to his lips in a shushing motion. I’m not sure what to make of it, but I savor the tea anyway. It’s not until I finish that it occurs to me it could be drugged.
Fires are dotted around the area, the men sitting around singing and laughing. Some men are at wooden tables and chairs eating or playing card games in the structures.
Sweet Girl doesn’t visit me tonight, and I miss her. My rage sluggishly uncoils from its sleepy position in my belly, a gentle flutter in my chest. It’s only the fact that I can’t see any of the horses that I don’t let it consume me. They had intended to sell her before getting the cart. Surely, they wouldn’t put her down—they’d at least sell her. But I wish I could confirm that she’s okay with my own eyes.
Kino fills the metal cup that I had tea in last night with water. Someone else takes me to the small cave entrance to the right, confirming that it’s the privy. It is the most revolting one I’ve ever been into; I would have preferred going next to my tree. I swear I’m dirtier coming out than when I went in.
Tied back to my tree, I slump to the ground and sit. The earth is cool as I dig my toes down into it, a sandy type of soil squishing between them. Something sharp catches my toes and I pull my foot back with a wince. I dig around to find the sharp object and discover what looks to be a piece of broken ceramic. It’s pointed but not overly sharp, having been out here for a while. But it could be sharp again.
Finding a flat stone, I move to sit beside the tree. I gently scrape the small piece of ceramic, the size of a gold coin, along the stone, sharpening an edge. I haven’t decided if I’m using this to kill someone or cut my binds. Hopefully both.
Arpi comes to retrieve me not long after I’m satisfied the piece of ceramic is sharp, already testing it against a small bit of the rope. Without a word, he undoes my leash, leaving me only bound at the wrists. I’m holding the piece of ceramic as inconspicuously as I can as he tugs me toward the cave entrance. Inside is a winding tunnel with small cave alcoves dotted along it, eventually opening into a larger cave at the end, shaped like a peanut. To our left is a low table with cushions strewn about, and to the right is a dirty mattress with pillows and a blanket. A bed.
Arpi takes me over to the bed, and the fluttering that began in my chest at the entrance of the cave turns into a roar. Near the ground on the cave wall is a metal bracket, and my wrists are bound to it. No one else is here but him and me. I can’t reach him with my hands bound to the ground like this.
“Since you won’t be with us much longer, I thought we could get to know each other a little better.” His voice sends shivers down my spine. He reaches out to trail a finger down my calf where my pants have gotten caught up and exposed the skin.
I kick at his hand and snarl. “Don’t touch me, you disgusting fuck!”
He lunges forward with a growl, grabbing the hem of my pants and yanks them off roughly, scraping my skin with the awkward way he pulls at them. He is panting, looking at me with undisguised hatred in his eyes as he clutches my pants, when Kino comes in.
“Uh, sorry, sir. The men are outside, ready for you.” His eyes dart to the pants in Arpi’s hands and then to me briefly, looking straight back up to Arpi.
They both leave, and Arpi takes my pants with him.