Chapter 30 Reyes
Reyes
“How do you know these woods are connected to the campsite?” I ask as Ronan pulls underneath the canopy. “We didn’t even see it yet.”
“I buried a bunch of bodies over there.” He gestures toward a raised patch of bare soil in the underbrush, a barren spot amidst the green.
“Um,” I say, because what the actual fuck?
Ronan chuckles, smiling fondly at the mass grave like a maniac. “They were terrible people. Ones who hurt your mate.”
Well, when he puts it that way…
I smile at the grave, too.
Ronan climbs out of the van and scans the woods as he considers our position.
We watch him and wait for his signal, but he turns to Xeni.
“You can drive, yes?” Xeni nods, and Ronan gestures towards the driver’s seat.
“Stay here, keep the engine running, and be alert. If there is any danger, you drive back to the rock formation we saw on the way here.”
Xeni’s lips pull into a frown. “I won’t leave you behind.”
Ronan smirks, tossing his hair over his shoulder.
He was wearing his military leathers when he and Cameron were at my old camp, but I haven’t seen him in them since.
The black armor is a little worse for wear, with slices and punctures through the hide, but it only adds to his presence.
Paired with the sword hanging from his hip, he looks every inch the warrior who slaughtered this camp the first time.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says, gripping the hilt of his weapon like he’s missed the feel of it in his hand. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s hoping to find trouble just so he has an excuse to fight.
“Be careful, please?” I beg. “Cameron and Elas will murder me if we come back without you, and then Nyx would be sad. You wouldn’t want to make this pretty face sad, would you?” Nyx’s eyes go comically wide as I grip his chin and tilt his face higher, and Ronan snorts a laugh.
“Using your mate for manipulation is a new low, Reyes.”
“Hey, whatever it takes,” I say as I pull Nyx close. He’s quiet again. The closer we got, the fewer words he used, and he hasn’t spoken since these trees appeared in the distance. I wish I could do more to comfort him.
Xeni moves to the driver’s seat, and Ronan gives us another once-over before he prowls off into the woods.
Nyx shivers against me, and I press my lips against his temple.
“You are so brave,” I whisper, even as my own heart thumps loudly in my chest. He hears my fear, the thud of my pulse under his ear, but I refuse to give it a voice right now.
His need for comfort outweighs everything else.
I glance up and find Xeni watching us in the mirror, and I give him a strained smile, trying to hide my worry. “You two are sweet,” he says as he rubs his hip. It’s an odd habit I’ve noticed he has when he’s distracted. “I’m glad he has you.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Xeni is cautious as he holds my gaze, but nods as he runs his hand over his hip again. “What was it like? Working there?”
He grimaces and looks out the window, and for a moment I don’t think he’ll answer.
But eventually, he sighs. “Have you ever gone into something half-blind?” A sudden, rueful laugh leaves him as he traces the strap of his eyepatch.
“Appropriate wording, I suppose. You have to understand that I was born and raised in the city. Military control wasn’t anything I ever questioned.
It’s just how it was, especially in a military family. ”
“Your parents were soldiers?” I ask, and he’s quiet again.
“Yeah. Still are, unless something has happened since I left.”
“And what would they think about your current… situation?”
He glances at me in the mirror and gives a small shake of his head. “Let’s just say if I ever saw them again, they’d treat me as the enemy.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs, scanning the trees before he continues.
“When I was old enough, I trained at the clinic, and eventually worked for the project. I was ambitious. I wanted the numbers… wanted to make my parents proud by earning my promotion. If I got good enough results, no one could blame it on favoritism. So I put out extra flyers, and looked for mates that were hiding their marks. Scouted, and never once felt guilty for doing it.”
“And did they?” I ask, and his single eye is heavy as it returns to mine. “Promote you?”
“Yeah. The youngest medic to reach my rank in four decades. I was proud. My parents were proud. Everyone was just so fucking proud, patting me on the back and telling me what a great job I was doing. They kept saying it, so it had to be true, didn’t it?
” He scoffs and shakes his head, the leather of the steering wheel creaking as his hands tighten around it.
“I was cocky, and so fucking arrogant. When they assigned me to Ljómur, I went in with my shoulders back like I was going to be the one running that place.”
“What changed?”
Silence fills the van as he stares off into the woods where Ronan disappeared.
“Everything,” he finally whispers. “By then, it was too late. I was the golden boy. The prodigy.” He laughs again, one of those hateful, self-loathing sounds I’ve heard from him in the past. “It gave me access that others didn’t have, but I never used it like I should’ve.
No one spends time around the High Commanders.
No one, but I did. One of them, at least. He came to present my promotion, and I could’ve killed him then if I’d had any backbone.
I could’ve blown that place up before it ruined anyone else’s life. ”
“I don’t think that’s fair,” I say, and he glances at me skeptically. “I know nothing about the military, obviously, but I can’t imagine a High Commander travels without protection. You think that you, a single medic—”
“Hey, I can fight,” he argues, arching his brow. “We’re soldiers first… and I’m a damn good shot.”
“Okay, fine. My point still stands. I doubt you could’ve gotten within ten feet of him before they took you down.”
He hums a thoughtful sound, but doesn’t seem convinced. “Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have tried.” He half turns in his seat, finally looking directly at me, before his gaze shifts to Nyx. “How do you not hate me?”
Nyx stiffens for a moment before he relaxes back into my side, and his feet shift like they do when he’s thinking. “I remember,” Nyx says, and Xeni’s face draws tight with apprehension. “Every time… you had to force me. Sad eyes. You always said you were sorry.”
“I was sorry.” Xeni’s gaze moves out the window again. “Still am.”
“You didn’t want to be there any more than I did,” Nyx says, and Xeni shakes his head without looking at him.
“Not once I figured out how badly I’d fucked up, and by then, I was already too deep to do anything about it.
My bed was made, and the consequences were mine to shoulder.
I couldn’t leave. Even if I could’ve gotten away, they would have just replaced me with someone more ruthless. I had accepted my fate.”
“It was bittersweet when they moved me to Glaston. A relief, obviously, as selfish as that is. I knew what it meant. A group of us had worked together for over a decade, and the only reason they’d risk moving us was if there was something even bigger coming.
They were close to a breakthrough, and we knew too much.
” Another of those hateful laughs leaves him, and he continues staring out the window as his throat bobs in a swallow. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
“I already have,” Nyx whispers, and Xeni’s eye squeezes closed for a moment as he hurriedly swipes a rough hand across his cheek. “When will you forgive yourself?”
“Never.” Xeni laughs, but it’s halfway to a sob. “Fuck, you can’t tell anyone you made me cry. I have a reputation to uphold.”
“You’d rather be seen as an uncaring dick than someone with valid feelings?” I ask, and Xeni immediately nods.
“Yes. The first one, please.”
“Why?”
He swallows again, seeming to have composed himself. “It’s just easier that way.”
“Easier for who?” I prod, but movement from the forest draws our attention. Ronan walks towards the van, his sword still sheathed at his side. “Well, at least there isn’t any blood,” I say, and Xeni chuckles, even though there’s heaviness behind it.
“He might’ve licked himself clean.”
“Like a cat,” I agree.
Ronan opens the passenger-side door and juts his chin at the ignition. “It’s… safe.”
“Why did you say that so cryptically?!” I demand.
Xeni shuts off the van, and Ronan’s stance is nervous as his eyes dart towards Nyx. “It’s just that… no one ever cleared the camp. From what I can tell, everything important has been taken, but most of the tents are still standing. Some are worse for wear, but they’re… there.”
I realize what he’s implying at the same time as Nyx, and he pulls in a quiet breath. “My cage.”
“They didn’t bother to collect it, apparently.” Ronan speaks with that gentleness that always throws me off guard, and Nyx nods, his cheek rubbing against my chest.
“It’s okay. It is old. Unimportant.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask, brushing my lips against his hair.
“Yes,” he says, so I nod and unbuckle, and we go.
It takes ten minutes to walk through the trees, and because the trunks are not nearly as compact as in our forest, we spot the camp easily as we reach the other side.
Tan canvas tents stand like worn-down monuments to Ronan’s revenge, their fabric ripped and fluttering in the breeze.
One tent stands closest to the treeline, and Nyx’s hand becomes clammy in mine when he sees it.
Instinctively, I recognize it was his, and those scabbed fissures in my heart ache as the wounds try to reopen.
To know he was here… isolated from the world.
Cast aside like a thing best forgotten until there was a need for him.
Used and abandoned, over and over and fucking over again.
“Do you remember where the rift was?” I ask him, desperate to give him something to distract his mind. Still staring at the battered old tent, he nods, then inhales a rough breath before he closes his eyes.
“It was… this way,” he says, stepping forward and tugging me along as he lets his senses guide him.
I follow, making sure he doesn’t trip on a root or run into a trunk, but he sidesteps the trees and dodges what’s on the ground with ease.
We step into the field beyond the woods, and I glance over my shoulder to find Ronan and Xeni on high alert.
There’s a long open stretch between his tent and the rest of the camp, with random sprigs of yellow-green grass popping up from the dusty soil.
We get to the center, and Nyx stops and opens his eyes.
“Here,” he says. I tilt my head from side to side, squinting and focusing as I search for a sign of anything out of the ordinary.
I’m not sure what I thought we’d find here.
Shimmering air and a blowing breeze, or a half-invisible doorframe hiding in plain sight like glass?
I expected something, but it’s empty. Not so much as a hint of a change in the air where Nyx stands.
Ronan and I meet eyes, and I can tell he doesn’t see anything either. My idea that it’s because I’m human flies out the window. “You feel it?” I ask, and Nyx closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath.
“I could always feel them. They… talk to me, but I don’t know how to talk back.” His nose crinkles and his brows pinch as he concentrates, and I squeeze his hand. “It is… louder with you here.”
Nyx’s posture gets tenser the longer he tries without results.
Despite my reassurance that he shouldn’t let it upset him if he can’t do anything with the rift, I sense his heaviness.
His moment to shine, to make a difference, is slipping through his fingers.
Cautious optimism is replaced by disappointment, and I won’t let him slip further into that void of self-loathing he’s barely escaped from.
“It’s getting late, sirrha, and we’ve had a long day of travel. Why don’t we eat and set up camp for the night? You’ll be fresh tomorrow after some rest.” He stares at the spot for another silent stretch before he sighs and nods.
“We’ll sleep next to the van tonight,” Ronan says, and I glance around at the unused tents in question. “It’s safer to stick together. This place is abandoned, but someone could notice it from the road and come to investigate. Raiders or passing military could use this as a stopping point.”
“We should scout the camp for supplies,” Xeni says, but Ronan glances at Nyx and shakes his head.
“Cam and I cleaned it out pretty good the first time we were here. It wouldn't hurt to give it another search, but not today. Tomorrow.”
Nyx is silent at my side as we trek back to the van. The sun hasn’t set, but it’s nearing the horizon. We haven’t eaten since we stopped for lunch hours ago. “Find somewhere comfortable,” I say to Nyx as I press a kiss on his temple. “I brought you something.”
His curious eyes lift to mine, and a fraction of the heaviness lifts. “Surprise?”
“Of course. Remember when I told you I wanted to spoil you?”
He wrinkles his nose, but he relaxes into a cautious optimism. “Rotten.”
“You can be rotten all you want, and I’ll love you just as much as when you’re sweet.” Happiness erases the last of that worry from his face as he hugs me, snuggling into my neck, and I breathe a little easier as I hold him there. “Yeah,” I murmur into his hair. “Yeah, I love you, too.”
We find a level spot in the trees, and Nyx spreads a blanket for us as I grab my basket from the trunk.
By the time I get back, Ronan has given him our dinner, but I set the MREs aside as I drop onto the ground beside him.
Greedy green fingers dig in the basket before I’m even settled, and I laugh as Nyx pulls out a muffin.
“This is something new I tried.” He shoves a giant bite in his mouth, and my smile is so big it hurts as he groans and closes his eyes. His cheeks push out like a squirrel while he chews, and on the next bite, his eyes go wide. My loud laugh earns me a scowl from Ronan for the noise.
“There’s strawberry jam in the middle,” I explain as he holds the muffin up to his face, investigating the pureed red in the center.
His tongue darts out and licks away some of the filling, his eyes nearly crossing as he examines it.
Another round of laughter leaves me, quieter this time, as I grab myself a muffin and eat alongside him.
It’s a sweltering night, and the air is dry with the lack of rain, so we settle on top of our blanket.
Xeni tucks in close by, and Ronan sits on the van’s roof, using it as a makeshift watchtower as he scouts.
It shouldn’t feel this safe out here in the open. But with the stars above us, the quiet chirp of insects singing a lullaby, and Nyx’s body pressed against mine, I find a peaceful sleep.