Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I keep Kimo away from the next couple book clubs. It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s more like...I don’t want to jinx anything. Things are going so well between us now. And I don’t want my friends to feel awkward around him, or him to feel awkward around my friends, because of what happened the last time I invited him.
I’m also waiting for Helen to rub it in my face. I was not nice when Thad broke up with her a few months ago. But I guess, if I have any defense, it’s that I truly didn’t know what this feeling was—this vulnerability that comes from love, like you’re a dandelion, one puff away from being scattered into pieces. There are no walls. No protective coverings. All you can do is stand out in the open on your own, hoping the other person won’t choose to destroy you.
Feeling like I do now, I realize the agony that I put Helen through back then. Even if my intention truly was to help her, in my own bulldozer-ish way, I should have just supported her. Like I’d hope she’d support me.
I show up at the library one day, bearing a strawberry pavlova from Sugar Moon Bakery. “Here,” I say, dumping the box unceremoniously onto Helen’s desk.
She looks at the treat box with big, happy eyes. “Yummy! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Then she eyes me up and down, squinting. “You look...different. What’s different about you?”
I blush—I actually blush , like some Victorian schoolmarm who’s accidentally shown off her ankle. “Who can say?” Desperate to distract her, I gesture toward the doors to the main entrance. “Have you felt that temperature outside? It sure is...temperate.”
Tilting her head, Helen continues to study me. “Are you...?” Her eyes widen a little as it clicks. “Are you relaxed ?”
I think of last night, the bath, the massage, the...after the massage. Then this morning, when Kimo made me laugh by drawing a smiley face in syrup on my French toast.
“What? Maybe. I don’t know.” I push the box closer to her. “Shut up and eat your pastry.”
Helen’s still smiling at me, though she looks puzzled. “What’s going on with you?”
“I’m dating Kimo again!” The words burst out of me, just a little too loud. I’m aware of several patrons in the library turning to stare at me. I ignore them. “I know, I’m a hypocrite. I’m doing the thing I was so mean and judgy of when you did it with Thad. Even though, to be fair, Kimo actually had a legitimate excuse.” At Helen’s raised eyebrow, I rush on. “And I’m sorry, is what I’m really trying to say. I shouldn’t have done that. That was...awful.”
Helen takes a moment to process all my verbal diarrhea. “You’re dating Kimo again?”
“Yes. And I’m a bitch. That pretty much sums it up.”
She gives me a scolding frown. “You’re not a...” Helen isn’t much of a swearer, though she’s gotten more adept at it since she began dating Thad. I still wouldn’t say she’s great at it, though. It always sounds a little bit like a kid trying to sound grown-up. “...a bitch ,” she finishes. “Even then, I knew you weren’t trying to be mean. You were just being honest. In a kind of mean way.”
I can’t help but crack a smile at that, even if I still feel sick to my stomach. That’s so Helen. Always trying to see the best in people–-still aware of their faults, but trying to paint them in the best light possible. “I guess that sums it up,” I agree.
For a moment, Helen is silent, still processing. She sighs, reaching for the pastry box. “You know what, though? I kind of get it.”
“You do?”
She takes a plastic knife from her desk drawer and uses it to cut the pastry down the middle, then offers me one of the halves. “I wish you could have said it more tactfully, but now that I’m on the other end, I understand. I want you to be happy, but I saw how devastated you were when Kimo hurt you, even if he didn’t mean it. And I don’t want that for you. I want you to have everything you want out of life.”
The words take me unawares, and it feels like a bit of a punch to the gut. “You...do?”
Helen frowns at me through her bite of pastry. She covers her mouth so she can still talk. “Of course I do, you big dork. I love you.”
It’s the second confession of love I’ve had in so many weeks. It means just as much to me as the first one did. “I...love you, too. And I want you to be happy. And I’m glad Thad gives you that.”
“Aww.” Now Helen’s eyes are the ones shining with tears. “You said his actual name!”
I take a more conservative bite of my own pastry, chewing and swallowing before answering to give myself time to think. “I suppose he and I can coexist peacefully now.”
“He’ll be so relieved. He’s totally scared of you, you know.”
“He is?” I’m oddly pleased by that. We may have a truce between us now, but I want Thad to always remember who’s top dog. “Good.” I nod to myself resolutely. “He should be.”
* * *
With Helen’s blessing, I invite Kimo to the next book club. This time, though, I make sure we arrive together. I don’t want there to be any more derailments on his journey there.
Instead of our usual spot, the book club is meeting up at an Irish pub called Galway Bay, since we read Brooklyn this time around, and Helen wanted a more thematic setting. When we walk into the crowded, lively bar, I see everyone else is already there.
My stomach does a nervous swoop. That takes me by surprise—how utterly terrified I am about Kimo meeting everybody. I know the weight of those expectations when someone you care about has met somebody new, and the burden of those hopes once they’ve been broken. I want everything to go perfectly.
When I look over at Kimo, he looks uncharacteristically nervous. I guess that shouldn’t come as a surprise, come to think of it. He tried on six shirts before settling on the one he did. His jeans have only a few holes in them, and just at the knee so it looks somewhat fashionable. He’s still wearing flip-flops, but they’re really nice ones.
I squeeze his hand to draw his attention, then smile up at him. “I got you,” I murmur, winking at him.
He grins.
Helen waves us over. I know she’s prepped everybody after what I told her about Kimo’s custody case and the reason he missed the last meeting, and that she’s taken it upon herself to make sure everything runs smoothly tonight.
Whatever apprehensions she might still feel about Kimo, she is nothing but warm smiles as she greets him. “Hi! You must be Kimo. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Helen.”
“Oh, hey!” Kimo either doesn’t notice her offer of a handshake or just decides to sidestep it for a hug. “Mattie’s told me so much about you.”
Mattie ? Helen mouths over his shoulder, her expression somehow both shocked and delighted.
Oh my God. I’m never going to live that one down. Somehow, though, I’m beaming. “And this is Nina.”
The size difference between these two couldn’t be more comical than if we were planning on taking the show on vaudeville. Kimo’s head is nearly brushing the ceiling, and Nina’s head just barely reaches up to his pectorals.
“Nina!” Kimo goes in for another hug. Nina expects it more than Helen did, but she still goes a little limp as he engulfs her, her eyes wide with mild alarm. “Whoa. You’re like a little doll.”
“Thank you?” she stammers once he sets her back on her feet.
I move to the next person in line. “Then that’s Thad.”
“Thad, nice to meet you, brah.” As Kimo moves in to hug him, Thad holds up his hands firmly, giving Kimo a look that makes him take half a step back, even though he’s bigger and taller than the other man. “Okay, then.”
“And...” I clear my throat, trying not to be weird. “You remember Grady. From the gym.”
“Howzit?” Undeterred by Thad’s standoffishness, Kimo goes in for a final hug, which he gets this time. He pulls back and grins at Grady like they’re old friends. “How you been?”
Grady steps away from the hug. He and Thad exchange what can only be described as a look . “Kimo, come chat with us,” Thad says. It does not sound like a suggestion.
Shrugging at me, Kimo ambles off after him and Grady.
I frown, taking a seat and glancing over at Helen and Nina before following the three men with my eyes. “What’s going on?”
“Thad wants to have the talk with Kimo,” Helen explains.
I wave her off. “Oh, Kimo definitely doesn’t need that.” I can’t help the smile that plays at my lips as I toy with the charm at the end of my necklace. “He knows what he’s doing...”
“Not that talk.” Helen flicks some of her water at me. “The, you know, hurt her and we’ll kill you speech.”
Warmth floods my chest. “Really?” I twist in my chair so I can see them better. “They’d do that for me?”
“Of course,” Nina speaks up. “They’re your friends.”
She makes it sound so simple.
Although, I guess it really isn’t as hard as I’ve made it out to be for myself.
Smiling, touched by the entire thing, I turn back to face the others. “Well, that’s nice, but unnecessary. Just wait. I’ll give it five minutes before they’re both best friends with Kimo. It’s his superpower.”
We watch them. Sure enough, after a minute or two of talking, I see Grady’s defensive posture start to soften. Thad holds out longer, but after another minute or so, I see him begrudgingly laugh, rubbing a hand over his neck. In the next minute, they’re all laughing openly, and Kimo claps both men on the shoulders as they make their way over to the dartboard.
“Oh!” Helen looks after them, bemused. “I guess they’re playing darts now.”
I beam after them, proud of my man and his ability to befriend literally anybody. “He’s good with people.”
“I see that.” Helen exchanges a glance with Nina that isn’t as subtle as she thinks it is. “And is he good with you?”
“The sex is fantastic, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Helen chokes a little on her water, and Nina looks like she’s about to spontaneously combust. “Oh my,” she murmurs.
“That’s...nice.” Helen clears her throat. “But what about everything else? How does he treat you?”
“He’s...” I search for the right words.
The nicest man I ever met. He looks at me like he’s so lucky to know me. And I feel the same way about him. I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to be with him.
“...tall,” is what I say instead.
For a moment, we’re all silent. To my surprise, Nina is the first one to start giggling. “The way he treats you is tall ?”
Helen joins in, and soon I’m laughing, too, even if it’s at me as much as with me. “I’m not good with feelings!” I protest, flicking my water back at them, since apparently that’s a thing we do now.
We haven’t totally subsided laughing by the time Kimo rejoins us. It isn’t even really that funny anymore, but we keep egging each other on to the point where I’ve almost forgotten why we started laughing to begin with.
“Hey,” Kimo says, pausing only long enough to give me a quick peck on the cheek. He motions with his thumb back toward Thad and Grady. “So I’ve been talking with the boys. When the hell were you a nun?”
Nina, Helen, and I exchange a glance, then promptly burst into cackles of laughter.