Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
M y apology tour has felt good so far. There are some wounds that I know will take more than just a conversation, like with my sisters. So far I’ve managed to clear the air with Helen, Brian, and Connie. But there’s someone else who deserves an apology from me, too. So that night, after Kimo’s already fallen asleep, I sneak out of bed. Grabbing my laptop, I take it into the living room.
It takes me a minute or two to find Dominika’s email. It’s from several years ago, so I have to do some sifting. My heart starts pounding as I see her email address, and I click on the message, even though I’ve read it more than once before:
Matilda, I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past few weeks. I know it’s been a long time since we’ve talked, but old friends are like that, I suppose. You can go years without speaking and then pick up the conversation again like it happened only moments before.
I know that isn’t quite our situation. We didn’t just drift apart. We were severed. No, to be honest— you severed us, Дружище. I forgave you a long time ago for trying to sleep with Luca. What took me longer was forgiving you for leaving without saying goodbye. But even that anger has faded now. I just want to talk to my friend again.
I’m here, when you’re ready.
-Dominika
My palms are sweating as I read it through again. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s too late, probably. That door has likely long been closed. But if I don’t write out what I’m feeling now, I never will. Kimo has knocked down these walls, but I’m afraid of what happens when he returns to Hawai’i and they go back up again. Maybe if I let a few people inside, then at least I won’t have to be alone once they do.
I’m sorry, I type out quickly, before I can second-guess myself. I’m so sorry, Dominika. I miss you, too.
I hit send before I can talk myself out of it. Once it’s done, I’m afraid I’ll be sick to my stomach, but instead I find...I’m relieved. It’s out of my hands now. If Dominika never answers, I won’t blame her, but if she does... I’ll be so grateful to get a second chance.
I try to crawl back into bed as gently as possible, but Kimo still stirs, grunting as he reaches for me. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just forgot something I had to do.” I’ll tell him more about it once we’re properly awake; I don’t want to disturb his sleep now.
Sleep seems to be the last thing on his mind, though, as he pulls me close. As he kisses me long and slow, I feel him stirring against me.
“ Kimo .” I can’t help but laugh. “It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“Hey, you’re the one who woke me up. Shouldn’t have done that if you didn’t want to wake up the kraken, too.”
I groan. “Please don’t call your cock the kraken...”
“What other name could capture its raw power and charisma?”
He kisses me through my reluctant laughter, until my body is stirred into awareness, too, pulled under by the tide of my attraction, my affection, my want for this man.
Pulling away, Kimo nudges my nose with his own. “Should I grab a condom?”
I think about it for a moment. “No.”
He nods, planting a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Okay. Wanna just cuddle?”
I wet my lips. “No, I mean... we don’t need a condom, do we? I was tested a few weeks ago, and I’m clean. I haven’t slept with anyone else since then. And I’m on birth control.”
“I’m clean, too,” Kimo reassures me. “I got a full physical right before coming here to Chicago. And there hasn’t been anyone since then.”
Unable to hide my smile of pleasure at that information, I pull him back to me. “I want you close,” I murmur to him. “As close as you can get.”
Kimo tucks me into his arms.
There’s nothing fancy about it this time. Nothing frantic. Nothing out of the ordinary. It’s slow and measured. It’s all about connecting. We’re face-to-face, eyes locked almost the whole time. I fight the old instinct to close my eyes, to protect myself from the intimacy of this moment. I want him close, after all. As close as we can get.
Afterward, Kimo kisses me, long and slow again. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too,” I tell him, honestly, stroking his hair the way I know he likes.
It takes everything in me not to weep. I’m so, so happy. I don’t know what I’m going to do when it all goes away.