Chapter 3 Reyes #2
No one reaches out to him besides August, who occasionally attempts to bring him into the group. But Xeni turns down the invitation every time, and I wonder if someday August might give up on him, too.
I feel sorry for Xeni, and in a way, I understand him.
Everyone wants to paint him as the bad guy because he worked at Ljómur, but no one knows the circumstances that led him to that place. He was trapped in an unwinnable situation, and it doesn’t seem fair for him to be labelled a villain while I’m frequently viewed as a victim.
Our stories aren’t that different, not at their core.
My camp was slaughtered, and I stood back and watched it happen. Never raised a finger to fight as the attack happened. No, I hid in the safety of my underground sanctuary and waited until the danger had passed, then spent the next week cleaning up the devastation.
I moved the bodies of my friends I wasn’t brave enough to help, and cleaned the bloodstains left behind by their death.
Crimson nightmares and aching shoulders from too-heavy bodies, and sun-blistered skin from the days working in the oppressive heat with only my shame to keep me company.
I burned a pyre and whispered pain-filled words as the smoke reduced them to dust and ash, and I lived.
Perhaps he played a part in the atrocities, but is it any better to stand by and do nothing? I watched the attack unfold without dirtying my hands or risking my neck.
Coward.
Aren’t I just as guilty as he is?
Thick emotion builds in my throat as I force another deep breath, closing my eyes until the crippling regret passes.
I strip the rest of my sweaty clothes and dive under the surface of the pool.
The pressure of the water surrounds me, and my mood improves as I clean myself.
Some of the heaviness washes away with the sweat and grime that coats my skin, and my stomach rumbles impatiently once I’m cool enough to recognize how hungry I am.
Visible steam rises off my body as I climb onto the rocks surrounding the small cove.
It’s so hot that by the time I shake off the excess water and retrieve my clothes, I’m almost dry, and they slide on with little resistance.
The walk back to the village only takes a couple of minutes, and the sounds of dinner carry out the open windows as I collect the two bowls sitting on the windowsill.
Fresh nerves coil in my stomach as I realize Ronan has given me something I’ve wanted for weeks.
An excuse to talk to Nyx again.
Vines cover his cottage near the end of the path, hugging the wooden siding without harming it.
White and yellow flowers bud randomly on the green, and a huff of a laugh leaves my nose at the sight.
There are plenty of other vines growing along the village structures, and none of them have those blooms.
They’re saved only for him.
Inside his house. Where he currently is.
Oh, dear gods, he’s inside his house and I volunteered to talk to him. How does someone even talk to a beautiful creature like him? What am I supposed to say?
Hey there, gorgeous. I hear you have crippling social anxiety and an aversion to people. Me too, baby. What’s that? Have I ever spent years with no company but my own? Why, yes. Yes, I have.
I’m so fucked.
Despite the very real urge to either vomit or run away, I steel my spine and force my feet to walk in a casual stroll, but then I trip on a rock and nearly drop the food.
My cheeks flame as I glance around, but the only one nearby is Boomerang curled up in Nyx’s flower bed.
She lifts her head at the noise and tilts it as I pass.
Even the damn dog is judging me.
Outside his door, I stare at my hands and realize I have no way to knock.
“Uh… Nyx?” I call out, pleased when my voice is only a little strained.
“It’s, um, it’s Reyes.” Infinite stillness comes from inside the cottage, but finally, the soft pad of feet approaches.
The hinges creak as he pulls it open, and sunlight streams through the crack and turns the pale sage of his irises almost white.
Long, thin fingers clutch the door as his eyes bounce from my face to the bowls in my hand and back up again. “Hi,” he whispers.
“Hi,” I whisper in response, and a smile tugs on my lips as he tilts his head in the same inquisitive way as Boomerang.
His waterfall of forest green hair cascades over his shoulder, and I realize I’m staring.
With my mouth open. I snap it shut, then realize I have to open it to talk, so now I’m standing here imitating a fish.
Off to a great start.
“Hrnng,” I say, then clear my throat and force a smile that I really hope doesn’t look as manic as it feels.
“Um, what I mean to say is I, um, brought you food?” His brows flick together as his gaze darts again to the bowls, and I bark out a nervous laugh.
“That sounded like a question, and it wasn’t. Can I start over?”
“Yes?” he says after a moment’s pause, and I take a deep, grounding breath.
“Hi. I brought you dinner. I’m eating alone tonight, too, and… yeah. Ronan asked me to deliver it to you. I wanted to. He asked me, but I… I wanted to come.”
He stares at the food for a long moment before accepting it with a nod. “Thank you.” Those giant eyes drift up to mine again, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth before he takes a deep breath. He’s nervous too, and the realization calms me. “You do not eat with them?”
“Not tonight. They’re great, but it’s been an exhausting day, and I just wanted to be alone.”
“Oh,” he breathes, and his gaze falls to the floor. “You can be alone. Thank you for—”
“Oh, no,” I blurt out, my words tumbling over one another as they rush out.
I hate that I’m interrupting him, but I’m desperate to explain.
He tenses, but his eyes stay glued to the ground.
“No. Nyx, I didn’t mean I don’t want to be around you, and I wasn’t saying I want to leave.
I’ve just been by myself for a very long time, and they can be… ”
“Loud?” he guesses in that same shy whisper.
A quiet laugh blows from my nose. “Yeah. Loud. They’re amazing, but they’re a lot to handle sometimes.” He shuffles between his feet, risking a flickering glance at my face again. “Um, maybe one day we could eat alone… together?”
A faint darkness tints his cheeks, his flush almost a burnished rosy copper against his skin. “You want to… eat with me?”
“Yeah, I do. Not today. I know I sprung it on you out of nowhere. But I’d really like to spend time with you. Even if we’re just there… just alone together. No expectations. Is that… would that be okay?”
Nyx is quiet for so long that my heart cinches in my chest, becoming tighter by the second with the weight of his rejection.
And it’s stupid.
It’s stupid and selfish. I shouldn’t demand more than he can offer right now, mere minutes after swearing to Ronan I could handle it.
With a forced smile, I nod and retreat half a step, but my movements are stiff and unnatural.
Gravel crunches under the sole of my shoe, and the sound slices through the silence.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I asked out of the blue like this.
Ignore me, alright? Pretend I didn’t ask, and enjoy your meal.
” Face flaming, I spin and take a single stride away when he speaks.
“Wait,” he whispers, and I freeze but don’t turn towards him. Instead, I stare at my bowl in my hand. “Reyes?” It’s the first time he’s said my name, and the sweet, uncertain sound gives me the courage to face him.
He holds his dinner with one hand while the other grasps at his shorts, fisting the material that swallows him whole. “Yeah, Nyx?” I ask gently, and he glances up at me with his lip pinched between his teeth again.
“Ronan is… bad with…” He trails off for a second, loosening his grip to gesture around at the trees above us. “Nature. He does not know the words. The names.”
“Of the plants?” I ask, and relief washes over his expression as he nods.
“Maybe… you will teach me their names?”
Unbidden, a smile spreads over my face, and his lips twitch in response with the tiniest offering. I drink in the momentary show of happiness, still grinning as I say, “Tell you what… I’ll make a deal with you.”
“A deal?” Gods, he’s so adorably curious as he flutters those long lashes a few times, scrunching his nose.
“I’ll teach you the plants I know, and you can teach me their names in your language.”
“I… teach you? My words?”
“Your words are important, too,” I say softly as his eyes shimmer and move up towards the sky. “Why should you be the only one learning something new?”
“I am b-bad to teach.” His words stumble as I watch the potent emotions wash over his face. “My mind… is not always…” A quiet, frustrated groan slips from his throat as he gestures around again, the movements more agitated this time.
“It’s alright,” I soothe, keeping my voice as level as possible even as my heart cracks at his pain. “There’s no pressure, Nyx. We won’t call it teaching. We’ll just be two friends, spending time in the forest and sharing what we know.”
His eyes close, and a single tear slides down his cheek. My chest squeezes as I watch him attempt to collect himself. “You want to be my friend?” he finally asks.
“I’d love to be your friend.” His damp eyes open, and as he meets my gaze, the prominent Adam’s apple in his throat bobs. “Everything on your own time and by your rules, okay? When you’re ready, all you have to do is come find me. And if you decide you don’t want to, that’s okay, too.”
“I want,” he manages to whisper, tears clinging to his lashes like dewdrops. “I want.”
My eyes burn as my throat tightens again.
“Then you’ll have. Whatever you want that’s in my power to give, you’ll have it.
” He nods, lip wobbling as his eyes hit the floor, and I know he needs to be alone.
“Eat your dinner before it gets cold, okay? Do what makes you happy, Nyx. You know where to find me.”
“Thank you,” he whispers, and I force myself to walk across the path to my own tiny home. His stare follows me like a physical thing, and I can’t help it as I turn around and look over my shoulder once I reach my door.
Nyx’s eyes widen, and he ducks his head like he’s ashamed I caught him staring. Sheets of hair fall into his face, hiding him from the world once more. I smile even though he can’t see me, and step into my own quiet house.
And there in the solitude, I hide, too.