26. Chapter 26
‘ A laric’va Shen’ra, what the fuck was that?!’
Orm’s voice thundered in the enclosed space, raising dust from old volumes and disturbing the ancient place. I loved the library with its high, arched crystal glass windows that filtered the harsh mountain sun during the day and allowed you to study the passage of the stars at night. It calmed me, and I needed to be calm right now.
I hadn’t heard Orm use my full name for … I don’t think I’d ever heard him use it, and that best expressed just how angry he was. My friend was right to question my actions but facing the possibility of losing them both had driven me insane.
The plans I’d carefully crafted fell to pieces when I had heard Vahin’s pained roar and saw him launch himself skywards, wrapped in flames. He projected his pain so strongly that even my weak psionic abilities caught the image of Annika dying, encased in ice.
I walked out from behind a large bookshelf, keeping my voice as calm and casual as possible. ‘What brings you to the library, my lord?’ Orm’s eyes narrowed in annoyance before he covered the short distance that parted us in a few determined steps.
‘Take a guess,’ he said, taking the books I hadn’t realised I’d picked up and slamming them on the table.
‘There’s something upsetting you?’ I asked, looking at the priceless manuscripts whose spines had cracked from being manhandled.
‘Upsetting? You berated Ani in front of half the castle. I know she made a mistake, and I know it’s been difficult for you lately, but that’s no reason to humiliate her like that.’
‘You call that a mistake? You both nearly died from that mistake . Vahin was terrified at the thought of losing the two most important people in his life—he projected his fear across the fortress. Everyone with even a hint of magic had that image burned into their minds. Hrae! I was terrified, and so bloody helpless. My friends were dying, and I could only pray that the Dark Mother would spare you.’
I grasped the edge of the table, my purple necromancer’s magic crackling under my fingertips. ‘My sister is lost. You and Ani are the only semblance of family I have left. Do you even know how it feels? To be a man who thought he had lost everything only to realise he still has so much to lose? Then you go and act like it was just a stroll in the woods,’ I snapped, unsuccessfully trying to rein in my temper.
My anguish seemed to take the wind out of Orm’s sails and he sat heavily on the sofa nearby. ‘It was a stroll in the forest for Ani. I thought I was protecting her against a potential assassin, but gods have mercy on the poor soul who tries to sneak up on her.’ Orm threw his head back and snapped out a bitter laugh.
‘She saved my arse. Again. Gods, that woman can fight. The way she dealt with the strigae … she’s perfect,’ he finished with manic glee. As he turned to me, my friend’s laughter died. ‘Ani needs another Anchor. She used her abilities without one and that’s why everything went to hell in a handbasket.’
‘We both know she is unwilling. But … I’ll ask, even if it earns me a slap to the face,’ I said, and Orm frowned.
‘What if it was me? Could I be her Anchor?’ he asked, and I approached him, looking at my friend in confusion.
‘In theory, yes, but what would be the point?’
Orm grimaced, his lips tightening in a narrow line, and shook his head. Whatever internal dialogue was going on in that head of his, I’d have to wait for my friend to share the details. I observed the light dimming his eyes and his face returning to a well-known emotionless mask and sighed as he spoke.
‘You’re right; there’s no point,’ he said, his voice devoid of the usual warmth. ‘I told Ani about her first night here—about the geas and your spell to suppress her grief. I want you to undo it.’
‘How did she take it?’ I asked, unable to believe he had actually done it. I warned him that a woman like Annika would not forgive him for taking her freedom. Yet, the way they had acted towards each other hadn’t looked hostile.
‘Better than I expected and certainly better than I deserved. Annika thanked me for saving her life. She’s more reasonable than we gave her credit for—that’s why you need to release her feelings. Ani is afraid that without them, she would subconsciously reject anyone who tried to bond with her.’
‘I’m not sure I agree. There’s a big difference between knowing what we did and having all that pain return,’ I said, but the stubborn set of Orm’s jaw told me he’d already decided. ‘Fine, I’ll do it, just not all at once. I will let them resurface slowly. That way, she will be able to cope with the strain.’
Orm smiled. I hadn’t seen him smile with genuine happiness towards me in ages, but he was now. Then, leaping off the sofa, he came to me and locked me in a hard embrace. ‘Thank you. Whatever troubles you, I will help you, brother. Now, go to Ani. I think she needs you.’
Calming down, I took a deep inhale. Orm smelled of leather, dragon skin, and verbena. The sharp metallic scent was masculine yet intoxicating when mixed with Annika’s favourite flower. Before I knew it, I had placed my hand on his cheek, pulling him towards me.
‘Ari?’ There was a flash of uncertainty in his voice, but he didn’t pull away. I promptly removed my hand. Hrae, I almost kissed him . I thought, as shocked as he looked.
‘I’m glad you survived, my friend,’ I blurted out, pretending that I hadn’t wanted to lean in or seen the question in Orm’s eyes. It wasn’t uncommon for males of my race to share not only their mate but also affection with each other, but Orm hadn’t seemed to have those inclinations. Until today, I hadn’t realised I had them, as my thoughts were constantly drifting towards Annika.
The discovery that I wanted them both shook me to the core.
Orm’s eyes widened. He studied me as if seeing me for the first time before his expression softened. ‘Talk to Annika, then come find me. I’d like my friend back, so we’ll talk about whatever it is that’s come between us.’ I nodded and turned to leave. I couldn’t tell him the cause of my staying away wasn’t the attraction I’d felt a moment ago, but the pressure I was under to kill the Lich King before he destroyed everything and everyone I loved.
I knocked on Ani’s door, preparing myself for her anger, but it was her softly muttered ‘Enter’ that made me flinch. I took a deep breath and entered the lion’s den.
Annika was sitting in front of a small vanity, her shoulders slumped as she listlessly brushed at the tangles in her hair. She turned towards me as I walked in. I bowed and she frowned, reaching for a shawl and wrapping the soft wool fabric around her shoulders.
What surprised me was the lack of anger; Ani looked tired and sad. I would have preferred a thrown brush and curses or even a fireball over seeing her like this. ‘I thought you were Agnes.’ She pointed towards a pair of armchairs. ‘How can I help you, Alaric? If you came here to scold me, it can wait till tomorrow.’
‘I came to apologise,’ I said, unable to drag my eyes away. Even exhausted and despondent, her beauty drew me in.
A white nightgown, the same one she’d worn on her adventure to Vahin’s cave, flowed over the curves of her body, caressing them in modest reverence. Annika’s hair, unkempt and wild, flowed down her back, but it was her eyes that captured my gaze. The vibrant green irises that now held a hint of wicked laughter at my mention of apologies made me wonder why I wasn’t already on my knees, grovelling for forgiveness, all in the hope that she would grace me with a smile.
‘Then apologise, fae mage. Let’s see if your apology can improve on Lord Ormond’s.’ My shocked double take would have been worthy of the best mummers’ play.
‘ Orm apologised? For what?’
‘For being a stubborn arsehole who wanted to keep me locked away without even telling me why? I advise you to not follow his example … in being an arsehole, that is.’ I blinked in surprise, suddenly understanding Orm’s question about Anchoring her.
I didn’t remember moving, but the next moment, I was on my knee in front of Annika, my hands wrapped around the hairbrush, easing it from her grip as I pressed my lips to her wrist. She glanced at me, taken aback by my actions. Before she could say anything, I stood up, trailing my fingers through her hair and gently brushing her unruly tresses.
When our eyes met in the mirror, Ani smiled a little. ‘Arno enjoyed brushing my hair—although he kept threatening to shave me bald if I continued forgetting to look after it,’ she said with a chuckle. ‘I remember laughing at that because, despite his threats, he was always gentle with me.’
Jealousy over her dead lover flashed through me, and my fingers tightened in her strands. ‘I know Orm told you that we used the geas. Why aren’t you angry?’ I asked, just to avoid hearing that Arno was more to her than I would ever be.
‘I wanted to be—angry. I wanted to blame Orm and you for everything that happened. I wanted to throw it in your faces and curse you because he had used the geas when I was at my weakest, but … then I thought, what would I have done? What else could he do? Let me die when he thought I was the last hope of stopping the Lich King?’ The smile she gave me was sad.
‘It would be like blaming the sky for rain or a wolf for devouring its prey. Some things are inevitable. I am who I am, and Orm did what his honour and duty told him to do.’ I hadn’t expected that. Ani’s understanding words, tinged with sadness as they were, made my quest for revenge feel reckless and childish.
‘Did you forgive him?’
‘Forgive him for what? Using the geas to save my life? Yes. Refusing to take me on patrol, locking me in the castle, and excluding me from any meaningful plans because he was afraid some bogus enemy might kidnap me? No. Just as I don’t forgive you for yelling at me in front of everyone, even if you had a reason.
She glanced at me. ‘However, … I can take you as my lady’s maid; and maybe after three years of service, you might be allowed to redeem yourself.’ I exhaled with relief at hearing her tease. This was my Ani, and I couldn’t resist the temptation to tease her back just to coax the smile out a little more.
‘I’d willingly take on the role. Especially if it meant I get to see you half naked and tend to your every need.’ I grinned as Ani rolled her eyes.
‘Agnes is more than adequate at the job. Go now and let me sleep. It’s been a hard day, and some arsehole dark fae ordered me to his workshop before dawn.’
I took a strand of her hair, twisting it in my fingers, playing with it to prolong the moment. ‘Orm told me you want to have your past feelings back. I can do it, but is that truly what you want? The pain and sorrow of losing your Anchors was a terrible torment to your soul.’ Her hair slid through my fingers like liquid silk, and I waited patiently, letting her gather her thoughts.
‘I want it all back. I know I’m calmer and less troubled now, but those feelings made me who I am, and the men who gave their lives so I could live deserve to be loved, not just remembered,’ she whispered.
Pain blossomed in my chest, taking my breath away. How I wanted someone to love me like that, to be willing to go through hardship and pain because they thought I was worth it.
‘So be it,’ I yielded, putting the brush aside and sliding my fingers to her temples. Ani looked at me and then closed her eyes, showing me much more trust than I deserved. ‘Thank you, Ari,’ I heard her whisper before I wove the glyph. My fingers danced over her skin, creating patterns that shone like silver while I hummed the words of the incantation.
Annika’s breath hastened before she regained control. I saw her inhale slowly, then release her breath each time the pulse of my magic eased the knot I had created in her mind. It would be easier to reverse the spell all at once, but timing the return of her emotions was a slow process, and I felt beads of sweat blossom on her forehead while I undid my spell.
Every now and again, Ani bit her lip, and I knew she was in pain, but not once did she ask me to stop. I could feel echoes of her memories resurfacing, and with them, the feelings of joy, love, and sorrow. Before it could reach her conscious mind, I built a dam, allowing only a trickle of those emotions to pass through.
When I was done, Ani slumped in the chair as if someone had cut the strings holding her up. Acting on instinct, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to bed. ‘Fuck, that was intense,’ she mumbled, pushing her face into the crook of my shoulder.
I beamed. As ridiculous as it was, hearing her curse assured me she was okay and made me happy. ‘Does this mean I’m forgiven?’ I asked, placing her on the bed.
‘No, but you are paving your way to atonement. I’m still considering taking you on as my lady’s maid.’
‘Annika Diavellar, you will do no such thing,’ I pretended to frown, assuming a look of righteous indignation, and she burst into laughter.
‘Of course I would, and you’d enjoy every second.’ She grinned at me, and when I tried pulling away, she grasped my hand. ‘Ari … it will be all right. Yes?’
Annika was afraid, but I didn’t have any way to offer her comfort. Instead, I lifted her hand, bringing it to my lips. ‘I don’t know. I hope it will. Your feelings will come gradually, but when they come, you will feel them as intensely as the first time. I will help as much as I can, but it will be a difficult process.’
I didn’t know what she saw in my eyes, but Ani placed her other hand on my cheek. ‘It’s all right. I’m as strong as an ox, and I will survive this. Besides, I have Vahin if things become too much.’ Her pupils widened suddenly, her face turning as white as the linen she rested on. ‘Vahin? Will he feel it too?’
‘I don’t know. I know nothing about Anchoring dragons. I’m sorry, Ani.’ My lack of knowledge shamed me, but no matter how much I had searched, there were no records of dragons bonding outside the of dragon rider bloodlines. I was walking blind.
‘I don’t want to hurt him. I … Oh gods …’ I saw the shine of tears in her eyes, and I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her and rocking her gently.
‘Vahin is a powerful dragon. He was able to withstand a swarm of spectre. He will be fine. I promise.’ I held her close to me, letting the warmth of her body seep through my clothes while her tears stained my shirt. She was struggling with her emotions while I basked in her touch, enjoying it without shame.
I didn’t know how, but Annika was the end of my suffering, with whom I could breathe easily without the fear of daggers piercing my skin each time I took a lungful of air. Suddenly, I understood Orm and his need to keep her sheltered and hidden.
Dark Mother, this one time, have mercy on your lost child. Don’t take her away from me, I prayed, holding my Domina until her quiet tears dried and she pulled away. ‘Thank you for this. Today … it was a lot, seeing Orm almost eaten by an olgoi worm, being shouted at by the men I care for, and this. I think I needed a good cry.’
‘Any time you need it, I’m happy to lend my shoulder—and my shirt,’ I said, and she smiled.
‘I will remember. Now go if you want to see me in your workshop tomorrow. I need some rest, and the longer you stay in my room, the more the chance that Orm will come to join the crowd. You two are like twin souls; one always chases the other.’
I wished I could stay and hold her through the night. I knew the moment I stepped out of the room, my marks would flare up, searing my skin with aetheric fire. Still, Ani was right. She needed to rest, and I’d lived with my pain for too long to care if it returned. ‘Sleep well, Annika, and come see me tomorrow … at a reasonable hour. Let’s not torment ourselves with a view of the sunrise.’
‘Oh no, you wanted to see me at dawn, so dawn it is. Good night, Alaric, and don’t be late.’ I nodded, closing the door.
As soon as I reached my room, a wave of pain bent me in half, but worse was the voice that reverberated in my head, clearer than ever before: ‘You’re taking what’s mine, young Shen’ra? Autumn is coming, and the Barrier has faded enough for you to pass. I won’t wait forever . ’
‘Get the fuck out of my head,’ I snarled, clawing at my chest where the curse marks burned on my skin. Grim understanding dawned on me, and with it, the depth of my mother’s betrayal. She hadn’t just cursed me. She’d gifted me to an undead monster, forging a connection that had built up over time, and now … now I could hear his voice in my mind.
Gods never listen to cursed men. Why did I think I would be any different?
I would have to abandon my dreams of ever being tethered to my Domina because—even if I entertained thoughts of revenge—I would never let him gain access to Annika through this perverted connection.
The Dark Mother has failed me again, I thought, and my world descended into whispers of darkness.