Chapter 2
Chapter Two
T his will never work , I realize almost immediately when I attempt to set up my brand-new e-reader on my elliptical machine. There’s too much movement. I’m getting motion sickness from trying to keep my eyes on the screen while I bob up and down with the machine’s movements.
It’s the next night, almost 9:00 p.m., and I’m at my local gym, Weight Expectations. It’s the only time of day I can fit in a workout, but I also like coming this late because I usually have my run of the place, with only a handful of other die-hard exercisers around. The staff are pretty good here, too. I only had them attempt to get me to take a Zumba class once, but my curt, “No way in hell,” seemed to be all it took to get them off my back. Now I can come in and do my solitary cardio in peace.
Well, it’s usually a peaceful experience, except for when I’m realizing that the plan I had to keep my friendships intact is almost certainly doomed to fail. After a few minutes of my eyes blurring and my stomach rolling, and realizing I’ll likely need to take Dramamine if I’m going to make this work, I give up on the e-reader and switch over to my usual go-to: ear-shattering, heart-pumping club music. As I increase my pace, my mind races. What am I going to do? Maybe if I do a good enough job reading summaries of the books, I can fake my way through the conversation at book club nights.
But no, that won’t work. Helen will figure me out with her sneaky librarian ways, and the Bounty Hunter will just look at me with that smug, haha-I-stole-your-best-friend look on his dumb, handsome face...
Then the answer quite literally walks right past me, in the form of the priest— ex-priest —Grady, passing by me to position himself on one of the nearby treadmills. He has his headphones on and he doesn’t seem to have noticed me. Then again, he’s at the gym, late at night, running on an incline like his life depends on it, so I’m willing to bet he has some other things on his mind.
As I watch him run, heavy electronica music blasts into my eardrums and the wheels in my mind turn. I don’t believe in God anymore, or fate, or vision boards, or any of that other nonsense, but I’m not stupid enough to ignore the gift that’s just been given to me by whatever cosmic powers might exist.
When Grady finishes his workout and goes into the men’s locker room, I wait a minute before hopping off my own machine and following after him.
For a few minutes, I’d kept one eye on Grady and the other on the men’s locker room entrance, so I can be pretty sure no one else is in here now. Still, I do a quick, cursory sweep with my eyes over the stalls before stepping forward and making eye contact with Grady in the mirror. He’s standing at the sink, blinking at me in surprise and, if I’m not mistaken, a little alarm.
“Hey there, Matilda,” he says after a moment. “You alright?”
I brace myself. “I think we should have sex.”
* * *
Hear me out. It might not be the best idea in the entire world, but it’s not the worst one either. Grady is new to the friend group. His allegiances can still be swayed. Right now he’s naturally bonding with Thad—with the Bounty Hunter —because they’re both dudes and can talk about beer and football and big boobs and whatever else it is men talk about. If the Bounty Hunter pulls Grady over to his side, and continues using the powers of his magical orgasms to lure Helen away, that leaves only Nina on my team. And while Nina is a beautiful fairy princess, she is in no way tough enough to stand her ground and keep me in the group.
But if I get Grady on my side, with the power of my cardio butt and sexy times, and also manage to keep Nina with me, that’s three of us against the Bounty Hunter. And when the Bounty Hunter inevitably disappoints or hurts Helen, the three of us will be there to pick up the pieces.
Having sex with Grady is the only way.
Am I attracted to the priest? Ex-priest, whatever? Not so much. He’s an objectively handsome man, but not my type. I’m into a clean-cut, clean-shaven, power-suit kind of vibe. Grady, on the other hand, has a beard and hints of a tragic past in his dark brown eyes that might be a pantie-dropper for some women, but it’s not my thing. I don’t have any desire to borrow someone else’s wretched life story and fix all their broken pieces—maybe because I’ve never met a man with a darker past than mine. I just can’t grow the tragic beard to make it as obvious to the world.
If only women could grow tragic leg hair, or tragic pit hair, and somehow make it both socially acceptable and sexy. Talk about a vicious double standard.
But I digress. It doesn’t matter if I actually want Grady so much as if I can make Grady want me. And hello, perky boobs and a tight ass—who wouldn’t want this?
Grady is just staring at me, though, so I repeat myself, in case he didn’t hear me the first time. “I think we should have sex,” I say again.
“Ermmm,” Grady says.
“It doesn’t have to be here. We can arrange another time,” I hasten to add, in case that’s the reason he’s being so weirdly inarticulate. Frankly, he should be jumping at the chance to get with my caliber of woman, especially after so many years of celibacy.
Then, realization strikes. “Are you still a virgin?” I ask him.
I’ve never really been known for my tact. I figure, life is too short to hem and haw around niceties.
Grady clears his throat. “That’s not...something we need to discuss.”
“I don’t mind,” I tell him honestly. “I’ve slept with lots of guys since leaving the order. Tall, short, skinny, big dick, small dick. About time I tried a virgin.”
For the record, I’m not a nymphomaniac or anything. But the thing about being a nun, taking orders, was I’d believed in it so fully . I gave my entire heart to it. I followed every rule to the exact letter. When I realized it was all bullshit, I wanted to reclaim some lost experience, sure. But I also wanted to commit to not being a nun just as completely as I’d committed to being one. Hence, the revolving door of sexual partners.
Grady doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at me, frozen in place, like he’s afraid I’m going to pounce on him. “I’m not desperate,” I insist, a little offended that he seems to have jumped to that conclusion—just because I backed him into a corner in the men’s locker room and propositioned him for sex. Honestly! “I just thought, you’re hot, I’m hot. Let’s make it happen. It can be no strings attached, or whatever. We don’t even have to tell anyone.”
I doubt Helen or Nina would approve, so I’m more than fine with keeping it a secret. And it also means the Bounty Hunter won’t get a heads up to whisk in and try to steal Grady back to his team, so, bonus for me.
Grady clears his throat again. “I, um...you...That is, you seem very...?”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I have an early morning meeting, and if I wait for him to finish that sentence, I’m going to lose the little sleep I’m already going to manage tonight. “You don’t have to decide right now, I suppose. Think about it. Get back to me.”
“Will do, then. G’night!”
He all but runs from the locker room, leaving me on my own. I frown at myself in the mirror, examining my reflection. Do I have something in my teeth? Is my BO out of control or something? I lift both my arms, checking to see if I have enormous pit stains. But nothing. I look great! Skin glowing post-workout, body looking great in my sports bra and leggings. I’m tall, athletic, and toned, with chin-length dark blonde hair, big blue eyes, and full pouty lips—you know, the whole package. He should be so lucky!
“What’s his problem?” I say aloud to myself.
“I have no idea,” comes a deep, rumbly voice from the back stall.