Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A fter another three days of bed rest and light stretching, Beans declares me well enough to travel if I can prove I am able to get up and down from a horse unassisted.
A medic was able to visit and remove the stitches in my head, though the bandages on my leg are required for another week or so, and I was told to monitor for signs of infection. Getting dressed and putting on my weapons was a strange experience, almost as if this is a different life. As if I’m a different Mika. But it’s not, and I’m not.
My boots are uncomfortable, and I have to wear the laces loose on my injured leg. But, despite all my complaints, I’m ready to go when everyone else is.
“Where’s my sneak bag?” I ask the three of them, noticing it wasn’t with all my stuff.
“Sneak bag?” Bitty asks.
“Small black bag with my sneaksuit and other paraphernalia I use for sneaking in it.”
The three of them give me blank looks, so I add, “It was with all my other stuff. Before…before they took me.”
“Sorry little one, it must’ve been left behind in the frantic pack-up to go after you. We can try to replace it in Erdu Castle City.” Beans apologizes, his heavy hands on my shoulders as he looks down at me with remorse. Like it’s his fault.
Rage chokes me. “Of course. There’s no need to apologize. I’ll make a new one.” I slide out from under Beans’ affection, the rage threatening to burst through my skin.
I notice Tovi’s absence as soon as we start traveling. It’s palpable. I still haven’t come to terms with what she did, though I have gone over it and over it in my head. The other three have steadfastly avoided the subject, so I can’t even talk to them about it. I don’t blame them. They’ve known her for revs.
My horse for the journey is a black and fawn colored gelding named Snooze. No surprises where the boy got his name because he is slow. He moves faster than if we were walking, and I appreciate the smooth gait, but the pace is excruciating.
I tried to spur him to go a bit faster, but he clearly doesn’t enjoy it, and his gait is definitely rougher the faster he goes. Beans, who is riding Butters, laughs at me and encourages me to accept my fate. I give him a rude hand gesture which only makes him laugh harder.
They’re assholes. All three of them. They keep sprinting off and coming back. Not all at once, obviously. My precious self cannot be left alone for one second. I even have an escort when I need to relieve myself.
The next time Riley and Bitty take off, I ask Beans why no one seems upset about Tovi. They’re playing around and acting as if none of it happened.
“Mika, if we constantly let the awful things that happen darken the sun, then we would never see the light again.” His tone is gentle. Caring, even. “We are all desperate to find Lyss. And we all love Tovi and I hope one day we find out what happened. I know what’s in that girl's heart, just as I know what’s in yours. There’s no evil. And I can tell by how feisty you’re being, that you’re as brokenhearted and confused as we are. We don’t have the whole story. I’m not excusing what she did by any means, and I wouldn’t blame you for hating her. But we have a job to do, and Divine damn us if we won’t live our lives while we do it.”
“I’m not being feisty,” I mutter, distracted by his words about my heart.
“You are the epitome of feisty, little one, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
I snort, saying nothing more. Not sure when he decided I was little one , especially when it’s more like he’s big one . I let my feisty retort slip away instead.
At our current pace, our estimated time to the outskirts of Erdu Castle City is at least three weeks. A couple of smaller towns are dotted through, but mostly we’re staying away from main roads and going off the beaten tracks as much as we can, though it’s clearly chaffing Riley to be so far behind schedule.
Riley has been keeping his distance, barely speaking to me unless he’s changing my bandages. I hate that I miss him. He makes me so angry, and I lash out at him. But when he isn’t around, it makes me angrier. I’m exhausting myself.
We travel as far as we can until, apparently, my breathing changes, and Bitty signals that I am in too much pain to continue. It’s uncanny how accurate they are, as much as I despise being spied on.
I’m back to my regular cooking duties, much to everyone’s delight. There haven’t been many herbs for us to forage in the barren Erdu countryside, however, the fruit trees and bushes have been plentiful. We’ve been eating a lot of berries and plums in our breakfasts, and bush bananas for snacks. I even found a patch of desert sweet potato that we were able to forage.
Most nights are a stew of sweet potato, Beans’ beans, various dried meats unless we are able to hunt or trap something (which is rare), and the last of whatever dried herbs we have. Garlic grass seems easy to come by, so that has been a welcome staple. We were able to buy some black and green tea leaves before we left town thankfully, as there has been nothing to use along our way. I’d kill for some jasmine or honeysuckle tea from Nemoris.
Whenever we make camp, I lay down and rest while Bitty tends to the horses, Beans chops wood, and Riley gets a small fire going to boil water for tea, then changes my bandages. Everyone sets up their bedrolls early, and we go in pairs to wash if we’re lucky enough to be near a water source.
Beans helps me stretch, doing low and slow exercises that will help me rebuild my strength and flexibility without causing too much pain as I heal. I’m getting stronger every day.
I watch the three of them spar. Beans still goes way too easy on them, but Bitty is getting good. Beans has had to start actually defending himself against the enthusiastic Laguzborn. Riley has been training with Bitty the way I used to. It’s been nice to watch, though more often than not when they’re sparring, he ends up making them laugh until they make a mistake, and he wins.
The skin traders we fought when we first got to Erdu and my kidnapping might have put the reality of Bitty not being able to defend themselves into perspective. Though Bitty did hold their own during my rescue, fighting hand-to-hand after using all their throwing knives. It was Bitty who finished off the man Sweet Girl kicked off me. Sweet Girl. Tears sting behind my eyes, and my throat swells. When does it stop? When will I think about her stupid fluffy ears with joy and not a wrenching pain in my gut?
I can’t wait till I am well enough to get back into training and sparring with everyone, but until I can take a hit to the ribs, I’m staying well away from all three of them.
At night, Riley sleeps directly beside me. He doesn’t try to touch me. In fact, he barely says a word to me at all. I wanted to push him away, and now that it’s worked, it makes my rage scream and thrash through my entire being. I can’t even talk to him about it because I don’t even know what I want from him.
They won’t let me stand watch yet, not until I can fight. We’re down Tovi too so they are all on long watch shifts. The darkness under their eyes and constant yawning during the day is growing worse.
It’s been eight days since we left Forsto. Bitty announces they can hear what might be a small town nearby, but we can’t be sure because we aren’t using roads. The thought of being able to sleep in a bed and have someone cook a meal for me sounds like pure bliss.
Bitty wasn’t totally off the mark. It’s definitely a small town. One inn, and fortunately, two rooms are free. There is a stable for our horses as well, though it’s untended. The main issue is they barely have any provisions for us to stock up on. They only have traveling merchants come through once a moon because of how remote they are.
We get what we can, including some more staples like cured and dried meats, some grains and legumes, and emergency feed bags for the horses. We have been fortunate enough that the horses have been able to graze so far, but we can’t rely on that.
Beans gets our room keys, and we head there straight away. The elderly Erduborn woman said she will get her boys to bring us a couple of jugs of warm water for bathing in an hour. Dinner is served in two hours: soup. What kind of soup? “A bit of everything.” I shudder as I think of the woman’s toothless smile as she said it.
It’s no surprise that Riley and I are roommates. What surprises me is there is only one bed in the room. We were not informed of this. Riley and I stand in the middle of the small room with sad peeling wallpaper, staring at the singular bed.
“I can sleep on the floor,” Riley announces, grabbing a pillow and one of the blankets off the bed. He throws them in the corner of the room and starts digging through his pack. He didn’t even wait for me to say anything. Does the idea disgust him that much?
“Divine help me,” I mumble under my breath. Riley raises his eyebrow, though he doesn’t look at me. “Riley, we’re both adults. I think we can safely share a bed,” I say in exasperation.
“Wouldn’t want you to think it’s a bubble of my protection, Firecat,” Riley states, continuing to dig around in his pack with his back to me.
“You are infuriating, you know that?”
“You’re easily infuriated,” he rebuts, to which I can only growl in response, proving his point yet again. “Look, if you desperately want to share a bed with me, then I’ll be happy to join you tonight,” Riley manages to say, with only a hint of sarcasm. Still, not looking at me.
Letting an angry breath out through my nose, I temper my voice. “You can continue to do whatever the fuck you want, Prince Ofnemoris . ”
Not waiting for any response or reaction, I leave the room. I need fresh air and to be anywhere that Riley is not.
I’m in the stables patting Snooze within minutes because nothing else is around. I hear the squeal of children playing somewhere close by, and I stick my head out of a window in time to see two Erduborn children dashing about, giggling freely.
I miss my kids in Osraed. I miss getting to be silly and happy and not have the weight of the Divine on my shoulders. Both kids have wavy brown hair to their shoulders, with eyes almost the exact same color as their hair. It’s been a while since I’ve really looked at any kids with an eye color other than violet.
Snooze is dozing, with his head resting on my shoulder. Another wave of pain rolls through me at the thought of Sweet Girl. I snuggle into Snooze a bit harder, hug him a bit tighter, and let the smell of him calm me until I’m ready to face Riley. Returning to the room, I hope the attendant has brought water for us to bathe.
I swing the door wide open and catch Riley in front of the wash basin. Completely naked. With the door wide open, unmoving, I stare at him.
He slowly reaches to cover himself with a towel. “When you’ve finished ogling, would you mind closing the door, Firecat?” Riley laughs. “I mean, you can continue if you want, but the whole Divine world doesn’t need to see.”
I attempt to say something like “ I wasn’t looking ” or “ I don’t want to look, ” but what I actually say is: “I was want look…ing.” And then frown at the nonsense. I turn and close the door and rest my forehead on it. Divine help me, this man will be the death of me.
I face the door until Riley announces he’s decent. His smirk is back, and my heart rapidly plunges into my stomach. It only reminds me of Riley waking me the night I was kidnapped.
How did those men kidnap me when he was on watch?
I don’t think he had anything to do with it. Though, I thought the same about Tovi and look where that got me. But still, it’s not that. I’m not safe with him, my rage has always warned me of that.
Sitting on the end of the bed, Riley inspects my leg with gentle fingers. Each touch sends my rage into a frenzy, heating me from the inside out. He declares I no longer need the bandages anymore, and a small amount of disappointment curls through my veins as I realize it means he’ll no longer touch me like this. This is quickly followed by disgust at myself that sounds a lot like Jaena’s voice telling me I should not need or want anyone.
Riley gives me privacy so I can wash my hair, and I'm a new person. Well, I’m still full of rage and slightly unhinged, but at least I’m clean.
After dinner, Beans calls for an early night as everyone is exhausted. In the room, Riley starts getting himself ready to sleep on the floor.
“Please sleep in the bed, Riley. You’re exhausted from long watches, and we’ve been traveling for moons. Just sleep in the Divine-damned bed with me.”
Without argument or another word, Riley gets into bed with me. Despite my assertions that I can’t trust him, I have the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. Since the windcave.