Chapter 12 Nyx
Nyx
Boomerang’s ears lift a split second before mine, and the crunch of grass tells me who approaches.
Ronan’s cadence is swift and confident, while Elas’s is meandering, like he’s never in a hurry.
This one is cautious and careful. Sweet smells chase his presence like they so often do—a touch of honey and this magical peanut butter he likes to feed me.
My katsurrel.
“Nyx?” Reyes calls, and I sit tall from where I’m reclining on the sunbaked rocks to watch as he walks closer. His damp curls have created a ring of wet fabric around the collar of his shirt, and his mouth curves into a smile when he spots me.
Something has changed between us. The barrier that used to guard my heart, that kept me from giving in to these feelings, was cracked at my confession of wanting to know him…
of wanting him to know me. But when I acted on it by going to him?
It was obliterated, and now I don't know what to do with everything I feel.
Twice more we’ve gone to collect the eggs, and it’s comfortable.
I’ve always been nervous around others, but not Reyes.
He feels safe. After we get back from our walks, I’m too scared to ask him to stay.
I want him to, though. My heart has always beat harder when he’s near, but now, it knocks against my chest until I’m dizzy.
Is this ridiculous?
He told me he thinks I am beautiful. Could he ever find me as captivating as I find him?
“There you are,” he whispers, and a rush of emotion washes over me at those three words. They speak of this familiarity—the comfort his nearness has always brought me, even before I knew him.
Part of me feels like I’ve known him my whole life.
“Hi,” I whisper back, and his smile turns radiant.
“Are you hungry? There were only a couple of muffins left, so I grabbed two before Elas or Lillith raided the kitchen.” I nod and pat the rock beside me.
He comes closer, smelling like delicious food and clean soap, along with something deeper and uniquely him, like the scent of the air after a heavy rain.
“This is for you,” he says as he hands me a muffin, and I accept it with a quiet thanks.
I take a big bite, closing my eyes as the flavors dance over my tongue.
A lifetime of bland food means my taste buds are more sensitive, and I enjoy every new delicious thing he brings me.
Even if I didn’t like it, I would pretend I did just to make him happy.
He is so proud to make something that brings me this much pleasure, and in return, I am proud to cause his smile.
But this recipe is my favorite, and there’s nothing fake about my joy. He chuckles, and when I open one eye, he’s eating his muffin and staring off into the trees.
We eat in relative silence, but he shows his nerves in subtle ways.
Reyes and I often sit without speaking, but it’s never uneasy like this.
His shoulders are stiff, and his fingers tighten and loosen as they fidget with his shorts.
Eye contact is fleeting, and he glances away quickly when it happens.
I wonder if I’ve done something to upset him…
unknowingly crossed a line, or made a mistake that I don’t understand.
I wonder if I’ve gotten it all wrong.
He takes the last bite of his food and dusts the crumbs from his hands, still with that uncertainty about him. I’m gathering my courage, convincing myself to ask, when he turns to me.
“Do you want to take a walk?” he asks, and I try again to decipher his guardedness. When I can’t find any answers in his expression, I give in and agree with a nod.
We move from the rocks to the small pathway, where our frequent trips out here have created an opening in the plants.
Soon we’re past the higher traffic areas, and the underbrush becomes lush.
We have to dodge the twisted roots that poke from the ground and weave between dense tree trunks.
The trickle of the creek fades, and the birds grow louder.
It’s clear Reyes wants to say something. He bites his lip and takes deep breaths as if he’s preparing to speak, but never does. As we get deeper into the forest with no set destination, a star-shaped leaf catches my eye on the ground.
“Maple,” he says as I pick it up and twirl it in my fingers.
He watches me with a smile, but there’s still so much conflict in his eyes.
He gestures up at the canopy of leaves, then walks over and pats a gnarled trunk.
“The name of the tree. We should come out one day and mark them so we can tap them.”
“Tap?” I ask as I trace my fingers along the deep ridges of the bark.
Reyes chuckles, some of his tension dissipating as he grins at me. “They have a liquid inside them called sap, and it’s very sweet. If you cook it over the fire long enough, it turns into syrup like the bottles Cameron has locked away.”
My eyes widen as I continue to pet the tree… the Maple. “There is sweet inside?”
“There is. One day we’ll bring some rope and mark the maples we find. If it gets cold enough to tap them this year, we can do it together.”
“I like together,” I say, then blush and duck my head as I sense his eyes on me.
“I like together, too, Nyx.”
Avoiding his gaze, I wander a few steps deeper into the trees and crouch beside a green leafy plant. A deep burgundy flower blooms from its center, and I run my fingers over the petals. “What is this one?”
Footsteps approach, and Reyes squats so close, our knees nearly touch. “Trilium,” he answers, then smiles as I test the word out loud. “Some of them have white or yellow flowers, too, but this color is my favorite.”
It’s my favorite, too. The color reminds me of the sunlight shining through his dark curls, and that’s what drew me to this flower.
I want to tell him that, and let him know how often I think of him.
But my words refuse to work right now, and my mind is too cloudy to share this secret.
It seems like it needs to be shared, because I think it would make him happy.
In the end, I only nod.
Soon enough, Reyes stands and puts more distance between us, and I want to say something about that, too. Ask him not to go, and tell him I like it when he’s closer. That I’m empty when he’s too far.
But I can’t.
So I don’t.
We continue to walk through the woods, and he shows me Oak and Tulip Poplar, and Black-Eyed-Susan in a sunny opening.
He shares every name he knows, and even stops me from touching an Ivy he says will hurt me.
The vibrant green, three-pronged leaves flutter in the wind.
They don’t look so dangerous to me, but I allow him to steer me away.
I tell him how Birch reminds me of the Aadlan trees I climbed as a child, with their silvery smooth bark, and how Fern is like the Eivlonna that chased the riverbanks. He listens, rapt, and asks me questions that prove what he said to me weeks ago.
My words are important to him.
We’ve been climbing in elevation as we walk, but I don’t realize how far we’ve gone until we step out onto a rocky overlook.
It balconies a ridged valley, and the trees are endless on the horizon.
The sun’s rays are harsh, but a heavy breeze surges from the vale and blows over my skin.
Leaves flutter and the wind whispers as it cuts through the forest. My ears twitch at the faint rush of water—a finger of the creek, perhaps, or a small waterfall within these hills.
Reyes takes a seat on the rocks, and I follow, perching on a flat surface nearby.
“Do you think anyone has ever sat here before?” His quiet question breaks the silence, and I glance over to find him staring off into the distance.
“It’s strange to think about, isn’t it? The difference between the world a hundred years ago and now.
My ancestors could’ve hiked in these same hills.
They could’ve sat right here with the same breeze blowing through these same trees, but everything is so different. ”
“Life changes. We cannot stop it, even if we want to.” His focused attention turns to me, and it’s my turn to gaze off into the distance.
If I’m looking at him, I won’t be able to say what I want to say.
“My life is three worlds. The before that I barely remember. My life… there.” A deep sorrow fills his eyes as I meet them for a fleeting second.
“And here, with you.” He swallows, his fingers flexing against his shorts, but he doesn’t need words to show me he understands.
The churning in my stomach makes me hesitate, but I push through, drawing my bravery from the open world surrounding us.
“I think… everything else wasn’t real. But this is… you are real. Life starts now.”
“Your past doesn’t have to be real if you don’t want it to be, Nyx.”
“I don’t,” I whisper, closing my eyes against the sun. “I wish I could pretend it never happened.”
Reyes pauses for a moment, his voice thick as he says, “If only I could do that for you. Take away the memories of everything that hurt you.” He shifts, and I open my eyes to stare at the stretch of rock between us, where his hand inches closer to mine.
“But only you get to decide when your life begins, Nyx. Don’t give them that power. ”
“I do not even remember my birthday.”
“Then we’ll give you a new one. We’ll figure out the date they freed you from that cage, or if you don’t want that day, we’ll make one up. Any day you want. That will be your birthday.”
“Okay,” I whisper, tears stinging my eyes. “You will be with me for my birthday?”
“Of course I will be,” he breathes, and my chest feels like it might split open wide with the way my heart pounds.
“What will we do?”
Reyes’s laugh is choked, and another of these tiny smiles tugs at my lips. The first time I felt one, I didn’t understand what it was. Muscles that had been dormant for decades were confused at the slivers of happiness, but I welcomed it all the same. “We’ll eat cake, obviously.”