28. Chapter 28
One week later
D ragon fire surrounded me, the flames dancing before my eyes as Tal and Arno looked on in silent accusation, their bodies obscured by an impenetrable fog. I knew I loved them, had been willing to sacrifice myself to keep them safe, but something was missing, and I couldn’t help but search for whatever that was.
A desperate sob shook my body. I wanted to burn away the fog and discover what I’d lost, to feel something, anything other than numb confusion. Two more shadows ghosted across my vision, and this time, I felt something: fear.
Fear that the emotions locked deep inside would break free and destroy those I’d begun to care for. As I looked down, I saw four threads lying in my hand, each one disappearing past the wall of flame. I pulled my hand back, gripping the threads tightly, but no matter how hard I tugged, nothing changed.
I screamed my anguish, and the flames surrounding me responded, leaping higher and hotter, blinding me. ‘Little Flame, wake up! Wake up before you set the bed on fire!’ the voice in my head roared in command, and my eyes snapped open.
‘Vahin?’ I thought, feeling the warmth and concern radiating through our bond. Unfortunately, his voice was already fading, the distance between us too great. It was a miracle he’d awakened me from my nightmare.
Since Alaric had reversed his spell, there’d been glimpses of old feelings. Good and bad memories had stopped being a silent picture of my past, now filled with vibrance and colour, enriching my world with new sensations. The only things that hadn’t fully returned were my emotions towards my Anchors, and that worried me.
It didn’t help that Orm had been called back to Truso. I hadn’t seen him since my messy rejection; he left almost the minute he stepped out of my bedroom, and I had no means to ask him to return or to tell him about Alaric’s curse.
The fear of something happening to the dark fae gnawed at my insides so I tried to spend as much time with him as possible, hoping my conduit abilities would be enough to prevent any problems. If Alaric guessed the reason for my sudden closeness, he didn’t comment on it.
A soft knock dragged my attention to the door. Agnes rarely knocked. She simply barged in, cleaning the mess my dreams always made of the bed before readying my clothes or bringing a tray of food.
‘Enter,’ I called, wondering who it was. I hoped Orm had returned, and we could finally discuss what happened when I had asked him to leave. I worried it was more than issues with the king that kept him away for so long; I hated this distance between us, and I missed his presence in my bedroom. I even decorated the chaise lounge by my bed with pillows and a soft, fluffy blanket in case he wanted to join me overnight to let him know he was welcome to stay.
‘Good morning, Ani,’ Alaric said as he entered. A single eyebrow rose when he saw me sitting amidst a circle of charred linen. ‘Another bad dream?’
‘How did you guess? Your reversal spell still hasn’t settled, and Agnes is running out of clean bedding,’ I grumbled, standing up and folding the destroyed fabric. ‘Could you help me with this?’
He looked at the linen in my hands, and his other eyebrow joined the first as amusement lit his features. ‘Did I just get my long-awaited promotion to lady’s maid? Should I help you dress?’
‘I am not letting you get your hands on me again. I still remember what happened after the duel.’
I chuckled at the disappointment in Ari’s eyes. In Orm’s absence, Alaric brightened my day, always making me smile. My spending time in his company seemed to improve his mood, and the mischievous smile that accompanied it looked good on him. Occasionally, when I noticed him frowning and clutching his chest, I stroked the back of his neck, soothing the magic of the marks until they went dormant once more.
‘There goes my opportunity to see you naked again.’ His sigh was so theatrical that I hit him with the pile of linen I’d been holding. ‘Is this assault or an invitation?’ he continued his tease with a smirk. ‘If it’s an invitation, you’ll need to hit me a little harder. I can even show you where I like it most.’
‘I will hit you where it hurts, and when I do, you definitely won’t like it. Stop flirting with me, you incorrigible rogue.’
‘Fine, bar me from all pleasure,’ he grumbled with a huff before picking up the linen from the floor. ‘What do you want me to do with this?’
‘Whatever, just make it disappear. I’ll find some replacements before Agnes notices and yells at me again.’ I gasped when he tossed it straight into the fireplace. ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake. I didn’t mean burn it. How will I explain that mess?’ I said with exasperation before shaking my head. ‘Why did you come here so early in the morning?’
‘Would it be too awful if I said I just wanted to see you? Besides, Orm should be back today, and I wanted to let you know.’
‘Are you sure?’ Hope suddenly blossomed in my chest.
‘Yes, the scouts have already returned. Orm made a quick stop to meet with some veterans and ensure the area around the Lost Ridge was cleared. The scouts told me they were expecting him today, though,’ he said before coming closer and reaching for my hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it.
‘I know you were waiting for him. I would have to be blind to not see how much you care for that idiot soul brother of mine. Just … don’t forget I’m here—and if he behaves like a stubborn clod, come and talk to me. I can help in more ways than just hammering some sense into his thick skull.’ The tension between us was sizzling, and I had the overwhelming urge to close my eyes and let him kiss more than my hand.
Why did it have to be so complicated? Why did I have to choose between Orm and Ari? I’d had a glimpse at Orm’s wild magic, and I doubted he would accept me sharing a bed with another man. If I wanted to be with him, I had to accept the part of him he couldn’t change; but deep inside, I rebelled against it.
I wanted Ari to be part of it, part of us . He wasn’t as intense as Orm, yet sometimes, I felt such deep desire for him it left me gasping. Especially when he performed the little gestures I loved, like kissing the sensitive skin of my wrist.
‘Thank you, Ari,’ I breathed, feeling a sudden tightness in my chest. Dealing with feelings was difficult right then. I pulled my trembling hand back and walked to the window, opening it wide. ‘The weather is really nice today. I think I’ll head to town and visit my friends. I don’t think I can sit in the workshop right now.’ I licked my suddenly dry lips.
It wasn’t my best attempt at changing the subject, and as I turned, I saw Alaric’s beautiful golden eyes darkened by crimson.
‘You think I’m interested in the weather when all I can see is the silhouette of your beauty before me?’ The man looking at me was no longer the self-deprecating joker. He was a hunter stalking his prey and I felt myself freeze, realising I was standing there wearing nothing but a thin nightgown with the morning sun shining right through it.
As I struggled to draw breath into my lungs, I grabbed the nearest blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders before turning away from those mesmeric eyes. ‘Erm, oh well. I’d best get dressed, so if you could leave …’ I asked—no, begged—because if he didn’t leave now, I would end up doing something reckless.
‘Yes, I should go … but I don’t know if I can.’ Ari shook his head. ‘If you ever desire my company, all you have to do is ask.’
I turned back to the window. The image of Alaric kissing my palm flashed before my eyes, sending a shiver down my spine, but I shook it off. No, not yet, not until I was back to normal and had talked to Orm. The loud bang of the door announced his departure.
Several shaky breaths later, I stood in front of the wardrobe, picking out a simple brown dress. I wanted to see Katja, and my friend had a tendency to make me work as we talked. I’d visit Bryna afterwards and maybe borrow a hammer or two in preparation for meeting Orm. Perhaps then the commander would listen to what I had to say.
Maybe he’d like to spar with me. Nothing cleared the air better between fighters than beating the hell out of each other on the training ground, then drinking a tankard—or three—of mead.
Tal had loved those discussions, and it still made me giggle, remembering how Arno grumbled and tried to patch us up afterwards. I felt the joy of those moments, the pain of the minor injuries Tal and I inflicted on each other. That single memory hit me like an avalanche, and my soul was buried by emotion.
My world went white, and I collapsed to the floor. Love, joy, then sorrow and the pain of my broken bonds flooded me, taking away my will to live. A wave of pain and grief, so overwhelming that I curled up to protect myself, tore apart my mind.
I knew; I finally knew why Orm had to use the geas, why I could never have accepted Vahin’s Anchor. The love that I’d felt and the bonds that had been broken when the wlok took them away from me shattered my soul … I was reliving the worst moment of my life, fighting to stay alive, to keep breathing, when all I wanted was to die with them.
Gods, if I weren’t on the brink of death when the dragon had lifted me from the rubble, I would have taken my life to escape this pain. Violent streams of aether buffeted my body for a moment before I saw my falchion resting on its stand.
I could still do it. I could escape this blinding, heart-shattering torment threatening to crush my sanity.
‘Vahin!’ I screamed, desperate and heartbroken.
‘I’m coming! Hold on, please. I will be there in just a moment.’
I gathered the last of my strength, crawling to my feet, and staggered towards the landing field. I needed my dragon. I needed my beautiful Vahin before my heart stuttered to a halt. A dragon’s roar splintered the quiet, and Vahin’s dark form plummeted to the ground like midnight lightning, cutting the deep blue of the summer sky in two.
I stumbled towards him, keening as grief poured from my broken heart. The stone beneath my feet melted as I passed. The aether surrounding me was a tempest of wild magic, leaving behind a trail of fire. Fearful screams echoed from the courtyard walls as everyone fled from the impossible conflagration.
I knew that if I fell, I would never rise again. The pain of the broken bonds reverberated through my soul and dragon fire erupted from my body, coating me with flames. I lost control, and chaotic elemental magic consumed me. I was in hell. The best and the worst moments of my life mingled together and burned me alive.
‘Vahin!’ I cried, desperate to hold on to the one soul that could save me from being entombed by pain.
Tal’s body, torn apart by the wlok; the last shimmering touch of Arno’s magic as he sacrificed his soul to save me. Then, finally, the rocks falling, suffocating me beneath their crushing weight. It all returned, and there was only one being who could end the torment.
‘Vahin …’ I cried, collapsing, my world now wholly consumed by flames. The dragon leapt forward, uncaring of the rider on his back, ripping apart the ground as he forced his way to my side, wrapping his massive body around me.
‘I’m here, Little Flame. Open your heart to me. Let me feel your pain. I can take it,’ he crooned, his voice reverberating through my body when I clung desperately to his neck, pressing my face into the hard scales.
‘I can’t take it anymore. It hurts so much. Take my life, please. Let me die,’ I cried, clawing at my skin, wishing I had a dagger to pierce my heart.
‘No, my beautiful soul, your life is precious beyond measure, and I won’t let you give up,’ he soothed, his voice distorted by a purr that rumbled in his chest, and suddenly, the pain lessened. Only a little, but enough to end my pleas for death.
‘Please, don’t give up. Hold on to me, Annika. Hold on to my spirit.’ I could barely focus on Vahin’s words, but I could feel his emotions and the love that was pouring out of him through the bond. I was his everything, his light after the long, dark years of losing one rider after another, his spirit dimming with each death until his eyes had met mine when he pulled me out from under the avalanche.
‘It was you,’ I breathed, and a shiver rippled over his scales, along with blessed relief. I knew he was shielding me, sharing my emotions—my grief—so that I could breathe again. His touch was the only thing that kept me afloat in the sea of fire.
‘Yes, Little Flame. Your soul burned so brightly it pulled me out of the sky. I knew you would find me again, and you did. I can’t lose you now.’
My Vahin.
I needed him as much as he needed me. I pressed my face harder to his body, inhaling his scent, my eyes squeezed shut as I fought for control. This brilliant being, my rock, supported me, his strength allowing me to think and withstand the maelstrom of feelings, but something was missing. Someone was missing, and I gasped when I felt hands slide across my shoulders as a large figure embraced me.
‘Nivale, I’m here; we are here,’ Orm’s voice rumbled next to my ear. He had come to me, despite the flames swirling around us, and now held me against his chest. I was unable to talk, but I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Orm stroked my hair while the dragon pressed against my back, crooning behind me. Tal and Arno stood before me in my mind’s eye, and tears of blood trailed over my cheeks as I bid them goodbye. They’d want me to live on and be happy; I knew because I would wish the same for them. If one of them had survived, I’d want them to find love again.
So I spoke to them in my mind. Telling them about the dragon who had selflessly given himself to me when I needed him the most, about the warrior who fought every day for control over his wild magic and yet still managed to be gentle and kind. I told them about the mage who loved pain and made me laugh with his constant teasing, and whose heart was bright and loving despite the dark secret he harboured deep within it.
I talked for what felt like hours. Then, in the end, I told them that I loved them and that I always would, but that I didn’t want to walk through life alone. Not anymore.
Eventually, the pain softened, slowly subsiding, as if my heart had finally accepted their deaths, and for the first time since the accident, I felt free.
‘Gods, I should never have asked Alaric to reverse that damn spell,’ Orm muttered, looking at my tear-streaked face. ‘Ani, please talk to me. I’m so sorry,’ he begged, and the sorrow in his voice made me open my eyes.
‘Don’t be, I couldn’t go on living like that. Numb to the feelings deep inside me, throbbing like a missing limb. Now I’ve remembered how it feels to have been loved, and to lose that love. Even if it hurts, it was worth it,’ I sobbed, but Orm shook his head.
‘No, I’ve caused you nothing but anguish. You’re shaking, Ani. I should have—’ he started, but I placed a finger on his lips. ‘Trying to decide for me again, Commander?’ I teased.
He frowned. ‘No, I just hate seeing you in such pain. All my life I’ve trained to protect my people, but when it matters most, I can’t even protect the woman I lov … care for. How could I ask you to be with me, to choose me, if my weakness caused all this? I’m sorry, Annika. I was a fool—an arrogant, thoughtless fool.’
‘Yet you came through the fire to help me,’ I murmured, before placing a hand on the dragon’s neck. ‘I’m so sorry, Vahin. It was my pain to bear. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my bottomless pit of grief.’ I felt the dragon move, and when I looked to the side, Vahin was directly above me. I could feel the sharp focus of his intense blue eyes.
‘I waited for you to come to me through the streams of time, and I won’t lose you to grief and sorrow. It was my honour to be with you when you said goodbye, and it is my privilege to offer my strength in your service. Never apologise for what you take from me because I’m yours, Little Flame. Everything I am is yours to take.’
Vahin meant every word; I felt it deep within my soul. I placed my hand above the symbol of our connection and bowed to the proud dragon who had chosen me before I ever knew I needed him.
With my spirit at peace, I finally noticed our surroundings. Of all the worst places it could have happened, I had to have my meltdown in the middle of the landing field, and now a crowd had gathered to observe the spectacle from a safe distance.
The tempest of flame and aether had dispersed with my last goodbye, but the damage remained. I heard raised voices gossiping, whispers of ‘the mage woman went mad’ and ‘the dragon almost killed the commander’ the most prevalent in the crowd. I bit my lip. I’d wanted to start a new life here; I hoped that after today, both my pride and my reputation weren’t damaged beyond repair.
Vahin must have sensed my discomfort because he raised his head, wrapping his wings around me before he roared a warning, silencing the crowd.
‘Get back to your lives. There is nothing to see here!’ Alaric’s voice carried such authority and threat that it made me swallow hard and tighten my grip on the dragon’s body. He approached slowly, but as he came close, Vahin hissed viciously, and Ari halted, frowning before he cautiously came closer.
‘Annika, are you all right?’ he asked, and I exhaled slowly. Orm helped me stand, covering me with a cloak, and I turned towards the approaching dark fae mage. ‘Yes. Your spell is completely gone. There will be no more burning beds,’ I jested, trying to smile.
‘What burning beds?’ Orm’s confused question made my lips twitch, but I didn’t answer the question. I focused entirely on Alaric, whose haunted expression showed me how guilty he felt.
‘Ari, it’s not your fault. I’m grateful for everything you did,’ I told him, opening my arms.
He fell into them, wrapping me in a tight embrace. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. I should have known when I saw the linen. I should have stayed,’ he whispered, but I shook my head.
‘No, you’re not a mind reader. Nobody could have predicted this. I’m just glad Vahin was close enough to help.’
All of a sudden, I was pulled back against Orm’s massive body. ‘What are you talking about? Why wasn’t I told you were having difficulties?’ he asked in a low voice that sounded more like a growl, and I tilted my head to look up at him.
‘Seriously? You weren’t here.’
I pulled away from both Alaric and Ormond. ‘I need some time to recover, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my room.’ I wrapped Orm’s riding cloak tighter around my body.
‘Please talk to me when you’re ready,’ the commander grumbled, hand tightening on the fabric before he reluctantly let go. ‘I’ll be in my office or my chambers. Ani … I’m sorry.’
I nodded, but before I could take a step, a loud voice rumbled across the plain. ‘Annika, what the fuck did you do now?’
I would recognise that voice in the afterlife. I turned around to see Bryna, hammer in hand, and Katja, glowering next to her, holding bottles of what I strongly suspected was her special sleeping draught. The cavalry of Zalesie had arrived to save the day. The determination on their faces broke me, and I burst into cathartic laughter as I ran into their welcoming arms.